Bullets in a Music Box

The blankets were wrapped tightly around my body and my eyes were closed. Tears fell down my face silently as I laid there. It was around three in the morning and we’ve been on the road for two or so hours now. Zara wanted to watch movies with me, but after the concert, I climbed into this bunk and have basically been crying ever since. With my arms under the covers, I absentmindedly scratched at my wrists. It was a habit I had when I was a teenager, instead of cutting, I scratched my wrists. It was equally as bad, but left less damage.

Something inside of me was hurting, like a burning hurt not an emotional hurt. It was weird. I opened my eyes and looked at the wall of the bunk. I can’t sleep. While wrapping the blanket even tighter around me, I climbed out of the bunk and looked toward the back, the band was sleeping, but I could just barely see Andy in the back lounge. A sigh and turn towards the front. I walked out to the couch and curled up on the couch before grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. I need noise, that’s what I need.

From the bunk area, I heard someone walking around and making some noise. I bit the inside of my mouth and pulled the blanket tighter around me. It has been a solid eighteen hours since I told Andy and we haven’t spoken since then. Every minute that passes, the more numb I feel. From the bunk area appeared Callum. He was in his lounge pants and a t-shirt. He sat down next to me and sighed.

“Can’t sleep?” I asked quietly and he looked at me.

“Yeah, I keep thinking about Lucy and Ryley,” he said.

“That’s expected,” I said.

“I know but tomorrow is mine and Lucy’s fifth anniversary, and I’m going to be in Canada, well I guess it’s actually today,” he said.

“Oh, well, are you gonna skype her today?” I asked.

“I want to, but we have that radio interview, and then the show immediately after with the meet and greet and shit. I’m not going to have time till like midnight,” he said.

“But where she is it’ll be like nine at night,” I said. He sighed and crossed his arms.

“That’s not the point though,” he said.

“Well, what is the point?” I asked.

“It’s that I’m not spending my wedding anniversary with my wife, when I’ve spent all the rest with her,” he said.

“We can both wallow in our self pity today,” I said.

“We can. And speaking of that, is that Andy in the back lounge?” He asked.

“It is. I don’t know what he’s doing. And I don’t want to bother him cause that might be a bad idea,” I said.

“Might be a bad idea, Sadee, it is a terrible idea. You want me to go see what’s up?” He asked and I shook my head.

“No, I know what’s wrong, I just, I don’t know,” I said and looked down at my lap.

“Are you cold?” He asked.

“Not cold, just need to feel something around me,” I shrugged and he nodded.

“You’ve been crying,” he said.

“Well yeah, but I stopped, all on my own, be proud of me,” I said.

“I am, you just, are you sure you’re okay?” He asked. I bit the inside of my lip and then became aware of what my hands were doing.

“Probably not, but, I’m not a melted puddle of tears, so that’s something,” I said.

“Sadee, I know about your past, are you okay?” He asked. I looked at him and shrugged.

“I’m not cutting myself, if that is what you are implying,” I said.

“Good, cause if you were, I would have marched right back there to Andy and told him,” he said.

“We need to get some sleep,” I said.

“No, we should get some sleep, but we both know that’s not going to happen, so let’s watch a movie,” he said and got off the couch to grab a movie. As he shuffled through the movies, I loosened the blanket because I was getting warm. Then I watched as Callum put a movie into the DVD player.

“What did you choose?” I asked.

“Monsters Inc.,” he smiled and I rolled my eyes before fixing them on the screen. Might as well watch the movie, get in a few laughs.


A few hours later, at around seven, my eyes fluttered open when someone was shaking my shoulder. When they did open, I saw Zara standing there.

“Yeah?” I asked while stretching.

“While you and Callum look comfy, we have a radio interview in like a half hour,” she said. I sighed before getting off the couch and walking back to the bunk. As I got there, or got closer, I saw Andy was grabbing something. I bit the inside of my lip as he glanced over and smiled.

“Are you scared to talk to me?” He asked.

“No, I’m just, gonna be late,” I said.

“No you’re not, BVB has an interview right after your band,” he crossed his arms. Inside of me I was fighting the urge to start crying, and I’m guessing that Andy knew that cause he dropped his arms and just looked at me.

“I need to get dressed,” I said and pushed past him and to my suitcase. I grabbed a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt and changed quickly. Long sleeve in the summer you ask? I glanced at my wrists and saw some raw spots. I have to hide it. As I walked out of the bathroom, CC walked past and smiled.

“Nice shirt,” he said. I looked down and smiled, it’s my Harry Potter shirt. Didn’t notice that. I kept biting the inside of my mouth as I fixed my hair and went to the couch area. Andy was sitting on the couch and I sighed. It’s I either sit next to him or stand. Fuck.

“Hey Sadee, can we talk in the back lounge?” I heard Jon ask. My shoulders dropped and I turned to him. We walked into the back lounge and Jon closed the door.

“What’s up Jon?” I asked as I sat down.

“I called Tyler,” he said. My mouth dropped and I stared at him.

“And what did you say?” I asked.

“I said that Jackson is causing troubles for the tour and that it is interfering with the shows,” he sighed.

“Oh, um, what did Tyler say?” I asked.

“Tyler said that Jackson is suspended until the end of the tour. Which means he has no business on the bus. So he’s flying back to LA tonight,” he said.

“Who’s gonna be my bassist?” I asked.

“Well, Tyler is sending out another touring bassist to cover for Jackson,” he said.

“This whole thing is my fault,” I said.

“No it’s not Sadee. Jackson was no where near as drunk as you were, it was completely his fault, and partially mine because I told Andy he couldn’t leave the party,” he said. I leaned my head back and sighed.

“Why does shit always have to happen to me?” I asked.

“It’s life, that’s why. But, you have plenty of people to talk to about anything,” he said. I looked at him and sighed.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean that, I know about your past, you kind of told me while drunk. So I know about the previous self harm and depression. You are depressed, I know you are, do not deny it Sadee. Talk to someone before harming yourself. The last thing I need to deal with is the death of one of my favorite singers,” he told me.

“I’m one of your favorite singers?” I asked.

“You are, and I don’t want to see you hurt yourself. We have a month left of the tour, you think you can make it?” He asked.

“I can make it Jon, physically. Mentally, not so sure, but I will try,” I said. He nodded and held his arms out. I wrapped my own around him and we hugged for a few seconds before leaving the back lounge. The bus had stopped at the station and the others were waiting for me and Jon outside. I walked outside and found Zara, who was holding hands with CC, who was talking to Andy. At that moment, I could care less. I put my hand on Zara’s shoulder and she smiled at me.

“Let’s get this shit over with, and I have a question,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“Where’s Jackson?” She asked. I looked around and took a breath.

“Tyler suspended him for the rest of the tour,” I said.

“What?” She asked.

“Jon called Tyler and said he was causing troubles with the bands and it was interfering with the shows, so Tyler suspended him and we are getting a new bassist tonight,” I said.

“A new bassist that knows our songs, right?” She asked.

“I presume,” I said and we all walked in the building. Zara and CC went in front of me and then it was me, then it was Andy. He was really close to me and I sighed. Normally I would not have cared, but it was weird, cause I know he’s mad. When we got into the building Andy walked past me and I bit the inside of my lip. My hands pulled my sleeves down further and I continued walking. Now he’s avoiding me. Great. I found Zara and stood next to her.

“We are gonna rock this interview, then we’re gonna rock this show and tonight we will geek out with some Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy, okay?” She put her arm around my shoulders.

“Sounds like a plan. But what happened to the plan last night?” I asked.

“Don’t even blame that on me, you decided to go to your bunk. I tried to go after you, but CC and Andy told me no,” she said.

“Andy told you no?” I asked.

“He did. And his exact words were ‘let her be alone. She doesn’t need to be bother, she was crying,’,” she said. I bit the inside of my lip and looked down.

“Okay, it is perfectly fine to cry in this situation. You and Andy will be fine. You just need some space, which is perfectly reasonable,” she said. I nodded and we walked down a hallway towards the booth. When we got there, me, Callum, and Zara were shuffled in and handed headphones. As I shifted in my chair, my eyes glanced up at the window, where Andy was watching me.

“Welcome back Ottawa! I’m Dane Grant and I hope that last song quenched your thirst, because we have two awesome bands here today to answer some questions. The first band is the wonderful, and new, Falling For Fatality. Later we will have the greatest metal band, in my opinion, Black Veil Brides, who are currently on tour with Falling for Fatality and Falling in Reverse. But back to Falling for Fatality, how about you guys introduce yourself and say your job in the band?” He asked.

“Hi, I’m Sadee Christian, I do vocals, and sometimes acoustic guitar,” I smiled.

“I’m Zara Myers! I play drums like a boss,” she giggled and I smiled.

“I’m Callum Ford, I play guitar and I am the mature one of us,” he said.

“Alright guys, I see there is someone missing, where’s Jackson?” Dane asked.

“Jackson had some family issues back home and had to fly back last night, and unfortunately he won’t be joining us for the rest of the tour,” I made it up on the spot and looked up at Jon, who was holding his thumbs up. Then my eyes shifted to Andy, who had his arms crossed and was watching me carefully.

“Well, I hope Jackson’s family is alright. You guys just got here to Ottawa, where were you last?” He asked.

“We were in Philadelphia, PN,” Zara said.

“Philly, good city. So, you guys were originally just Sadee the singer and the touring band, when did you guys decide to become a band?” Dane asked us and I looked.

“It was actually Jackson’s idea. We worked like a band, performed like a band, and were basically a band, so he brought it up and we decided, what the hell?” Callum laughed and I smiled.

“Well, I do have to say, you are all extremely talented, and for being in your early 20s, it’s amazing. Now, you’ve all kind of been doing your thing for a long time, right? How long for each of you?” He asked and looked at me.

“I actually started singing not that long ago, but I’ve always written songs and been more or less into music because of my mom, but singing has just been a thing that I know,” I shrugged and he chuckled.

“Well, you bloomed perfectly, Zara?” He asked.

“I’ve been a drummer for almost ten years. Um, my dad gave me my first drumset when I was thirteen and I took out my emotions on it,” she said.

“You have a double bass drum set, that takes a lot of talent. When did that start?” He asked.

“When I was around eighteen. I spent at least five hours a day working at my drums for five or so years, and it just happened,” she shrugged.

“Interesting, Callum?” Dane asked. I crossed my legs and my knees and pulled at my sleeves, my wrists were starting to itch. Shit, I knew that was a bad idea.

“I have been doing guitar for quite some time, but like Zara, it’s been ten years,” he said.

“Well, we have a talented group here. Let’s jump into the important questions. Um, what type of band are you?” Dane asked.

“Like what kind of music we play?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Oh, um, it’s kind of like a Pierce the Veil vibe, but a tad more rock,” I said.

“Well the world love Pierce the Veil, so they better love you guys,” Dane chuckled and continued. “Now, who writes the songs? And who are they about?”

“I have written all the songs so far, but, I hope we all can in the future. And the songs are about people I know and my experiences,” I said.

“That song Where I Belong, which by the way is amazing, who is that about?” He asked. I looked up at Andy and sighed.

“Well, it was originally written by the talented Andy Biersack for his solo project Andy Black, but the label decided it wasn’t good enough or it didn’t sound right for Andy, so Andy let me sing it, and I think I’ve done well so far,” I said.

“But who’s it about? It’s got some specific lines,” he said.

“I’d rather not disclose that information,” I said and he looked at me before nodded.

“Describe your show. Visually, musically, all the above,” he said.

“Well, visually I think it might be a tad boring. It’s just the four of us on stage, no pyro, no screens, just us jamming out,” I said.

“But we make up for that with the music. Which, in my opinion, is the best part of the night, aside from Black Veil Brides,” she said.

“Alright, we only have a couple more questions for you guys. What’s your outlook on the recording industry today?” He asked.

“In my opinion, record labels are signing artists who don’t necessarily know what they are doing, at least that’s the case in America,” I said.

“What about Universal Republic, they signed you guys,” he said.

“I was previously signed with them, and they know I can sing, and they know that I know what I am doing, we are still working out the contract for the band,” I said.

“What about you two?”

“I agree with Sadee. I’ve been with Universal for a few years now as a touring drummer and I have seen artists come and go. It’s terrible that these people have only one good day and the labels think that’s what they can do,” Zara said.

“I think that the labels can do better with their artists,” Callum said.

“Not fans of the recording industry. Moving on, are you guys planning on recording an album when the tour ends?”

“I hope we can do an EP, that would be nice,” I said.

“It would,” Zara said. Callum nodded and Dane sighed.

“Last questions guys, where are you playing next and why are you excited?”

“We are playing here in Ottawa, tonight. And I am excited because I love performing and I love the crowds,” I said.

“I love drumming so, yeah,” Zara smiled and I chuckled.

“I love the atmosphere of performing, that’s what I am excited for,” Callum said.

“Well, thank you Falling For Fatality for being here with us today. Give my regards to Jackson and his family. After this commercial break we will be back with Black Veil Brides!” Dane said and then we were cleared to move.

“That was a nice interview, thanks for being here,” Dane said. I smiled.

“Thanks for having us Dane,” I said.

“Alright, time for a picture for the wall,” he said and we all surrounded him and got a picture. When I walked out into the hallway and went to go to the bathroom, my arm was grabbed my someone. When I looked up I saw Andy.

“What?” I asked.

“Why were you itching your wrist?” He asked.

“My wrist itched,” I said.

“Sadee,” he said.

“God, why is every damn person worried about me hurting myself?! I’m fine,” I snapped and he held onto my arm.

“Sadee,” he said again, but quieter.

“You said you wanted space, I am trying to give that to you. But you are making that difficult when you keep fucking talking to me,” I said and pulled my arm from him.

“Sorry if I’m worried about my girlfriend,” he said. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“Okay fine. Sorry for snapping. It’s just everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay, or if I’ve hurt myself. No, I haven’t cut myself. I’ve thought about it sure, but I haven’t done it. I am stronger than that. I have gone through too much since I did as a teenager to do it again,” I said.

“Well, the next time you feel like hurting yourself, come talk to me. I might be upset and mad at you, but I still worry about you, and care about you,” he said.

“Fine, whatever. You have an interview,” I said and walked to the bathroom. He is seriously going to be the death of me.

Notes

Okay so, I decided to do a radio interview. And I decided to have Jackson be suspended, BUT! that doesn't mean that Jackson and Andy aren't going to fight eventually, cause I am planning on it. I hope you liked it. And yes Andy seemed not so mad at Sadee, but he still cares about her. And for those who asked why Andy knew they weren't going to break up, I have a plan for why. And Andy loves her too much to leave her. So yes. They are technically separated, but not at the same time. It's really confusing but go with it.

And for the Kerrang Awards, it will be in two parts, one is the whole getting ready for the show and then the preshow carpet thing. Then in the next one it will be the actual show and the after party. I have decided that Sadee, Callum, and Zara are going as a band. And I might kick Jackson out, I haven't quite decided. I myself have come to hate the guy, so yeah. Hope you liked the chapter!!!

QUESTION TIME: I don't really have any specific questions at this time. But keep some ideas coming in, I value your opinion and your ideas!!!

Sadee's Outfit:
http://www.polyvore.com/sadee_bullets_in_music_box/set?id=142812937&lid=3974252

Smiles! (As Always!)