Fvck The Haters

After I got a headache from either crying or listening to my headphones at full volume for 2 hours, I went downstairs to eat something. Mom was on the phone with somebody and I caught the words, “I just don’t know what to do with him anymore.” Before she saw me walk into the room. Not what I needed to hear.

“I’m sorry Mom.” I said, grabbed a bowl of cereal and went back to my room.

I texted Lauren the only thing I could think of. ‘Sorry.’

‘I feel like I don’t even know you.’ She replied.

I didn’t know what to say so I went back to playing COD and blasting my playlist.

I couldn’t shake the sadness off. I fell asleep and had horrible dreams, awoke to my alarm clock still feeling sad. I’d probably get into another fight in the hallway. I’d probably get into a fight running laps on the field after school. At least I was learning to defend myself.

I sat on the bus with the hood of my hoodie up, the unspoken Leave Me Alone signal. My headphones blasted and I watched people’s mouths move as the music played, trying to match the two up so that it looked like everybody was singing my song. Everything continued this way until lunch time and I saw Jake and Hannah at a table, Lauren sat next to an empty seat.

“Hey Jinxx!” Diego waved me over to the football table.

“Let her cool off.” Ashley nodded sagely.

“She won’t talk to me.” I sighed.

“She’s looked over here twice.” Johnnie smiled. “She still wants you.”

“Hey!” Chris shouted and glared at me. “I should kick your ass.”

I sighed deeply. “Why does she hate me?”

“You made her cry.” Chris said.

“No I didn’t.” I began to say but his anger seemed to escalate. Not taking any blame wasn’t helping. “You saw him attack me.”

Chris shook his head. “You made my sister cry. Stay away from her.”

“She wouldn’t cry if she didn’t want him.” Johnnie said.

“Shut up.” Chris snapped.

“She hates me.” I sighed.

“Good.” Chris said sternly. “Keep it that way.”

Something in me snapped and I left the table angrily, leaving my tray untouched as I stormed out of the cafeteria. I intended to hold the tears in until I reached the bathroom.

‘Can I go home?’ I texted mom.

‘No. You need to deal with your mess.’ She replied.

I sat on a toilet and covered my face with my sleeves. I felt my heart breaking; my dream of being with Lauren was dead now. I didn’t see a point in going on. When the washroom door opened I held my breath for a moment, pulling my legs up and kicking them against the door to hide.

“You’re obviously in here Jinxx. I’ve looked everywhere else.” Chris said.

“Did you seriously come to fight me in the bathroom?” I glanced under the stall expecting to see Destery with him. He was alone.

“I don’t want my sister dating anyone on the team.” He spat the words out.

I flung the stall door open and looked at him, catching a glimpse of my tear stained face in the mirror. I looked horrible.

“Dude.” He said when he saw me.

“I messed it all up.” I said, sounding half angry and half like my world had fallen apart.

“You guys didn't date for very long.” He shrugged.

“You don’t understand.” I said angrily, feeling a lump in my throat.
“She still likes you.” He paused. “She’s just….heartbroken.”

“I don’t want to be away from her.” I looked up to stop from crying. “It hurts.”

“I’m….gonna send Jake in here.” Chris said, shaking his head in disbelief as he left.

I returned to hiding in the stall until I heard the door open again. “Like crying, crying?” Jake said as he walked in.

“Yeah.” Chris replied.

“Buddy?” Jake called out.

“Go away.” I sighed.

“Come on.” He bashed the other side of the stall door. “We’re cutting the rest of the day.”

“I’m already in trouble for the fight.” I said.

“Meet me at the car.” Jake shook his head.

Notes