“Cheating on you? Harper I’ve never cheated on any of my partners.” Ashley asked in a shocked voice.
“Then who answered your phone when I first called?” I asked brokenly.
Ashley stayed silent.
“Ashley, who was it?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you. You’d hate her and me.” Ashley said.
“I knew it. I’m not going to go all crazy ex-girlfriend on you. I’m not that kind of girl.” I said feeling like my world was falling apart. “I can’t believe you.”
“Did you just say ex-girlfriend?” Ashley gasped in horror.
“There is no relationship without trust.” I said looking out at the lit up city.
“But you don’t trust me enough to believe that I’d never cheat on you.” Ashley said cruelly.
“You already admitted there was a girl in here with you while I was gone!” I exploded.
“I didn’t say I slept with her!” Ashley shouted.
“Fine. Tell me her name.” I challenged.
“… I already told you I can’t do that.” Ashley said miserably.
“Then I guess I can’t be with you.” I said the cold dread in my stomach settling in.
Ashley’s eyes were rimmed red as he glared at me. “Why is that?”
“I just told you, you don’t trust me.” I snapped at him. “Ashley I love you, I really do. B-but I j-just can’t trust you when you won’t even admit to—“
“Don’t You Fucking Dare tell I cheated again Harper. I swear to god I didn’t.” Ashley snarled.
“You don’t even believe in god whats the point in swearing on his name?” I said for lack of anything else.
“Don’t bring religion into this Harper. Harper please, don’t leave me. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. You can’t leave me.” Ashley pleaded as a tear slipped down his smooth cheek. “I can’t remember anything I’ve ever done before that would explain your lack of faith in me. I’ve always done my best to be there for you. I took care of you when you were sick, I took you to your various appointments, I t-tried to support our baby, and when Andy would bitch about you I always took your side. I don’t know what more you want me to do to prove my worth.”
“I never said you did. Until now. Ashley I want to believe you but I can’t shake this feeling in my gut. I’ve always gone with my feelings, I’ve always been ruled by my emotion. Maybe this is just me being immature but I’m only 18. If you really loved me wouldn’t you tell me the girl’s name? Please?” I said pleadingly.
“I promised I wouldn’t tell you, I’m not going to tell you. Harper, is it me? I can change I swear. You hate my drinking? I’ll become sober. You hate my porn addiction, I’ll get help. You hate how much I cuss? I’ll wash my mouth out with soap. But please Harper you cannot leave me. You’re the only person that has put up with me like this. I don’t know if Andy’s ever told you but my parents died when I was really young. First my mother committed suicide when I was 5 because her depression was so bad. My father blamed me for it. And he abused me. He beat me even when I got good grades. When I would misbehave you know what he did? He locked me in a dark dirty horse stall all night whether it was cold or not. There were nights I didn’t think I would make it. Until one day I was pulled out of school by my grandmother and she said he had hung himself in our living room. I’ve never been able to forgive myself. IF I hadn’t been born none of this would have happened. But you Harper, you are the only one who has made me forget the horrors of my childhood and remind me that no matter what you go through there is always someone you can rely on that loves you no matter what. You are that person to me Harper and I’d sooner thrown myself out the window than have you walk out that door. I’m begging you Harper. Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll let you go. Go on tell me to my face that you hate me, that I’m nothing to you, tell me that if I jumped out that window you wouldn’t care and I’ll let you go. Go on.”
I was shocked to say the least. The look of loathing and soul crushing guilt that flooded Ashley’s beautiful brown eyes was heartbreaking for me. Why was I being such a bitch? I wanted to crawl into Ashley’s arms and tell him how much he meant to me. I wanted to tell him that he meant the world to me and if he died I’d literally die of heartbreak. I wanted to tell him that if I could make all this go away with a snap of my fingers that I would.
But I couldn’t.
Whatever wall of mistrust that had grown inside of me loomed inside dark and angry. I wanted to rip down that wall with my bare hands if it meant staying with Ashley. But the feeling in my stomach was so overpowering it made me dizzy.
“Tell me.” Ashley hissed.
“I can’t.” I said in a defeated voice. “Ashley, whatever wall that has come between us I want to fix. I want it to be gone. But I can’t I can’t” my voice broke. “I can’t trust you not when all I can remember is that girl’s voice. Echoing in my head over and over again. Taunting me. Torturing me. I’m sorry Ashley but I think it’s time for a break. Maybe we got physical too fast, maybe we should have taken our time. But the damage is done and I can’t move past it right now. I need a break and I’ll let you know when I want to come back.”
“A break…” Ashley sighed but there was a light of hope in his eyes. “Can you promise me that you’ll come back to me?”
“I can’t promise anything because I can’t even figure out my heart and feelings right now. But I can tell you that what we had I won’t forget. I don’t want to forget it.” My voice shook with emotion.
“I don’t know if I’m prepared to wait.” Ashley said. “What if I’m not waiting when you decide to come back?”
“Then I’ll know that I fucked up my life really bad. But what else is new. And you’ll have the satisfaction of rubbing your newfound lucky love in my face.”
“Harper,” Ashley said slowly.
“I’ll be over to pick my stuff up later tonight.” I said quickly as I neared tears. “I didn’t want this to happen Ash… b-b-but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me and i-isn’t truthful with me.”
It shattered my heart to say those words. I couldn’t believe I had said them.
“Harper please,” Ashley pleaded as a tear slipped out of his eye. “I love you. I’d never hurt you!”
“But yet here you are!” I snapped at him. “It’s okay Ashley I get it. Just please stop. You’ve always supported any decisions I’ve made. I’m not asking you to support me now but I’m asking that you accept it. I promise we’ll still be friends. But not lovers. Goodbye Ashley.”
Ashley just looked at him as I said these words. Standing on tiptoe I leaned up and chastely pressed my lips to his. He didn’t kiss me back and he didn’t react at all. All he did was look at me with stone hard eyes. I hated doing this to him. And I hated that wall that rose up inside me. But mostly I hated myself.
I couldn’t believe what I just did as I walked out of our apartment and into the hall not knowing just how badly I had fucked up,
But then again what else is new?
The End.

Notes

FINAL CHAPTER!
This fanfic was kinda short now that i think of it... O.o ahaha XD
Anywho hope you enjoyed!!
Please leave comments telling me what you think ;)
Thanks!