Bullets in a Music Box

My eyes fluttered open quickly as I heard something hit the door. I had been in the same position all night, my legs curled up against my chest and my head curled into myself. As I began to uncurl myself, the door made a noise again. I climbed off the chair, my muscles arguing loudly and walked over to the door, my arms immediately wrapping themselves around my torso. I opened the door slowly and saw Ashley and Jackson.

“I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” I said quietly but Ashley just pushed himself into the room, pulling Jackson with him. I sighed and closed the door before turning to them. I felt small, numb, and upset. Ashley pushed Jackson down on the bed and looked at me.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to talk. You don’t have to. I’ll be doing the talking. Sit,” he told me and I sighed before walking over to the chair I was in before and curling up, my hand immediately going sweater paw and my chin rested on it.

“I don’t really want to know why what happened, happened. But, you both need to hear some things. First, Sadee. Andy loves you, he always will. He is upset right now, and he a right to be upset. Last night I asked him what he was going to do about everything, you know what he said?” Ashley asked me and I just stared at him. No emotion or thought ran through me at all.

“Wow, he said he didn’t know. Then he started crying and left the room. I don’t know if that was the alcohol talking or not but to me it said that he loves you, a lot. And he is scared of losing you just as much as you are scared of losing him . You two are so similar it’s damn annoying. But there is one thing I know for certain, Andy can’t function without you Sadee, and apparently neither can you,” Ashley paused to catch his breath and turn to Jackson. “Which turns me to you Jackson. You do realize that because you did what you did, you possibly ruined a strong relationship? You don’t understand all the shit those two have gone through. Both together and apart. Ever since you got on this fucking tour you’ve been trying to prove something to us that we laugh at. You are a bassist, much like me. I’m from the south, much like you, and do you see me trying to get in the pants of every girl? Especially those who aren’t available?”

“No,” Jackson said.

“Exactly. You fucked up a very good relationship. Andy left the hotel last night and he hasn’t been back. He could be lying in a cold alley, dead right now. I know he’s not though cause he text Jon this morning to come get him. But do you see Sadee over there? Huh? She is broken, and it pisses me off to see that you caused that. What was even going through your mind when you decided to have sex with her?” Ashley asked. I rolled my eyes and bit my lip.

“I was drunk, I don’t know,” Jackson said.

“Bull shit. I was there when Andy asked you to take Sadee back up to the room. You were tipsy, yes, but you were not drunk,” Ashleys aid.

“Fine, you wanna know what was running through my mind? There was a very attractive woman in front of me who I thought was leading me on. She wasn’t stopping me, so-”

“So you thought it was okay to continue? Even though you knew her boyfriend was downstairs?” Ashley asked.

“I was drunk, I don’t think when I’m drunk,” Jackson was raising his voice.

“That doesn’t excuse it. I’ve never seen her like this. Ever. She is broken inside, can’t you see that. She is terrified of losing Andy and that has broken her. I won’t be surprised if they cancel the show tonight,” he said.

“Ash,” I said quietly but he didn’t hear me.

“Those two need each other to survive. They are each other’s rocks, and you threatened that. Andy is my best friend and to see him this way kills me. This is worse than when Juliet left, and it is your fault,” Ashley told Jackson. He was up in his face.

“Ashley,” I said louder, and this time he heard me.

“What?” He asked.

“I don’t want the show cancelled. And it’s not all his fault,” I said.

“No it is. You blacked out, you said that. So you honestly didn’t know what you were doing. He did,” he said. I sighed and felt the tears wanting to fall.

“Why are you yelling at Jackson in front of me?” I asked.

“I didn’t plan it, but he needs to hear it,” he said.

“Not in front of me. Like you said, I’m broken. And I’m gonna start crying soon, can you just leave so I can be alone?” I asked.

“Jackson can leave, I’m staying here, it’s the least I can do,” Ashley said and looked at Jackson. Jackson groaned and turned from us and left the room. But as he opened the door, I saw Jon and Andy on the other side. My jaw began to quiver as I stared.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” Andy asked. His voice was scruffier than usual. He had been crying all night. Shit, now I’m gonna cry.

“Ashley decided to yell at me. But I’m leaving, don’t worry,” Jackson responded and pushed his way out of the room. Jon and Andy walked into the room and Andy immediately went to the bathroom. Jon looked at me and sighed.

“Sadee, are you alright?” He asked. I shook my head and the tears began to fall. I just want to hold Andy right now. Just feel his arms around me, comforting me.

“What can I do?” He asked. I shrugged and took a breath, which released more tears.

“Okay, Ashley, stay in here, Andy is going to take a shower. I’ll be right back,” Jon said and he left the room. I curled myself more into a ball and cried. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just want to have Andy back. He is my rock, as Ashley said, and I can’t function without him. Depression was hitting me hard and I didn’t like it. I was depressed most of my teenage years and I don’t want to relive that, it was terrible. I felt someone wrap their arms around me and I knew it was Ashley.

“It’s okay Sade, just cry,” he said as he rubbed my back.

“I just want Andy back,” I cried softly and he nodded.

“I know, but he’s in the bathroom, he’s in the room. Remember that,” he said.

“But he won’t hold me. I need him. I, Ashley,” I cried hard and he held my shaking body. Everything inside of my broke. Everything. All my walls fell, my heart broke, and most importantly my mind went blank. I heard the door to the bathroom open and then I heard Andy talk.

“Move,” he said and I felt Ashley leave me and then another set of arms wrapped around me. I knew it was Andy, which is why I shifted and wrapped my arms around him tightly and cried into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Andy,” I cried and he just held me and didn’t say anything.

“I’m gonna go grab something from my room,” Ashley said and left. Andy rubbed my back and then he kissed the side of my head. He knows I’m broken inside, I can tell.

“I am still upset with you, but. I hate seeing you like this,” he said. My body continued to shake and he kept holding me. His wet hair began to make my own hair wet.

“Jackson knew what he was doing, and he didn’t stop. I didn’t know what I was doing, I blacked out and,” I stopped because Andy had let go of me and was staring at me.

“I don’t care. Jackson is dead to me. You are who I care about. We aren’t fixed, we won’t be for a long time, but I can’t see you like this. All last night I thought about us and all the shit we’ve been through. You’ve always been there for me and I’ve been there for you. This is a bump, a very large bump, but we can get over it. For the Kerrang Awards, why don’t you go with your band and I’ll go with mine. You wanted to announce that you’re a band now anyways,” he said.

“But we were supposed to go together,” I said, the tears had let up.

“I know, but, I’m too upset right now. And the Awards are in a couple days,” he said.

“You know how sorry I am right?” I asked. He nodded and moved my bangs from my eyes.

“Ashley said that neither of us can function without the other,” I chuckled and he smiled.

“Well, we can’t,” he said.

“I love you, don’t forget that,” I said and he nodded.

“I know you do, so do I. But, we need space,” he said. I could feel my heart breaking again.

“What kind of space?” I asked.

“We’ll still see each other, but I need time alone to think. I’ll still sleep in the same bed and the same bunk, but otherwise, we’ll do our own thing for the time being,” he said. I nodded and looked at my hand. He kissed the top of my head and sighed.

“Which includes me doing an interview with AP, so, I gotta go,” he said and lifted my chin and kissed me before leaving the room. Inside I still felt empty and the second the door closed, I started to cry again. I’m broken, depressed, numb. All of it. And it’s not going away anytime soon.



From the dressing room I could hear the screams of the fans. My legs were pulled up to my chest and I was trying my hardest to not start bawling. I was alone in the room, which was good, that’s what I wanted. I just don’t get how I’m going to get through this. Sure Andy’ll be there when we’re sleeping, but that doesn’t mean he’ll hold me or anything. But what about when he’s not around? How will I get through that? I bit the inside of my lip and hid my face in my arms, please don’t start crying Sadee, you go on in twenty minutes. I thought to myself and then heard someone open the door to the room and walk in.

“Sadee,” I heard Callum say and I took a breath, which normally would have made me cry, but for some reason it helped keep the tears away.

“Yeah,” I muttered quietly and then felt him sit down next to me and put a hand on my arm.

“Are you sure you can perform tonight?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I looked at him and he stared back.

“Sadee, don’t lie to me,” he said.

“I’m not lying. I’m hurting a shit ton inside right now, and if you keep asking me if I’m okay or if I can fucking perform tonight, I will rip your head off. I’m fine! I just want to be left alone!” I snapped at him and he nodded.

“You are not ready to perform,” he said.

“Callum! I said I’m fine! I’m not crying am I? No I’m not, so I can perform,” I said and got off the couch and left the room. As I walked down the hallway, I passed a lot of crew members and then I passed Black Veil Brides dressing room and saw Andy and Jake inside the room. Shit don’t look, you’ll start crying Sadee. I walked past the room and to the public bathroom, it was empty. Good, maybe I’ll be left alone. I went into a stall and leaned against the wall. As I took deep breaths the door opened. I swear to fucking God, if they sent Zara in here to figure out if I can perform, I will seriously snap.

“Zara, if that is you, I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me,” I said.

“I know you’re not fine Sadee, but I also know that if you don’t perform, you will cry and cry and cry, so I’m not going to tell you to not perform, you just need to talk to someone,” she said. I sighed before opening the stall door and looking at her. She was leaning against the sink with her arms crossed.

“What is there to talk about? I cheated on Andy, and he needs space. Nothing I can do about that,” I said.

“True, but you also need to talk to someone. Andy can’t be the only person you ever open up to,” she said.

“He’s not. I’ve talked to Ashley, and CC, and Charlie. I have people,” I said and looked in the mirror. Damn, I look hungover. My eyes are bloodshot and my face is puffy.

“Sadee, you need someone who isn’t inclined towards Andy, like me. I’ll be your person. Talk to me honey,” she said.

“We have to go on in like ten minutes,” I said.

“So we have approximately five to talk. Spill it Nashville,” she said.

“Is everyone gonna fucking call me that?” I asked.

“Probably, but spill the beans,” she said.

“What do you wanna know?” I asked.

“Well, anything really. I am your new person, so you need to spill your feelings at me and I promise to not speak a word to CC about it,” she said.

“I have nothing to say right now, I’m completely numb. That’s why I’m not crying. But I swear, tonight on the bus, will be a different story,” I said.

“Andy said he’d sleep in the same bed with you, right?” She asked.

“Yeah, which is why tonight will suck ass,” I said.

“Alright, well, after the show, we can curl up on the tour bus couch with food and netflix, how does that sound?” She asked. I smiled and nodded.

“Like a plan. But not romantic comedies or dramedies, I need action, like The Avengers, or Guardians of the Galaxy. And no Batman whatsoever,” I said.

“Got it hun, now, let’s get this show over with,” she smiled and we left the room. I might be numb right now, but who knows if I will be in ten minutes.

Notes

Alrighty. So this is the last chapter of them in Philly. And I am tossing around a few ideas in my head right now for the next few chapters, not sure if I wanna write the idea into the story cause it might be triggering, not only for you but for me. So, I might not do it. Next chapter is of them in Ottawa, then it's the Kerrang! Awards. The next chapter will be a performance, and Sadee writing a new song, which I have already written and I am proud as fuck of it. So I hope you guys like it.

QUESTION TIME: I still love hearing your ideas guys! You have good ideas, don't ever doubt yourself. Write them out, even if they sound stupid, I might use it, who knows.

Sadee's Outfit:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=142666491

Smiles!!! (as always)