Faint

Courtney's POV:

With my knees curled to my chest, I let the colourless waves calmly lap against my dress. The pale fabric already beginning to wrinkle and stick to my moist skin. Across the grey sky, storm clouds continuously rolled and tumbled, streaks of fluorescent light striking the horizon, the aftermath of a roar of thunder.

Yet there was no rain.

It seemed that the sky itself was in its own form of agony. Able to feel anger, an anger so strong it consumed it, making it lash out. But there was no room for sorrow, for sadness, for any emotion except this controlling rage. This hatred which would never end.

I related to the sky in turmoil quite well. I felt a unexplainable rage, a sudden hatred directed to my brother, my family, my idol. It was obvious that I cared deeply for him, yet what angered me was his lack of love for me. How it had been unusually easy for him to just abandon me, how he could easily forget about me, without even shedding a single tear. And how is that fair? It isn't fair, not at all.

But I also couldn't allow for this anger to consume me, even though it was pushing me over the edge sooner than I expected. We all have to fall sometimes, I had already accepted that. I was waiting for my plummet, i was waiting for my death.

That's when it hit me. Why was I bothering to stay alive, when there was a ocean before me. How easy would it be for me to simply drown, to give up, to let the waves pull me under. To give in to the darkness. To give up, to let it win.

Thats' what i would do.

Rising from my fetal position ever so slowly, I savoured every breath I took, knowing they would be my last, content with them being my last. I practically fell into the powerful water, letting it briefly hold me up, before I was finally submerged into it's icy depths. I was okay with this. I was okay with dying.

I strained my sore eyes to force them open, ignoring the water stinging my sensitive irises. Instead of quickly giving up all together, i held in my final breath, letting my sudden weightless limbs dance in the dark water. My white dress swirled around me, dark hair spilling in every direction, a ghost of a smile lingering on my lips as I gave up.

The air was quick to leave my lungs, and I paid no attention to the steady stream of water filling my mouth. I relaxed every muscle in my body, preparing myself for my newest journey, my final one alive.

Flashes surrounded me. Bright lights striking against the surface of the water: lightning. Though with each eerie flash, my world of water transformed into a distinct memory, one of my childhood, my time with my family. My real family.

Images of Andy, CC, Jake, Jinxx and most of all Ashley, entered my fading senses, blurring my conscious with each powerful flash. Their sorrow-filled expressions when they learned I had died.

A feeling of satisfaction spread through my body as I saw Ash's teary eyed expression, and I felt, glad. Glad that he at least cared enough to cry that I had died. Glad that he maybe cared about me. But overall, just glad.

Then I gave up.

Notes