Escaping Grace

I took a step back, and my back hit the brick wall. What was he doing here? How had he found me? What did he want? I wasn't going back!
"What --- what are you doing here?" I demanded, forcing as much anger as I could into my voice. "I've told you to leave me alone!"
Romochka stepped over to me, that fake pleasant expression on his face. His brown eyes were as soulless now as they were then, and his dark hair was messed from the wind. At one time I'd thought him so handsome, but now I could see the monster. Adoration wasn't blinding me anymore.
"I've been looking for you forever!" he looked relieved to see me, and then a flash of anger crossed his face. "Did you pierce your nose!?"
"I've done a lot of things and all of them are none of your business!" I snapped.
His face calmed after a moment, that placating expression returning that I remembered all too well. Now I wasn't his girlfriend, I wasn't his anything, and he couldn't touch me or yell at me or do anything to me that I didn't want. I had chosen a different life then his abuse.
"Liliya, I miss you. Your mother and I miss you. I came all the way from Georgia to find you. You must at least talk to me," he begged, reaching for me, and I flinched automatically.
"Stay away from me!" I hissed. I turned on my heel and escaped into the building, slamming the door behind me. Please go away, I prayed, my stomach dropping. I didn't know what his temper would be, and I didn't want to test it.
I took the stairs three at a time and practically fell into my apartment. I slammed the door behind me and locked it. I backed away from the door, breathing hard.
I had literally just ran away from my problem.
I took a deep, calming breath and closed my eyes. I was okay, everything was okay. I opened my eyes and swallowed as my anxiety rolled forward.
Oh God, what if he came after me again? I would call the police. I wasn't going back with him, I wouldn't make it in that life anymore.
I shook my head.
I needed my pills.
I hurried to my room and jerked open my night drawer, grabbing my pills out. I headed to the bathroom and stuck my glass under the faucet, quickly filling it halfway with water. I downed it and my pills, my hands shaky.
How did he find me? I wondered, bracing my hands on the sink. I stared down at my rings, they gleaming in the light. Did he follow Danny? Why won't he just leave me ALONE?
Angrily, I swept my hand to the side, and my glass went flying to the side, shattering.
I sighed. Now why did I do that?
I leaned down to pick up all the pieces My phone rang, and I reached for it.
Andy.
I answered. "Hey."
"Hey. Sorry I haven't called," I glanced at the time. It was just now dusk.
"No big deal. What's up?"
"Has CC talked to you?"
"Yeah!" I brightened. I'd almost forgotten about that. I started piling the glass pieces together. "He did! Thank you so much! That is such an opportunity!"
He laughed. "I'm glad you agree. I was hoping you'd be excited." "
Beyond," I told him. "Shit!" I dropped the piece of glass as it sliced through my finger.
"Leah?"
"Yeah, sorry. I cut myself on some glass," I sighed, and rifled hastily for a bandaid. My head jerked as I heard someone at the door.
"Don't hurt yourself," Andy started in my ear as I rose. I felt my shackles rise, and I hesitantly left my bathroom.
I pressed my phone to my shoulder as I stepped in the kitchen, staring at the front door as it rattled. Fear drove up my spine.
"Liliya, open this fucking door!"
Oh no. No no no not this again. I backed up until I was in my bedroom. Surely he couldn't break down the door, right? It was locked. He couldn't be that angry.
What do I do? I wondered frantically, clutching my phone in my hand. Maybe he would just go away if I ignored him.
I could hear Andys voice saying my name again, and I started to raise the phone to my ear. "Andy, I have to go ---." I started.
The door suddenly busted.
"Liliya, dammit to hell!" I nearly passed out right there as the door, my literal only protection, fell to the apartment floor.
"Get out of here!" I cried, unable to budge from the doorway. "Before I call the police!"
"How dare you speak to me this way?" Romochka shouted at me. His face was red and his eyes that indescribable black.
"Get out!"
"You are my wife, Liliya!" he took several steps toward me, and I stepped back, my face frozen. Don't react, my mind screamed at me. If you react, it'll only be worse. Don't show any emotion, Leah. Please.
"Get out," I whispered, unable to move again.
"I came thousands of miles to see you, do you really think a simple get out would stop me? I love you. We're supposed to be married." he edged closer to where I stood, rooted to the spot. "I can forgive you for wanting some freedom. Even the scarring of your skin and the dot on your nose. But I will not have insolence from you." His voice was soft, menacing. I think he'd learned the tone from my mother; he knew exactly how to frighten me, making me feel small and disobedient, just like she did.
"I'm not anything to you, " my voice was a squeak. "I'm not your wife, I left. I left because I couldn't stand that life!" My voice grew stronger. "I am not your wife, Romochka, and this is not Russia! I don't belong to you or her! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Anger mottled across his face and he lunged forward. I slammed my bedroom door, and ran for the bathroom. I shut it hastily, and looked down at my phone.
At some point I had ended the call with Andy, and that was good. He didn't need to hear any of this; Romochka was my problem, my shame, not anyone elses.
"Open the goddamn door and come out here before I break it down!" I whimpered, my shoes crunching on broken glass as I backed against the shower.
Dont be afraid, Leah, I told myself. You have to face him. Talk him down. Make it to the door and onto the street, and you'll be safe. Call the police
. Fuck, do something instead of cower.
"I'll come out," I suddenly called, "but you must calm down."
"Fine," I heard him say after a few moments.
I didn't trust that for a second.
I clutched my phone, palms sweaty, and slowly stepped out of the bathroom. I took a few tentative steps to my bedroom door. "Get back or I won't come out."
I heard him step away. I took a breath. I jerked open the door before I lost my nerve, gazing at Romochka as he stood in front of the kitchen table. He was breathing heavily, his fists clenched by his side.
I cast my eyes behind him briefly, seeing the fallen door. At least I could get out easily.
"Please, Romochka, let's not fight," I pleaded, edging to the side. If I had to I could make it to Vales room down the hall.
"I don't want to fight with you, Liliya. I want you to come home. I hate that you drive me to such violence," he explained, splaying his hands outward. "Why do you do this to me?"
"It's not my fault," I snapped thoughtlessly. His face flashed again, and he went to grab me. I dodged and took off for the door desperately.
I gave a yowl as he grabbed my hair as I swept by, and he jerked me back.
"Let go of me!" I screeched, and I turned painfully. My fist collided with his face, and oh my God did it hurt. No one told you how much it hurt to actually hit someone. It shocked him enough that he released me, and I bolted again.
"Insolent bitch!" I climbed over the door and made a futile effort to get in the hallway. Romochka grabbed the back of my shirt and drug me back, and I fought him. I punched and kicked, but it was like hitting a brick wall; I was hurting myself more than him.
His grip was like iron on my arm.
"Stop this foolishness," he hissed at me, and jerked me around until I was facing him, staring holes at his chest. I glanced around desperately for something to hit him with, adrenaline and fear making my breathing erratic. He was going to hurt me, he wouldn't let me go peacefully, I needed to get out of here!
"Let me go!" I shouted at him, writhing at his grip.
I anticipated his smack, but it hurt just as much. I gasped, my cheek stinging painfully.
he wrapped his thick fingers around my upper arms and shook me slightly. "Living out here has brought the demon of defiance in you," he shouted at me. "You should never have left home! I am taking you back!"
I would rather die. I looked up at him, and I think he could see it in my face. I narrowed my eyes. He would have to drag my dead body back to that town. I would never go willingly.
"Go to hell," I hissed.
he gave a growl, and I tried to dodge his next attack. Still, it left my head ringing and me hitting the floor. Wood floors were not as soft a landing as carpet, but at least I didn't get a burn like this, I thought inanely, slightly stunned from the blow. Between him and Mother, I had learned the difference well.
"No!" I screamed as he dragged me back to him, my eyes starting to tear. No, no, no! I couldn't let him win, I couldn't go back. This isn't what life was supposed to be like.
He pulled me to my knees, and I tried to hold in my sobs, knowing it would only make it worse.
"Aw, little Liliya, crying again," he sneered at me.
He was gripping my wrists so tightly I thought they would break. He drug me to my feet, and my legs shook.
"We're going home, " he told me, and started to drag me to the door.
"No!" the word tore itself from my throat. I jerked at my wrist; I would break every bone in my arm before I went with him.
"Liliya!"
"Fuck. Off!" I screamed at him.
He shoved me, and I fell back against the floor, my head snapping.
Everything went black.

Notes