I could feel her shake with rage against my grip, I knew I was holding her tightly but I couldn’t bear for her to leave. She couldn’t leave me. Not now. I needed her with me. “Vic, please don’t go, you can even sleep in my room if you want.” I’m an idiot. What are you thinking brain?! Do you really think she’s going to sleep with you after what you just told her? “I need you here, I-” No, no. Noooo. Don’t say it you dumb dummy. It’s not the time for those words, and how do you know if they’re true anyways? She’s looking at you weird, quick, say something! “Don’t go…” Oh yeah she’s definitely gonna stay now. Nice job brain!

I was still in shock with what had just happened. The moment replayed in my head like a broken disk.

I had almost said those words. I have never said them to anyone else before. They were foreign in my mouth. Something I’ve never felt the need to say before, well, not before I met her, anyway. I felt the need to say those words whenever I was around her, like I needed her to know. I had never felt this urge before, this longing to pronounce just three simple words. It would be the first time I’ve said them, meant them, and wouldn’t be waiting for an answer. It’s not like I would be saying those words just to hear her say them back; I just really wanted her to hear them coming from me and being directed to her.

I had almost said those words. I couldn’t even know if they were true. For all I know it could be a phase. Oh what am I thinking? It wouldn’t just pass away. Things like this don’t just pass away! It’s like having your first kiss. Who cares if it was a bad kiss or the best one ever, you’ll remember it forever. And whenever you see that person again, you’ll remember, and you’ll automatically classify that person as ‘your first kiss.’ You’ll always reply with a simple “My first kiss.” either with a small smile playing on your lips, or a slight look of disgust.It won’t pass away.

The same words that made the back of my throat tingle and my heart flutter like it was about to fly away. Like a butterfly, it flies away to go sail the airs in search of a flower in a majestic beauty only it possesses. My heart was a butterfly and it was ready to jump out of my chest and pose on the hands of a beautiful flower, one that had light blue petals.

Those words were strong. Probably that’s the reason I couldn’t bring myself to say them. It was hard also. She’s 19! What if she’s not ready to hear them? What if she runs away and decides that she never wants to see me again? What if her heart is still aching from another broken promise? Or… what if she doesn’t do anything at all, if she just stands there in front of me with her doe eyes and slowly walks away with nothing else to say? That would break me.

Did she even know where she was going when she stepped out those doors? Did she even know how bad I felt inside? How badly my butterfly was trying to reach that flower but couldn’t because it suddenly started snowing like a motherfucker?

No, I wasn’t falling for her. I was tumbling and rolling down to hell, breaking every bone in my body.

I had almost said those words. Oh, how desperate I was to hear her say them back…

I am in love with Victoria Adams. And she just left me.

Notes

Arggg very short chapter.. Back to school :/ I hope you guys have an awesome 2015 btw :)