The Devil in the Mirror

Rose's POV:

Chris took a deep breath and began, his voice faltering slightly, "I just want you to know, that I am so sorry Rose. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just need for you to know that. And I'm not just apologizing for hitting you," he winces,"but I'm also sorry for being a dick this past week."

I laugh despite the million of emotions and thoughts swirling about my head. "Yeah, you really fucked up, haven't you?"

He sighs and tugs unconsciously at his black hair, "I guess you could say that."

"Okay, so what do you want to do now?" I ask,surprising him.

"What do you mean?" H stutters out, "are you planning on forgiving me?" He asks, hope filling his beautiful brown eyes.

I shrug, and his look of hopefulness falls, "I think I know what i want to do, but again, I'm not the only one in this relationship. What you want and how you feel matters just as much."

"I want you back, more than anything. I want to go back to the time before I started acting like an asshole to you. I want to be the person you need and can rely on." He confesses, and despite my brain telling my feelings no, my heart flutters at his words.

"I haven't left, not yet anyways. Today has been quite stressful for me, and well, I think I've earned a complete confession as to what the hell has happened to us, and why," I demand, forcing him to meet my gaze.

Chris nods, although his eyes are silently wishing I hadn't asked him of that. But I can't and will not take it back, I need to know what's been going on with him, and why. If we are ever going to work as a couple, we need to both trust each other, and be confident enough to talk to each other. I feel like the distance between us while I'm at school has shielded us from that fact, but now that we've crossed the path, I need to find out what's at the end of the road.

"I saw you and Biersack the other day," he blurts out, and my eyes widen. I had not expected this at all.

"what?" I all I can manage.

"The other day, at my apartment. I saw you and him, he was comforting you, and you kissed."

I remain silent, unsure of how to even speak at the moment. I was afraid he would find out, I guess I hurt him just as much as he, me.

"At first, I thought about telling you that I saw, but then I thought you would tell me. But the you didn't and I got angry. I had thought of telling you that I knew, but I us to work out so much, I've loved you since the day we met on the BVB bus last tour. And well, I guess i just kinda lost it. Every time I saw you, I just saw you and Biersack, and it made me sick. So I started drinking to try and erase the image and the pain, but it just wouldn't, so I got a bit out of control. Thats' why I pushed you away so much. And well, tonight when I saw you in his bus, wearing his clothes, I was silently furious. Then he told me what happened, and while i felt terrible for what happened to you, I was a bit upset that he rescued you," he takes a deep breath, "and we got into a fight. We've argued a lot this tour so far already, and it just keeps getting worse."

My heart aches for him, this is all my fault. If Andy and I hadn't kissed, then Chris wouldn't have had a reason to get angry. We would of been on better terms, and non of tonight would have happened. This is all my fault. I'm such an awful person.

"Andy comforted me after you guys showed up, saying you were going our drinking. It scared me, since you usually don't drink, and well, you know that I can't drink legally. Hey was just helping me cope with that, since I was getting very emotional and such. Then we just ended up kissing, ad I'm sorry for that. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to lose another chance at happiness, which is what I was when I was with you. It was selfish, and terrible, and now I'm begging you for your foreignness," I laugh a humourless laugh, "I'm so fucked up."

"Hey, no you aren't. We both kinda fucked up our relationship, but I need to know, what do you want to do about our relationship?"

I sigh, ""I still love you, I've always loved you I think. Deep down, I could never stop. I hate being away from you, even for a little bit," I breathed, tears threatening to spill from my grey eyes.

He reached across the space and gently caught the crystalline tears, frowning slightly at them. But then a beautiful smile ignited upon his face, and he leaned over, so our foreheads were touching.

"Does that mean, you'll give s another chance?" Chris asks, hope rising in his expression.

I think about it for a moment, just to draw out the suspense, though I already know my answer. I have since the day I met him, since the day he saved me.

"I love you so much," I whisper, "I'll always be yours."

Chris grins and pulls me into his lap, pressing our lips together passionately. I pull away before anything can come of it, and tug on his hand, rising from his lap.

"Let's go to bed, this day has been awfully exhausting," I whine lightly, making him smirk.

"Alright, babe. I love you." He pecks my nose and I scrunch my face up, making him laugh.


We settle into his bunk comfortably, and I instantly fade into darkness, his soothing voice lulling me to sleep quickly. My dreams aren't filled with glowing sunsets along the beach. They're full of her. And she's everywhere.

She's back, and slowly coming in for the kill.

"Nobody cares about you," she whispers, "you're a waste of space, a liability. People pity you, that's why they stay. And when they get sick of your attention whore nature, they leave, why else would so many people abandon you?" She hisses in my ear. "You can't get rid of me, I am you. And I'm not stopping until your heart is cold and still in your chest," she purrs, shivers running down my spine.

"No, go away," I mumble, tossing and turning in Chris and I's shared bunk. "Leave me alone, don't do this to me," I beg, but she refuses to comply.

"You're mine, and I can't wait to spill even more of your blood. You'll wish you never woke from your coma, because know everybody else wishes you'd just say unconscious."

"Stop!" I shake, and my eyes fly open.

That must've been the worst one yet, I saw nothing. I was surrounded in total darkness, not a single light to guide me to safety. Her cold voice echoed everywhere, and I couldn't move, I was paralyzed, while she hissed negative things to me, I shrunk into a tight ball. Rocking back and forth while she laughs wickedly around me. Right before I woke, I saw her chilling eyes, identical to my own, but corrupted by darkness.

I stilled from my trembling, and cautiously crawled over Chris, removing his arms from my waist. I agilely leapt from the bunk, sneaking to my old bunk, and searching my things until I found it.

It had gone unused or months, cold and a smudge of dried blood stained the cool metal, but otherwise unchanged. I held the small object in my hand tightly, how could something so seemingly small cause so much damage?

That night, that tortured and horrid night, I found my razor blade. And that night, I was dragged back into the dark world of my subconscious, where pain is bliss, and happiness doesn't exist.

Notes

See how I did that little rhyming thingy there? Good huh?

Very interesting chapter, tots of stuff happened. Some good, some bad. Chris and Rose are back together, although I think she shouldn't, and she started cutting herself again.

Now, Rose never cut herself while she and Andy were dating, but as soon as she and Chris get back together the night he abused her, and she was almost raped, she decided to go back to her old habits? Hmm, something is going on here.
And the darkness is back, and stronger than ever from what it seems like, I'm actually pretty worried about her. I hope she's okay...

Maybe if you guys ask nicely, you can have another update tonight :)

qotd: song you are currently obsessed with?

for me, it has to be:

If these sheets were the states by All Time Low

p.s
who predicted that Rose would go back to Chris?