The Wretched And Divine
No Turning Back Now
ALEX'S POV
I cried heavily as i ran out of Andy's house. Oh god, what did i do? Despite the pain in my lower regions and my weakness i somehow stumbled upon Ashley's house. There was only one car in the driveway, which was Ashley's, meaning he was the only one home. I stumbled up to his front door, the pain and exhaustion from running making my legs feel like jelly. I rang the doorbell once and waited a minute or so before Ashley swung the door open, not at all expecting me to be on the other side.
"Oh my god, what happened to you?" He exclaimed worriedly as he ushered me into his house and upstairs to his bedroom.
It sort of felt weird being in there since the last time i was was when Ash used his powers on me. But at that time, i was too broken and weak to care even a little.
"Alright, what happened?" Ash asked again once we were sitting on his bed. The worried look that washed over his tan features continued to lay plastered across his face. I took many deep breaths to calm myself down.
"I h-hit A-andy.." I whispered, staring off into the distance as the horrible moment played in my head. Ashley's eyes widened in shock.
"Why?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.
An argument with myself formed in my head on whether it was or was not a good idea to come to Ashley's house. Telling him why i slapped Andy means telling him about my eating disorder. I was dreading that moment. I didn't at all want Andy or the guys to know and i wasn't ready to get better. Call me crazy but i wanted to continue what i had been doing till i didn't feel disgusting anymore.
"B-because he said my r-ribs stuck out perfectly and i d-don't know i just got angry...I don't want him to k-know...I don't w-want anyone to know about my.." I trailed off, unable to speak those two words to Ash. A moment of silence passed till realization washed over his face. He shook his head and mumbled 'no' to himself over and over again..
The look of hurt and sadness on his face made my crying continue, harder now that he knew and that he was going to tell everyone.
"It's back?" He whispered. I nodded my head as more warm tears cascaded down my pale face. Ashley wrapped his muscular arms around my shoulders in a comforting hug. I allowed myself to sob into his shoulder.
"Why didn't you tell any of us? We would have helped you." He asked in a hushed tone. I shook my head.
"I c-couldn't! It w-would break your hearts a-and i don't w-want to get better...yet." I cried, my voice muffled by his shoulder.
Ashley pulled away from our embrace but left his hands on my shoulders. A stern yet simpathetic expression made its way onto his face.
"You have to get better, love. If you don't it'll just get worse and you might get really sick or-or die." Ashley argued softly. I nodded in agreement, although i was still in denial.
"Can i see?" He asked quietly. My eyes widened and i shook my head frantically. He'll think i'm disgusting! "I won't think you're disgusting. No matter how much you weigh, you'll always be beautiful in my eyes. Please?" Ash begged. I sighed and nodded before i got off the bed and stood in front of him, lifting my sweatshirt first. Ashley gasped.
"Oh my god...." He covered his mouth with his hand in shock. I quickly pulled my sweatshirt back down before yanking my sweatpants down so he could see my thighs. Before i could react Ashley's was in front of my running his thumb over the dozens of semi deep cuts on my thighs.
"Oh, Lex..." He sighed unhappily. "Are there more?" He asked. I nodded shamefully before pulling up both sleeves of my sweatshirt to reveal dozens more on my arms. The cuts on my arms were deeper than those on my thighs, since i attempted suicide 6 times. Ash gasped louder, tears filling up his eyes.
"No..." He breathed. I cried harder as he just stared at them. "I-i'm calling Andy and the guys.." He mumbled before prying his eyes away from my arm. I nodded in defeat before pulling my sweatpants back up and the sleeves to my sweatshirt back down. I sat down on Ash's bed and strained my hearing so i could hear his side of the conversation going on right outside his bedroom door.
~Have you seen Alex? She slapped me then just ran out crying!
~Yes, she came to my house.
~Oh thank god. I'm so worried about her Ash...
~So am i... Uh listen Andy, i think you need to come over here. There's a lot of stuff you need to see.
~What? Is she okay? Is she hurt? I'm coming right now!
~No she's not okay and...*sigh* Just get over here she can explain it to you herself, i don't wanna be the one to tell you.
~O-okay.. Bye.
~Bye.
Ashley came back into his room and sat down next to me as we waited for Andy to show. He was texting a lot on his phone, so i assumed he was telling the rest to come to his house. I sighed, dreading the moment when Andy walks through the door.
I cried heavily as i ran out of Andy's house. Oh god, what did i do? Despite the pain in my lower regions and my weakness i somehow stumbled upon Ashley's house. There was only one car in the driveway, which was Ashley's, meaning he was the only one home. I stumbled up to his front door, the pain and exhaustion from running making my legs feel like jelly. I rang the doorbell once and waited a minute or so before Ashley swung the door open, not at all expecting me to be on the other side.
"Oh my god, what happened to you?" He exclaimed worriedly as he ushered me into his house and upstairs to his bedroom.
It sort of felt weird being in there since the last time i was was when Ash used his powers on me. But at that time, i was too broken and weak to care even a little.
"Alright, what happened?" Ash asked again once we were sitting on his bed. The worried look that washed over his tan features continued to lay plastered across his face. I took many deep breaths to calm myself down.
"I h-hit A-andy.." I whispered, staring off into the distance as the horrible moment played in my head. Ashley's eyes widened in shock.
"Why?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.
An argument with myself formed in my head on whether it was or was not a good idea to come to Ashley's house. Telling him why i slapped Andy means telling him about my eating disorder. I was dreading that moment. I didn't at all want Andy or the guys to know and i wasn't ready to get better. Call me crazy but i wanted to continue what i had been doing till i didn't feel disgusting anymore.
"B-because he said my r-ribs stuck out perfectly and i d-don't know i just got angry...I don't want him to k-know...I don't w-want anyone to know about my.." I trailed off, unable to speak those two words to Ash. A moment of silence passed till realization washed over his face. He shook his head and mumbled 'no' to himself over and over again..
The look of hurt and sadness on his face made my crying continue, harder now that he knew and that he was going to tell everyone.
"It's back?" He whispered. I nodded my head as more warm tears cascaded down my pale face. Ashley wrapped his muscular arms around my shoulders in a comforting hug. I allowed myself to sob into his shoulder.
"Why didn't you tell any of us? We would have helped you." He asked in a hushed tone. I shook my head.
"I c-couldn't! It w-would break your hearts a-and i don't w-want to get better...yet." I cried, my voice muffled by his shoulder.
Ashley pulled away from our embrace but left his hands on my shoulders. A stern yet simpathetic expression made its way onto his face.
"You have to get better, love. If you don't it'll just get worse and you might get really sick or-or die." Ashley argued softly. I nodded in agreement, although i was still in denial.
"Can i see?" He asked quietly. My eyes widened and i shook my head frantically. He'll think i'm disgusting! "I won't think you're disgusting. No matter how much you weigh, you'll always be beautiful in my eyes. Please?" Ash begged. I sighed and nodded before i got off the bed and stood in front of him, lifting my sweatshirt first. Ashley gasped.
"Oh my god...." He covered his mouth with his hand in shock. I quickly pulled my sweatshirt back down before yanking my sweatpants down so he could see my thighs. Before i could react Ashley's was in front of my running his thumb over the dozens of semi deep cuts on my thighs.
"Oh, Lex..." He sighed unhappily. "Are there more?" He asked. I nodded shamefully before pulling up both sleeves of my sweatshirt to reveal dozens more on my arms. The cuts on my arms were deeper than those on my thighs, since i attempted suicide 6 times. Ash gasped louder, tears filling up his eyes.
"No..." He breathed. I cried harder as he just stared at them. "I-i'm calling Andy and the guys.." He mumbled before prying his eyes away from my arm. I nodded in defeat before pulling my sweatpants back up and the sleeves to my sweatshirt back down. I sat down on Ash's bed and strained my hearing so i could hear his side of the conversation going on right outside his bedroom door.
~Have you seen Alex? She slapped me then just ran out crying!
~Yes, she came to my house.
~Oh thank god. I'm so worried about her Ash...
~So am i... Uh listen Andy, i think you need to come over here. There's a lot of stuff you need to see.
~What? Is she okay? Is she hurt? I'm coming right now!
~No she's not okay and...*sigh* Just get over here she can explain it to you herself, i don't wanna be the one to tell you.
~O-okay.. Bye.
~Bye.
Ashley came back into his room and sat down next to me as we waited for Andy to show. He was texting a lot on his phone, so i assumed he was telling the rest to come to his house. I sighed, dreading the moment when Andy walks through the door.
Notes
so Ashley knows! next chapter Andy, Jinxx, CC, and Jake will all find out. it's gonna be a sad and drama filled chapter so keep that in mind. also, it may be more than 1 part I'm not sure yet.p.s. the bold/italic text is what Alex can hear meaning it's Ashley. i wrote what Andy was saying on the other line in just italics so you guys wouldn't get confused! xo
Title Credit: Lying From You - Linkin Park
@Red Phoenix77 i wrote this back when i was about 13 (im 18 now) but i assume that my thought process was that vampires weren't undead, they were very much alive. also, i was very inexperienced when writing this story so i didn't put too much thought into things. maybe i'll re-write it one day! :)
9/20/17