This Is Our Sweet Blasphemy

I woke up the next day with the ground colliding against my face. At least I thought it was the next day. I opened my eyes by an inch and checked the red clock; it read 11:53. ‘So much for wanting to avoid my midnight meeting.’ I thought to myself as I rolled over and sat up, checking my surroundings.

Checking my surroundings was pointless since the only light source was coming from a small lamp somewhere in the corner of the room. I could barely see the person next to me who was fast asleep on the couch, with slight little snores coming from his mouth as his chest went up and down according to his breathing. Apart from his snores and my heavy breathing the place was silent.

My skin was starting to get really cold from the white tiled floor so I got up carefully, desperately trying not to touch anything so I wouldn’t ending up breaking something and waking Alex. I gazed over him, he looked cute when he slept, all curled up. It was probably because of him I fell from the couch though. His body was taking up all the space and I was left with only a few centimeters, no wonder I woke sooner than two hours, I would never survive an entire night on that small couch with him.

No wonder why Jack left him. If they slept together he’d end up on the floor.

Okay that was mean.

I needed to be able to at least see a few feet in front of me but I was afraid the light would wake the curled up boy on the couch so I tried my best in moving with only my arms reaching out in front of me to prevent myself from having my face meet with a wall.

I ended up hitting a few things unknown on my way out of the living room which I was sure would leave a light purple mark on my legs. Once Alex was out of sight, I let my hands explore the walls in search of a light switch. The walls were unbelievably smooth; I trailed my fingers on the surface and finally found the switch I was searching for. My fingers lingered on the button for a moment as I prayed for this not to be a switch for something else. As I pressed it I closed my eyes tightly and the white light flashed, the brightness coming through my eyelids. I growled internally at the light that was far too bright for my liking after being in almost complete darkness for a fair amount of time.

As I opened my eyes carefully, they adjusted to the light and I was able to see everything I didn’t pay attention to when I got here yesterday. I couldn’t enjoy the architecture for long though, if I were going to meet with Andrew, I’d need to go now.

With that thought in mind I continued to just stand there; thinking if I should go and face that beautiful devil or stay here and forget my responsibilities and problems. I looked down the hallway filled with doors; in one of these doors was a bedroom with a bed and that sounded really inviting to me at the moment. I sighed internally as I walked over to a small table with a baby blue bowl and took the keys to Alex’s car, along with his house keys.

***
I approached the giant, old building and sighed. I guess there was no turning back now. I checked the digital clock on the radio; 12:15. I was late but regarding the circumstances I wasn’t that worried. In my opinion I was even early.

I wasn’t much of a driver to be honest, back in the states I only drove when I really needed to, when my friend was extremely drunk for example. I’d prefer taking the bus or taxi instead of driving myself somewhere; it just wasn’t worth the trouble I guess. Although I was nineteen, my parents never gave me a car. Probably because part of them thought I’d run away and leave them without any grandchildren that they’d be able to put all their hopes on in becoming the next Pope; which was true, if I had the chance I would have left that damned house and small city in a heartbeat. I had expected driving on the other side of the road to be confusing here in London but since I didn’t even enter a car that much anywhere else, I still wasn’t familiar with the roads so I didn’t end up on the wrong side.

I came to a stop in front of the back gates, nearest to the church and gazebo. As I got out of the car, the cold wind hit me and I realized how stupid I was to go out to someone else’s house without even thinking of bringing a jacket. In addition, the school uniform I was wearing was appearing to be much thinner than usual.

I was opening the gates quickly although trying to remain silent, and hurried in, shutting the gate door behind me. The first thing I did was look at the gazebo; I couldn’t see anything inside but then again I couldn’t see anything at all due to the darkness of the midnight hour. I approached the little place in a steady pace, not wanting to run there because the wind would only blow harder, but also not wanting to spend any more time in the cold. As I neared the entrance of the gazebo I could faintly make out a sort of really big red blob on the floor in one of the corners. As I got closer and closer I saw that that red blob was actually a bright red blanket that was wrapped around a body.

I was now standing in front of the red blanket and the body that was curled up under it. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. I was extremely mad at him though he didn’t fail to make my stomach tie in knots at his cuteness. His raven black hair was messy and his face pale from being exposed to the cold, his lips were red, as if all his blood rushed there to keep his lips warm for someone special; the urge to kiss them was like a child being left alone in a room with exactly one marshmallow sitting untouched on a table in front of him.

The child in me really wanted that marshmallow.

I crouched down next to him and brushed a few wild strands of hair out of his face, when my fingers grazed against his skin I felt how cold he was. I needed to get him inside before he’d freeze to death. I shook him softly.

“Andy, Andy, wake up.” I could start feeling him stir. He made a face before opening his eyes which I had to bite my tongue to not burst out in a fit of laughter. He was so cute when he was waking up it hurt. I eventually let out a small giggle though.

His eyes were fully open now and I gazed into his blue orbs that would be the color of the cold wind if the cold wind had any color. He gave me a small smile and shuffled around a bit, he ended up crossed legged in front of me with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Without a word he extended his arms, revealing his body that looked ridiculously warm compared to his pale face. The wind was playing with my hair, making it look wild and my only retreat was the boy’s arms.

I snuggled beside him and ended up sitting in his lap as he closed the blanket, trapping me in warmth. I didn’t want to end up with my face freezing so I dug into the crook of his neck with my head resting on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and we stayed there for a fair amount of time before he put his mouth next to my ear and whispered as if we were surrounded by people and he wanted to tell me a secret.

“I’m freezing, can we please go inside now?” it was as if someone had punched me in the gut, my breath was taken away; I had almost forgotten how his voice sounded when he was next to me.

I hadn’t realized before but I had shut my eyes, the only way I’d remember this moment was by the feelings and sound; the feeling of how warm I was with his arms holding me tightly and his body against mine, the sounds of the wind blowing the leaves and his breathing.

I nodded and we stood, almost falling in the process, which earned a small laugh from Andy as I stumbled, still trying to keep the blanket around me with Andy pressed against me and walk at the same time.

We eventually entered the church after many trippings' and slidings’. We didn’t fall though so that was a plus. Once we were inside the church, Andrew left me with the blanket and went to sit down on one of the front row benches. He looked at me, as if waiting for me to go sit down next to him. The blankets were starting to fall on the floor so I huddled them up to my chest and went over to sit down in front of him.

We stayed there in silence as we warmed up, Andy had his eyes on me and I could feel my cheeks start heating up. Damn this puffy red blanket. I didn’t want to blush in front of the priest, so I unwrapped the blanket and settled it on my lap, and finally looked up to meet Andrew’s petrifying blues. His lips weren’t smiling anymore, they were serious and that made my heart ache, I didn’t like seeing him not laughing.

“I’m sorry for not being able to talk to you this afternoon…” he broke our gaze and starting x-raying the floor.

I nodded and mumbled a small ‘I’m sorry too’ back even though I didn’t exactly know why I was apologizing, it just seemed like the right thing to say at that moment. I continued to look at him while he continued to ignore my gaze. I wanted him to tell me what had happened with Macy; that little thought was eating me alive and I couldn’t bear to not know about it much longer.

He took a deep breath before speaking “Uh, things with Macy are getting bad… fast.” His eyes flickered upon me for a second then went back to looking at the pulpit or whatever object he found to keep his eyes busy and away from me. “Once you left… um.” He stopped and frowned. “Okay look, I don’t know how to say this. So, well, I’ll just say it okay? She made me sleep with her. I mean, we didn’t actually have, you know, sex, but we, like, she touched me and made me touch her.” It was obvious he was uncomfortable saying this and by the shadow that hovered over his face he was regretting everything.

I felt like the clothes back at Alex’s apartment. Like one of his red shirts was my heart that Andy kept stomping on repeatedly with every word he said; left to the side like a rag. I felt betrayed. Every cell in my body just felt like evaporating into thin air and disappearing off the face of the earth. Andy’s eyes landed upon me and his eyes grew wide seeing my face. Probably because me face had fallen like a brick in water. I got up to leave, and I was marching out the church in a huff, a mixture of anger and sadness swelling inside my heart making it heavy. I knew I shouldn’t have come, I knew coming here was a bad idea. Why did I do it anyway? Just to see his beautiful lips speak words that would tear me to shreds? Stupid, stupid, stupid! Ugh, what was I thinking!

I was halfway through the doorway when I felt long fingers yank at my arm and pin me against the wall. I glared at the attractive man that was very close to me but nothing romantic was in his gestures. He was holding me strongly like he couldn’t risk me running out the door, like his life depended of it. I shook myself, trying to get out of his grip. I needed to leave. I needed to get out of here and I most desperately needed an Alex hug.

“Please, no, Victoria!” the moment he shouted my name I froze. Every time he shouted it shook me, the vibrations of his voice made my bones tremble and I knew something was seriously fucked up whenever he shouted. He never shouted, he was always calm, and even when he was really pissed, his voice was calm and that was more frightening than a yelling mad man.

“Vic, please don’t go, you can even sleep in my room if you want. I need you here. I-” he caught himself before saying anything else and his eyebrows shot up slightly at the realization of whatever he was going to say. “Don’t go…”

For one thing, sleeping in his room was a big no-no. It most certainly had been there that he had fucked up with Macy and in no world would I ever sleep in the same bed that that had happened. The other thing was that, even if I did want to stay here, I had Alex’s car with me and I need to give that back, I also didn’t want to leave Alex alone like that. He had been there for me, I wasn’t going to use him, only call him up whenever I needed him. I needed to head back.

“I’m sorry Andrew. I can’t.” I lowered my head as he let go of my arm in defeat. He exhaled as if he had been holding his breath all this time. That was my cue to leave; I passed the door and was already visualizing the way back to Alex’s house. I could feel those icy eyes on me with every step I took.

Notes

I'm kinda proud with this chapter, and i'm also very very excited with the next chapter :) Tell me what you think in the comments ;)