Walking Away from The Devil in the Mirror

It's been a few days and people have started getting suspicious about my behavior. I've been keeping to myself lately and also still covering my arms with a sweater or sleeves. I've avoided social media and stopped looking at my phone all together unless it was my parents or Ashley texting or calling me. Today I'm sitting here in my hotel room balcony while Ashley gets ready to go with Andy to go to Purdy's Chocolate main office. I've grown to enjoy watching people walk around the hotel pool as they got to live a normal life. Here I am actually feeling sheltered up in this room while everyone online thinks I'm living all glamorously. They don't get it. They don't understand what it takes to go through everything I am at this moment.
I blame it all on my scars. The feeling of shame because of them. The first time was because of the mirror I've smashed because of the threesome with Ashley and CC. And now recently was because of my own brother. Well.. Half brother. It sucks having people think the scars were self inflicted when it wasn't. One of the reasons why I stopped looking at my phone was because I wanted to scream every time I saw one of the hashtags or if I got a text from someone who wanted to know what actually happened. No one knows what happened to me except for the guys in BVB and Ben. As far as my scars go, I'm just hoping that I could keep covering them and just forget that they're there.
Gemma questions me nearly everyday if Ashley had anything to do with my weird behavior. Although I am mostly telling her the truth by saying no, Ashley is actually acting a bit weird. But it's nothing that we can't work through together. Ashley doesn't even question my behavior unlike other people. Probably because he likes the fact that I'm covering up more than normal though. That's a battle I can compromise because I plan on hiding myself more anyways.
"Hey I'm heading out now." I turned around to see Ashley ready to go. I nodded as he leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Gemma will be here soon to keep an eye on you."
"I don't need a babysitter" I mumbled.
“I just want you to be safe.” he said, “She’s not a babysitter, she's your friend.”
"Whatever." I said ignoring him as I continued to watch the people at the pool.
“You can go down there you know, but keep covered if you do.” he added. I rolled my eyes.
"Of course." I said sarcastically, "but it's more fun to watch people though. So I'm good up here."
“Okay,” he said, “it's probably best that people don't see those ugly scars on your arms anyway...” He mumbled, but barely loud enough for me to hear. I glared at him.
"You can leave now." I said, dismissing him. He turned to leave and slammed the door loudly behind him. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and sighed. "Fucking asshole.." I left the balcony area and laid on the bed when I heard the door open again. I quickly sat up.
"Now what did you forget?!" I said yelling, thinking it was Ashley but realized it was Gemma. I slammed my head back down and quickly wiped my cheek without her noticing.
“Trouble in paradise?” she asked as she sat down on the bed. I stayed quiet and shrugged. “Talk to me?” she asked.
"It's nothing." I said. "Just the regular Ashley.."
“There's nothing regular about that bloke lately.” she said, her voice laced with an almost unrecognisable tone.
"It's not his fault." I said. "He's just looking after me."
“You don't act like that when you’re looking after someone.” she said, “shall we go somewhere else? Somewhere less cell like?” I looked at her skeptically.
"Like where??" I asked.
"I dunno," she said, "let's see where the mood takes us?"
"I don't know.. I kinda just want to stay here.." I said as I spread my arms and legs on the bed and buried my face into the pillow.
"Come on sadness," she said, "come let joy take you out, or I'll drag you."
"Fine..." I said as I sat up. "Does it involve other people? Or will it just be us?"
"Depends," she shrugged, "get ready and then come meet me in my room, I need to grab a couple of bits before we go." She smiled and got up and left. Since there was a possibility of being around people, I knew it was best to cover up. After getting dressed into a baggy long sleeve shirt and shorts, I walked towards Gemma's room and knocked. The door was opened by an overexcited CC.
"Isis hi!" He said, "come in, Gemma won't be long." He pulled me in and closed the door.
"Uhh what's going on?" I asked, "and have you been drinking Monsters again?" I laughed.
"Maybe," he said, "or maybe not, who knows." He shrugged.
"Umm you should know." I said shaking my head still laughing. "You worry me sometimes"
"Not entirely sure," he replied, "I had too many to count, and you wouldn't have me any other way." He smiled.
"Weirdo.." I said. "No more monsters for you."
"But, but but," he said, then giggled, "ha butt!" I face palmed.
"I leave him unsupervised for all of two minutes and I come back to this," said Gemma from the bathroom, I made my way in further to see the rest of the band, minus Ashley and Andy, in the hotel room. I took a step back.
"Umm what's going on?" I asked looking at Gemma.
"They appeared out of thin air," said CC, I looked at him funny, "ok headache, ow." He went and sat on the bed.
"Are we gonna go somewhere?" I asked
"Well CC has an intervention to go to for his addiction." Laughed Gemma, she then turned serious, "while we're on the subject, the guys have something they all want to say."
"About what?" I asked confused
"Ashley." Said Jinxx, "he's changed and it's affecting you, now Gemma's told us her concerns, and seeing how he was the other day, we agree. Ashley is going down a path we never thought we'd see from him. We're worried about you, and how he's treating you." I looked at them crazy.
"He's been treating me fine." I said.
"Andy told me that you admitted that Ashley has been possessive over you lately." Gemma.
"Sooo?" I asked, clearly not having a problem with it.
“So what’s with the change of wardrobe then?” Asked Jake, “You can’t be cold in this heat?”
"I've been dressing this way for a while now." I said. "I don't ask you why you wear your torn up shirts all the time."
“But before the past few days you were wearing tank tops, and now you’re in long sleeves,” said Gemma, "Seriously Isis, if there's something wrong then you can talk to us.”
"There's nothing wrong!" I said frustrated. "It's colder here so that's why I'm covering up more."
"And yet you're wearing shorts while you're 'cold'" Jake said while emphasizing cold with his fingers.
"What does me dressing differently have anything to do with Ashley?" I asked.
“You know what I’ve told you,” said Gemma, “It starts off as little things, like this. I've been where you are." she gestured to my outfit.
“What do you mean?” asked CC.
“I’ll tell you later.” she said.
"It's not like that though." I said. "Ashley is just trying to protect me."
“The point is,” said Jake getting back on topic, “We’ve seen and change in how Ashley has been behaving, and it’s affecting you. We all saw it at the party, he’s trying to control you.”
“But how?” I asked.
“By how he was telling you not to have any more to drink,” said Gemma, “And when he moaned at the innocent flirting with Jake, cuz I have to agree you do look good lately.” CC glared at her. I nodded.
“Told ya.” I laughed looking at Jake.
“Excuse me?” CC said.
“What?” Gemma asked, “I have eyes, he does look good, but I’m yours so you dont have to worry.”
“Good.” CC smirked, and stuck his tongue out at Jake. I sat there quiet thinking of everything that they were saying. How they were accusing Ashley of things and I know it’s not a big of a deal to begin with. I began to debate with myself on whether I should tell them that the reason for my wardrobe change has nothing to do with Ashley at all.
“Look,” said Gemma sitting down next to me, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
“Did you just quote the Princess Diaries?” asked CC.
“Its sad that you know that... but yeah.” Gemma laughed, “It fits.”
“Do you understand our concerns with all of this?” Jinxx asked me.
“We want to make sure that you’re safe and Ashley doesn’t do anything stupid.” Jake added.
“He hasn’t done anything extreme.” I explained, “He and I only bicker because he’s worried about me. He doesn’t want me to do anything stupid. I don’t blame him being protective over me because I know for a fact that I can be reckless and do some pretty stupid things and to have someone call me out on that is not a bad thing. Like when I was defiant and ignored him at Mayhem, it nearly costed my life.”
“He’s doing more than that,” said Jake, “you used to be a whole lot more confident than what you are now, so he must be doing more. Like Gemma said, it starts off small, so small you might not realise it.”
“It has nothing to do with whatever Ashley is doing!” I exploded, “It’s because of everything that I have been through! The whole Scarlette thing, the sex tape thing,” I glared at Gemma, ”and whatever I’ve been through with Jacob. I’ve been through a lot in the past year so it’s bound to eat me up. And more recently, I’ve gotten idiots online commenting on my scars as if I’m a wounded puppy. I can’t stand it anymore!” I felt tears fall as I began to feel vulnerable for exposing how I felt after so long to everyone in the room.
“Why didnt you tell us?” asked Gemma as she hugged me, “You know we’re always here for you.” I wipe my tears and took a breath.
“I guess I’m still getting used to having actual friends who I can talk with.” I admitted, “Before any of you guys came along, I was used to bottling things up because I don’t want to be viewed as weak..”
“You’re not.” said Gemma, “It shows strength to tell people what you’re going through.” The guys nodded in agreement.
“That’s why I started covering myself more.” I said, “I don’t want people to see my scars anymore. I don't even want to see them anymore. I just want to forget that they’re there because it’s constantly reminding me of how I got them. And what’s worse is people are thinking that I’m self harming. There's no way I could go and try to correct them and say ‘Oh I didn’t do it, my psychopathic brother did.’”
“Yeah you can,” said Gemma, “Although maybe leave out that it was your brother, you can say that you were attacked, which technically you were. Your scars are a sign that you’ve survived something awful and come out the other end, wear them with pride.”
“I don’t want people to go and throw me a pity party online though.” I said.
“Why do you care what they think?” asked Jinxx.
“I don’t know.. “ I said as I began to question myself, “I guess I shouldn’t.. But I do.”
“Lions do not concern themselves with the opinion of sheep.” said Jinxx, “You don’t know these people, so it shouldn’t matter what they’re saying about you. They don’t know the awesome girl that you are.” I smiled.
“Well.. Considering everything is still fresh in my head and still painful to talk about, I’m going to leave it be. But I will eventually make a statement about it when I’m ready.” I said.
“Good,” said Gemma, “I hate it when people pester my friends, only I’m allowed to do that.” I laughed.
“Oh god..” I said, “I love you guys though. Thank you so much for caring.” I jumped onto the bed tackling Jinxx, Jake and CC with a hug all at once.
“You do realise that every fan girl in the world is jealous of you right now.” Gemma said. I laughed.
“Most likely..” I said as I rolled over so I was laying side by side in between Jake and Jinxx. I looked at Jinxx, “By the way you smell nice. Just saying, considering we were never physically this close before.” He laughed.
“Freak.” said Gemma.
“Quiet you!” I said pointing at her.
“You and your random word vomits..” CC laughed.
“Leave me be!” I laughed.
“Yeah you can’t help being special.” laughed Jake.
“Yep!” I said, “Wait.. Hey!” I hit Jake's arm. Gemma burst out laughing.
“So what now?” CC asked, “I think we’ve got all the interventions out the way?”
“Apart from your Monster intervention.” said Gemma, “That needs to happen.” I laughed.
“Yeah that won’t be happening, I’m not a monster addict.” replied CC.
“Yeah you are.” agreed Jake.
“So film time?” asked Gemma changing the subject, “I hear this hotel has netflix. I vote Les Mis.”
“Oh seconded.” said Jinxx raising his hand.
“No!” said CC, “Or Phantom, you’ll just end up singing along.” He looked at Gemma
“What’s wrong with my singing?” she asked.
“What’s right with it?” CC laughed, but he soon stopped when Gemma punched him in the arm. I bursted out laughing.
“If we’re going to do a musical, let’s watch Sweeney Todd!” I said.
“NO!” objected CC, “She’ll sing with that too.”
“And she will be joined by me!” I said proudly.
“Definately not then,” said Jake, “We all heard you sing at CC’s pool party last year.” I hit his arm.
“Too bad!” I said.
“I basgy Mrs Lovett!” said Gemma with her hand up.
“I’ll be Sweeney then!” I said as I wiggled my eyebrows at her.
“That might be a bit awkward for My Friends though, cuz you’ll be declaring your love for razors while I’m declaring my love for you.” said Gemma, “But ok.”
“Well in reality razors and mirrors love me more than I love them..” I mumbled.
“Is there something we should know?” Asked CC.
“Hashtag Gemis!” I said, “Have you not seen that on twitter?”
“Wait we have a hashtag?” asked Gemma.
“Yes!” I laughed. “Believe it or not, I’m aware of all of these tags!”
“Is it one you started?” Asked Gemma. I looked at her innocently
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I smiled.
“Whatever” she laughed, “We all know you’re a shipper.”
“Wait she’s a stripper?” asked Jinxx as he came out the bathroom.
“Shipper not stripper.” I replied.
“Are we gunna pick a film or not?” asked Jake.
“Someone is impatient..” I laughed. “I don’t care what we watch. You choose one!” Jake had decided to watch some random movie rather than a musical. We all gathered on the bed and finally began watching a movie
A few hours later, when the movie had nearly finished, I had my head on Jake's chest and he has his arm around me as I was half asleep, his chest was surprisingly comfy. Meanwhile Jinxx was a the edge of the bed behind me. The door was opened by Andy coming into the room, he took one look at the five of us on the bed shook his head with a smirk and walked back out again, the next person to enter was Ashley. I quickly pushed away from Jake, causing Jinxx to fall off the bed.
"What the fuck?" Jinxx said as he climb back up.
"What the fuck is right! What the fuck is going on in here?" Said Ashley, clearly angry, "Isis, out now!" And with that he stormed out of the room. I apologised and followed, not looking forward to what was going to happen next. I slowly made my way into the room and walked towards the bathroom to avoid Ashley.
"Where are you going? Sit here." He said pointing to the bed. I glared at him as I sat on the bed.
"What did I just walk in on?" He asked.
"Me waking up?" I answered. "We were all watching a movie and fell asleep."
"You were all over Jake!" He said, "first you flirt with him and now this! Am I not enough for you any more?"
"Nothing happened though! We were just asleep. You're the only one I want." I said trying to reassure him.
“Whatever,” He said, “I’m beginning to not believe you, maybe I should enforce this watch list you talked about the other day."
"Come on.. Anything but that. You can't have your own band members on that list. I'm around you a lot and you're around them too much. There shouldn't be one if the first place. " I pleaded.
“I could ground you like a child if you don’t want the list, “he said, “besides, I can do anything I want with you!”
"Why punish me at all? I didn't do anything wrong." I questioned.
“Vegas,” he said, “I don’t want to have to hear about anything like that happening again. So this is prevention rather than punishment.” I sighed.
"I thought we got past what happened in Vegas." I said.
“I thought so too,” he said, “but seeing you in the arms of one of my band mates is a new low, even for you.” I glared at him.
"You didn't seem to mind with it was with CC's" I reminded him.
“That was before I saw what a whore you are.” he spat. I rolled my eyes.
"And coming from you that really means anything..." I said sarcastically. "The manwhore of the band."
“Atleast I don’t sleep with my boyfriends band mates!” he shouted
"I didn't either! And again, CC was your idea!" I shouted back.
“No it wasn’t!” he said, “I didn’t see you stopping him like I did!”
"You didn't even try to stop CC. So don't even go there.." I said. "The only one who tried to stop CC was Jinxx and Jake!"
“You could have said no!” he said, “But then again you were found in bed with Danny and Ben so I doubt you said no to them too.” I sighed as I looked away.
"I don't even care anymore." I mumbled giving up.
“Well maybe you should,” he said, “Without me you’d be stuck back in Phoenix! Don’t forget what your parents said about you having one more screw up.”
"Your screw ups doesn't count for mine." I said with a smile.
"I'll make sure you get taken back," he said, "without me you're nothing! Don't ever forget that."
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been through all this shit I'm going through." I said glaring at him.
“Mayhem, Vegas and Scarlette were all on you.” he said. I looked at him in disbelief.
"No!" I shouted, "it's all your fault. I was introduced into this life. Scarlette was your psychotic fangirl who wanted to get me away from you. And for mayhem, my brother had no idea how to find me until you and I went public."
“I bet you would have made your way on to another famous guys arm one way or another!” he said, his eyes still full of anger.
"Oh yeah.." I said sarcastically, "I'm pretty sure I would with my slutty ways." I waved my hands around. "Whatever.."
“Exactly,” he said, “How else would yo “It was an act,” he said, “Clearly the whole of the pu have seduced me into bed for this long.” I laughed.
"You don't remember me not wanting to sleep with you for the first few months we've known each other?" I reminded him, "You even complained to Gemma about how your hand wasn't doing the job anymore."
ast year has been an act so you’d get your name out there. Really Isis, you need to realise your head is no way near as big as what you think it is.”
"Yeah whatever." I scoffed.
“How else do you expect to get clients for when you eventually decide to do that hair thing you were planning on doing? Or are you expecting me to pay your way?”
"I've never expected anything from you.." I said annoyed. "I can get clients on my own."
“Whatever,” he said, “You’d be lost without me. Just you try survive Los Angeles without me.”
"That..." I began to argue, but stopped and sat there and began to think how different things would've been without him and sighed, ".. is probably true."
“Exactly.” he said, “So do as I tell you and I’ll keep you around, but if not then you’ll be back with your parents.” I suddenly felt sad.
"Do you even want me around anymore?" I asked as I looked down.
“You’re a convenience.” he said simply. “But like with everything, convenience can get boring.”
"I don't think I'm boring." I said feeling a little bummed.
“You can be.” he said, “ and the sex is getting old, you won’t experiment with things I like.”
"Like what??" I asked.
“Thats the point. We hadn’t even discussed it,” he said, “But too late now, I doubt you’ll be around long.”
"What?! Says who? I'm not going anywhere!" I said getting worried now.
“Well start following my rules then,” he said, “the longer you obey me, the longer you’ll stay in this lifestyle.” I sighed.
"But I don't care about staying in this lifestyle. As a matter of fact, I hate it. Being in public and being a target for all of your fangirls online. I tolerate it because all I care about is being with you." I said as I looked down, "That's the only reason why I choose to be in your life is because I love you and only you," I look up at him again, "And I'll easily prove it to you. All I ask is to stop treating me like a child in front of everyone. They keep painting you as the bad guy and I know you're not. I'm getting tired of defending you." I added.
“Well those nosey bastards need to mind their own business,” he said, “I’m not making any promises"
"Those nosey bastards are our friends who care for us" I said calmly. "Don't talk about them like that."
“They need to keep their noses out of our business so yes they are nosey bastards,” he shouted, “If you didn’t tell them things then they wouldn’t try to make me out to be something I’m not.”
"I didn't tell them anything!" I said raising my voice, "they just see the way you act and treat me in front of them! They're the ones who are making you out to be the bad guy not me."
“Well you’ll get a free pass while we’re in public,” he compromised, “but if anything happens that I don’t like then you’ll pay for it when we’re alone. Don't forget, I’m doing this for you to keep you out of trouble."
"In a 50 shades of grey sort of way?" I asked laughing trying to make light of the situation. He just responded with a glare. I shrugged. "You said it was getting boring. It was just a thought."
“That peice of shit will seem tame.” he said. I looked at him worried.
"Really now?" I asked. "So is that what you meant when you said you wanted to experience new things?"
“We can talk about that later,” he said, “I’m not in the mood to discuss that right now.”
"I guess..." I said, "So are we okay now?"
“For now I suppose.” He said as he laid back on the bed. I nodded as I tried to snuggle next to him. He rolled over and turned his back against me. I sighed as I turned mine against him. “We're just going through a rough patch." I reminded myself, "everything will soon be fine." After that thought, I fell asleep.

Notes

Another late chapter.. But oh well..

Anyways, this chapter lined up with the realife timeline when Ashley and Andy ended up going to Purdys Chocolates! I really wanna try it out one day!

Aww I also just realized that that all happened just about a year ago too! Lol anyways.. heres the link to the Purdys Chocolate tweets with photos.
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10152591490695432.1073741872.58468845431&type=3&pnref=story

Of course the drama in this chapter is not real. I feel like I needed to clarify that for some reason..