Finding Grace

"I don't like either of them," I told Vale irritably as we stood in the small convenience store, her showing me some different shirts promoting their town.
"Leah," she scowled at me in aggravation. "I have to get a shirt from every place we visit. Stop being a twat and help me pick. Blue or white?"
"It doesn't matter, just pick one," I told her, antsy. I didn't care about her stupid shirt obsession right now; if I didn't get to the bathroom I was going to pee all over myself.
Vale glared at me.
"God, just go." she shook her head at me. "You're useless."
I didn't wait, I took off for the bathroom.
I sighed in relief a few minutes later as I started gathering snacks for the trip. It had just hit me, and I'd needed to go so bad I thought I was gonna die. So now I was hurrying down the aisles of this small, tacky convenience store loading my basket with food and drinks I had no intention of Sharing with anyone on my bus.
Peanut butter twix? Yes.
Pretzels dipped in peanut butter? Also yes.
Jar of just peanut butter? I grabbed two.
Don't ask me why, but I suddenly was on a peanut butter kick that I couldn't shake.
I added a couple pink peace teas to it, enough to last me a week, and then some BBQ chips and a lot of snickers and butterfingers.
Which brought my total up to like fifty bucks.
"God, Leah, do you really need so much?" Vale stared at me as we strode across the parking lot to where our bus waited, Clarke outside on the phone.
"Yes. I need all of it. You know how Nate gets when he's on a binge; he eats all the food."
"Yeah, but if you eat all of that you're gonna gain like twenty pounds."
I frowned at her. "I'm not gonna eat it all at once, Vale."
"Good, don't. You don't want to gain anymore weight, and I'm not gonna listen to you complain about exercising again," she warned me, and my steps faltered.
I had gained weight?!
I looked down at myself.
Had I really?
"I miss you too, Claire." I heard Clarke sigh as we stepped onto the bus, and my head whipped over.
So that was her name.
I listened blatantly as he did the whole gooey thing, telling her he couldn't wait to see her again and how he was starting to really care for her.
Aww. Clarke was so sweet.
"I know, babe. I'll call you later when I get a chance," he sighed, and I quickly darted the rest of the way on the bus before he noticed me standing there. I headed for my bunk, depositing all my stuff at the bottom, and answering my phone as it rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Leah."
Chris? I glanced at the number, not recognizing it.
"Why are you calling from a different number?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the bunk.
"I've been trying to get ahold of you, but every time I call it goes straight to voicemail."
"Voicemail? That's weird." I frowned. "I'll have to check it. But what's up?"
"Our video is out now," he told me, and I grimaced.
"How's it doing?"
"Great. Looks like the fans love it. And it looks like Andy is gonna have a hard time keeping you to himself from the guy fan base after seeing your performance," he laughed, and I blushed.
"He doesn't have anything to worry about and he knows it."
"Have you talked to him lately?" Chris asked, and I frowned at his tone.
"I talked to him earlier, why?"
"I was just curious. You guys good?"
"Of course, we're great." Why was he asking all this?
"Cool, okay."
I shifted nervously. "Chris, why do you ask? Is there something I don't know?"
I was getting suspicious. The last time I'd mentioned Chris to Andy he'd acted like I'd hit him and had changed the subject immediately, and now Chris was asking how we were? And I hadn't forgotten how he'd acted at the tour bus last week either.
"Uh, no," Chris lied, his voicr sounding guilty. "I was just checking up."
"Don't you lie to me, Cerulli. You know something and you better spill!" I snapped, feeling myself tense.
What did he know? What had happened? Had Andy said or done something? I was starting to freak out.
"Leah, calm down, okay? I... I think you should just really talk to your boyfriend."
"I don't want to talk to Andy, I'm talking to you," I scowled, getting to my feet and stalking to the back of the bus, closing the door behind me as I stepped into the small room that had turned into our storage area. If I was going to yell, I didn't want everyone to hear.
"Leah, I'm serious."
"So am I! What's going on? Did Andy say something to you?" I demanded, twisting my EFG necklace he'd give me for Christmas anxiously. It had become a nervous habit over the past few months.
"Ask him!" Chris insisted. "I gotta go!"
"CERULLI ---."
He hung up on me.
What the fuck? I stared down at my phone, and then left the storage room.
I went to the front of the bus where everyone was gathered, Vale and Nate playing Xbox while Clarke was on his phone. Craig was up front with the driver, chatting about his latest fishing trip.
Everything was calm.
But not for long.
"How long till we reach the venue?" I asked, my voice strained.
"About an hour," Clarke told me, glancing up at me. His fingers paused as he saw my face. "Why? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I was just curious," I muttered, quickly turning and going back to my bunk.
I chewed my lip, my mind conjuring up a whole list of horrible things Chris could have seen or heard Andy do.
Did he murder someone? Say something that hurt someones feelings? I highly doubted he would cheat on me considering the understanding we had there. So what had happened?
By the time we reached Warped, I was a bundle of nerves. I'd found Chris's number in my blocking app and had quickly fixed that issue, and now I was even more pissed off.
Had Andy seriously blocked his number, or had my phone glitched and added it by accident?
Was I going to have to put a passcode on it to keep it safe from my own boyfriend?
What the hell was going on?
I felt my stomach start to cramp with nerves as we pulled to a stop, and I shot off the bus like hell was at my heels.
The Black Veil Brides tour bus was parked not far from ours, but the guys weren't on it, probably performing.
But that wasn't going to save Andy when I found him.
I strode angrily past the stages, and eventually found Andy and Ashley standing with Ronnie, who seemed to be the guy Andy was always around anymore, especially after they'd done their song together.
Ashley spotted me first, and he slapped Andys shoulder.
My boyfriend in his sunglasses turned to look in my direction, and I swear he blanched. He took a step back, as if he was going to run.
"Andrew Biersack, I swear to god if you do ---."
Andy froze at my tone.
Ashley took one look at my face, and suddenly he was ushering Ronnie off, letting me know real quick he knew exactly what was going on.
I shouldve questioned him first with some whiskey.
"Andy ---." I started as I came to a stop.
"I am so sorry!" he burst, and I frowned, staring at myself in his glasses.
"What ---?"
"I didn't mean to do it, okay? It was an accident. We were talking, and it was like old times, and it was just out of habit, and ---."
"Andy, what are you ---?"
"--- I didn't mean to kiss her! It was just a peck, and I didn't even realize I had done it until Cerulli ---."
I was frozen, staring at him. He had kissed someone?
"--- punched me, and ... Leah?"
"You... What?" I managed, my voice strangled.
He had KISSED someone else?
My brain was slow on processing today.
"Isn't... Didn't Cerulli tell you?"
"Ce... No! He told me to talk to you," I stared at him. "He... He didn't tell me anything..."
"Oh fuck." Andy stared down at me. "oh fuck."
He had kissed someone else and Chris had caught him, and he wasn't going to tell me, I realized. That's what all of their ridiculousness had been over.
"Leah, I swear, I was going to tell you earlier, but I didn't know how! You were so happy, and I didn't want you mad at me," he grabbed my arms. "Please. I didn't even mean to, really. We were just talking, and Juliet went to leave, and it seemed so normal to just ---."
"JULIET?" her name came out on an involuntary shriek, and Andy winced.
He had kissed Juliet? The night of the bonfire!
That all made sense now.
I felt like such an idiot.
Hurt, I jerked out of his grasp, aware everyone was staring us, their attention brought on by my shriek.
"You blocked his number so he wouldn't tell me, didn't you?" I demanded, too mad to even cry right now. "Andy, I trusted you!"
"Leah," Andy was looking around nervously. "Let's not do this here, okay? Let's go back to the bus ---."
"Why?" I hissed. "You don't want anyone else to know what a ---."
"I didn't fucking do it on purpose ---."
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't! Just like you didn't mean to block his number, right? Just like the way you've been ignoring ---."
"For God's sake, I apologized for that ---."
"It doesn't matter, Andy!" I cried. "How could you? You said you were okay with the music video ---."
"I was! Am! And even if I hadn't been, you waited until it was over before you said shit to me ---."
"Is that what that was about then?" I demanded, feeling the tears start to rise to my eyes. "You were punishing me?"
"What? No! Leah," he sighed, taking my hands. "Angel, I swear to you, I didn't do it on purpose. I swear on my life." He tightened his hold so I couldn't pull away. "Please believe me."
"It's not even the fact you kissed her Andy so much as you didn't tell me," I started to cry. "You lied to me and went through my phone and ---."
"I didn't want him to tell you before I had a chance!" he told me desperately, pulling his sunglasses off so he could look at me. "That's all that it was! I have nothing against him!"
I stared up at him, seeing the fading purple bruises around his eye where someone had punched him, and I sniffled, raising my hand to his face.
"What happened?" I asked, seeing him wince at my touch; so that was why he'd been wearing sunglasses everywhere he went.
"Chris punched me."
I let my hand drop. "You deserved it."
"I know," he nodded, looking away from me. "I know."
I bit my lip.
Sadly, I did believe him when he said he hadn't meant too, but it still hurt so bad.
And he'd just kissed her.
I'd slapped Clara when I'd realized he'd slept with her.
But she'd done it maliciously and manipulated his dumb ass.
What if their little thing really had been an accident? They'd dated for two years, and then had just abruptly ended, so there was probably a lot of stuff between them they needed to work out, a lot of habits.
Fuck.
Dammit.
I let my breath go, aware mascara was running down my face.
I was pissed off at him and hurt, but that didn't mean I needed to publically throw a fit and embarrass the both of us. Which meant my meds were kicking in and calming me down, because otherwise I would probably have been throwing chairs at him by now.
I pulled away from his grasp.
"Leah?" he asked hesitantly.
"Don't touch me," I muttered, taking another step back.
He let his tattooed hand drop to his side.
I had to go, get out of here where I could freak out by myself for a few hours.
I turned on my heel anf walked off, unable to even look at him or hear his voice one more time.

Notes

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