My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's POV:

I sighed and we went to the kitchen. Ashley knew that something was wrong with me and I couldn't hide it anymore. I grabbed a cup of coffee and handed him one as well. My hands were shaking and I could barely breathe.

”What can be that bad?” he said smiling as he sat on one of the chairs.

I swallowed hard and poured some whiskey in the coffee to gain some courage.

”Yesterday I was at my ex boyfriend's grave. That's a story for another time.” I said and he nodded.

”For the first time in 7 months I actually cried. For four fucking hours. Anyway, I got home and I got changed. I thought that no one was home so that's why I had no shirt on. I found Andy in the basement and he kinda comforted me because he knew I had been crying.”

”Ok...What happened next?” He asked calmly but I saw that his expression changed.

I took a deep breath as I finished my whiskey-coffee and I poured myself a big glass of whiskey. By then, my hands were shaking like crazy and I felt suffocated. I had to tell him. I had to respect that promise. Suck it, Nikki and just tell him!!

”We sang and I felt better. And then I hugged him..”

”And?”

”And... he kissed me” I said and I looked at the floor.

I saw his fist clenching around the cup of coffee as he calmly, motioned for me to continue.

”I pulled back and I said that we can't do this. And then he kissed me back and I lost it and we did stuff....” I said quickly praying that the ground will open and will swallow me.

”What do you mean by stuff, Nikki?” he said as he stood up.

”I mean... You know, stuff...”

”Are you saying that you had sex with him?” He asked angry.

”No no no... I mean I... He-”

”He fingered you or what?!” he snapped.

I looked down not being able to meet his gaze. I was so ashamed in this moment. I hurt him and I hurt myself by letting Andy have his way with me.

”I can't believe this! You made a promise, Nikki! You made a fucking promise that we will talk!” he yelled at me.

”What it looks like I'm doing here?! I'm talking” I spat.

”There's no point. You already did it! What's the point in talking if there is nothing to talk about?!”

”Ashley, I was in a very bad mental state. And I was drunk too and-”

”So, that means the next time you're like that you will do it again?!” he shouted.

”No. Listen to me, Ashley. What happened last night doesn't change what I feel for you” I said and I grabbed his cheeks making him look at me.

”What do you feel for me, Nikki?! What the fuck do you feel for me when in the second I'm not there you jump into my best friend's arms??! How can you even say that you feel something for me?!” he yelled and pushed my hands away.

”Because I do, you fucking bastard! I really do” I said and my voice cracked.

I felt the tears streaming down my face as my whole body started to shake uncontrollably.

”I'm sorry, Ashley...” I whispered looking down.

He took two steps towards me and I lifted my gaze. He raised his hand as if he wanted to caress my cheek but he stopped.

”I can't even look at you right now...” he whispered and turned away.

My heart broke into million pieces. I destroyed everything. Only because I couldn't control myself. Now Ashley hates me and he probably hates Andy too. Right now, I didn't care about me but the thought that I might've been destroyed their band made me feel sick. The door opened and Andy stepped in. I was too shocked to realize that Ashley punched his jaw hard.

”Hope you had fun last night, Andrew!” he yelled and exited the kitchen slamming the door shut.

A sharp pain shot through my knees as I fell on them. Through my blurry vision, I saw Andy running towards me.

”Get away from me!” I wanted to scream but all that came out was a hoarse whisper.

He ignored me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders sitting next to me. My body was numb and the tears were flooding my cheeks.

”I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Nikki” he whispered stroking my hair.

I looked at him. His blue eyes were watery and he had a busted lip. I could already see his jaw was slowly swelling but I didn't care.

”This is only your fault! Why couldn't you stay away from me?! Why did you have to do this?” I managed somehow to yell at him.

I punched his chest still crying hoping that he would feel a glimpse of all the pain I was feeling right now. He just let me hit him and when I got tired, my head fell back on his chest and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders again.

”I know. This is all my fault. I'm sorry, Nikki. But I'm here... I'm here” he said trying to comfort me but that only made me angrier.

”I don't want YOU to be here. I want him. I want only HIM. And he just walked out! He just left me, like everybody else!” I screamed and punched his chest again.

Ashley's POV:

”I don't want YOU to be here. I want him. I want only HIM. And he just walked out! He just left me, like everybody else!” I heard Nikki scream.

I felt awful for leaving her like that. When I heard her saying those words I just wanted to run back in the kitchen and tell her that I would never leave her. But I couldn't. I was too hurt by what she did. I knew that Andy would make a move on her, but I didn't expected her to give in.

I looked at Kaylie and the guys who heard everything. Kaylie walked to me and gave me a hug but I couldn't return it. My body felt numb. I felt heartbroken, betrayed by Nikki and my best friend. I somehow, appreciate the fact that she told me but the damage was already done. Jinxx and CC looked at me with pity in their eyes and that pissed me off even more.

”Take me to a bar. Not where you work. Another one” I said to Kaylie as she pulled away.

”Ashley-”

”No, I'm fine. Just take me to a bar. I need to get out of here.” I said and I went to get changed.

What the fuck was wrong with me?! I allowed myself to care and it happened again. I got cheated again! But this time... This time it really hurt. Not like it hurt when I found out about Kina. This time hurt so much more. And I didn't want to feel anything about her. I just wanted to drown myself in alcohol and fuck all the fake breasted blonde sluts I could get. Just like old times. That's it!! No more feelings, Ashley Fucking Purdy is back!

Notes

I felt kinda sad writing this chapter...

Anyway... Comment and let me know what you think... I noticed that I don't get so many comments as I used to and this thing kinda upsets me...

Love ya xxxx