Razer blades and pencils

I was in my room for 2 weeks now I only got out for school my parents drove me they brot me my food and yeah it sucked but the nice thing was every night at seven the misfit's would climb on my roof and I would open my window and we would talk my face was still black and blue and my arm was so tender the touch of my salve felt like a iron hot peace of metal was being perched against my arm so when i was home I where a short selve the misfits did not know I cut and I liked that
"so how are you" Richie asked
"good i think" I said Meagan handed me a soda but when I reached out to grab it I used my cut arm showing them my cut's I felt so stupid how could I be so carless she droped the can and grabbed my arm
"oh my god chrissy are you okay" she asked
" could not look at them I wanted to pull my arm back but her grip was to strong I could feel them all stairing at it I was holding back tries I hated my self I kept trying to pull my arm back but she would not let go
"let go of me" I yelled you could her the pain in my voice she let go and I puled my arm back I sat under the window and closed my eyes and cried they kept calling my name but I did not answer they stayed there till ten then they lifted i laid down and closed my eyes but did not go to sleep I thought about Raven I missed her so much it had ben 2 weeks sense I lifted that messages and every day I regretted it i cried and cried then my mom opened the door I sat up and looked at her
"what do you want" I said throw tiers
"someone is here to see you" she said then keagan walked in my mom closed the door behind him he ran over to me and hugged me just hugged me I warped my arms around him and cried into his chest
"dose Raven hate me" I asked throw tiers
"no why would she" Keagan said the sound of his voice was calming
"because of what I said" I said
"you where mad she knows you don't hate her" keagen said
"are you okay" Keagan asked
"no" I said
"how can I help" keagan asked
"i don't know"
he gently grabe my chin with his thumb and index finger he made me look at him he pulled the hair out of my face wiped my tear stain checks he help my head gently then he kissed me
a long slow peasant beautiful kiss I reluckdently pulled away and looked down
'whats wrong" he asked
"where do I start" I said
"sart with whats bothering you the most" he said
"I think i just scared away 6 people that I really like and I just want them to come back" I said
"we never lifted" Max said form the roof I smelled and ran to the window and tried to hug him but the bars where in the way they where all there
"who's the dude" Richie asked
"my boyfriend Keagan" I looked at keagen then I pulled him to the window
"Keagan these are my friend Max Richie Zack Jordan Ben and Megan" I said they all said hi and greeted each other
"hey get off my roof now or I will call the cops" my dad yelled
they turned and looked at him he pulled out his phone and that made them leave
" I don't ever want to see you here again"he yelled at them
my mom burst throw the door and garbed keagan s arm and pulled him out of my room before he could even say goodbye I watched as my mom shoved him into his car
then I closed my window just another friday night ruined I sat on my phone and called Andy but he did not answer my heart sank when the his recored voice said to leave a message i din't but I wanted to
I laid on my bed a few minuets later my phone rang it was andy
"hey how are you" he asked
"to be honest i feel like shit evey day" i said
"that can't be fun" he said
" it really isn't" I said
"are you still stock in your room" he asked
"yeah" I said
"when do you think your parents will let you out" he asked
"i have no idea" i said
"so what have you ben doing" he asked
'"really just listening to music and laying on my bed" I said
"you know it was kind of stupid for them to lock you up like this because it's the worst thing for your depression" he said
"you said it my friend" i said and he was right in so manny ways
"so hows london" I asked
"good good' he said
"cool" i sighed
"whats wrong" he asked
"so manny things I can't keep count I just can't deal with life any more" I said then I hung up the phone I grabbed my blade I cut my arm as deep as I could form my palm all the way down to my elbow this was not supposed to be just a cut this one needed to kill me I did the same to my other arm then I did lots of deep cut's on my stomic and lags just for good messier then I laid on my bed


but unforchently I woke up I was in a hospital I sat up and pushed the call doctor button by my bed a norse came in
"uh how long have I ben asleep" I asked
"4 months" she said
"WHAT FOUR MONTHS" I yelled
"yup and for the pasted 4 days some of your friends come and sing it's so cool" she said
"really" I asked
"yup every day right around this time" she said
" my heart started to race and the heart monitor was proof
"wow you need to calm down" she said I toke a deep breath
"can you get me something to eat I'm starving" I asked
"yes but you can't eat to much you have to take it slow okay I will be right back" she said
I looked around the room on a desk there was a ton of flowers and a box that was warped in black paper I grabbed it and un warped it inside was a copy of Black Veil Brides 4 witch wasn't even in store's yet I let out a small yelp because I was so happy I thought I was going to explode
"thought you would like it" I knew that voice I looked up and the guys where standing in next to my bed how did I not here them come in
"oh my gosh thanks" I said as they hugged me
they all sat down I felt so wired i mean how could this convocation go oh hi im sorry you tried to kill yourself i can't imagine how sad you are that it din't work
the nurse walked in with a small blow of cereal she gave it to me and i started to eat but I knew what was coming one of the was going to ask why at some point they will ask and I would have to tell them why
"how are you"Ashely asked i should of saw this coming I was going to have to answer a ton of questions I would have to go to therapy consoling shite
"uh i'm good" I said I really was not my howl body hurt every cut did
"really" Andy asked damit why am i so bad at lying"yup I'm good" I said shit now they know that I'm most defiantly not good well they where right I knew it to I just did not want to admit it my phone beeped i looked at it It was a texted form Andy
"are you really okay"Andy
"I am most defiantly not okay"
"what can we do to help" Ashely
"i honestly don't know"
"if you knew would you tell us"Jake
"yes"I
"okay I'm just going to say it because we are all thinking it why just why"CC
"I knew someone would ask"
"thats not really an answer"CC
"I know"
"do you not want to say"CC
"not really"
"well that's okay"CC
my family walked into the room and hugged me but the sight of my parents made me sick
"my parents are the reason why"
"oh plz tell me that's not true"CC
"you asked"
"who you talking to" my mom asked sitting down
"when I leave do I have to go back to my room" I said
"no sweetie" she said
I texted Keagan to come to hospital he said he would be there in 5
"honey but the phone away" my dad said putting his hand on my shoulder I force and slowly turned my head to look at him the I slowly pushed his hand off my shoulder
"Chrissy there you family be nice"Andy
"after what they did no"
"whats wrong with you" Dereck asked my jaw fell to the floor
'whats wrong with me what's wrong with me" I yelled I started to get out of the bed but the guys pushed me back in it
"I have ben asking my self the same question every day damit every day and I still don't have an answer" I yelled
"watch your mouth" my mom hissed
I gave her a nasty look then Keagan ran into the room and started to kiss me I warped my arms around him he pulled away just a little so that our foreheads and nose's still touched
"there watching" he whispered
"good" I whispered back we kissed some more
"ew get a room"
"raven?" I said keagen moved so that I could see Raven and Kendra standing in the door
"10 of my favorite people" I said
"chrissy there s 13 of use" my bother said
"I know" I said
"chrissy" my dad hissed
'you said it your self respect must be earned you have not earned it" I said my dad raised his hand to slap my at that same time the guys stood up
"hey hey now lets not get violent" Andy said
"you shut your mouth if it wasn't for shity bands like you my daughter might be nomal" my dad yelled
"what the fuck is your porblum" Andy yelled a few doctors came in and toke my parents in the hall my howl family lefted after that

Notes

so yeah