I was woken up the next morning by my pillow seeping water. Actually, it wasn’t water, it was my tears. I tried to stand, but when I did; I got very dizzy and almost fell over. I caught myself by using the edge of the bed. I shook it off and walked out of our room and into the bathroom. I took a glance in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself. I looked like a zombie. I must not have gotten any sleep at all last night. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning, but was too upset to care about hunger. I washed my face and tried to make myself look a little better, but nothing was working. I gave up and walked out into the kitchen. I saw all four other band members sitting at the table. “Hey,” I said in a weak voice. “Do you guys want me to make you some breakfast?” I asked, my voice nearly giving out. “You look horrible, and you sound it too. What’s wrong?” C.C. asked. “I just had a nightmare,” I said I couldn’t focus on any one thing specifically. My vision began to blur and I could hardly stand. “Courtney? Courtney!” I heard one of them say as I lost consciousness. *later the day* my eyes fluttered open to see a very familiar room around me. I was in a hospital. I heard the beeping of heart monitor and looked down at my arm only to see a needle pumping fluids into me. “So what’s wrong with her?” I heard Andy ask. “She was dehydrated. You boys are lucky, if you would have brought her here any later, she might not have made it,” I heard a man say. I assumed it was a doctor. “An-dy?” I asked. My voice still sounded weak. “Shhh,” Andy whispered as he stroked my head. I could tell that he’d been crying because his eyes were red and puffy. “When can she go home?” I heard Ashley ask the doctor. “She can go anytime now. Just make sure you keep her hydrated, ok?” the doctor said. He left the room. I sat up and took the heart monitor thing off of me. Then I ripped out the needle. “What are you doing?” Andy asked. I could hear fear in his voice. Fear that something would happen to me. I had broken the promise to myself by letting my emotions and feelings get in the way. “We’re going,” I said, emphasizing the “we’re.” I walked out of the room and onto the elevator with the rest of the band, Andy standing next to me, looking down. I saw a tear fall from his eye, but said nothing about it. We left the hospital in silence. When we got back on the tour bus, Andy walked into the room and shut the door. “What happened between you two?” Jinxx asked. “Nothing,” I said. That was the honest truth, nothing had happened between us, yet we were slowly drifting apart. I looked down at the ground and a tear fell from my eye. “You overhead our conversation, didn’t you.” Ashley said solemnly. I nodded. Someone tried to give me a consoling hug, but I pushed them away. “No,” I said. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten so attached. It’s my burden to carry, not yours. If you ever worry about me, if you even shed one tear for my sake, I will never forgive you,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. I turned around and ran to my room. I shut the door behind me and ran over to the window. “Why?” I said as I looked up to the sky. “Why do I have people who worry about me? I don’t deserve them,” I said as I fell to my knees. I felt a hand touch my shoulder, but I shook it off.“Courtney, what’s wrong?” he asked. I couldn’t even look at him. I was in love with him, but he obviously didn’t feel the same for me. He leaned in to kiss me and I pushed him away. “You have a girlfriend, Andrew, and your trying to kiss me?!” I screamed at him. I never called him Andrew before. He looked at me with hurt filled eyes. “I don’t want anything to do with her,” he said in a low voice while looking towards the ground. “Then why are you with her?” I asked. I just wanted answers to those nagging, haunting questions. “Because she has things on me!” he yelled. “She’s blackmailing you?” I asked shaking the tears from my eyes. “Yeah. I hate her so much!” he growled as he punched the wall. “Andy, who cares what she has on you? Let her tell everyone. Your true fans and friends won’t care. They’ll accept you no matter what,” I told him, hoping I would get through to him. “She’s going to tell everyone I abuse her if I break up with her,” he said solemnly. “But you didn’t. Let her do whatever she wants. You know the truth and that’s all that’s important,” I said. I slowly got up and walked out of the room. Andy sat there motionless. Jake walked over to me.“What happened?” he asked. “He told me all about his psycho little girlfriend, “I said. “I have a plan,” Jinxx said. “What if we convince him to break up with her? We videotape her freaking out and using her blackmail against him, and put it on the internet once she tries to tell everyone he beats her,” Jinxx said.“That’s wrong and horrible on every level; I love it,” C.C. said with a devilish smile. I walked towards the room to go tell Andy our idea, but when I looked into the room, Andy was no longer kneeling on the floor. He was sitting on the bed, holding something in his hand. I heard a click, and then he proceeded to move the object up to the side of his head and that’s when I saw it; the moonlight gleamed off of the metal. My eyes widened in horror; Andy had a gun. He was going to kill himself. “Andy no!” I screamed as I ran towards him. He looked up at me as I pinned him. He overpowered me though, and I ended up under him. He put the gun into my hand and held it up to his temple. “Do it,” he said. “Kill me.”I felt his finger on mine as he attempted to make me pull the trigger. As he was about to pull it, I flipped the gun over and made it face me. He immediately let go of it. He stood up and backed into the corner. He slid down the wall and began sobbing. They weren’t tears of sorrow, though; they were tears of fear. I tried to console him, but he pushed me away.“Get away from me!” he screamed. Ashley walked into the room. He was looking at his phone, the same look of horror on his face. The phone dropped and Ashley was frozen. I crawled over to his phone and picked it up. I’m watching her. If that girl gets any “friendlier” with him, she’ll disappear. It won’t be a peaceful death either. My face dropped in horror. I stood up and ran over to Andy. I fell to my knees when I got over to where he was trembling. I embraced him as tightly as I could. “I love you, Andy,” I said, tears streaming down my face. “Even if it means dying, I won’t let you go. I’ve lived a good life, and you’ve made it even better,” I said, thinking of what could happen. I may not get another chance to tell him. Tomorrow could be one day too late. I pulled away and he looked into my eyes. I began to say something else, but I was interrupted by Andy. He wasn’t speaking, he was kissing me. Our lips moved in perfect harmony, passion and love radiating off of us. I saw my life flash before my eyes and realized just how lucky I was. One single tear fell from my eye. Andy pulled away and embraced me tightly. “I love you too,” he said as we sat there, our bodies intertwined. I couldn’t see Ashley’s face, but I’m pretty sure he was staring at us, mouth wide open in shock. Ashley’s phone began to ring and it brought him back to reality. He walked out of the room and took the call. I walked out after him. “I thought you weren’t going to get attached?” he said sort of annoyed. “I can’t help who I fall in love with,” I said. He grabbed me by the wrist and walked me into his room. Jinxx was on the phone with Sammy Doll, and Ashley went over to his drawer and pulled out a bag of some sort. “Open it,” he demanded. I opened the bag and my mouth dropped. It was full of death threats and hater mail. “That’s why we didn’t want you to get to close to Andy,” he said solemnly. “It’s worth it,” I said. “What?” he asked. “Being in love with Andy is worth all of these death threats. I would die for him,” I said. Ashley smiled. “Please don’t tell anyone,” I said. He nodded and I walked out of the room. I went back to my room and picked my phone up off of the nightstand and began texting Bobbie. She was also going to flip when I told her, but I trusted her. I sent her a long elaborate text explaining where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. I left out the whole kiss part and anything else romantic. She probably wouldn’t believe me anyway. I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t actually here. The next place we were playing was really close to where a lot of my old friends lived. I wonder if they’d be there. As questions flooded my head I slowly fell asleep, dreaming of what would come next.