Bullets in a Music Box

The last few days have been the hardest of my life. From telling Charlie to being alone in this time of need, I was pretty upset. Charlie was shutting down but he keeps denying it. Later today is Gustav's funeral and I am not prepared for it. My feet wiggled slightly as I sat in the living room talking to Andy.

"Is Lauren even doing anything for Charlie?" Andy asked.

"Not that I can see. She is just minding her own business, which, I mean. It's a good thing she's not hovering, but she could be talking to him. Her husband died, they are both hurting," I sighed and stopped moving my feet.

"Yeah. How are you though?" He asked.

"Numb mostly. I am trying my hardest to be strong for Charlie, to be that person that Lauren should be. But it is still shocking and kinda weird to not see Gustav coming home from work every day," I said.

"I can imagine. Is Crow keeping you company?" Andy asked. I smiled and ran my hand along Crows back, which sparked a purr from him.

"Yes he is. Crow is my new best friend," I said and Andy chuckled.

"No taking my cat from me now," he said. I chuckled and bit my lip.

"You know, sometimes I sit in the bedroom and am like, I can't believe that Gustav is dead. I know he was sick and everything, but, I just cannot get over it," I mumbled quickly into the phone.

"I understand. Gustav's funeral is later today, right?" Andy asked.

"Yep, and I am not looking forward to it. At all," I said.

"Funerals are not fun, ever. But, I hate to say it, I have to go to sound check," he said. I pouted and looked at the clock. Well, I guess it is that time where he is.

"Okay, call me after the concert," I said.

"Of course, love you," he said.

"Love you too," I said and hung up. Crow got up from next to me and climbed onto my chest and nuzzled his face on mine before staring at me with affectionate eyes.

"I know, you miss Andy too. But, he'll be back next week. In the mean time, wanna help me clean?" I asked. Crow purred in response and I got up from the chair and held Crow in my arms while walking upstairs to the bedroom. I need to clean these sheets and blankets. Laundry has to be done and everything it just so dusty. I set Crow down on the chair in the corner and he laid down, licking his paw in the process. I got to taking the sheets and shit off of the bed and when that was done, I walked downstairs to the washing machine. Once that was all going, I walked back up to the room and began to separate the clothes into piles, my clothes and Andy's clothes. And in those piles, I separated them by colors, whites, jeans, and delicate's. Crow had climbed down from the chair and was rubbing his side along my arm.

"Wanna help dear sire?" I chuckled and laid back on the floor, only to have Crow climb on my chest and lay down.

"You really don't want me to do anything, do you?" I asked and scratched his face. He purred and licked his paw.

"Well, sorry to say it, but this house smells like dirty and foot, so it needs to be cleaned. And if I don't do it now, while I have motivation, it's never gonna get done," I said and took him off my chest and set him down on the floor next to me. As I continued sorting the clothes, I thought back to when I was twelve and it had finally hit me that my dad had died. Being nine when he actually died, I didn't know what to think. I was so angry at everyone, especially myself. I hated myself for letting my dad die. For letting my mom make him so miserable. At the time, I had no idea my mom had anything to do with his death, but when I found out, it tore me in half and it was when I began cutting myself.

I pulled the sleeve of my sweater up and ran my hands over my faded scars. I haven't cut in over five years, not since I was seventeen.

"Hey Sadee," I heard from the doorway of the room and my head immediately shot up and I saw Tyler.

"How did you get in my house?" I asked.

"The door was open, I knocked for a few minutes before letting myself in. Are you alright?" He asked. I sat there, surrounded by dirty clothes and Crow. He was laying down on the floor next to me, sleeping.

"I don't know," I said and dropped my arm down in my lap. Tyler walked into the room and sat down on the floor next to me.

"You're going to Gustav's funeral, right?" He asked.

"I have to be there for Charlie," I said.

"Why Charlie?" He asked.

"Because Lauren won't show him the kind of affection I do," I said.

"Ah. Well, I saw you running your hand over your wrist. Um, if you don't mind me asking, why?" He asked. I looked at him and then back down at my arm.

"I went through a very dark five years of my life. I hurt myself a lot, and I was just thinking about it," I said.

"Why did you go through a dark time?" He seemed confused but interested.

"It was mainly because I had finally understood that dad had died and that I was alone with my mother. And I hated myself, I thought I was the reason dad died," I said and bit my lip.

"It's alright, I thought the same thing," he said.

"You did?" I asked.

"Yeah, except when I found out dad died, my youngest had just been born," he said.

"This whole situation with Charlie has just reminded me of myself, and how much I hated myself and the world and everything at his age. And what makes it even worse is that I don't have Andy here to talk to and cry with," I said.

"You and Andy are that close?" He asked.

"Tyler, he's my boyfriend, no shit. We went through a lot of crap in the beginning and this is the first time I have gone through something like this without him," I said.

"Oh, I didn't realize you guys were dating," he said.

"Do you not check social media? Or any of our Twitters? Cause Andy and I tweet about each other all the damn time," I said.

"No, I don't check social media. I don't even own a computer," he chuckled.

"How do you even live life?" I asked. He shrugged and looked at the clothes.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Cleaning," I said.

"Need help?" He asked. I looked at him and stared for a few seconds. To be honest, he looks a lot like our dad, almost identical.

"Yeah, um, can you help me take all these clothes downstairs?" I asked. He nodded and we both got up and began putting the clothes into bins and taking them downstairs. We got to the washer and I saw the blankets were done being washed. I quickly put them in the dryer and set it accordingly and then put the whites into the washer and started that.

"Alright, I am going to sound like a clean freak, but could you take all of the dishes out of the cabinets and wash them all?" I asked.

"All of them?" He chuckled.

"I told you, I sound like a clean freak," I said.

"Okay, yeah, I'll do that," he said and walked into the kitchen while I grabbed some dusting spray, a rag, and some Febreeze and walked back up the bedroom. Crow was still sitting in the same spot and I chuckled at him.

"You are just as lazy as Andy is," I scratched his side and set the dusting supplies down and began spraying the Febreeze on the mattress to make it smell better.

Once I finished dusting and spraying all of the fabrics in the room, I walked back downstairs and saw Tyler almost done with the dishes.

"Thank you," I said and grabbed the blankets out of the dryer and switched all of the loads before walking back up the stairs and making the bed. Once that was done, I vacuumed the carpeting upstairs, on the stairs, and downstairs. When I finished that, I looked at the time and felt a weight in my chest. The funeral is in two hours.

"Okay, so, the funeral is in like two hours, so you should probably get going," I said.

"You're right. But, I actually came here to tell you that I did some rethinking, and I would like you to be a songwriter at the label instead of an artist," he said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, you seemed pretty pissed about being signed, so I changed it a bit. You just have to come to the label soon to sign some papers," he said.

"Yeah, that's fine. Thanks Tyler," I said.

"No problem Sadee. I'll see you at the funeral, I guess," he said and then left. When the door shut, the weight in my chest grow heavier. I swallowed and walked upstairs to take a shower and get ready.

I was showered and in my dress and shoes, with my make up done, in a little less than an hour. Might as well just head over there now. Hopefully I can stay strong.

Notes

So this one is kinda lazy and might suck a little bit. But, I had to show a different side of Tyler and show Sadee coping with this. She cleans or becomes OCD when trying to remain strong in a time of sadness. And yeah. So, the next chapter is the funeral, and lots of emotion from Charlie, and there will be a fight between Sadee and Lauren. Hope you liked it!!!

Sadee's Outfit:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=138363879

Smiles!!