Finding Grace

I sat at the meet and greet table, watching the line of fans as they waited for us to sign their things and take pictures with them. They were all so excited and happy to be here, and I wished I could share the feeling.
All I felt was nausea.
I wasn't sure how to tell Andy, and I'd been avoiding him the past couple days. I'd also avoided Ashley and his intense looks.
He thought I should go ahead and tell Andy, but I already had a doctors appointment set up to check, just to make sure I was pregnant after all. Dr. Roma was adamant that I no longer take my pills, and she was faxing over a prescription for me to take in place of it.
So tomorrow between performances, I would see.
And panic and cry and freak out.
Please don't let me be, I prayed, signing some autographs and smiling the best I could for the fans.
"I'm so excited to meet you!" one girl said as she gazed at me. "Your music is so inspiring!"
"Aw, thank you," I smiled at her, brushing my hair behind my ear; I had it twisted up behind me, so the black was very prominent as it fell, making me probably look paler then I was.
Why did I ever think black was a good idea?
"I love you and Andy together! You guys make such a cute couple!"
"Loved the video with Motionless in White! Are you guys friends?"
"Did you really miss Andy while you guys were separated?"
"I thought it was hilarious the way you jumped him that first day!"
I turned my attention to the girl speaking.
"What?"
"When you saw Andy the first time when Warped started." she chirped. "You jumped and kissed him and goodness could you see the love! I was so happy Bryan caught that," she laughed.
Bryan, eh?
He posted that little embarrassing moment on his channel, eh?
He was so fucking dead.
And I knew he was here today, too, I'd already seen him and waved.
I would scalp him and have his blonde curls as a trophy.
So, when meet and greet was over and we were free to roam, I began my hunt.
I spotted Andy first, seeing him chatting with Ash Costello.
I felt a pang of jealousy, not because they were talking, but because she was so pretty and skinny and beautiful and most definitely not fucking pregnant and going to turn into a whale!
Irked, I looked away from them.
"Has anyone seen Bryan Stars?" I asked, stopping by Memphis May Fire. Matty shook his head, Kellin standing beside him.
"He just passed through here a few minutes ago," Kellin told me. "He's probably not far."
"Thanks."
The hunt continues.
I stalked down the line of stages, finally spotting him with his sadistic camera and microphone trotting along, capturing all the backstage highlights as he and Chris strolled.
"BRYAN!"
Bryan turned at his name, and I swear he almost pulled an Andy and tried to run.
I narrowed my eyes as I stalked towards him, and I think Chris asked him what he'd done, and Bryan merely shrugged helplessly.
"Hey, Leah," he gave me a weak wave. "What's up?"
"Did you post a video where I jumped Andy on camera?" I demanded as soon as I neared.
"Uh, I don't remember," he said evasively, and I glared at him.
"Okay, it might have been in some Backstage Warped videos," he squeaked.
"BRYAN!"
"I didn't think you'd mind --- the fans all thought you were cute!"
I was also going to keep his soul in a bottle.
He took a step back, and then suddenly took off, sprinting in the direction I'd come.
He wasn't getting away that easy!
I took off after him.
"Come back here, you blonde twat!"
"No way!"
I chased him down the row of stages, wishing I had something to hurl at him.
"You're not getting out of this unless you apologize!" I shouted at him as he hurled past Matty and Kellin.
"I'm sorry!"
"That's not good enough!"
"I'm REALLY sorry!" hd yelped, putting a trash can between us.
"Still not good enough," I hissed, stalking him around it, trying to grab his blue t shirt.
"Stop running, you fucking blue smurf!" I huffed as he sprinted for a picnic table; god, the next object between us would probably be a house at this rate.
"Leah? What are you doing?"
I glanced over, seeing Ashley and Jake staring at me, gaping, both of them holding tkeout bags. "Were you actually running?"
I scowled at them, and turned my eyes back to Bryan.
I didn't have time for that.
"I'll buy you like ten pizzas!" Bryan burst, throwing his hands up like I was going to shoot him. "And a bunch of ice cream! Reeses! Whatever you want!"
I narrowed my eyes.
"Peanut Butter twix."
"Fine! As much as you want!"
Well, I could deal with that."
I straightened, and Bryan relaxed.
"Should you be running in your condition?" Ashley frowned at me, hefting the bags in his arms.
"What condition?" Andy asked, appearing abruptly, and I stiffened.
"Nothing," I shook my head quickly; dammit Ashley!
Ashley looked surprised, then sent me a hasty apologetic look.
"Why were you chasing Bryan down? Ronnie said you looked like a bat out of hell after a smurf," Andy chuckled, wrapping his arms around my waist.
Bryan abruptly took off, and I scowled after him, declaring mental vengeance if I didn't get my apology twix.
He wasn't getting out of it that easy.
"What was that about?"
"Nothing," I shrugged, embarrassed now. I didn't want him to know why I'd been running around like a total idiot.
"Uh, we'll meet you at the tables," Ashley said after a moment, sending me an intense look. "I think Leah wants to talk to you alone about something. C'mon, Jake."
I glared at him.
"Uh, ok?" Andy frowned, glancing between the two of us.
The guys walked off, and I looked at Andy anxiously.
Now was so not the time to tell him, not when he was about to go to meet and greet and I had a doctors appointment to know for sure.
"What did you wanna talk about?" Andy asked, turning to face me curiously, his fingers threading through mine.
"Um, I ---." I hesitated. "I'm ---."
God, I couldn't do this.
It wasn't right this way.
"I just really love you," I said after a moment, "so much. I would never do anything to hurt us, you know that, right?"
"Yeah." he frowned.
"And I am so happy that you're in my life," I sniffed, feeling tears threaten. "You have no idea how happy I am. You've made everything so much better for me."
"Leah, what's wrong?" he looked at me worriedly. "Angel, what is it?"
I wiped hastily at my face, shaking my head quickly.
I loved him so much, and I didn't want anything to risk our relationship, not even a baby.
So I wasn't gonna tell him.
Not until I knew for sure.
And maybe not even then.

Notes

Sorry for the short lapse in updates, I got a little behind!
And stung by wasps, which, let me tell you, hurts like a major bitch.
But anyway! I hope your weekend was better then mine, and enjoy! Is Leah ever going to tell Andy, or is she going to make a major decision by herself?
Tell me in the comments!