Leaving Hope To Bleed *May Be Triggering to Some*

"What happens?" Mrs. Howell, the principle asks sitting behind her desk.
"She dumped a tray of food on me and then she started punching me." Kassidy says in a bitchy tone. I roll my eyes.
"You're such a liar." I mumble. She glares at me and I glare back.
"What happened?" Mrs. Howell asks me. I sigh.
"Well, I was sitting down at the lunch table and she came up to me. Kassidy came up to me and asked me what I was doing, and I told her I was eating, and she said, and I quote, "Oh, but you're not eating. What feel the need to starve yourself to make yourself look prettier? Well guess what, that is not going to change your ugly face..." So, I took Andy's tray and dumped it on her head. And then she threw food in my face. Then Amber dumped her tray on her face because she's my best friend and she is awesome. And then Kassidy attacked Amber, so I felt the need to defend her. And that's how we ended up fighting. But, yes I did dump food on her head."

I say crossing my arms with a smile. I hear Kassidy scowl and I smile even bigger. Both of you are suspended for the rest of today, Thursday, and Friday. i huff in frustration but choose not to argue. I'm actually kind of relieved, I'll be away from my bullies.
"Kassidy, please go wait in the main office. I will be out in a minute to call your mother. I am very disappointed in you." She rolls her eyes and walks outside, slamming the door behind her. We sit in silence for a few minutes and then she speaks.
"Do you want to talk about what happened? On Monday?" Mrs. Howell asks and my throat goes dry. I can't tell her, Andy will kill me.
"No." I say dryly looking down at the floor.
"Who did it?" She asks. I shake my head.
"I said no." I say sternly, about to give in to telling her. She sighs and nods her head.
"Ok...Well I'm not sending you home today, I'm just going to put you in in school suspension for the rest of the day, and I send a note home saying not to come back for the rest of the week." I nod and make my way to the ISS room.

I make it in there and I sit in the back. For the rest of the day I keep my head on the desk and listen to music. When the bell rings I make my way to my locker and I quickly get my stuff out. I shove my books and binders in my bag and I make my way out of the school. I walk along the brick wall of the school, avoiding the big crowds of kids. When I reach the corner of the school, a tall dark figure steps out from behind it and I freeze. His icy stare gives me chills. He growl as the other ones step out too. Andy growls and comes at me.
"What was that!" He asks slamming me against the wall. The impact knocks the breath out of me. I drop my bag, Andy pins me against the wall, his arm crushing my collar bone.
"Andy...I..was.." I stumble over my words and he slaps me. A stinging pain lays across my cheek. I gasp and cradle my cheek with my hand.
"Shut up bitch. You don't get to talk to me. What you did today was over the line. You are going to get it." He hisses and I whimper.

Ashley picks up my bag and unzips it. He turns it upside down and all the contents. All my books, papers, notebooks and binders fall out and hit the ground with a thud.
"Oh, what do we have here?" He bends over and picks up my black journal, oh no. He opens it up to a random page.
"Please! Don't touch that." I say struggling against Andy's arm but he doesn't move.
"Oh, does baby have a journal? Let me see it." Andy says to Ashley. Ashley hands Andy my journal. Andy looks down at the journal and then smiles up at me. I've had that ever since my mom died. She gave me it the day she died. I guess she knew she was going to die, it's very important to me. I've wrote in it every day since I got it, I only have about 20 pages in it left.
"Hold her." Andy says grabbing the collar of my hoodie and pushes me towards Ashley. Ashley turns me around to where my back is to him and pins me against him. He holds my arms against my chest, making me unable to move. Andy flips through a few pages and stops at one page, reading it intently.

"Please stop Andy! You can beat me all you want, just please don't touch that." I plead, wanting to cry. That has all my emotions and pains. Each and every thought that I have had, I have always written in that. That journal means the world to me. He stops reading and looks at me, a look of hurt flashes across his face.

Andy's POV:

I open her journal and I flip to the fourth page. And I read it, there are droplets and blotches of blood stained all over the paper. I read the dark ink, her hand writing is neat, but it looks like she was scribbling the words.

Dear Journal,
Today is the fourth day that my mother has been dead from cancer. I miss her so much,
I wish that I could have spent more time with her. She went so fast. Why did God have to
take her from me? What did I ever do? I'm not even sure if I believe in God anymore. There
is no reason to believe. Ever since my mom died my dad has done nothing but drink. He is always passed out somewhere. I've barley been able to sleep, every time I close my eyes I see her, and then I remember the cold hard truth. She's dead and nothing will ever change that.
Her touch, her sight, her smell, her laughter will forever be gone from my senses. I haven't been able to pay attention in school. It's not only because of my mom dying, but Andy and his friends. Every day I go to school, Andy and his friends call me names...I don't know why though. I don't know what I've ever done to them.....

"Please stop Andy! You can beat me all you want, just please don't touch that." Her words pull me out of my reading. I look at her, I never knew that her mom died from cancer...I guess I just never cared..I look back down at the journal, not to mean but out of curiosity...

I've started cutting again. I think that is the only thing that lets me know I'm alive. If I didn't
do that, I'd have no emotions, cutting lets me know I'm alive. It seems to me that the tiny blade that I hide in my nightstand is the only thing that I can turn to, I have nothing else. Maybe one
day I will cut too deep and I'll bleed out and die, they wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore.
Until then......Talk to you later....

Wow, she cuts? I never knew that. Ashley taps me on my shoulder.
"What does it say?" Ashley asks smirking. I look at Summer, she has a pleading look, the same pleading look she gave me when I had her on the bathroom floor.
"Oh nothing, boring freak stuff, oh and she has a crush on CC. I say looking over at CC and he blushes a deep red. Does he like Summer too?
"Ewww." Ashley says, pushing Summer down to the ground. The others laugh.
"Come on, lets go to my house." Ashley says to us and the others nod in agreement.
"Okay, y'all go on, I'll be there in a second." They say okay and they start walking. After they walk far enough away I turn to Summer, she's sitting up looking up at me.

Summer's POV:

I sit up and look up at Andy. He lied......I know that he read one of the few pages and none of them have anything about CC. It only has things about my mother and me cutting again.
"You lied.....Why?" I whisper. He looks away and hands me my journal. I slowly take it.
"Because, I know how it feels.....and I'm sorry....." With that he runs off.

Oh My God, did Andy Biersack just say sorry.....
To me?

Notes

Sorry I haven't updated as much....
I've been real stressed out lately....
I will try to update as soon as possible.
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