Bullets in a Music Box

All of the little noises around me were somehow ten times louder than they should be. My arms were wrapped tightly around my waist as I sat on a stool backstage. Me and my band were doing soundcheck for the show tonight and my mind was cloudy. I bit the inside of my mouth and clenched my jaw. Jackson was staring at me while tuning his bass, a smirk permanently plastered to his face. I couldn’t handle it anymore and climbed off the stool and stormed off stage and into the dressing room. I slammed the door and screamed loudly. The whole building probably heard me, but I don’t care. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door, or tried to but it was difficult to see with tears running down my face.

Every fiber inside of me was hurting and I keep thinking about what happened, or what I think happened. I can’t be too sure, I blacked out. Jackson could be bull shitting me, but I know he’s not cause everywhere between my legs was sore the next day. I slid down the wall and hugged my legs to my chest. How the fuck am I going to tell Andy? He’s going to flip shit, which he should. But, I’m scared I’ll lose him. A sob left me and I bit my lip to try and silence myself. Then someone tried to open the door, which scared the shit out of me and forced me to let out a yelp.

“Open the door Sadee,” I heard Andy say from the other side. Oh no, I can’t face him right now.

“I’m fine, I just need a minute,” I tried to say clearly.

“Sadee, open the door, or I’ll push it in,” he said.

“Andy, I’m fine,” I opened the door.

“The tears in your eyes say otherwise,” he said.

“I’m just stressed, we’ve done a lot the last week and I’ve gotten like no sleep. I just had a break down, I’m fine,” I pushed past him and looked at who was in the room. Jon, Ashley, Andy, CC, Zara, and Callum were all standing in there. And ironically, Jackson wasn’t.

“Are you sure that’s all?” Andy asked.

“If you keep asking that, no,” I snapped and then felt terrible.

“I’m sorry, I’m just,” I stopped and looked at him.

“Stressed, I know. But there’s only a month left of the tour, you’ll make it through. You guys can leave now,” he said to the rest of the people in the room and they all walked out. I should tell him, right now, he needs to know. But if I tell him now, we’ll get in a big fight and he won’t be able to perform, and the show starts in a little over an hour. No, not right now, maybe after the show.

“What’s really wrong?” He asked. I looked at him and bit my lip.

“I told you, I’m stressed as fuck. I’m not used to being a performer on a tour and getting all the interviews and doing shows night after night. It’s taking its toll on me,” I said and sat down on the couch.

“You never complained before, even when you had insomnia,” he said as he sat down next to me.

“That’s cause I wasn’t performing, now I am and it’s tiring me out,” I said.

“Sadee, I know that it’s not just you being stressed, I know you too well for that,” he looked at me and I sighed.

“You’re right, it’s not just stress, but it’s also not something you need to worry about. Aren’t you supposed to be doing soundcheck or something?” I asked.

“Nope, your band is doing soundcheck,” he said. I really wish that Andy would just leave the room, it is a pain to watch him right now. I kept to myself, and after a while Andy noticed. He sighed before standing.

“If you’re stressed out, talk to me, don’t shut me out,” he snapped and left the room. I let out a sigh and my jaw quivered. My eyes closed and I rubbed my arms. From the door, I heard someone walk in. When I opened my eyes, I immediately became pissed.

“Get the fuck out of here Jackson,” I said.

“Can’t kick me out of my own dressing room,” he said and sat down on the stool.

“You are everywhere!” I exclaimed and he shrugged.

“The building is small,” he said and chewed on his gum.

“You are amused by this aren’t you? Me internally battling myself?” I asked and he shrugged again but he was smirking.

“It was fun,” he said.

“I don’t care. I ch-” I paused and walked closer to him and whispered, “cheated on Andy, and you thought it was fun? What kind of sick, demented person are you?”

“I’m not sick, nor am I demented. I had fun, just cause you’re in a relationship means nothing to me,” he said. I smacked him in the face and he looked at the ceiling while scoffing.

“I am not available! That is why you are sick and demented! For fucks sake Jackson! Do you only think of yourself?” I asked.

“No, but you’re hot, your boyfriend wasn’t around, so I thought why not?” He smirked.

“Are you fucking kidding me? That entire sentence is wrong and how can you even have that frame of mind? Just because Andy wasn’t around you thought it was okay?” I asked.

“Exactly,” he said.

“Oh my god. That doesn’t make it okay. Neither does the fact that I blacked out on the way up to the room. We are friends, or we were. Nothing more. I love Andy with my entire heart, and I don’t think he’s going to love me back when I tell him,” I said.

“You don’t have to tell him,” he said. I gave him a look and scoffed.

“Of course I’m telling him! He deserves to know!” I yelled and Jackson rolled his eyes.

“Or you could keep it to yourself and live on happily with Andy,” he said.

“Now I see why you are still single, you asshole,” I said and left the room. As I walked down the hallway, I felt the tears fall down my face. Thankfully, no one was in the hallway. My arms wrapped around my waist and I turned into the public bathroom and went into a stall. After letting out a sigh, I began to full blown cry. This is tearing me apart. I need to tell Andy, now, but I don’t want him to be so angry he can’t perform. How the fuck am I going to perform? Shit. The door to the bathroom opened and I tried my hardest to keep quiet.

“Sadee, I know you’re in there,” I heard Zara say and I let go of my breath and opened the door.

“Why are you crying?” She asked.

“I did something terrible,” I cried and she knelt in front of me.

“What did you do?” She asked.

“I, I cheated on Andy,” I sobbed and her face became shocked.

“Oh, um. When?” She asked.

“In New York. I need to tell him, but I can’t,” I said.

“Don’t tell him now, wait till after the show. Who was it with?” She asked. I stared at her and closed my eyes. When I say it was Jackson, I don’t want to see her face.

“Jackson,” I whispered and she gasped.

“That explains why he is being a dick to you and smirking all the time. It’s okay Sadee, I’ll be with you when you tell Andy,” she wrapped her arms around me and I collapsed in her grip.

“When should I tell him?” I asked.

“After the show, tonight. He needs to know as soon as possible. And if you’re the one who tells him and not someone else, he probably won’t be as mad,” she said.

“He’s going to be mad nonetheless,” I said.

“Well, he won’t be as mad if you’re the one to tell him. Now, come on, we have a show to put on,” she said and then went into her bag she had with her and handed me a makeup bag.

“Fix your face and head out. Poker face Sadee, poker face,” she said and left the room. I gripped the bag tightly for a minute or two before walking to the mirror and quickly fixing my make up and everything. Let’s just get the show over with and then I’ll tell Andy. I left the bathroom and walked to the stage area where the sound people were putting ear pieces in the band and tuning guitars and such. I was handed my ear pieces and my mic before I saw Andy. Oh shit. I looked at Zara and she gave me a reassuring look. Poker face Sadee, poker face. I repeated what she said in my head.

“Hey, sorry about snapping at you earlier,” he said as he got over to me.

“It’s fine, I snapped at you, I deserved it,” I shrugged and played with the mic in my hand and bit the inside of my mouth.

“Are you sure it’s only stress? Cause you only bite the inside of your mouth when you are thinking about something,” he said. Immediately I stopped biting the inside of my mouth and looked at him.

“I’m fine. I just want to get this show over with so I can sleep,” I said.

“Alright, but I think you should take those sleeping meds that one doctor prescribed you,” he said.

“I’ll think about it. Now, if you would excuse me, I have a show to do,” I gave Andy a kiss and walked out on the stage.

The show went on, and finished too quickly. The crowd was wild and cheered on with us, I crowd surfed and had fun, but then it ended and I knew the time to tell Andy was coming up quickly. No, I’m not going to tell him tonight, I can’t. I don’t know what will happen, and I don’t want anything terrible to happen. I sat on the stool in the dressing room and sighed. I watched Callum walk in with Zara and he stopped when he saw me.

“Damn Sadee, you look like shit. You okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine, just tired and have a lot on my mind,” I said.

“Understandable. Now, I’m going to call my wife, so, don’t mind me,” he said and sat down on the couch. I sighed and looked at Zara, she pointed to the bathroom and I nodded. I got off the stool and walked to the bathroom, where Zara followed me and closed the door.

“So, how are you gonna tell Andy?” She asked. I looked at her and bit my lip.

“I’m not,” I said.

“Sadee,” she started.

“I know, I need to tell him. But I don’t know how he is going to react. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’d rather not tell him when we still have a month left of tour,” I said.

“Sadee, you have to tell him. And since we all live in such tight quarters and we all know how Jackson is, he’s going to find out eventually, and I’m pretty sure he’d rather hear it from you,” she said.

“But Zara,” I said.

“No buts Sadee, you need to tell him like yesterday,” she said.

“I can’t. Okay. I can’t lose him Zara. And if I tell him, I might. He is all I have. We need each other, and I don’t want to ruin that,” I said.

“Either way he’ll find out Sadee,” she said.

“I know. But, I can’t tell him now. I will tell him, I promise, just not right now,” I said.

“Fine, but if you don’t tell him by Sunday, I’ll tell him,” she said.

“Zara, no, please don’t tell him,” I said.

“I won’t. If you tell him by Sunday,” she crossed her arms and I sighed.

“Whatever. I’ll tell him, don’t worry,” I said. I opened the door to the bathroom and saw Callum staring at it weirdly.

“What do you have to tell Andy?” He asked. Shit.

“Um, well. What do you think I have to tell him?” I asked.

“Well, from the way Zara sounded and the urgency in her voice, I’m guessing you might be pregnant,” he said. I let out a laugh and shook my head.

“See, if it were that, I wouldn’t be freaking out like this,” I said. He stared at me for a second before he realized what I meant.

“You cheated on Andy?” He asked.

“Don’t say anything to anyone. I will tell him,” I said.

“You better,” he said. I sat down next to him and groaned. My life is never easy.

Notes

Alright, internal battle time. So the next chapter is when she tells Andy, then it's the shitstorm chapter. So yes. I will hopefully post shitstorm this weekend. I have to tweak it a little since I changed something but you will like it, hopefully. It's of Sadee and Andy fighting.

QUESTION TIME!: So I have the next like three or so chapters already planned and two of them are written already. But after that, I need ideas!!! I am going to write when they go to the Kerrang! Awards, so maybe give me ideas for there? Otherwise I'd love to hear your opinions of Jackson now......:3

Sadee's Outfit:
http://www.polyvore.com/sadee_bullets_in_music_box/set?id=142302319

A little artwork I did for Falling For Fatality:
http://www.polyvore.com/falling_for_fatality_where_belong/set?id=142103381

SMILES! (as always!)