Leaving Hope To Bleed *May Be Triggering to Some*

I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. Why can't Andy just leave me alone? I place my head on my knees and rock back and forth. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping that this is just a dream and I will wake up any second. After minutes and minutes of silence, I slowly open my eyes. Nope, I'm still here, this isn't a dream. This is a nightmare slowly killing me. Andy will be the death of me, and he doesn't even know. Or maybe he does, maybe that's what he wants. I lay on my side, still holding onto my knees, curling up into a ball. I lay for God knows how long until I drift off into sleep.

I'm woken up by somebody shaking me. I quickly jump up, my heart racing. I spin around to see Amber and Jacob.
"Calm down, it's just us." Amber says.
"How did y'all get in? The door was locked." I say looking around.
"The kitchen window. Why were you sleeping on the ground?" Amber asks, concern playing at her face. I answer her question with another question.
"Wait, aren't y'all supposed to be in school?" I ask yawning. Why am I so tired? She laughs at me and shakes her head.
"No, we just got out. We wanted to come by and check on you, see if everything is alright." I slept that long? Wow, I guess I'm just so stressed out that it's making me physically exhausted.
"Where's your dad?" Jacob asks sitting down on the couch.
"He's on a business trip and won’t be back till Monday." I say with a loud sigh.
"Do you want to stay at my house till Monday? My mom will let you." Amber asks. I shake my head.
"No thanks, my dad left me some money. I don't even know why, there's plenty of food in the kitchen." I say sitting on the couch.

"How much?" Jacob asks.
"Sixty dollars." I lie I don't want them to know about Andy knowing where I live. Amber sits on Jacob's lap and wraps her arm around his neck. She kisses him and I look away, I've never had a love like they have. I've only dated 4 times in my life, and James was only with me because he thought he could get in bed with me. What a pig.
"Ewww" I say playfully, Amber rolls her eyes and laughs into the kiss. After about a minute they pull apart for air.
"Oohh, girl scout cookies." Jacob says picking up the box of caramel delights.
"Oh yeah, you can have those, if you want." Amber snatches the box of cookies out of Jacob's hand and jumps out of his lap. She squeals as he runs after her.
"Give me the cookies and nobody gets hurt." Jacob says cornering Amber.
"Summer help me!" She screams from behind Jacob's tall frame. I laugh at her.
“I can’t. He’s too tall. Here’s another box.” I pick up the box of thin mints and I throw it at Jacob. It hits him and falls to the floor with a thud.
“Oww.” He says rubbing his back. He picks up the box and studies it
“Ewe I don’t like these.” He says like a little kid. I laugh at him.
“Here, trade me.” Amber says holding the box of caramel delights out. They quickly trade and sit down on the couch.
“I’m bored. Let’s go do something.” She says chewing on a cookie.

"Umm, I'm gonna stay here." I say looking at my hands. She nudges me.
"Yeas your going. You need to get out." I sigh.
"Ok." I stand up. "I'm going to go take a shower, I'll be out in a few." I say climbing the stairs. I get to the bathroom and turn on the water. I let it heat up while I undress.
I step under the steamy water, the pressure of the water feels good on my scalp. I quickly wash up and step out. I wrap one towel around my body and one around my head. Fuck, I forgot to get clothes...I sigh and run to my room.
I step in to see Amber standing by my desk, reading my journal.
"What are you doing?" I ask frozen in my place. She looks up at me, her face is plastered with sympathy and shock.
"Andy did that to you?" She asks, rage sparking in her eyes. I run over and snatch the journal up.

"Why are you reading my journal!" I almost shout.
"Summer you have to tell someone. If you let him get away with it he's going to do it again."
"No, no I can't." I shake my head and step back.
"Then let me." She says. I can't let her do that, then Andy would hurt her too.
"No! No I don't need you to do anything......just, just please leave..." I say frustrated. She sighs.
"Summer I love you, you know that right? Me and Jacob, we care about you....We don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you already have been.....please tell me you know that." Tears blur my vision and I try to choke down the urge to cry, but an awful sound escapes my lips.
"I can't take this anymore." I say frantically, dropping to my knees. She kneels beside me and wraps her arms around me. I sob loudly into her shoulder.
"Amber, I don't think I can do this anymore." I say.
"Yes you can. Summer, you're strong. You've always been, you have to be strong, you have to do what you think is right. I'm not going to say anything, but you will. I know you will, please if not for you, for me. I know you'll do whats right." She says pulling away softly and stands up.
"At least think about it, will you please?" I nod and rub my eyes. She sighs.
"Well, I'm going to go. Take care, I'll come back tomorrow. Love you."
"Ok." I barely whisper and she leaves my room.

I stare blankly at my white wall as I hear the front door open and shut. I start shaking violently as I stand up I quickly change into a bra and pair of underwear. I shut my doors, turn off the light and draw the blinds, blocking the bright sun from shining. I don't want it to waste its beautiful rays on my ugly body. I crawl in bed and under the covers. I lay for hours and hours. I cry until I get so tired I pass out. When I wake up I see nothing but darkness. I look over at the glowing letters on my alarm clock. It's 2:45 in the morning. I groan and roll on my back.
I've made up my mind, on Monday I'm going to tell the principle that they are the ones that did it, Amber was right. If I let them get away with that, they're just going to keep on hurting me, thinking they can get away with it. I fall asleep again, but this time falling into a dream.

I open my eyes and look around. I'm in a hospital room, and laying in the bed is my mother.
"Mom...." I whisper looking at her fragile body under the covers. She's smiling just like always. Her eyes are filled with sympathy.
"How are you doing?" She asks in a soft voice with a sad look. I instantly fight the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.
"Horrible, I can't do this anymore. I want to be with you, I don't want to live anymore." I blurt out.
She gasps. "Don't say that. Yes you do, you want to live I know you do."
"No mom, I don't. I have nothing to live for. I just want the pain to end, and I miss you so much. Why did you have to go?" I ask, finally crying. She sighs.
"I'm sorry baby, it was my time. I had to."
"No! Its not fair, it shouldn't have been you! Please let me come with you. I need you."
"Baby...No its not your time, but you'll know." Objects in the room start to fade.
"Please don't leave!" I scream as she slowly fades.
"You'll know when the time has come." She whispers.
"How!" I scream.
"Because I'll be there to take you away." She says completely disappearing.
"No!" The dream slips from my sight and I open my eyes to reality.

I'm in my bed, there's no hospital room or my mom. Just the life I so badly want to leave. I cry immediately, wanting to talk to my mom again. And then I hear my doorbell ring. Who could it be? I quickly slip on a pair of leggings and a Pierce The Veil tank top, and run downstairs. The door bell rings again.
"Hold on, I'm coming." I say reaching the door and opening it to see....

Notes

Hey guys, so I've been really down lately and not feeling real good about myself, Ive even thought about suicide a lot more than usual and I actually found that writing makes me feel better so, I should be updating more than I have been, sorry it took so long.
But I want to thank all of these people for commenting and motivating me to continue this story:
agent_mora
CC'sWretchedAndDevine
TheOutlawAndAndy!!
ProudOfMyScars
BlackVeilBridesFamilyMember
eclaire
MeetMySoulinHell
xXMonsterbuddyXx
Yesilovebands
bmthbvb99
ThePurdyGirlxxx
Thank all of you, y'all are the best and I love writing for y'all. Just stick with me through my craziness and I'll update as soon as possible.
Comment
Rate
Subscribe

~Bye