Bullets in a Music Box

A silent line of tears fell down my cheeks as I laid in the bunk. Andy's arms were lazily wrapped around my waist as he slept. It was somewhere around three in the morning and I hadn't slept at all. My mind keeps wandering to Charlie and how he is going to react. The look and emotion I can just imagine on him breaks my heart and makes me cry. But then my mind wanders to Gustav and the fact that he is dead. A family member of mine is dead. I let out a quiet sob that rattled through my body and felt Andy move and then he kissed my cheek.

"Are you alright?" He whispered and I shook my head and carefully turned myself around so I was facing him. He was looking at me with worried eyes.

"No," I said and bit my lip as tears fell from my eyes.

"Hey, I really have nothing to say that will make you feel better, I know that. But, I know that I can say that you aren't alone. I will be there to answer any phone call, any text, any, anything from you while we are apart," he said.

"I know, I just. I keep imagining what Charlie's reaction is going to be. Gustav and him were so close. Charlie looked up to him with admirable and, I don't know, those eyes that a child gives their father. And now Gustav is gone. He's dead and Charlie is going to be torn apart and I don't know how I am going to be able to handle it without you there," I said and Andy bit his lip before running his hand over my cheek.

"It is killing me inside knowing that I am not going to be there for you, trust me. I'm probably going to have issues doing shows, but. I know how strong you are, and Charlie is going to need you Sadee. Because we both know that Lauren isn't going to do shit for him," he said. I shoved my face into his chest and felt myself sob again. Andy rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. I don't know how I am going to get through this without him there.


I stood in the airport terminal with Andy and Ashley. Andy had his arms wrapped around my tightly and I had my head nuzzled into his chest. We had been standing there for a good amount of time and I didn't want to let go.

"Hey, your flight is boarding now, you might wanna get going," Ashley said and I pulled away from Andy. He looked down at me and I saw a tear in his eye.

"Don't you dare cry," I said.

"I won't. Now, go, Charlie needs you," he said. I nodded and gave him a long kiss before letting go and walking towards the gate. As I left Andy, I could feel something grow empty inside of me. My guard is gone, Andy is my guard. The one I can count on to be there for me is gone. I walked through the gate and outside towards the plane. As I climbed onto the plane, I felt a round of tears threaten to fall. Not now Sadee, wait until we land.


The warm California sun attempted to peek through the clouds as I walked off the plane and entered LAX, but it just wasn't working. I walked into the terminal and waited for my bag to appear. Once I grabbed it, my hand tightly gripped it and I began walking towards the door to catch a taxi, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw my sister and Charlie. Oh my god. I closed my eyes and began walking towards them. Lauren looked tired and worn out, and Charlie looked worried. When I got to them, I immediately wrapped my arms around Charlie and he did the same to me.

"I missed you Aunt Sadee," Charlie said. I nodded and when I pulled away, I looked at him.

"Me too. Hey Lauren," I said and she gave me a sad smile before wrapping her arms around me. We held onto each other for a long time before letting go. When we did, I noticed that Charlie had his hand on my bag and was waiting patiently for us to go.

"Come on, we have a lot to do today," Lauren said and we all walked out of the airport and to her car. I climbed in the front seat and we left. As we drove towards the house, I kept glancing back at Charlie, he looked worried, but not sad. If only he knew what was coming.

"How was touring?" Lauren asked.

"Fun. I enjoyed seeing Andy on stage and the energy he had. But my favorite part had to be when he ran off stage after performing and hugged me in all his sweaty glory," I said. Lauren chuckled and turned onto the street. We only lived like ten minutes away from the airport.

"Is Crow still alive?" I asked Lauren and she nodded.

"Yes. He was relaxing in the window last time I checked," she said and I nodded.

"Um, let me go put my bag in my house before we tell Charlie," I said after we parked and Charlie left the car.

"Okay, thanks for doing this with me," she said.

"It's going to rip my heart in two, but no problem," I said and climbed out of the car and grabbed my bags from the trunk. As I walked across the street and up my driveway, I felt a deep loneliness inside. I haven't ever really spent much time away from Andy, and especially in this time of need, I am going to need to be strong. I walked into the house and was immediately greeted by Crow, who purred and rubbed along my legs. I bent over and picked him up, petting his back in the process.

"Hello Crow. Did you miss me?" I asked and he purred in response. I set him down on the couch and looked around the house. It's really quiet without another person here, damn. I left the house shortly after and walked back to my sisters house. As I walked inside, I could hear Lauren talking to someone on the phone. When I walked into the kitchen, she was leaning against the counter and had the phone at her ear.

"Did you ask Sadee? Oh, yeah, fine. I know the kind of relationship you and her have. That's fine with me, alright, bye mom," she said and hung up.

"Did she ask you to be her maid of honor?" I asked.

"Yeah. I know you and her don't have a good relationship, so," she said and set the phone on the counter.

"Are we ready for this?" I asked.

"No, but it has to be done, you go sit in the living room, I'll go get Charlie," she said and left the room. I sighed before turning around and walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch. I am not ready for this. Charlie means so much to me and when I see him break in two, it's going to take everything I got to not break down. I heard footsteps on the stairs and then saw Charlie and Lauren walk into the room. Charlie immediately sat down on the ottoman and crossed his legs. Lauren sat on the chair and we both looked at him.

"Is this about my dad?" Charlie asked. I closed my eyes and felt the tears threaten to fall again.

"Yeah it is," Lauren said.

"Is he okay?" He asked. I looked at him and bit my lip to keep from crying.

"Well, no, he's not. Um, yesterday, I came home to get him a blanket and when I went back up to the hospital, something had happened and there were doctors and nurses everywhere," Lauren started and as I watched Charlie, he was slowly getting to where she was going.

"Is he dead?" He asked, and I could hear the tears.

"Yeah, he is," Lauren said and I closed my eyes, I can't watch.

"What? No, he can't be. He was getting better! No, he isn't dead, no!" He yelled and cried and I immediately moved from my spot and wrapped my arms tightly around him. He was shaking his head and his body was shaking.

"Charlie, it's okay, I'm here," I whispered to him.

"No. He can't be dead. He's my dad. He can't," Charlie cried into my shoulder and I felt my heart tear apart at his tears.

"Charlie, this is a shock to all of us," Lauren said. Oh my god, she did not just say that.

"Look Charlie, I know this is hard, but it will get better," I said and he looked at me.

"How can this get better? He's my dad! My only parent I love! And he's dead. Who do I have now?" Charlie was yelling and then he tore away from me and ran upstairs. Lauren went to follow him, but I was quicker and I was up the stairs before she could get up. I walked to his room and he was sitting on the floor, or rather it looked like his body collapsed and he was crying uncontrollably.

"Charlie," I said quietly and crouched down next to him.

"He's gone," he cried quietly and I nodded.

"He is, but, wanna know something?" I asked.

"What?" He asked as he sat down on the floor.

"When my dad died, I blamed myself for a long time. I went into a very deep depression, when I got older of course, when I understood what had happened. I don't want that to happen to you Charlie. I didn't know your dad that well, but I know that he loved you. He loved you with all of his heart and would do absolutely anything for you," I said.

"If he loved me, why did he leave me?" He had tears falling from his eyes and I looked at him. I shrugged and felt myself grow weak.

"I asked the same thing when my dad died. I never understood why he left me. He was the only one I cared about, the only one who understood me. I know how you feel," I said.

"My dad is the only one I have ever had in my life who cared. He is the only one who gave a damn about what I did and what happened to me. And now he's gone. I have no one," he cried.

"Charlie, you're wrong, you have me," I said and leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. Somehow we will make it through this. It's gotta get worse before it gets better.

Notes

Well, so, yeah. Charlie has found out. So sad. This is just the beginning. A lot of crap is going to be happening with Charlie. A lot of past secrets are going to be revealed. Be prepared be lovelies. Hope you liked it.


Sadee's Outfit:
http://www.polyvore.com/sadee_bullets_in_music_box/set?id=138229315

Smiles!