My unearthly screaming was animalistic and met by the soothing tone of my mother’s voice. She was my best friend and the only person who knew about my dreams, since she had the pleasure of comforting me since I was little. She was also the only person I would ever have since I could never get into any of the guys at school, moreover I could never trust anyone else with my condition.. If that’s what it is.

As I was drawn from my phantasmagorical state, I awoke to the familiar setting of my bedroom; though this provided very little comfort to me. The cream dresser, out of place against the deep purple walls could hold a variety of demons in the dark. I’d chosen to have my walls deep and dark in order to stop any unwanted shadows or figures from stepping out of the darkness of my nightmare world and into my clean reality.

My mother had heard my outcry even before I was roused so came in a brought me a cold glass of water. Knowing I would panic in the deadly pitch black of my room, she had also flicked on the light so my awakening would be easy and effortless. The single bulb that was often the difference between hysteria and relief.

The cold water felt like a pacific relief, slowing my racing mine and letting me escape my world of dreams. I looked over at my bedside table and looked at the clock; it was five- thirty in the morning. This was all I needed to confirm the decision to stay awake; no slumber would provide me with rest anyway. However there was another reason, it was Monday and I had school today.

I made my way to my dresser, still a little afraid that the blackness within was holding some form of demon from my unwilling mind. I squeezed my eyes closed as I took the handle into my hand and cautiously pulled the door open. It took an agonising amount of time to bring myself out of the protection of my closed eyelids and into the brightness of the day. There were no monsters, no demons awaiting me, I had this every morning, just waiting for the day when something is there.

The dresser was packed full of clothes, draping every corner with a different colour and shade. It was not my doing, my appearance meant little to me, and it only proved to me how judgemental people were. My mother on the other hand liked me to look presentable and loved me to make me “eyes pop” with wearing colours that flattered me. I judged people on their personality and values, not on their weight, colour or physical appearance.

Eventually I managed to come to a decision, purple acid wash skinny jeans, a plain black vest and a big loose hoodie. It made me feel safe after the vulnerable feeling that I was left with every morning when I awoke. I could hide within my clothes and escape the world’s praying eyes. There was no need to make a good impression, it was only school; the people there meant little or nothing to me. It was a rampant waste of time and a way to torture kids from the less fortunate families.

Money and good looks always equal power in this world. It is corrupt.

Lillianna is my best friend. My only friend. Our unruly relationship had been established when we were little, eight if I remember correctly. Though I still did not trust her with my secret, she remained a loyal friend. She never questioned why we had not had sleepovers or all-nighters like most teenagers expected. There was no way I wanted to have her endure my endless stream of nightmares and experiences. I cared about her, I just couldn’t trust anyone except my mother.

I was ready for school. Since it was now seven-thirty, my mother had agreed she would drive me the four miles it was to my school. Today was going to be hell with the level exhaustion that was already washing over me in a tidal wave. It was taking over my mind. School was not going to be easy.

Notes

Just an overview. There needed to be some of her thoughts before I could introduce anyone else into the story or progress :)

Feedback appreciated.