I've Given You My Heart To Break..

“Angie! What happened? Where’s this bastard?! I’m gonna kick his ass! Where is..?
-Calm down Alex! It’s.. It’s not..” but my tears are back and I just can’t finish.
“It’s just.. Drive me home please” she nods and walks me to her car, still furiously looking back trying to see him, but she doesn’t know who…

Arrived home I curl up around a pillow on the couch. I’m not crying anymore, but I feel like an empty shell. Like if my soul were so so far from where I physically am now. Matt is gone for good. I can feel it. But I can also feel something worse is to come. We don’t know yet, but we will sooner or later… Yes. Something worse is yet to come.

“Angie.. Please tell me what happened. You seemed really happy lately.. Wha.. Wait! Did you see him?” I nod. Even if she doesn’t know it’s her own friend, Alex knows for a fact someone broke -is still breaking- my heart.
“Why didn’t you tell me it was him?!! Angie you should have..” I lift my hand to stop her. Take a deep breath Angie!
“I.. I didn’t know I would see him.. It was.. It was supposed to be the man I met yesterday I swear. Then he just showed up.. And.. And messed everything up.” he just appeared. Fucked things up. He just has been the poison he is.

“Oh Angie I’m sorry! I thought you.. lied to me. Since you.. Well.. Why don’t you want to tell me who he is?
-I can’t” no. I really can’t break a friendship because of the bitch I am.
“He’s fucking your life up.. On several levels. But you don’t even see that.” I sigh and look down. I’m tired. I’m empty.
“I think I’m going to sleep a bit. I’m tired” and fucked up, empty, sad, maybe even depressed.. Sure he’s my savior..

Alex sighs and nods as I stand up. But then I feel like my legs are made of marshmallow.. I feel my head violently spin as I loudly fall on the floor! Ouch!
“ANGIE!!!” I feel my friend literally lifting my body to the couch. But I can barely stay awake. What is happening to me?

A day and an half with no food consumed.

I feel my mind slowly coming back. Alex is calling.. An ambulance?
“No.. Alex.. I’ll be fine.” I sit up, ignoring the horrible pain in my head and back.
“No! No! No! There’s no ‘I’ll be fine’! You need to be checked! There’s something wrong! There must be something wrong!
-It’s nothing! I.. I just haven’t ate anything in almost two days.” her eyes grow big as her phone fall from her hand.
“B..B.. But why?” I shake my head.
“I don’t know. Not hungry. Not in the mood.
-You met him yesterday right?” I bit my lips and she shakes her head.

“Okay.. We’ll talk about this later, now I’m getting you something to eat okay?” I nod. She bakes me -yes, Alexandria Parker baked- a steak with some veggies. She then gave it to me, the same look of confusion, sadness and worry on her face.
“Here, eat that. I have a meeting now and I’ll be back in one or two hours. You DO NOT MOVE from here got me? I’ll call Sean and tell him you’re sick and not working tonight.” I nod again. What else can I do?
I take a few bites, feeling unwell. But I need to keep eating, or it will be hospital..

As if my body wanted to hide my problems from Alex as much as I do, as soon as she walks away I throw up again. I knew it would happen. But I eat the rest anyway, praying for it to stay down.. The sight and smell make me sick so I quickly clean up. I know what I should do know. Even if I’m praying even more for me to be wrong. But after all I’m already in hell right?
When the living room doesn’t smell like death anymore I clean myself and walk down in the street. At least the -half- meal made me feel better!

I walk to the pharmacy and ask for it. It can’t and won’t be that. But I need to be sure. When I have it, I walk back home, hoping with all my heart Alex isn’t there just yet. I’m supposed to ‘not move from here’. I walk to the bathroom and open the little box. Feeling my heart beating ten time too fast, maybe you can hear it?
I undress myself and follow the instruction. It won’t be... It won’t be!
I sit on the toilet. Five more minutes and I’ll now.

I’ll know the results of my pregnancy test.

Notes

Some people saw it coming but...
Remember I am the author of this story… Things are never as it’s supposed to be with me ;)
I am your Shadow.. <3