Gift of Sound

Those last two sentence fragments bounced around in Ash’s already tortured skull and made him question his sanity over the course of the next few days. Even if the sentiment is never reciprocated, I love you and I couldn’t watch you die if I knew I could save you. He was still confused as to why the new kid at his school even gave two shits and a flying fuck about him, and was still wondering if what he’d said was true. Did he really love him and feel heartbroken because he’d tried to kill himself? After all, he’d lied about them dating in order to get himself and Jake access to his room, even though Ash didn’t know it yet. Or was he just playing some unidentified game, one that was only going to lead to even more pain and heartbreak in the end?

For the past couple days, ever since his release from the hospital, he’d been at home. Even if his grandmother would let him drive her car at the moment, his doctor had ordered him to stay home and rest for a couple weeks after the supposed attack that’d nearly cost him his life. His forearm still hurt like a bitch, the stitches beneath the gauze pulling his skin together not helping, but there was nothing he could do.

As he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and still halfway wishing he were dead, he couldn’t help but wonder what Andy’d been up to. He’d seemed pretty weak and sleepy that morning when he regained consciousness in the hospital, but that was to be expected after a twelve-hour man-to-man blood transfusion. He hadn’t heard from him since Jake finally convinced him to go home, which was the only time he’d left since he wanted to follow him and make sure he didn’t get hurt on his bike in his weakened state. Maybe he, too, had been at home ever since then, resting and regaining his strength.

Now it’d been a week since he’d been released from the hospital, and Ash was seriously sick of being at home. Even if he hated school, he’d much rather be there than in his room, where he’d locked himself upon his return, staring into space and withering away. He’d refused to come down to eat ever since he got home, just telling his grandmother that he wasn’t hungry or had food stashed up here when she tried to coax him downstairs. In reality, he was starving himself because he was fat, and hadn’t been this hungry in his life.

“Ashley, you have a visitor!” his grandmother yelled up the staircase. Apparently she wasn’t feeling well enough to actually climb it today.

He didn’t bother answering because, unless it was Andy, he didn’t want to see anyone today.

“Ashley, did you hear me?” she yelled.

More silence answered her.

He could hear her saying something to whoever was wanting to visit him, but her voice and words were muffled because of his closed door. Moments later, he heard heavy boots on the stairs and coming down the hall toward his bedroom door, but he couldn’t care less. Still, he flinched when the person rapped their knuckles against the locked door, but refused to get up and open it.

“Ash? Can you open your door for me?” He’d recognize that basement-deep voice anywhere.

“G-gimme a m-minute,” he stuttered. His voice sounded hoarse from lack of use over the past week.

He rolled across his bed to the side that was closest to the door, unsure of how his body would respond after being starved for a week. His stomach growled as he lay face-down for a moment and he reached under himself to lay a hand across it as it clenched painfully. It was no fun being fat, and the pain was Hell when combined with the pain in his stitched forearm, but it was worth it if he’d lose weight and be worth something to someone. Especially if that someone was Andy.

It took him a couple minutes to even attempt getting up, but when he finally did, he was glad his bed was so close to the door. The wave of dizziness that overcame him as he stood made him regret doing anything but laying on his bed, especially when he started to see black spots. He could barely see the crystal doorknob as he reached for it, knowing the young man he loved stood on the other side of the portal. Carefully as he tried not to fall on his face from the disorientation, he twisted the knob after unlocking it and opened the solid mahogany door to reveal his friend, the one who’d literally saved his life.

“Ash, are you okay?” he asked, concern marring his features. “You don’t look so good.”

“I… I…” Before he could even begin his sentence, much less finish it, the black spots before his eyes tripled and he felt himself falling.

“Holy shit,” Andy breathed, barely catching him before he slammed his head into the doorjamb. “Ash, can you hear me?”

“W-wha—” He blinked rapidly.

“You passed out for a minute,” he said, holding him upright. “What happened?”

His stomach chose that moment to growl and clench painfully again, and it took every ounce of willpower he possessed not to groan from the pain.

“Jesus, when was the last time you ate?” his friend asked.

“I—I can’t remember,” he answered. He was so dizzy and in so much pain he was lucky to remember his own name.

“Let’s get you downstairs and get some food in you.” Andy swept him up into his arms bridal-style, which made his head spin worse. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ. You’re so light…”

“No, I’m not. I’m a fucking fatass,” he argued weakly, resting his head against his shoulder.

“Ashley, I can feel your ribs from where I’m holding you. I can feel each and every vertebra in your spine. You’re not fat, if that’s the case,” he told him sternly. “In fact, you’re what can only be called anorexic.”

Since he didn’t have the strength to argue with him, Ash just barely managed to wrap his arms around his neck as he carried him downstairs. Other than managing to get down the hall to the bathroom for a glass of water and to piss every now and then, it was the first time he’d been outside that little haven in a week. Granted, he hated that he had to be carried rather than be able to walk on his own two feet, but on the bright side, if there was one, at least he was in the arms of the man he loved.

Considering that he hadn’t touched food in a week, Andy set him down on the couch and rummaged through the pantry for something light. Having also been anorexic at one point and somehow managing to break that mentality, he knew that light foods were the best thing to start out with at first. He managed to find some crackers and yogurt, and even if they weren’t Ash’s favorite, they were better than nothing.

At first, he wanted to argue and try to get out of eating, but yet another painful clench of his starving stomach drew a soft groan of pain from him. He scrunched his eyes shut and curled up, his arms crossed over his torso, as he waited for the pain to subside enough to sit up. While they were waiting for that to happen, Andy quickly ripped the foil off the top of the yogurt and mixed in the granola that came with it, knowing it needed a bit of solid substance. By the time he was able to uncurl himself, he had the yogurt mixed up and ready for him to eat, but unfortunately, he now found himself too dizzy to sit upright. He couldn’t even see straight enough to grab the spoon held right in front of his face so he could eat.

With a soft and gentle tone, he coaxed him to open his mouth after propping his head up so he wouldn’t choke. He slipped the spoon into his mouth, watching as his lips closed around it, and gently pulled it back out. He watched Ash as he chewed the bits of granola, then watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed it. It seemed as if it took entirely too much energy to swallow that one small bite of yogurt, and he knew that feeling of weakness all too well. He worked patiently with him until they got to the bottom of the cup, where he scraped every last bit he could from it.

“Feeling any better?” he asked, setting the cup aside on the coffee table.

“A little,” Ash answered. His voice still sounded a bit hoarse.

“This is why you shouldn’t starve yourself, Ashes,” Andy said softly, making sure that, even with their hearing aids in, his grandparents couldn’t hear him. “It causes too much pain and suffering.”

“H-how would y-you kn-know?” he asked.

“Because I was anorexic from the time I was twelve till I was fifteen,” he answered honestly. “I felt like I was too fat, and in all honesty, I was a bit overweight. However, I went about losing that excess weight the wrong way.”

“So you’re saying that you’ve pretty much done everything that I’m doing now?” he asked, his voice growing stronger.

Andy nodded sadly, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’ve been down this road, although for different reasons than you. It doesn’t end well, and I don’t wanna see you learn the hard way.”

Ash was at a loss for words, especially since he felt like he might cry himself.

“Like I told you last week, I love you. Even if the sentiment is never reciprocated,” he told him, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Nel fatto, non avete idea di quanto vuoi dire a me.”

“What the fuck? Were you just speaking Spanish?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“Oops, sorry.” He blushed and grinned sheepishly. “I woke up one morning when I was ten with the ability to speak Italian, and sometimes I slip into that when I’m emotional.”

“What’d you just say to me?” He was genuinely curious.

“I said, ‘In fact, you have no idea just how much you mean to me’.”

As he lay there on his couch looking at his friend, he saw several tears stream down his face, leaving trails of eyeliner and mascara in their wake. It was finally becoming obvious to him just how much he was hurting not only himself, but those around him, by trying to kill himself in various ways. Not only had this selfless young man helped Jake get him out of his cabin, but he’d given him the blood in his veins so he could live. Now he knelt on the floor in front of him, not quite force-feeding him, but definitely managing to get food into his system like no one else could. All with tears streaming down his face.

Something inside him finally snapped and he realized that, as long as he didn’t push him away, Ash had the love of another that he’d been seeking for the last eleven years. Sure, his grandparents and the rest of the guys loved him, but the love of family and the love of a lover were two completely different things. He’d realized in the hospital, and even before he wound up there, that he loved Andy; he just didn’t know he felt the same.

If he hadn’t believed the words he’d spoken in the hospital when he told him that, even if he didn’t feel the same way towards him and never did, he certainly did now. The tears he was crying and the light of love in those icy-blue eyes told him as much. He realized that by trying repeatedly to kill himself was just killing this man instead, even if it was just internally. But one more attempt on his life could very well be the end of this young man as well because there was no telling what his death could drive him to do.

“A-Andy, I—I love y-you, t-too,” he said softly, his voice still cracking a bit from his weakness. The overflow of emotion certainly didn’t help.

A bright smile lit up the young man’s face when he heard those stuttered words come out of Ash’s mouth and he looked like he could squeal like a little girl and jump for joy. The thought of him trying to squeal like a little girl with that basement-deep voice brought a weak smile to his face, although it should’ve been a grin, and his crush started chuckling softly. Before he knew it, Andy leaned forward and rested his forearms on the edge of the cushion in front of him, slowly leaning in. He knew what was coming, knew that he was giving him every opportunity to move his head or something to show rejection, but he wanted this. He wanted to know what it felt like to finally kiss someone he truly loved.

The moment their lips connected, it felt like a bolt of lightning moved from one body to another and like sparks were flying around them. Considering his weakness, he kept the kiss chaste this time, but they both knew that any time he wasn’t this weak, it would be much more heated. In fact, Ash could tell that he wanted to lick his lip in a plea for entrance, but was refraining since he needed his strength.

“I love you so much, Ashes,” he whispered when their lips parted. “Just remember, I’m always here for you. Come to me and talk if you feel like hurting yourself again.”

Unable to answer, he merely nodded his head as tears of his own streamed down his face.


Two days later, Andy and Ash were finally able to go back to school. The former of the pair had stayed out for a little over a week since finding the man who was now his boyfriend, if only behind closed doors, because he felt weak after the blood donation. In fact, he’d been so weak that he hadn’t even been able to hold up his bike to get home, which resulted in Jake having to go get Jinxx to ride his bike home for him so it wasn’t left sitting at the hospital while he rode in Mrs. Pitts’ car.

But now he felt almost back to normal and his energy and strength felt restored well enough. He still decided that he wanted Jinxx to ride to school with him so that if he started feeling bad, they could just leave his bike on the side of the road, as much as that would pain him. Ash wasn’t even allowed near his bike after his blood loss and trying to starve himself for a week, as he was still way too weak to hold it up.

Just to be on the safe side, Andy’d taken the key to it the day he’d come over to visit him, only to find him nearly unconscious and curled up in a ball from the pain. He didn’t want him trying anything stupid, no matter how worthless and unloved he may feel, and until he regained enough strength to handle the Dark Custom Cross Bones, he was riding bitch with Jake. Since Jake no longer had a girlfriend he had to worry about giving a ride to school to, he didn’t mind their friend riding bitch with him. Yeah, it would look kinda funny since everyone would assume it was a girl at first, and especially once they figured out it was a guy, but he didn’t care.

At the present moment, they were all riding down the road toward their school with the exception of Sammi, who’d once again stayed home sick. Andy, Jinxx, and CC were the only ones without passengers, although Andy could very well end up on the back of Jinxx’s Road King if he didn’t feel well enough to handle his bike. Ash was riding bitch with Jake, who’d gotten another Road King after Ella destroyed the old one, although he would’ve preferred to ride bitch with his boyfriend. But he understood that if he barely felt strong enough to handle the weight of his bike, there was no way he could handle its weight, along with that of a passenger. Besides, he knew he could wait long enough for him to handle the combined weight rather than risk both their lives.

“Ahhh, it feels so good to be back on the Fallen Angel,” Andy sighed once he was parked at school.

“That’s what you call your bike? The Fallen Angel?” Jake asked with a laugh.

“Hey, don’t judge me!” he chuckled. “I’m a fallen angel, so it only makes sense for my bike to be called that.”

Everyone shot him skeptical looks.

“Trust me, I’d get kicked out of Heaven before I set foot through the pearly gates, and Hell’s too boring,” he said, still chuckling.

“I don’t know. From what I witnessed last week, I think you’d get through those pearly gates with ease,” Jake said seriously.

“Whaddaya mean, Jake?” CC asked. He, along with Jinxx, had a curious look on his face.

He just shot a look to Andy and Ash, who were standing near each other, to ask their permission, which they both gave.

“When we finally got to see Ash in the hospital because of a little white lie Andy told, his vitals started going down because he didn’t have enough blood left in his veins to keep his blood pressure up,” Jake started. “The doctor called down to the blood bank, only to find out that they were out of Ash’s blood type. Andy, being the selfless sweetie he is, stuck his own arm out and told them that, if possible, they had his consent to try a man-to-man transfusion.”

“What?” the others breathed.

“I have the universal blood type, type O negative,” Andy explained. “Ash was literally at Death’s door, and I knew that trying to donate the old-fashioned way could mean his death.”

“So you gave him your blood straight from your veins?” CC asked. “Wow. So selfless of you.”

“I agree with Jake on this one,” Jinxx said quietly. “I think you probably would get through those pearly gates with ease. Especially after that and helping to take care of him all last week when you still weren’t at full strength yourself.”

“Anyway, what was that little white lie you told?” their hyper friend asked. He wasn’t being nosy, just a curious kitty, so to speak.

Even Ash didn’t know what little white lie had been told that night, so Andy started blushing furiously while Jake crowed with laughter and the rest of the guys looked lost.

“Yeah, what white lie did you tell, Andy?” Ash asked. Now even his curiosity was sparked.

“Nope. That secret goes with me to my grave,” he insisted, his blush deepening. His entire face was now scarlett, and well on its way to being crimson.

“C’mon, amore mio,” he begged quietly enough that only he heard him. He even used one of the Italian phrases he’d taught him to his advantage.

“Nope. Not even using an Italian phrase I taught you is gonna work, Ash.”

“You speak Italian?” CC asked, suddenly changing the topic. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear their friend was ADD.

“Sì, posso parlare Italiano. Di solito quando mi trovo presso mio il più emotivo, anche se,” Andy answered.

“What?” everybody, including Ash, asked.

“I said, ‘Yes, I can speak Italian. Usually when I’m at my most emotional, though’,” he translated. “Doesn’t mean I won’t have a random bout of it come out of my mouth like that when I want.”

“Sheesh. A man of many masks,” Jinxx chuckled, shaking his head.

“Yeah. At first we thought you were shy; turns out you’re pretty out-going. Then we figured you were a selfish ass; quite the opposite, actually. And we definitely didn’t take you as one for knowing another language,” Jake agreed.

“I don’t know why, but I woke up with the ability to speak it one day when I was ten.” He shrugged. “It’s not like I ever studied it, or wanted to learn. It just…happened.”

With a shrug, they all grabbed their helmets and bookbags so they could head into the school. Andy was thankful they’d all forgotten about the little white lie he’d told at the hospital, as he really didn’t want to explain it to everyone, and he trusted Jake to keep his mouth shut. He might’ve known these guys way longer, but something told him that he could keep a secret when need be. Considering that he’d been present upon telling Ash that his true sexuality had remained locked in his head for several years, he doubted that even they could break his will to keep that secret for him.

Although it seemed like it wasn’t long, it was in fact closer to half an hour before the first bell rang and they had to part ways for the day. When no one was looking, Andy kissed his fingertips and blew the kiss in Ash’s direction since he couldn’t actually kiss him goodbye, which caused him to blush. Nobody noticed how red his face was when they parted ways, and for that, both young men were extremely thankful.

Notes