Destiny's Kiss

“I don’t mean to sound demanding when I say this…but you need to tell me why you keep running away after you show affection towards me. It’s really confusing, and it just…it kind of hurts, to be honest. If you don’t like me like that, I understand. I fully understand that, and there’s nothing wrong with us just being friends. But you need to tell me why it is you keep doing that shit.”

I stared over at him; his face shown the sadness that his heart held deep inside. I couldn’t help but wonder what the pain was that he hid so deep inside. I aimlessly stared out the window, trying to push the feelings I had for him deep inside. I fought back tears and swallowed hard; I had to be strong.

He looked deep into my eyes, the beautiful way he always does when he’s trying so very hard to figure me out. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares; not moving, only taking small breaths.

After what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes; his lips parted, and he spoke. It was like he had finally decided whether he trusted me enough to lay his burdens on me.

“I…I uh…I dated this girl for a really long time; 3 years. We were engaged and life was bliss. But I was unaware of just who she truly was. I came home from tour two days early-- there, she lay on the couch, barely breathing; barely alive. I dropped my bags and ran over to her. I called 9.1.1, and the paramedics loaded her into an ambulance. I tried to come along, but they wouldn’t let me. They wouldn’t let me.” A tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away with his back of hand. He stared down at the floor, trying to fight back more tears. “I…I sped to the hospital in my car, and when I arrived and made it to her room, they informed me that she overdosed on meth. I was so busy; so focused on my music, I didn’t even know she was suffering. I could’ve helped her, if I had only known. If I had only not been so blind…I didn‘t even get to say goodbye.”


His words came out, emotionless. He seemed so detached from the world. He just sat there, staring out into the darkness that was falling outside. It then occurred to me, just how fucked up both of us are. It then made me realize how much he needed to be saved; he needed someone to be there for him. I knew I had to say something; I had to do something to help him. As Dr. Seuss put it in the book, How The Grinch Stole Christmas: my heart must’ve grown three sizes. It became so clear to me the reason he had walked into my life that night at the mall.

“Andy…” I walked over to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up into my eyes, and I into his. “I whole heartedly feel that this crutch you’re holding in your heart would be a lot easier to carry if someone was helping you carry it…I’m…I’m here for you. ”

I could see the hurt lingering in his eyes still. I took a few steps closer to him, squatting down a bit; I wrapped my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist so tightly, as if he wasn’t going to ever let go. He laid his head on my chest and I could feel a few warm tears rolling down his cheek. I squeezed him a little bit tighter and softly stroked his hair.

“Andy, I know how you fell……..” I breathed in deeply. “A…a few years ago, I found myself in love; I cared about him so much. I was young, and I was naive. Things started off great, but every couple weeks he would break up with me. Well, he wouldn’t break up with me; he would just block me on Facebook. Then, a few weeks later, he would start talking to me again and ask me back out. Every time he would come crawling back, I would take him right back. Because that’s how much I cared about him; I was willing to get hurt a million times, so maybe, just maybe, one day he would realize that I was there for him. I had already been battling depression and I was constantly sad. But every time I was with him, I felt safe. The safety was just a lie though; a false sense of care. He’d lived on the streets his whole life and I barely knew who he was. But I loved him anyway; he was my whole world. I had promised myself that I would wait until marriage to have sex, and I told him that. One night, he decided to push me into having sex-- I wasn’t ready, but I was willing to do it for him, to show him how much he truly meant to me. He promised me he would stay, and five days later he had one of his friends call and break up with me. That literally pushed me over the edge. I wouldn’t leave the house, I wouldn’t eat, I didn’t talk to anyone at all-- I just stayed in my room all day. All I thought about was suicide and how badly I wanted it. Throughout everything, we had dated on and off for a year, until I finally lost contact with him. I hated him so much, but I still cared about him more than anything. He…he literally broke me. Months later, he messaged me on Facebook asking if I could go pick him up from a town about 50 miles away from where I lived. I didn’t have any way to get him, so he found another ride. He ended up getting in a car accident that very day and went into a coma for three months. I only knew what was going on with him because his dad would update his Facebook. Every day I prayed that he would be okay; every day I cried and cried. I felt so guilty for letting him down, because I didn’t try harder to find a ride to get him. I felt so hurt, and so depressed at the fact that he could be gone. He would never know how much I cared about him, and how much I loved him. I could remember every single one of the memories we had together. They are so imprinted in my memory, everywhere that I walk, if I walked there with him, the memory flashes back into my head and I relive it all again. It used to kill me almost every day, knowing that I would never have those memories again; knowing that he is gone forever…” Silent tears began rolling down my cheeks, leaving damp trails behind them.

He lifted his head up. His soft blue eyes assessing my face, he reached his hand up and softly wiped away the tears.

“See Andy… I’m broken… just like you.” I smiled a pathetic smile, and a few tears rolled down again. “I know what it’s like to hurt every, single, day; to blame yourself every moment. I know what it’s like to hate yourself…because I do.”

I looked down at him; I just stood there, hopelessly looking at him while a few tears rolled down here and there. I breathed in and pain filled my ribs. I wiped my tears away and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and sliding down it until my butt reached the cold tile floor.

I just admitted why I am fucked up.
Never, have I told anyone, what I just told him.

It will take a long time for me to be okay; the same for him. He’s so afraid of getting close to someone and not being able to be there for them when they need him, he won’t get close to anyone. The experience with this girl has damaged him so much; he’s a broken person.

He’s just like me.

Notes

TA DA! :D The answer to why Andy keeps running away after he shows Crystal affection. Sorry if this chapter is too long, or poorly written. Please, please, PLEASE, let me know what you think. Love you guys <3