On thin ice

Sam's POV:
After school, Andy, Avril, and I walked out to Soul Glow's black pickup truck. I got into the front passenger seat, while Andy and Avril jumped into the back. Soul Glow started the car and we headed of to his house. I stared out the window, lost in my thoughts. "Sam! Are you listening?" Andy's voice pulled me from my thoughts and back into reality. "What is it?" I asked, trying not to sound annoyed. "I wanted to know if you were going to be alright being around people for a bit longer, or if you wanted to just go home." To tell you the truth, I wanted to go home more than anything, but I knew Andy really wanted me to go. He could tell that I was getting close to the amount of human interaction I can handle per day before I start to get too overwhelmed. He sighed. "Can you drop Sam and I off at our house please?" He said to Soul Glow, obviously disappointed. I felt so guilty. "Andy, how about you go. I'll be fine on my own." I said as we pulled up to the house. "Are you sure?" Andy said, worry laced in his words. "I'll be fine." I reassured him with a small smile. He smiled back at me. "Ok. I'll see you later tonight." He said as I got out. I shut the door and walked into the house. Mom and Dad weren't home yet, so I walked upstairs to my room. I blankly looked at my many posters. My favourite one was my first Nirvana poster that Dad had bought me for my sixteenth birthday. I went to my bed and wrapped myself in the black blanket. I lied there, lost in thought. Andy has looked so happy when I told him to go. I wonder, what other fun things has he missed out on because of me? He's always saying no to hanging out with friends, just because of my anxiety. I feel like such a burden. "That's because you are! That's all you are! A burden! You should have died when your parents, then you wouldn't be such a burden on Andy and his family." I said to myself. "Andy would probably have more friends if you weren't around. No one would miss you!" I unwrapped myself from the blanket, then grabbed a little white box from the top of my dresser. I read the words written on the cover. 'Think before you act.' I hesitated before opening the box, smiling as I saw four razors sitting in the box, begging to be used. I took one out as I sat on the floor in the corner of my room. I pressed the blade against my arm, feeling the cold metal kiss my skin like a long lost lover. I hissed softly as I dragged it across, making a line. The feeling of my blood trickling out of the wound was soothing. I repeated this action until both of my arms were filled with fresh cuts. I walked into my bathroom and stripped. I looked at myself in the mirror and frowned. I grabbed at my pale stomach and sighed. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could stand. I must have been in there for a while, because when I finally got out, it was dark outside. I got into some KISS pyjamas and went to bed. I sat in bed for what felt like forever until I finally slipped into a restless sleep.

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