Finding Grace

I hopped off stage wearily, my sinuses so messed up I could barely breath. Clarke stepped in front of me, stopping me from heading straight to the bus and avoiding the rest of them like I wanted too, like I had been for the last two days.
"Leah, what's going on?" Clarke demanded, holding me still while Vale and Nate stepped up to me, circling me like prey.
"Nothing," I forced a blank expression on my face. I didn't want them to know about me and Andy because I hadn't figured out how I felt about it right now.
I'd forgotten my meds again in my daze this morning and I was feeling quesy again, like I did almost every morning lately.
I bit my lip, glancing between the three of them.
"Leah, don't make a face. We're your mates, we can tell something is wrong, " Vale told me, hands on her haughty hips as she looked down at me, standing shoulder to shoulder with Clarke. "Now spill. Are you sick or something? Have a fight with Andy? CCs says he's been pissy lately."
I was so sick of hearing about CC. I knew the only reason she was confronting me right now was because Clarke had noticed me being off; she was stuck so far up CCs ass she couldn't see anything else but him right now, and I knew Nate didn't give two shits about me either.
He didn't even look interested as he stood there, gazing off into the distance with his thumbs hooked in his pocket.
"I'm fine, we're fine, okay? I'm tired, it's late, I just wanna go to the bus," I muttered, staring at my scuffed shoes.
"Leah," Clarke sighed. "Come on. We're worried about you!"
He was, maybe.
Don't get bitchy, I told myself, and shook my head.
"I'm fine you guys, really. I just have a cold or something. I'm all congested. Lots of cold medicine," I glanced around them desperately, looking for an out. "Hey, look, I gotta talk to Alex," I said, seeing him walking in the direction of the buses. "I gotta go!"
I darted around them and hastily made it to Alex, who looked over at me in surprises as I literally latched onto his arm.
"Pretend you have to talk to me about something really important," I told him quickly.
"Uh... Pickles are good?"
Good enough.
"Nice, Alex."
He chuckled, glancing over my head and back where the rest of my band was still gathered, no doubt watching.
"Bad band meeting or something?"
"You could say that," I sighed, walking beside him as we threaded through the late crowd, the buses within view.
"We have those sometimes. Jack always ends up leaving midway through to find something to eat," he shook his head, and I smiled.
"I can definitely see that," I laughed, imagining him running off in search of Cheetos and climbing the cabinets to get away from them.
"Thanks for walking with me," I said, seeing my bus. "And pretending to have a serious conversation."
"Hey, that's what I'm here for," he sent me a grin as he started off for his own bus.
I smiled, and then climbed into mine, aiming for my bunks where my stash of peanut butter awaited.
Then I paused, frowning as I remembered Vales words.
Had I gained weight? I headed for the bathroom where the only decent floor length mirror was, and locked the door quickly.
I turned, frowning at my reflection.
My hair was crazy frizzed from the humidity, and the fact I'd barely brushed it the last couple days. I was still slim, I thought, but I was starting to get a slight pudge, one I hadn't noticed until now.
I frowned down at myself, no longer hungry.
Too many snacks, not enough movement, I told myself, pulling my shirt tight as I saw the damage.
No wonder Andy wants to kiss other girls, a niggling voice in the back of my mind told me.
Look at you! Smeared makeup, your face is breaking out, you've hardly done anything with your hair in months --- now you're getting a muffin top!
And you're whinny, my mothers voice suddenly reminded me. All you do is whine and cry!
Cry baby Leah.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
I didn't want to think about her anymore. I kept hoping I would get the call that she was dead, but that didn't make me feel any better. The damage was already done, and I could feel tears building in my eyes, slipping down my cheeks.
I wiped at them hastily.
The others would be here soon and I didn't want them to see me cry.
Actually, I just didn't want to see any of them.
I wanted Andy.
I wanted to hear him tell me he loved me, that I was beautiful and he didn't care about Juliet or anything.
I sucked in a deep breath, composing myself, and then stepped from the bathroom and dug out my phone.
I'd been leaving it on the bus and turned off so I wouldn't be tempted.
I turned it on and called Andy immediately, but it went to voice mail after a few rings, meaning he had either ignored me or didn't have his phone.
But I wanted to see him. I hoped his bus was still here.
I bit my lip, then abruptly took off, leaving my bus behind and striding in the direction of his. I could see it was still parked, lights on inside, and I knocked hastily on the door, not wanting to just bust in, though normally I would have.
It opened after a moment, Ashley peering down at me.
"Leah?" he looked surprised.
"Is Andy here?" I asked anxiously, wringing my hands. "I need to talk to him."
Ashley hesitated, glancing back behind him.
"Uh, yeah, I can get him. Is everything okay?" he asked softly where his voice wouldn't carry.
"Yeah, it's okay." I forced a smile. "Please just get him."
Ashley nodded, disappearing back inside, and I took a few steps back nervously.
Andy appeared after a second, wearing his Marvel pajama pants I'd gotten him and a hoody he'd apparently grabbed last minute.
It was late, after nine as we'd been scheduled for one of the last shows, so they were probably all ready to pack up the bus and leave.
"Leah?" Andy stepped off the bus.
"Angel, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked as he saw my face. "What happened?"
I sniffled, mopping at my face as I realized I must have started crying again at some point.
I glanced at the bus door where it was open, the light shining out the door into the darkness, and Andy closed it hastily so the guys couldn't hear our conversation.
"I'm sorry," I said after a moment. "I'm sorry, Andy."
"For what? You haven't done anything. Oh, don't cry, Leah," he wiped at my face. "I'm the one who fucked up. You haven't done anything."
. I tried to stop, but it was like the floodgates had opened and I couldn't control myself.
Andy pulled me to him, wrapping me into his warm arms as I cried on his hoody.
"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear, rocking side to side as we stood there in the darkness. "I'm so sorry, Leah. It's all my fault, you have every right to be mad at me! Just please don't cry, baby, please."
"I can't stop," I wept. "I don't know what's wrong with me!"
Andy tightened his hold on me.
"It's okay, angel," he stroked my hair soothingly. "It's okay."
It wasn't okay, and I knew that. But I wanted it to be okay, and I loved him so much, and I couldn't stand the thought of losing him or not being able to be with him; I was willing to forgive him for almost anything at this point.
Besides, it had just been a meaningless peck on the lips, that wasn't even a big deal. I'd had to full on make out with Chris for hours, even though it had just been business.
"Better?" Andy asked after a few minutes when my tears had dwindled off.
"Yes," I sniffed.
"Good." he released me, his thumbs returning to my face to brush away any remaining tears. "I love you, Leah, I don't want to see you cry, ok? I'll never speak to Juliet again, or go near her or anything."
"I never asked you too ---."
"I know, but you deserve so much better," his blue eyes blazed down at me, almost matching the night sky. "And I want to be the best I can towards you. Nothing like that will EVER happen again, I swear."
I nodded, my lips trembling as I tried to get my wild emotions under control; I needed my meds so badly.
"Andy! Dude, we gotta go!" I heard CC call, and I grimaced. Realizing I'd have to go back to my bus and the irritating members of my band.
"K. Leahs riding with us!"
"What?" I stared at Andy as he drug me towards the bus steps. "Andy, I can't ---."
"Why not? We're going to the same place," he shot over his shoulder, dragging me up the steps. "Don't worry about it."
"Andy ---."
"Leahs coming with us," he said again as he strode through the bus, pulling me behind him where I only got a flash of the guys surprised expressions. "CC tell your woman."
"Andy, I can't ---." I started in aggravation as he stepped toward the currently empty bunk area.
"You are," he told me firmly, coming to a stop. "You don't have a choice. You don't want to go back, even I can see that." he raised a hand, stroking my tear-stained face. "And we need to talk this out while we have time. Just wear some of my sweats to sleep in, it's no big deal."
I hesitated, but I felt the bus start to move, so I sighed, realizing I really didn't have a choice this time.
"Fine," I muttered, and Andy grinned, cupping my face as he leaned down to kiss me, my fingers pulling on his hoody as I leaned into him.
At least he loved me.

Notes

Brace yourselves, the Disney references are coming in strong!
Did anyone catch the Hercules one?:D