Unabridged and Uncontrollable

Andy's P.O.V
I looked around. Her apartment seemed almost unused, so clean and spacious. I walked over to her as she hoisted herself up to sit on the kitchen counter and purposefully touched her hand. She flinched and looked at me with questioning eyes. "Tell me everything Ingrid" I spoke softly, my voice grainy and deep. She shuddered and slid down, her shoulders hunched. This was rushing things but I this whole thing was rushed. Why take it slow anymore? What did slow achieve here? I wanted to know her truly. I wanted her in my life. I wanted her not to leave me and I believed she wouldn't. She wasn't like anybody else.
"You can't scare me, ok?" I had seen it all before. I saw it every day, all over me.

She took my hand an I melted under her fluttery pulse and slender fingers. Hummingbird hands. She led me to the corner sofa just across from the kitchen and we sat down anongst the red and grey cushions.
She looked into my eyes as she spoke in a shaky, quiet tone. "I don't know where to start. I don't understand myself so how can you get it? I know you know it all already. I know you understand the basics. The feelings. The meaning. But can't you see? I don't. I know what it is but I have never tried controlling it. Never told anybody. Never tried to figure it out because I didn't need to, it was just me. In on my own secrets. I'm scared , Andy."
I nodded. Hiding my surprise at her lengthy speech, I motioned for her to go on. She took a deep breath that shook her body and began again. "My name is Ingrid and I have a messed up mind. I can't sleep at night. I don't talk to people. I can't eat food. I don't eat food. I get scared and panic. I never want to move. I get sad. I don't want to be anywhere anymore." She looked away, tears appearing in the corners of her eyes. I knew when she said these things, they weren't just little facts. They were so serious and so full on. They were her everything. "Tell me again." She bit her lip then..." I have insomnia, depression, bulimia, anorexia, anxiety and..." She wavered then shut her mouth.
"Ingrid, I know it's hard. It's so fucking difficult to reveal a secret, even when it's not a secret anymore. I'm here for you OK?" I was being the strong one here. I was holding out for her but as I looked into her eyes my heart crumbled and I had to gather myself before listening again.

With another long breath she began pulling her jumper over her head. Then she layed it in front of her and I saw. I saw the deep red cuts that took up her entire arms. Layers upon layers of crossing cuts. There was no space left so she just opened them again. I looked back up at her and tears were streaking down her cheeks like rain. I held out my arms and she folded over, collapsing on my shoulder, shaking with silent sobs. I hated this. I hated her thinking she had to cry. It must be scary for her. "It's alright. It's all Ok here." I pushed her back gently then reached behind me and pulled off my sweatshirt from the back. I put my pale arm against her and she looked up and gasped. Then I erupted. I never thought it would be so much. I fell towards her and our long hair tangled on her back as we both cried. I thought I could bottle it in. I thought I was over the fear of admitting myself. But now, I thought again. I held her close as we both shook. So this was it.

Notes

This is the end of the pre-written stuff… Please please comment if you liked it, I've had no comments in ages and I miss them :(