Walking Away from The Devil in the Mirror

So I tried to do the decent thing by not exposing Gemma and our drama by wording it the way I did in my previous Author’s Note. But because she lacked the maturity, she felt the need to make a nice little post in the forum. Before you guys go and read it, I believe you guys deserve to hear my point of view as to what was going on between her and I.

The reason why we stopped posting was because it was becoming a little too close to reality for comfort and lack of readers interaction. That is all. It’s really hard to explain but if you really wanna know, message me.

Anyways, after we announced that we weren’t going to be posting our story anymore, we still continued writing. We bounced around between chapters and that’s how I still have (uncompleted) chapters to post. The reason why I haven't posted any since I have announced I was going to was because of work and being busy with my own life (and now drama thanks to Gemma). Not only that, but I have to make sure that I have time on my own to be able to finish up the chapters without her which admittedly will be a bit hard to do since I liked bouncing my ideas off of her. But I'm still willing to try!

Now for the reason of the drama and a little bit of history between Gemma and I,Her and I met through this website and now it officially ended here. We met around early of 2013 because I read her fanfic (which she has now deleted) and found her twitter. I ended up contacting her online and soon her and I began talking nearly everyday. Then I offered to co-write with her around fall of 2013 since she has already started on a fanfiction with her character visiting America and going to warped tour. Our story came alive when I told her what actually happened on my (2013) warped tour date and that was when her and I actively wrote our story. We would skype and write on google docs everyday. I met most of her family there and she met most of mine. We BOTH made our sacrifices to write our stories. I was spending time away from my own family as well as skip classes to write this story. Meanwhile she spent time away from her son and postpone her own school work to write with me. Time zones and differences suck! We would go on like this for the next year. Which was basically when we wrote The Luck of the Fallen Angels and The Wretched and The Divine. Unfortunately it got to a point where I was the only one being creative with the story and she wasn’t so into the writing anymore and it definitely showed through our writing! That’s why drama and things always happened to my character and not hers (especially during TW&TD). It got to a point where I was the main character and she was just a background character.

Aside from the story, our real lives were fun from my end! I went to shows, I recorded shows, I went to meet and greets and got a couple of videos of Asking Alexandria and CC saying hi to Gemma. I even sent her a “Mexican American” care package with all of these really cute things, candies and snacks that I loved just because she was curious what it tasted like! I really cared for her and I’d like to think that she felt the same for me at that time. She was the only one who shared the love for the same exact bands with me. I would go and vent to her with everything and I hoped she felt the same and could come to me whenever she needed an ear. (Now that I think about it, I don't think she did vent to me other than her troubles with her kid). But anyways, recently in October we had a small fall out because I was bothered by the fact that she didn't care to talk to me at all. Not even a “hey! I hope you're doing well!” Or even check in for a small convo. When December came around, I was already irked with her because every time I would text her no matter the subject, it was always “Soz I'm doing this”, “Soz I have a headache” or “Soz I'm having a crap day”. Then that's all I hear from her. I wanted to be there for her and but at the same time I felt left out and I still needed someone to fill in that void of a friend which I seemed to be losing with Gemma. She had explained to me that she needed to focus her life on her son and going to school, which I was totally fine with! But on top of that, she started dating someone around October. When that happened, I knew she would spend what little time we had remaining to be with him. I just accepted the fact that we were just growing apart.

As I went to shows and lived my outside life throughout the year, I became friends with someone else who was amazing. She ran Musicians Opposed to Bullying youtube channel and was friends with BVB as well as a few other awesome bands. She ended up becoming like a sister to me and we would travel to all of the BVB shows that was in California during this past year. Me and my friend met in person here in Tempe, Arizona during BVB’s Halloweekend 2014 tour. We traveled to LA and was there too. As the year went on and I traveled to Tucson, Arizona alone. In March, I went to San Diego show and got to go to the after party with my friend and CC and Ashley and it was awesome. From there I went to warped tour here in Phoenix, Az and then San Diego later on in August. During August, we went to the final shows in Santa Ana, Ventura (ended up getting canceled), and Aftershock which was in Sacramento, Cali. But during March up until recently, she has been fighting with cancer. On December 23, my friend passed away.

Gemma was FB friends with her but that's about it. But she knew how much she meant to me and how her death affected me. I've told her all of my stories of what happened (which will inspire some of the chapters btw!).

Anyway, the announcement of her death was early in the day. I had to go into work still and I'm glad I did. When I checked my phone, that was when I saw that people were amazing and gave me their condolences. Some of which I didn't even know and some of them was people who I used to not like during the past few years even messaged me. Andy, CC and Jinxx tweeted about her, Austin Carlile, the singer of Papa Roach and Craig Mabbit, and a few other bands did too. The whole day passed and now it was late in the day and still not a single text, message or anything from the one person who I just wanted to talk to when I needed her most. I've about had it. She was already separating herself from me and to make matters worst, she still hasn't message me 24 hours later after the announcement. I got upset at the end of the night and made a post saying “of all the amazing messages I've received, none was from someone who I thought was a true friend. I'm starting to see that our friendship is really one sided now.” I woke up to a post from her saying “it’s too early or this shit” or something like that. So I unfriended her. Since then, I completely stopped talking to her. I changed the settings on google docs so she can't edit them and on this site, she can't try to delete or edit this too.

I was so heartbroken though. I’ve lost my two best friends in one day. I had no one to talk to, no one to fangirl with, and no one to vent to. Drama got crazy on my end and it was me against the world for the first time. I no longer had my partner in crime. I was depressed for awhile. Thankfully I’ve met some amazing people who are helping me now!

I've had about enough of the silence between Gemma and I. I tried reaching out to her around January 16. I gave her a chance to explain to me what happened and why things went down the way it did. I even asked her about why she still never bothered to talk to me. Her response was pretty much what was explained in the link. I was bothered by it because she says that the reason why she never messaged me was because she never found out until a couple hours after she read that “bitchy post” that I wrote about her. (trust me I could've actually made it bitchy, she got off easy and she knows that). Okay so here's the weird part.. If she found out about the death a couple of hours after she saw my post, so why didn't she still bother to text me? Had she texted me SOMETHING, maybe we would've still had a chance to rekindle things at that moment. I would've apologized and gotten over it. But instead I've gotten excuses (some I admit were legitimate) but I didn't really want that. Instead of that she went on and on making me feel like I was a nuisance to her and an inconvenience because how she had to reprioritize her life because she somehow made it revolve around me. She said that she needed to grow up and stop acting like a teenager and focus on her family. Which I never minded that she had to do that. I only came to terms that we just grew apart. At that point I only wanted an apology as far as the whole situation of my friend passing away goes. Everyone has everyday problems. It's up to you to allow that to keep you separated from a friend. She never cared to see it from my point of view and still to this day, never will. At the end of the convo, I just came to the conclusion that she just stopped caring about me and our friendship. So I stopped fighting for it. That's where I saw that I was right. The “friendship” I thought I had with her was one sided. Reguardless, I still believed that we had a chance to come back together and be friends again.

So after her and I spoke in January, I made the announcement of continuing on with the story. It only made sense because I was the only one who cared for it anyway. This is my own way of escaping my reality since it’s not so great currently. And then for some reason it was barely brought to her attention, nearly a week ago, that I was going to go on with the story. She ended up making a huge deal of it! She started accusing me of plagiarizing and how I was stealing her work. As I mentioned before, how was that possible since her and I literally wrote every single chapter together. I admit, she did write the first 5-6 chapters because that was around the time where we decided to conjoin our stories the way we did.

So just to be clear… I HAVE NOT WRITTEN EVERY THING ON MY OWN. She was a huge help when it came to writing. Especially the smut because I never wrote one in this series aside from the brusnop threesome. Haha see? I give credit! But yeah. I've also deleted her photo too. Ohh quick note, her character will stay in the story until I see an opportunity to edit her out of it. With our chapters being pre-written, it's kinda hard to do at the moment.

Now about the post. I'm not sure why she decide to lash out the way she did. She got to a point where she started to blame me from keeping her away from her real life with this story. How is that even possible? First of all, we stopped posting and writing late September. That's about 4 months she had to move on and get her shit together with her family. And even before then, I mean yeah I was a complainer when it came to wanting to skype or write, but that wasn't all the time. If she said no because of studying or having to have a early night to wake up early for her kid, which she did sometimes, then I was fine with it. But sometimes she didn't mention anything of that sort. And her “early nights” would basically be her staying up anyway watching her stupid series online. I was NOT always the cause of her staying up all the time. At the same time, she had control of herself when it came to deciding whether she should write or stay up. She's putting all of the blame on me. She also said that she has blocked me on all social media as if I would be the one pestering her? Yeah no. Clearly I should've done it first because the only one pestering anyone is her. She messaged me through my other social medias and still carried on to here where she knew I wouldn't be able to block her. ALL OVER FANFICTION. She thought I was gonna make her life hell here? For what? She the one whose embarrassing herself the way she is because of the post she made. I've never bothered to mention her name or drama the way she did. I actually tried to respect her. Unlike her I have other things to worry about. That's actually the reason why it's taken me a few days to write this explanation out for you guys.

Isn't it ironic how she would preach about prioritizing her life but yet she would go on FOR TWO DAYS about something as dumb as fanfiction that she never cared about? As I've said countless times.. I wish she fought this hard to keep our friendship. Now who need to reprioritize things? I believe that because of her lashing out, there is no chance of rekindling things since she still seems to think that she was in the right especially in this situation. Her loss. Not mine.

For all of those who are curious about the forum she posted, the link is provided below. I'm glad some say how ridiculous she was being.

http://www.blackveilbridesfanfiction.com/Forums/Topic/3125/Fallen-Angels-Series-by-myself-and-IsisChaos/

Thanks for your love and support throughout the years. Unlike her, I will always be here! <3

-IsisChaos

Notes