Destiny's Kiss

We pulled into Ashley’s driveway about midnight. The car ride home was completely silent. I couldn’t help but feeling like a big fuck up. I bet he’ll never want to see me again. Fuck my life and me being so uncertain about things. The smiles that had once, only 30 minutes earlier, been plastered on our faces, were long gone—frowns had replaced them. I could feel the terrible depression creeping up on me once again. All I could do was stare down at my hands and hold back the brewing tears.

When the car finally came to a halt, Andy opened the car door and got out before I even had time to say a word.

“But…uh…I had a good….a good time.” I hung my head. Andy was already in the front door, closing it behind him, by the time I could stutter the words out. I stared down at the ground, a few tears rolling down my cheek and leaving a wet trail behind. I wiped them with the back of my hand and made my way to my car.

I shut my car door behind me and rested my head against the steering wheel. More tears fell, and depressions grasp on me had gotten tighter. I couldn’t breathe; all I could do was silently sob into the cold steering wheel.

After a few seconds I collected myself enough to drive home. My eyes were still slightly blurry, which made it hard to see straight. I almost drove off the road a couple of times, but I didn’t care enough to slow to down or pull over. All I could think about was how big of a fuck up I was. I didn’t care if I got in a car accident, and I didn’t care if I got hurt—I didn’t care about anything.

I pulled into my driveway and tears started to fall again. I was a mess, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, wiped my tears away, and pulled it out to see who it was. Ashley was calling me.

“Hello…” I managed to choke out, trying to sound like I hadn’t been crying a few seconds before.
“Hey. I saw Andy come in, where are you.”
“I…I’m at home.” I choked back tears. “I said something stupid, and it pissed Andy off, or hurt him. When we got home he just went inside. I didn’t think you were awake, so I just left.”
“What did you say?”
“He asked if I was staying at your house. I said I didn’t know. Then, he asked if I wanted to. Me, being the stupid, nervous ass I am, I responded with, ‘where would I sleep, though’ which made it sound like I didn’t want to stay. Even though, believe me, I did. Then he just told me to go home.”
“Oh…do you want me to go talk to him for you?”
“I don’t know. Even if you talk to him and make him see that I wanted to stay, I’m just going to end up saying something stupid down the road and fucking things up again. I’m fucking worthless.” I was emotionless now, and darkness had filled me.
“Crystal, you’re not worthless.” I couldn’t say anything, I was hurting too bad.

I wasn’t thinking right, or really thinking at all. My mind was blank of everything but pain. Instead of responding to him, I didn’t want to be a burden to his life—I just hung up the phone. All I wanted to do was run away from life; run away from myself.

“I am worthless…I am.” I uttered the words as I sat alone in my room. “I should just end it all. No one would care; no one would even notice I’m gone.” I hung my head and contemplated ending my life. I decided if I was going to, I would go out on a high—overdosing on heroin it was.

Notes

Short chapter. Dun dun dun...what's going to happen to Crystal!?! Is she going to do it? D: