Die For You

‘they all know they think your weird’ “no please” ‘ahh stupid girl I’m not done yet oh look here is your darling CARER taking the poor you to the bathroom to try and make things better oh and do you hear they are talking about you see they do think your weird I’m always right’ “no no no” I whimpered hunching myself against the bathroom wall. I could hear them talking but I couldn’t hear the words “stop” ‘no and you see this we are in a bathroom with the toilet stalls go on drag your sorry arse into there an find that razor I know you always carry with you, you know you want to do it, it makes everything better ask for some pain meds you know they make me and everything go away just do it stupid worthless girl’ I started screaming and I couldn’t stop there were now so many voices all telling me different ways to hurt myself and they didn’t go away ‘just die already that’s what she wants no one needs you just do it fuck off this planet you know it will be the only way to silence us and forget what YOU did’ I felt something on my arm so flinched and hit it “SHUT UP, no I don’t want to, please, don’t make me NO STOPPP” I shrieked and they all shut up, I lifted my head to see phoebe covered in blood and I started shaking again ‘look what you did now’ I jumped up and ran… straight into John who looked worried “Whoa are you girls okay” he asked seeing the blood “Yeah i just slipped and screamed but it’s okay” said phoebe. John then led us to the merch tent and made sure we were clear on what to do “did it do that” I asked Phoebe looking at her sore looking nose “yeah but it was an accident so it’s okay” she replied giving me a reassuring smile. Max showed us what to do and helped us to sort ourselves out and he must have noticed that I was still shaking as he kept asking if I was okay. 2 hours later after everything had died down a bit we were told to leave the merch tent and to watch the concert. I didn’t want to their music was a curse but I had to go for phoebe’s sake. I just hope I don’t hurt her again.
Phoebe’s pov
The show was amazing Andy’s voice was great and cc was head banging while playing it was great. We said good bye to the guys and drove back home. Colette was silent the whole way home and went straight to be when we got home. We have to get up early the next morning to meet the guys at the tour bus ready for tour and I can’t wait, but I’m really fucking concerned about Colette. *BEEP, BEEP* “OMFG WERE GOING ON TOUR WITH BVB” I screamed to my surprise Colette was already up and ready packing things into the car “Come on lets go” she said sounding quite upset but I think she’s just tired. The whole journey I couldn’t sit still Colette just sat at the wheel tapping on it over and over with her fingers. We pulled up to the bus and Andy was standing outside smoking he gave us a small wave before looking back at his phone the rest of the guys jumped out of the bus excitedly when they realised we had arrived “Hey girls” they all said pulling our bags out of the car “Hey” I said back climbing out of the door. Once me and Colette had settled into our bunks I was opposite Andy and Colette near cc.
3 hours later
“Hey Phoebe we are all going out to drink do you want to come” asked Jinx “sorry I can’t I’m not 18 yet give me a couple weeks” I said laughing “Okay well Colette’s coming along so are you going to be okay by yourself” butted in cc “Yeah its fine” I said laying back in my bunk. Once I was sure everyone was gone I climbed out of my bunk and grabbed the acoustic guitar that was one the sofa and started playing the first notes to the morticians daughter
I open my lungs dear
I sing this song at funerals... no rush.
These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush.
A baby boy you've held so tightly,
This pain it visits almost nightly
Missing hotel beds, I feel your touch.
I will await dear, a patience of eternity, my crush.
A universe so still.
No rust.
No dust will ever grow on this frame,
One million years, and I will say your name.
I love you more than I can ever scream.
We booked our flight those years ago,
I said I loved you as I left you.
Regrets still haunt my hollow head,
But I promised you that I will see you again, again.
I sit here and smile dear.
I smile because I think of you and I blush.
These bleeding hollow dials, this fuss.
A fuss is made of miles and travel
Roadways are but stones and gravel.
A bleeding heart can conquer every crutch.
We booked our flight those years ago
You said you loved me as you left me.
Regrets still haunt your saddened head,
But I promised you that I will see you.
We booked our flight those years ago
I said I loved you as I left you
Regret's no longer in my head,
But I promised you and now I'm home again, again, again, I'm home again, again, again.
I'm home again.
“Wow that was amazing” I turned around to see Andy staring at me.

Notes