Finding Grace

Andy POV


How could she do this to me?
Is that what it felt like? Is this how Juliet felt that day, when I told her what had happened at Ashleys party with that girl?
I hadn't even known her name.
But they knew each other, and it hurt.
I watched as Ash leaned against our tour bus impatiently, Leah a few minutes late meeting up with him; she was always late anymore.
But so was I.
Is that why she was doing it? Because I was always late meeting up with her or I couldn't spend a lot of time with her?
Ronnie;s words went through my mind again.
"Even loyal girls stray once or twice."
I'd called bullshit at the time, had laughed it off because ---come on --- Leah? She might enjoy having a lot of sex, but I had never questioned her cheating on me, it just wasn't her.
Shows how well I thought I knew her.
I thought Ash had been acting weird a while back when he'd and Leah had come back to town, he saying he ran into her while she was buying tampons. When I'd reminded him she didn't even have a period, he'd claimed it was probably for Vale then.
And then Leah had avoided me for days.
Was it outta guilt?
Fuck, this was my own fault.
Kissing Juliet had started all of this. If I'd never been such an idiot, and if that asshole Motionless hadn't made me tell her, we probably could have avoided all of this.
God dammit, why did it hurt so bad?
I clenched my fists, watching as Leah sprinted around the edge of the tour bus.
"Sorry," she wheezed, leaning over to catch her breath. "My show went late."
"It's fine," Ash sighed, glancing around uneasily, and I quickly took a step back so he wouldn't see me. "But you gotta do something soon, Leah; he's gonna find out. Make a decision."
She looked down nervously, tugging at her shirt.
She looked so beautiful.
How could she do this to me?
And with Ashley?
My chest ached.
"I know." she said after a moment. "But I don't wanna upset him, and it just never seems like the right time, I... I'm not sure how to tell him."
"Just say it, easy. It won't be as bad as you think it will; you panic way too much, babe," he sighed, running his hands down his face.
Leah glanced back uneasily.
"Let's go inside, ok? I don't want anyone over hearing."
"Fine," Ash pushed away from the bus, and tugged the door open, letting her tromp up the steps ahead of him.
I watched them go, pressing my lips together.
I felt like I was going to be sick.
I waited a moment, but I couldn't just go. And I couldn't let this go on, either. If Leah wasn't content with me anymore, then she needed to just fucking tell me, or was it for the fame after all?
I knew her being with me had boosted her band a lot in popularity, probably one of the reasons she'd made it to Warped.
Was that the only reason she was still with me?
Oh god this hurt so bad, I felt crushed, like the wind had been knocked out of me. I loved her so much, I swear I think I had in the very beginning of our relationship.
I loved her.
I let my eyes go to the door of the bus, and then I was stalking towards it. I opened the door slowly, so they wouldn't hear me, and their voices filtered back to me.
"... Tell him! I can't keep doing this...!"
"... Never asked you too! But this was such a mistake, I don't know..."
"...mistake! He'll accept it, he has no choice! Fucking tell him or I will!"
"You wouldn't dare!"
"... Dont like secrets like this."
I gritted my teeth, then stepped onto the bus, seeing the two of them standing in the living area.
"Tell me what?" I demanded, and they both jerked, whirling to face me.
Leahs face paled.
"Andy." Ash stared at me.
"How the fuck could you do this to me?" I stared at the two of them, my heart beating painfully in my chest. "After all this time? What the hell?"
"What?" Leah stared at me. "What are you ---?"
"You don't have to lie to me!" I yelled at her, losing my temper. "Jesus, I fucking loved you, how could you do this? Least of all with him! I thought you were my best friend!"
"What?" Leah snapped, and then she blinked, as if finally understanding.
"Oh --- oh god no, Andy! I'm not cheating on you with him!" she burst, shaking her head wildly. "No way! That's not ---."
"I heard you!"
"That's not what we were talking about," Ash snapped at me, glaring. "Jesus, man, I wouldn't do that to you!"
Liars!
I felt my temper start to boil.
"After all this time, you didn't give two shits about me!" I bellowed, losing it. "You were only with me for the fame, weren't you? To help your fucking band! Well, it worked, there ya go!"
"Stop it! That's not it at all!" she cried, taking a step towards me. "Andy, I'm ---."
"Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear another word from you!" I spat, ignoring the tears that welled in her eyes.
She'd been playing me this entire time.
She never loved me.
"Stop yelling at me," she wept, mascara starting to run down her face. "I-I would n-never do that."
"Andy, stop being such an ass!" Ashley hissed at me, patting Leahs shoulder to calm her down, which only made everything worse.
"Don't fucking touch her!" I started forward, but Leah abruptly stepped between us, grabbing tightly to my arm. I wrenched from her grip, unable to stand the thought of her touching me.
Hurt flashed across her damp face, and then she straightened, balling her fists.
"I'm not cheating on you, dammit, I'm pregnant!"
"What the fuck --- what?" I stopped, her sentence suddenly processing through my mind.
"What!?" I took a step back, my voice strangled.
Leah stared at her, her eyes wide, crystal tears still seeping from them. "I'm pregnant. Around two months."
"How...?"
"We weren't careful enough," she whispered, and then cleared her throat. "Ashley found out when I did, but I didn't wanna tell you until I was sure. And now I'm sure."
She started to cry heavily. "I'm so sorry."
I stared at her, and my eyes roved down to her stomach, where now I could see a small groove forming, a small baby.
Our baby.
My baby?
My eyes flicked back up to hers in denial.
"No," I shook my head, taking a step back; I'd almost rather she be cheating on me. "You're lying."
Leah looked hurt. "I wouldn't lie about this."
No!
I took another step back, and then turned, needing air. I staggered off the bus, and then just kept walking, ignoring her voice as she called after me.
My life was over.

Notes

I'll try to upload the other parts later today, never fear!
And he probably could have handled that better if he hadn't already been upset, huh?
Does he not want the baby?
Tell me what you thinks gonna happen!