We know our wings are flawed.
Dealing with my thoughts
A few days went by, we occasionally left the hospital to get some rest or clean ourselves up but one of us always stayed with jinxx at all times, he had been in a coma for 3 days and we were struggling to see the brighter side of things.
i was really hoping jinxx would come out of his coma but nothing has seemed to change. Andy usually stays with me most at the hospital although all of the guys take turns. Andy and i dont really say anything to each other, i am usually too depressed to talk to anyone and andy is pretty much the same. for most of the day we just sit in the hospital around jinxx praying he will get better.
When i ocassionally go home, i sit in our room for a while and look at all the things he treasured most to remind me before all of this shit happened. most of the time i get upset but lets be honest who wouldn't, He is the love of my life and my inspiration.
Even thought they try to hide it, the guys sometimes get upset. They are trying to be strong for me and for jinxx but even i know when they are crying, its completely heartbreaking to see the people you love most in such a mess.
I can honestly say im stuck in a hole, a big black hole that i cant get out of no matter how hard i try, i can't even remember the last time i smiled. i feel like the darkness is closing on me. I just want Jinxx, i want to tell him how much i love him, see he beautiful smile again and let him hold me in his arms once again.
All these thoughts are going around in my head, i have no escape. i know i can't live without him, all i want is to have him back. I wonder if he can hear me, hear me crying, hear me screaming, hear me begging for him to come back to me. i bet he feels trapped, alone and like he is in a nightmare that he cant wake up from.
Im trying to keep positive about this whole thing but all these thoughts about what if Jinxx doesnt get through this, what do i do then and how will i survive.
Ash, Jake and CC had gone home to get some rest so Andy and i were alone at the hospital with Jinxx. I looked down at the floor, i shed a few tears at the though of jinxx not pulling through.
"Are you alright" Andy said sadly
"Yeah, im holding up" i replied, he knew i was lying and he wrapped his arm around me.
"Its going to be okay...." he whispered.
i was really hoping jinxx would come out of his coma but nothing has seemed to change. Andy usually stays with me most at the hospital although all of the guys take turns. Andy and i dont really say anything to each other, i am usually too depressed to talk to anyone and andy is pretty much the same. for most of the day we just sit in the hospital around jinxx praying he will get better.
When i ocassionally go home, i sit in our room for a while and look at all the things he treasured most to remind me before all of this shit happened. most of the time i get upset but lets be honest who wouldn't, He is the love of my life and my inspiration.
Even thought they try to hide it, the guys sometimes get upset. They are trying to be strong for me and for jinxx but even i know when they are crying, its completely heartbreaking to see the people you love most in such a mess.
I can honestly say im stuck in a hole, a big black hole that i cant get out of no matter how hard i try, i can't even remember the last time i smiled. i feel like the darkness is closing on me. I just want Jinxx, i want to tell him how much i love him, see he beautiful smile again and let him hold me in his arms once again.
All these thoughts are going around in my head, i have no escape. i know i can't live without him, all i want is to have him back. I wonder if he can hear me, hear me crying, hear me screaming, hear me begging for him to come back to me. i bet he feels trapped, alone and like he is in a nightmare that he cant wake up from.
Im trying to keep positive about this whole thing but all these thoughts about what if Jinxx doesnt get through this, what do i do then and how will i survive.
Ash, Jake and CC had gone home to get some rest so Andy and i were alone at the hospital with Jinxx. I looked down at the floor, i shed a few tears at the though of jinxx not pulling through.
"Are you alright" Andy said sadly
"Yeah, im holding up" i replied, he knew i was lying and he wrapped his arm around me.
"Its going to be okay...." he whispered.
I'm crying. :'(
10/21/14