Living on Love

Considering that he wouldn’t really be able to do much touring, if any, after the first leg of the Church of the Wild Ones Tour, Ash decided that he’d best accompany the band on that one. Sammi was tagging along, as was Ella, not just to be close to their own sweethearts, but to act as babysitters for Legacy. The fans had known about the beautiful little girl since about three months after her birth, although he refused to release information on her parentage just yet, so they weren’t surprised when it was announced that she’d be coming on her first-ever tour with them.

Alongside not releasing information about his daughter’s parentage, the bassist didn’t release information about his condition, so he knew he’d have to play his cards close to his vest, so to speak. At the moment, he was a day shy of nineteen weeks, and since he still wasn’t showing very much, he planned to go shirtless for as much of the tour as he could stomach.

By the time the Kerrang! Tour came up in February, though, he was likely to be wearing shirts more often than not, even if they were just loose tank tops. He hadn’t really started showing enough for an outsider to tell when he was pregnant with their daughter until somewhere between twenty-five and thirty weeks, but he wasn’t taking any chances. Male pregnancy was relatively unheard of, and considering that he was already in the spotlight from his career, he didn’t want another reason to have paparazzi hanging around his house. Besides, while the fans would likely be supportive if they found out, there’d always be haters who’d call him names he didn’t wish to be called, “freak” probably being the highest on the list.

Since they had a show that night, Ash was currently laying in the bunk he was sharing with Andy on their bus, trying to get as much rest as he could. Legacy lay stretched out on his chest, her little legs on either side of his waist as she slept. The baby he currently carried, whom they had yet to find out the gender of, was laying still for once, which allowed him to rest even better. The guys were even keeping noise levels to a minimum to aid in the toddler’s and expectant mother’s naptime, knowing that too much noise would leave them unable to sleep and cranky later.

“Aaaashes,” someone murmured in his ear, drawing out the A.

“Mmm,” the bassist murmured in response, barely cracking his eyes open.

“C’mon, it’s time to get up,” the person said, and he realized it was his fiancé. “The rest of us have already gotten ready for the show; now it’s your turn.”

“All right, all right,” he grumbled, allowing him to take their daughter and help him up.

“My only question is…do you wanna tell the fans about us later?” Andy asked curiously. “I mean, someone’s bound to see your ring and ask at some point.”

“That’s true, I suppose,” he said, thinking. “I don’t mind telling them about us, but I don’t wanna say anything about the baby.”

“What about Legacy? They’re bound to ask who her ‘mother’ is even worse than they already are if we come out,” he pointed out.

“I’ll have to think about that one,” Ash answered. “I mean, I’m pretty sure the true fans will be nothing but supportive if we say anything, but I really don’t wanna deal with the hate comments you know will come from telling the world that I’m a man that can get pregnant.”

“I don’t blame you, sweetheart,” the frontman agreed. “I just didn’t wanna open my big mouth and piss you off if you weren’t ready for the world to know.”

“And for that, I thank you.” He grinned before kissing him. “Now shoo so I can get ready.”

Chuckling, the younger man did as he was told, deciding that he was going to take their daughter just outside the bus for some fresh air. All the hairspray they used to get their hair just the way they wanted it for shows and photoshoots couldn’t possibly be good for her, and considering that she’d been exposed to the fumes for a while now, he figured it’d be a good idea.

With a sigh, Ash headed back to the bathroom to get his makeup and war paint on, deciding that he’d have his lover help him with his hair outside. The fumes from the hairspray that’d already been used were starting to get to him, and he knew it wasn’t good under normal circumstances, but especially not now. However, there were only so many windows on the bus that could be opened, and with all the hairspray flying from the others, it would air out only so much before showtime. Hopefully he wouldn’t pass out back here from a random head rush caused by it and have to stay off stage tonight since it was his first show in months.

Once he’d finally finished his makeup and war paint, even though it wasn’t nearly as much as he’d used a couple years ago, the bassist was starting to feel nauseous from the fumes. As quickly as he could, he grabbed his own can of hairspray and his hairbrush, deciding that his hair was already straight enough. Those items in hand, he headed off the bus and leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths before even attempting to get his lover’s attention for his help.

“You okay, Ash?”

Opening his eyes, he saw Sammi standing in front of him. “I should be,” he managed, splaying a hand over his belly.

“You shouldn’t have stayed on the bus to get ready with all those hairspray fumes,” she scolded.

“I know that now,” the bassist grumbled. “I knew it wouldn’t be good, but I didn’t know just how much of the stuff the guys sprayed while I was napping.”

“You want Andy to cover bass for the first couple songs while you catch your breath?” the wild child asked.

“That might be a good idea,” he agreed, nodding.

“Yo, Andy!” Sammi called, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Front and center! Now!”

“What’s up, Sam?” the younger man asked, running over with Legacy in his arms.

“Can you cover bass the first couple songs?” she asked him, taking the toddler.

“Yeah, why? Something wrong with Ash?” Andy countered, immediately worried about his sweetheart.

“You guys used too much hairspray on the bus before you woke him up,” she scolded, frowning at him.

“Shit. I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said, gently wrapping his arms around him. “I thought we’d opened enough windows to help air it out.”

“Not for the amount of hairspray you guys used collectively,” Ash said, groaning as he pushed him away. “It likely would’ve made me light-headed, but being pregnant, it’s made me nauseous.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” the frontman returned, pouting as he took a step back. “Of course I’ll cover bass the first couple songs while you catch your breath.”

“I’ll stay with him to make sure he’s all right,” Sammi offered, Legacy perched comfortably on her hip.

“Thanks, Sam. That puts my mind at ease,” Andy said, smiling. “We’ve been through too much to lose him over something stupid now.”

Smiling serenely, Sammi just kept her grip on Legacy and stood back while he found him a chair to sit in for the time being. They all knew that the time would come that he wouldn’t be able to tour at all because of his pregnancy, but they were proud of him for giving it his all until then like he had the last time. That just proved how strong he was, physically, emotionally, and mentally, if he was willing to continue doing what he loved until he couldn’t if he didn’t want to risk his and the baby’s health.

As planned once showtime rolled around, Andy covered bass for the first two or three songs, much to the crowd’s disappointment, while Ash caught his breath. When the fans started crying out their displeasure and wanting to know where the bassist was, his fiancé merely said that he’d recently been diagnosed with a condition that he’d likely had since childhood that acted up occasionally. When that didn’t satisfy them, he glanced sidestage to where he sat, silently asking what he should tell them. Knowing that it could mean the difference between getting ridiculed or carrying on with life as he always had, he mouthed “Diabetes” to him.

Nodding, the frontman turned back to the mic after a mere two seconds and told the crowd that he’d been diagnosed with diabetes, and they weren’t sure if he’d always had it and just didn’t know it, or if it’d been a recent development. He could hear their sympathetic cries of “We love you, Ashley!” and “We hope you feel better soon!”, and it brought a smile to his face.

It wasn’t long before the hairspray-induced nausea went away, and he caught his lover’s attention while they were between songs to let him know. Grinning, the younger man turned back to the mic as he pulled his bass strap over his head and called out for the crowd’s attention. They’d thought he’d stayed home due to his supposed disease to rest when Andy made the previous announcement, so they were pleasantly surprised when they saw him walk on stage and take his bass. Ash grinned at the crowd as he turned on the headset he’d started using within the last year or so and told them that he might get the frontman to cover bass for him for often if his diabetes acted up, but he wasn’t giving up what he loved by a long shot.

“You ready to dive into Rebel Love Song, Ash?” the younger man asked, turning to look at him while holding his mic up to his face.

“Damn straight!” he answered, nodding.

“Then let’s get to it, guys!” Andy yelled, that deep voice sending a shiver down his fiancé’s spine.

Guitar, bass, and drum lines for the intro started, and Ash found he had to reposition his hand a bit in comparison to the last time he’d been on stage to accommodate his engagement ring. He could tell that, along with the fact that he was actually wearing a shirt for once, the fans noticed what he’d done, but decided not to pay it any attention.

“I cannot hide what’s on my mind; I feel it burning deep inside. A passion crime to take what’s mine; let us start living for today! Never gonna change my mind; we can leave it all behind. Nothing’s gonna stop us; no, not this time!” his lover sang, pouring his heart out as he did so.

The bassist could tell by the extra emotion that he put into the song, something he did himself, that he was directing those lyrics at him. Their fans hadn’t quite figured out that’s what was going on, though, but since they already knew about their engagement, the rest of the guys merely smiled as they caught on. Jinxx’s smile was the biggest aside from their own, as he’d watched the Hell they’d gone through for one another and their precious daughter closer than anyone.

By the end of the show, Ash’d had to walk off stage between songs to guzzle and entire bottle of water two or three times, which alarmed the fans a bit. Each time he walked back on, he assured them that he was fine, that he just needed a minute to catch his breath so that nothing would happen to him. Reassured by his words, they kept a weary eye on him, as did the rest of the band, but said nothing more.

Before they all walked off so they could get ready for their meet-and-greet, Andy took his mic and put it on its stand, and he knew what was coming. They’d agreed that they were going to come out to the fans about their relationship at the end of the show, so he lifted his bass strap over his head and handed it off to his tech. The rest of the guys crowded around them in a show of support since they were in on what was happening, and that brought smiles to their faces. It also gave them the courage they needed to make this announcement since they both knew that, no matter how supportive the true fans were, there’d always be haters lurking.

“Guys, we have an announcement we wanna make,” Andy called into the mic.

The crowd quieted down so they could hear and focused on them intently.

“We all know that the band’s been through a lot in the past year or so. With Ashley being diagnosed with diabetes, he’s had to take some time off a few times due to his health,” he continued. “One of the times we were at home between tours, I realized something that I probably should’ve ages ago.”

Ash couldn’t help the grin that stretched his face, which earned him curious looks from the crowd.

“I realized that I love this man not as a brother, but as a lover. He’s stolen my heart in a way that no one else has ever done before.” His fiancé paused again for a deep breath, wrapping his arm around his shoulders as he did so. “Because of how much I love him, and how much he loves me in return, I took a leap of faith that most probably wanted me to with Juliet. I asked him to do me the honor of being my Outlaw and Deviant for the rest of our lives, and he said yes!”

The crowd started screaming their happiness, cries of “Andley!” being heard in their midst, as applause roared through the building.

“I’ve never been happier in my life, other than when I heard my daughter take her first breath and let out an ear-piercing scream,” Ash added, grinning up at his fiancé. The crowd didn’t know that he’d been the one to give birth to her, and they didn’t need to know just yet, if at all. “Those two moments were two of the happiest in my life.”

After he stopped talking, he heard cries of “Kiss!” and “Legacy!” from the fans, meaning that not only did they want to see them share a sweet kiss on stage, they wanted to see the little girl. As they connected their lips in a chaste kiss, he beckoned for Sammi to bring the toddler on, knowing that the bright lights would likely blind her at first, just as they did to them.

“You guys wanted to see Legacy?” Sammi asked, talking to the crowd through her now-husband’s mic.

They cheered when they saw her, which startled her.

“C’mere, baby girl,” the bassist said, holding out his hands. Thankfully, her face was far enough away from his headset that no one heard her call him “Ma-ma” instead of “Da-da”. “It’s okay. They just wanted to say ‘hi’. Can you say ‘hi’ to them, Legacy?”

Turning her attention to the crowd in front of the stage, a smile lit up her face as she waved to them and cooed her version of “Hi, guys!”, which made the crowd cheer and coo back at her.

“If you guys wanna say hi, get things signed, and see her a bit closer, c’mon back to the meet-and-greet!” he called out, waving as he shifted her on his hip a bit.

With that, he turned his headset off and headed backstage, his lover’s arm still wrapped around his shoulders as the rest of the guys followed closely. Even with the haters calling out their insults and disrespect at their relationship, he hadn’t expected things to go quite so well, and judging by the look on his face, neither had Andy. This made him wonder what would happen if he came clean about Legacy’s parentage, and that rather than having diabetes, he was actually pregnant with their second child.

Deciding that he’d put it off for a while longer and discuss it with his fiancé later, Ash shifted the child in question to his other hip, as her weight was starting to make his arm tired. For the time being, they had a meet-and-greet to get through, then it was time to head back to the bus so they could start making their way to Mesa, Arizona for the second show of the tour.

Notes