If Hell were any Closer

Nikki's POV:

My heart skips a beat as he sits up on his knees, so our heads are mere inches a part. I'm certain, that if I were to move my head even an inch, our lips would touch. I shudder involuntarily at the though; I can't keep missing him, it's been two years after all. I should've gotten over Andrew Biersack a long time ago, so why am I still impossibly in love with him?

"Nikki, do you still love me?" His deep voice breaks through the eerie silence.

I pause, checking whether or not I am still alive and breathing, and that this is not just a figment of my imagination. But it isn't, because his eyes are still sparkling like diamonds even in the depths of darkness.

I close my eyes, thinking the question over as my breathing steadies as best as it can. Why on earth would Andy even ask that? Is he- could he still be in love with me? As crazy as that sounds, I mean, why else would he so suddenly show up at my door, and express his feelings? Try and fuck me? Maybe he just enjoys breaking my heart over and over again because I was the one to end things the first time. Yeah, that sounds like something he would do.

I shake my head, keeping my eyes tightly sealed, but I can still hear the loud exhale as he sighs. And then the pressure on my mattress goes down, signalling that he's gone back to lie on the floor.

I turn on my side, letting the silence wash over me and draw me towards slumber, but my racing heart and wired brain keeps me one hundred percent awake. Sleep seems so unappealing right now, since thoughts are racing through my mind a million miles per second. I just wish I could latch onto one of my thoughts, make sense of it, make a decision, anything. This silence and tension between Andy and I is so unnatural and upsetting; we've never really fought until the end of our relationship, and even before, when he bullied me things weren't this bad. I hated him with a fiery passion but never felt so awkward around him.

I stare blankly up at the ceiling, wishing more than anything for the ability to just go back in time and fix things between us. Actually, no, scrap that. I don't regret us breaking up, but what I do regret more than anything is us drifting a part so much. I wish things hadn't ended so horribly between us, that this awkward tension didn't exist. Because that's basically all my fault for ending things the way I did, but it is also his fault, for giving up so early on us.

I open my eyes, realization dawning upon me for the first time since we broke up, all those years ago. I never stopped loving Andy, did I? If anything, my strong feelings for him simply went on a very long hibernation, only to resurface when I'm faced with him again. And that honestly scares me more than anything. Because in those two years that he has been absent from my life, I worked harder than I have in my entire life, to reinvent myself. Try and detach myself from the version of the girl that he knew and loved, and then tore a part. I never forgave him for breaking my heart so cruelly, which is probably why I've had so much trouble with getting over him. He was my first love, and he ruined me, for what, drugs? Alcohol? Other girls that I never knew about?

But I can't let him hold that over me any longer.

"Yes," I answer bravely to the darkness, my single word shattering the false calm facade echoing through my room.

For a moment time and space seem to stand still, and both of our breathing momentarily stops in unison. Then he rises up in his knees, our gazes locking for the first time since he came back, since he left, since we broke up, and he smiles a small smile, which looks absolutely breathtaking on his handsome features.

"What?" He asks, his eyes lighting up even more, if possible.

I sit up, looking down at him, and return his smile, my heart thundering in my chest. "Yes, I still love you."

Then he freezes, before a wide grin takes over his face and he moves closer to me, cupping the back of my neck and bringing my head down so that our lips touch for the first time in two years.

Notes

I promised a chapter, and you guys got it. But I am disappointed that none of you actually helped me with what I asked for yesterday, which is why I am only doing one chapter today.

Don't hate me, please!

As an author, I spend time on my writing, and I want nothing more than for people to enjoy my stuff, but when something that I actually work on and am passionate about just goes unnoticed, it really does hurt. Think about every time you were upset or disappointed by someone or something, that's basically what writing is like. actually it is more like PMSing but that's somehing for another time.