Offline
15
~Andy’s POV~
When my apartment buzzer rang my heart jumped and my eyes sprang open. At some point in my sleep I’d managed to lay out flat on my bedroom floor and roll onto my side. I couldn’t fully stand up; the dizziness was making it nearly impossible to move so I made my way to the buzzer by leaning along the walls. It felt like I was blackout drunk. My brain was in a fog of questioning if I was doing what I was doing. Was I awake? Was I standing up? Was I answering my door? Was anybody actually at the door or was I hearing things?
When I opened the door to my suite, the courier looked at me oddly. “Rough night?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded and didn’t say anything else as I scribbled on the pin pad, keeping my bloody left arm behind my back.
He handed me a box and left me standing in the doorway, staring down the hallway in confusion. After I closed my door and slumped against it I noticed the mustache duct tape. It took a while to pry the tape off the box and I wished I hadn’t as soon as the contents became clear to me. I dumped a bunch of tiny bright origami stars on the floor. I gazed at my t-shirt, necklace and laser gun keychain. A droplet of water covered one of the stars before I realized hot tears were falling down my cheeks.
The last time I talked to Emily I told her I didn’t love her and she believed me. I put my chain necklace and lock back around my neck and shook my head in disbelief. She’s done with me. I wanted her to go on with her life and forget about me, why does it hurt so much to think of my life without her? One minute I’m dying, and now I wish I was dead.
The blood finally clotted on my left wrist. I wrapped my Warped Tour shirt around my hand and sighed. I can’t even cut my wrist, what the hell can I do right? I called Olivia but she didn’t pick up.
I started a bath of lukewarm water to try relaxing for a change but my stomach turned as soon as I saw the water swirling around in the tub. I had my head hanging in the toilet for a solid half hour before I stopped retching. I crawled into the tub with my clothes still on and held onto the edges, closing my eyes and concentrating on the cold shower wall pressing against my pounding head.
At some point my ears started ringing, and that ringing became deafening. It sort of feels like the ringing you hear when you leave a concert and you’re talking to your friends about how awesome the show was, but you’re all yelling at each other because you’re all temporarily deafened. But this ringing was getting louder.
I tried calling Olivia again but I hung up on her voice mail. Lying in a tub of water and feeling like all of the gravity in the world was pushing me down, I called Chris. I thought of what I’d say to him, I’d play it off like I was tired and see if Amelia could tell Olivia to call me. Olivia would know what to do.
Instead the call went something like this.
“Hey!” Chris answered.
“Help.” Is what came out of my mouth.
“Dude, you sound messed up!”
“Hey.” Is what I said next.
“You sound like you need help.” He sounded worried.
“Help?” I repeated.
“Dude where are you?” He became worried.
“Home.” I looked at my door; did I really want help?
“Hold up.” The line seemed to cut off but I couldn’t hear much to begin with. “Andy?” He returned to the line.
“No.” I said for some reason.
“Hi Andy, I’m Paige. I’ve been talking to your friend Chris and he thinks you might need an ambulance.” An unfamiliar voice said.
“Pills.” Was all I could say.
“What kind of pills have you taken Andy?” She was typing in the background.
“Lots.”
“How many would you consider a lot Andy? Two or three? A hundred?” It sounded like she was in a really loud office.
I didn’t want to tell the truth. I knew Chris was still listening. I didn’t want to live but I didn’t want to die either. “Seventy five.” I lied.
“Seventy five of anything is a lot of pills. Can you tell me what you’ve taken?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Pain relievers. Vodka.” Oops. I shouldn’t have said that.
“WTF Andy, are you trying to kill yourself?” Chris shouted.
“Sorry.” I hung up the phone and clutched it in my hand.
The phone rang. I ignored the call, started crying and slumped down into the bath again. The ringing in my ears grew louder until I thought I heard sirens.
I leaned over the edge of the tub and dialed the only person I wanted to hear from in that moment. “I have nothing to say to you.” Emily answered.
My apartment buzzer sounded. I wasn't going to get out of the bathtub. Another call rang and I ignored it. I sighed into the phone.
“Sounds like you’ve got company.” Emily scoffed.
The buzzer sounded again. “Em.” I said, my voice catching in my throat. I was now sobbing into the phone.
“I don’t want to hear it.” Emily said coldly.
The buzzer stopped and I heard the main door to the building opening downstairs. I had a horrible feeling Chris had an ambulance sent out for me and I regretted calling him. “Please.” I sobbed. A million thoughts ran through my head. There was a long pause.
“I don’t even care.” She sighed loudly. “Look you’re right, we’re just friends. We were friends.”
This made me cry harder. I heard voices outside of my apartment and what sounded like radios. “Emily please.” I pleaded.
“What’s that sound?” Her tone changed.
“I’ve done something stupid.” I choked on the words as I said them.
“Your voice.” She said quietly.
“Em.” I cried louder as I heard my door unlocking.
“Hello? Is there somebody here by the name ‘Andrew’?” Another unfamiliar voice echoed out.
“Where are you Andy? Wtf is going on?” Emily sounded like herself again.
“Ask Chris.” I said, dropping my phone to the floor.
What happens next seems to play out like I’m watching it and not part of it.
A paramedic says something into his radio when he sees me sitting in the bathtub. My name is repeated to me. He asks a bunch of questions and unwraps the shirt from my hand. More questions start firing at me, this time it’s about my wrist and what happened.
He asks if there’s anything else he should know about and I tell him my head hurts. He mentions that I’ll probably need stitches on my head and hand, then convinces me that’s all I need to go to the Hospital for.
He asks if I can stand up but I can’t. He asks if I can walk on my own, I can’t. He asks if anyone else was with me tonight, nobody was. I walk into the ambulance with the help of two paramedics and sit on the stretcher. They strap me in place and tell me to relax. The only thing louder than the ringing in my ears is the sound of the ambulance siren from inside of the ambulance.
My eyes close and I fight back a wave of nausea as the ambulance speeds through the streets loudly. One paramedic keeps firing questions, making it impossible for me to focus. When my eyes open again I see the bottom half of my body from my knees to my feet covered in a white blanket, a paramedic at my side and one presumably pushing the stretcher I’m lying on. I'm being pushed down a Hospital hallway. More questions are asked, but my eyes won’t stay open any longer.
The next time my eyes open I’m in a small room with bright white lights, large stainless steel shelves on wheels lining the walls, and a huge operating theater style light near my head. The paramedic is asking if I want my stomach pumped or if I’m willing to drink charcoal. At some point I ask if they actually keep leeches around for operations. The medic finds this humorous and says yes.
I might remember drinking a bottle of charcoal and making small talk about my life with the medic that pulled me out of the bathtub. I definitely remember throwing up a very painful pile of bile molted pills. The worst thing I felt after puking my guts out was when I asked the medic if I was going to live, and he said there was no guarantee. Nobody knew I was there, and now I wasn’t sure if I’d see my family again.
I was left alone hours later in a small bay across from the nurses station with three curtains for walls. The person on the other side of me was screaming loudly, a doctor stared at me as I closed my eyes and fought another wave of nausea. I heard my heartbeat beeping with a monitor somewhere behind me, a blood pressure cuff around my arm, my head and hand now bandaged and my stomach feeling empty but still nauseated. The lights were dim and I was too tired to think of anything or anyone. I fell into a deep sleep.
When my apartment buzzer rang my heart jumped and my eyes sprang open. At some point in my sleep I’d managed to lay out flat on my bedroom floor and roll onto my side. I couldn’t fully stand up; the dizziness was making it nearly impossible to move so I made my way to the buzzer by leaning along the walls. It felt like I was blackout drunk. My brain was in a fog of questioning if I was doing what I was doing. Was I awake? Was I standing up? Was I answering my door? Was anybody actually at the door or was I hearing things?
When I opened the door to my suite, the courier looked at me oddly. “Rough night?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded and didn’t say anything else as I scribbled on the pin pad, keeping my bloody left arm behind my back.
He handed me a box and left me standing in the doorway, staring down the hallway in confusion. After I closed my door and slumped against it I noticed the mustache duct tape. It took a while to pry the tape off the box and I wished I hadn’t as soon as the contents became clear to me. I dumped a bunch of tiny bright origami stars on the floor. I gazed at my t-shirt, necklace and laser gun keychain. A droplet of water covered one of the stars before I realized hot tears were falling down my cheeks.
The last time I talked to Emily I told her I didn’t love her and she believed me. I put my chain necklace and lock back around my neck and shook my head in disbelief. She’s done with me. I wanted her to go on with her life and forget about me, why does it hurt so much to think of my life without her? One minute I’m dying, and now I wish I was dead.
The blood finally clotted on my left wrist. I wrapped my Warped Tour shirt around my hand and sighed. I can’t even cut my wrist, what the hell can I do right? I called Olivia but she didn’t pick up.
I started a bath of lukewarm water to try relaxing for a change but my stomach turned as soon as I saw the water swirling around in the tub. I had my head hanging in the toilet for a solid half hour before I stopped retching. I crawled into the tub with my clothes still on and held onto the edges, closing my eyes and concentrating on the cold shower wall pressing against my pounding head.
At some point my ears started ringing, and that ringing became deafening. It sort of feels like the ringing you hear when you leave a concert and you’re talking to your friends about how awesome the show was, but you’re all yelling at each other because you’re all temporarily deafened. But this ringing was getting louder.
I tried calling Olivia again but I hung up on her voice mail. Lying in a tub of water and feeling like all of the gravity in the world was pushing me down, I called Chris. I thought of what I’d say to him, I’d play it off like I was tired and see if Amelia could tell Olivia to call me. Olivia would know what to do.
Instead the call went something like this.
“Hey!” Chris answered.
“Help.” Is what came out of my mouth.
“Dude, you sound messed up!”
“Hey.” Is what I said next.
“You sound like you need help.” He sounded worried.
“Help?” I repeated.
“Dude where are you?” He became worried.
“Home.” I looked at my door; did I really want help?
“Hold up.” The line seemed to cut off but I couldn’t hear much to begin with. “Andy?” He returned to the line.
“No.” I said for some reason.
“Hi Andy, I’m Paige. I’ve been talking to your friend Chris and he thinks you might need an ambulance.” An unfamiliar voice said.
“Pills.” Was all I could say.
“What kind of pills have you taken Andy?” She was typing in the background.
“Lots.”
“How many would you consider a lot Andy? Two or three? A hundred?” It sounded like she was in a really loud office.
I didn’t want to tell the truth. I knew Chris was still listening. I didn’t want to live but I didn’t want to die either. “Seventy five.” I lied.
“Seventy five of anything is a lot of pills. Can you tell me what you’ve taken?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Pain relievers. Vodka.” Oops. I shouldn’t have said that.
“WTF Andy, are you trying to kill yourself?” Chris shouted.
“Sorry.” I hung up the phone and clutched it in my hand.
The phone rang. I ignored the call, started crying and slumped down into the bath again. The ringing in my ears grew louder until I thought I heard sirens.
I leaned over the edge of the tub and dialed the only person I wanted to hear from in that moment. “I have nothing to say to you.” Emily answered.
My apartment buzzer sounded. I wasn't going to get out of the bathtub. Another call rang and I ignored it. I sighed into the phone.
“Sounds like you’ve got company.” Emily scoffed.
The buzzer sounded again. “Em.” I said, my voice catching in my throat. I was now sobbing into the phone.
“I don’t want to hear it.” Emily said coldly.
The buzzer stopped and I heard the main door to the building opening downstairs. I had a horrible feeling Chris had an ambulance sent out for me and I regretted calling him. “Please.” I sobbed. A million thoughts ran through my head. There was a long pause.
“I don’t even care.” She sighed loudly. “Look you’re right, we’re just friends. We were friends.”
This made me cry harder. I heard voices outside of my apartment and what sounded like radios. “Emily please.” I pleaded.
“What’s that sound?” Her tone changed.
“I’ve done something stupid.” I choked on the words as I said them.
“Your voice.” She said quietly.
“Em.” I cried louder as I heard my door unlocking.
“Hello? Is there somebody here by the name ‘Andrew’?” Another unfamiliar voice echoed out.
“Where are you Andy? Wtf is going on?” Emily sounded like herself again.
“Ask Chris.” I said, dropping my phone to the floor.
What happens next seems to play out like I’m watching it and not part of it.
A paramedic says something into his radio when he sees me sitting in the bathtub. My name is repeated to me. He asks a bunch of questions and unwraps the shirt from my hand. More questions start firing at me, this time it’s about my wrist and what happened.
He asks if there’s anything else he should know about and I tell him my head hurts. He mentions that I’ll probably need stitches on my head and hand, then convinces me that’s all I need to go to the Hospital for.
He asks if I can stand up but I can’t. He asks if I can walk on my own, I can’t. He asks if anyone else was with me tonight, nobody was. I walk into the ambulance with the help of two paramedics and sit on the stretcher. They strap me in place and tell me to relax. The only thing louder than the ringing in my ears is the sound of the ambulance siren from inside of the ambulance.
My eyes close and I fight back a wave of nausea as the ambulance speeds through the streets loudly. One paramedic keeps firing questions, making it impossible for me to focus. When my eyes open again I see the bottom half of my body from my knees to my feet covered in a white blanket, a paramedic at my side and one presumably pushing the stretcher I’m lying on. I'm being pushed down a Hospital hallway. More questions are asked, but my eyes won’t stay open any longer.
The next time my eyes open I’m in a small room with bright white lights, large stainless steel shelves on wheels lining the walls, and a huge operating theater style light near my head. The paramedic is asking if I want my stomach pumped or if I’m willing to drink charcoal. At some point I ask if they actually keep leeches around for operations. The medic finds this humorous and says yes.
I might remember drinking a bottle of charcoal and making small talk about my life with the medic that pulled me out of the bathtub. I definitely remember throwing up a very painful pile of bile molted pills. The worst thing I felt after puking my guts out was when I asked the medic if I was going to live, and he said there was no guarantee. Nobody knew I was there, and now I wasn’t sure if I’d see my family again.
I was left alone hours later in a small bay across from the nurses station with three curtains for walls. The person on the other side of me was screaming loudly, a doctor stared at me as I closed my eyes and fought another wave of nausea. I heard my heartbeat beeping with a monitor somewhere behind me, a blood pressure cuff around my arm, my head and hand now bandaged and my stomach feeling empty but still nauseated. The lights were dim and I was too tired to think of anything or anyone. I fell into a deep sleep.
It me.
12/6/21