Bullets in a Music Box

The lighting in the hotel room was beginning to give me a headache as I sat at the vanity. Zara was teasing my hair for the awards. I looked down at my hands and noticed the red marks. Shit, I’m wearing a strapless dress, everyone is going to see it. I bit the inside of my lips and began bouncing my leg.

“Alright Sadee, if you don’t stop moving, I’m going to purposely burn off your hair,” Zara said and I looked back up at her through the mirror and she gave me a look.

“Don’t burn the little hair that I have,” I said.

“Then stop moving. And start talking. Something is on your mind,” she said. I sighed and continued to bite the inside of my mouth.

“Sadee Christian, open your mouth. If you think I haven’t noticed your wrists, you are dumb. I’ve been giving you time to open up,” she said.

“I haven’t talked to Andy in a week,” I said.

“I know, it was at the radio interview. How are you handling that?” she asked.

“I’m not. I know I said I’d give him space, but I don’t know if I can do it anymore,” I said and felt tears begin to form.

“Talk to him then,” she said.

“I can’t, he’ll just push past me and pretend I’m not there,” I said.

“Sadee, it’s been almost three weeks now, talk to Andy,” she said. I stared at her through the mirror and she sighed loudly.

“Girl, I will go get him right now if you don’t speak,” she threatened.

“Don’t go get him, I just, want to get through today without crying,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” she said.

“I know,” I muttered and bit my lips. She continued to tease my hair and watch me closely. The last week has sucked. The shows were fine, our new bassist is kinda cool, his name is Jeremy. But being on the bus, and then the plane, was the worst. I sleep in the bunk alone, and I get my own hotel room, which Zara has decided to sleep in with me. Andy avoids me at all costs, as in when we are on the bus and we bump into each other, he will walk right past me without talking. It is killing me inside. I feel like I don’t even have a boyfriend at the moment. A knock on the door distracted me from my thoughts. Zara went and answered it. When she opened the door, Andy was standing there.

“Ah yes, hello, what’s up?” Zara asked. I chuckled and Andy was looking at me.

“Can I talk to Sadee?” He asked.

“Sure, I have to go talk to CC anyways,” she said and he walked in while she left the room. I stayed sitting on the chair while Andy walked over to me.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” I asked.

“Because, I,” he paused and ran his hand through his hair.

“Look, Andy, I know I said I’d give you time, some space, whatever, but I am getting to the point that I can’t handle it anymore,” I said. He looked at me and I looked down at my hands.

“I can’t go a day without crying Andy. Every damn day I am crying, do you know how exhausting that is?” I asked as tears began to fall.

“Sadee, I know I said that I wanted space, and I still kind of do, but,” he stopped and looked down at his hands.

“Andy, what are we?” I asked. He looked up at me and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean? We’re together,” he said.

“Are we? Cause I don’t feel like we are. Every time you see me you just walk past me, we haven’t talked in over a week and I just don’t know,” I said.

“Look, what you did is very unforgivable, but, I don’t want to do this whole thing anymore,” he said.

“What thing?” I asked quietly.

“The whole I avoid you and you self destruct,” he said.

“I’m not self destructing,” I said.

“Show me your wrists then,” he said. I stared at him and swallowed.

“Why?” I asked.

“Show me your wrists. If you aren’t self destructing you wouldn’t have an issue showing me your wrists,” he stated and continued to stare at me. He held my hands and stared at him. If I show him my wrists he’s going to know somethings wrong. But if I don’t, he’s going to know somethings wrong. My hands began to shake as I lifted them and felt Andy’s hands wrap around them, my eyes never leaving his. He moved my sleeve and turned my arm over, then a soft gasp left his mouth.

“Sadee, I told you to talk to me if you felt the need to hurt yourself,” he said.

“I tried, you kept avoiding me,” I said quietly and he looked back up at me.

“What?” He asked.

“You kept avoiding me Andy. I tried to come find you, to talk to you, but instead of following through with what you said, you fucking avoided me. And I had no one else to talk to so I hurt myself,” I pulled my arms back and got off the chair. As I walked away from Andy and towards the window, I heard him stand. Tears began to fall down my face, hard and fast.

“Sade, I’m sorry,” he said quietly and when I turned around, he was right behind me. A split second later, my head was in his chest and my arms were wrapped around him tightly.

“I’ve tried for so long to be strong for every damn person around me. For you when Juliet left you. For Charlie when he attempted suicide three fucking times. For myself when Ashley was an ass. And that whole time, no one ever stopped to ask me if I was okay. No, I wasn’t okay. I always have thoughts in my head that are telling me to hurt myself. I never do, instead I write songs, or I sing, or I hugged you. But when you were avoiding me, I had no one. Even though Zara said she would be there for me, it wasn’t enough. I need you Andy. Without you, this shit happens,” I pointed to my wrists. Over the last week or so, I had been hurting myself. Not cutting, hell no. But I scratched the skin on my wrists raw and it looked disgusting.

“I need you too Sadee,” he said quietly as he grabbed my cheeks and held my head. Then he leaned over and kissed me. Do you know how awesome that felt? It was like a billion sparks ignited inside of me and that empty pit inside of me filled. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed back. We stood there, making out, for quite a while and when I finally pulled away, he stared at me, his blue eyes were on the verge of tears.

“What are we going to do?” I whispered and he kept looking at me, his hands still holding my head.

“We can go back to before. As much as I want to be mad at you, I can’t. I thought it all over, and it was completely Jackson’s fault. He was coherent enough to know what he was doing was wrong, I don’t necessarily forgive you for not telling me right away, but I don’t like not being around you all the time. Holding you, kissing you, everything,” he said. I just kept watching him before leaning up and giving him a soft kiss.

“We have an awards show to get ready for,” I smirked and he rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but I would love it if you would sleep in my hotel room tonight,” he said.

“Why not you sleep in here?” I asked.

“Because I’d rather not have Zara in the room,” he said. Ah, he wants that.

“Such a guy. Go get ready for the show,” I pushed him and he laughed as he left the room. When he opened the door, I saw Zara and CC on the other side of the door. Zara walked in and closed the door. She watched me and I looked at her.

“So?” She asked.

“Everything is okay. Now, let’s get into our dresses and rock the fuck out of the Kerrang awards!” I yelled and ran into the bathroom. Tonight is gonna be amazing.

Notes

So it's not the best, no where near the best, but I tried. And yes, I made Andy and Sadee make up, kind of. I'm not going to actually write Sadee hurting herself cause it is too triggering and I don't want to have that happen, but I mentioned it. And I think I have decided to kick Jackson out. I came to hate him and I don't like his character, Callum, Sadee, and Zara are a great threesome.

QUESTION TIME: Does anyone actually know what happens at the Kerrang Awards? Cause I don't, and I want the next chapter to be accurate, so if you know what happens, would you mind letting me know? And for after that, what should happen? Remember, Andy and Jackson are gonna fight, I am planning it.

Sadee's Outfits:
(Getting ready)
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=143060580

(Kerrang Awards)
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=140989726

Zara's Dress for Awards:
http://www.polyvore.com/zara_bullets_in_music_box/set?id=142958131

SMILES! (As Always!)