Save Me From Myself

" So wait, you're telling me that was your first time having Del Taco?!" CC shouted from the back of the car as I jumped into the passenger side with a slight chuckle while nodding my head

" I guess it is, I'm more of a Taco Bell person so i've never had the need to go there sue me" i said causing Jake to let out a small chuckle while the engine roared to life

" But now that you have you've realized that its better right?" He asked while Jake slowly backed out the parking spot

I turned around in my seat a little to get a glimpse of CC who was now sitting in the middle seat smirking at me.

I sent him a small smirk before answering

" I haven't realized anything yet"

He shook his head smiling as Andy started to laugh lightly sending me a small smile while Jake and Jinxx started to chuckle

. " don't worry you will"

I shook my head sticking my tongue out at him before shifting my body back in my seat facing the long highway that stretched far away in front of us as Jake sped down the road.

It was now 1 and after having lunch at the famous Del Taco we were finally heading towards Jinxx's house where we would be dropping both him and cc off so they could meet both their girlfriends there who's names i learned were Sammi and Lauren .

Andy was gonna be coming with us to go check out the house but halfway through lunch had gotten a call from their manager needing him for a interview leaving me alone with Jake for the rest of the night along with Ella, the one thing i was dreading.

I was having a nice time already with the guys, they all were funny and interesting in their own ways never leaving a dull moment the entire lunch which had made me feel a little more comfortable around them.

I had of course stayed quite at the most but still shared little details about my life but nothing very personal, not yet.

Jake had promised me I didn't have to talk about it right now which was ok for me even though they all know most of my life but only the events that took place last year and thats how i wanted to keep it.

They were all very nice and made me feel safe but no matter what my past is something i do not like sharing, including my current ways .

They make myself look like a complete ptrain reck and charity case, they made me lose my mind and make last / this year one of the most dreadful times of my 17 years.

Also, this move was my time to start fresh and try to forget all of my bad habits and ways, it wouldn't help if i brought it up.

But tonight when it would be just me and jake it all would and i knew what would happen. thats why i was currently taking deep breaths trying to calm myself down, but i couldn't.

There was only one way I could..and it was tucked away safely in my box of belongings that should be stacked safely in my new room hidden from everyone, hopefully.

Now that i think of it i may have just ruined my fresh new start.

I shook my thoughts out the window just as my phone started to rapidly vibrate from my pocket making my quickly reach into the slim fabric to pull it out.

As I did i suddenly cursed at the contact name causing Jake to glance at me while i turned the music down

"I knew i forgot to do something" i muttered before he chuckled

" who is it?"

I didn't answer the question in fright of losing the call so i quickly pressed answer holding the phone up to my ear

" Hi mom" I said softly causing Jake to hit the steering wheel smirking making Andy chuckle as I nudged him

" Oh hi sweetie, just making sure you landed safely you know since you never called" my mom said with a slight smirk in her voice causing me to smile

" Yeah i did i'm sorry, it was such a rush at the airport, i'm heading to jakes place now then going to the house later to check it out"

Jake kept shaking his head mouthing forgetful my way causing me to sigh softly and look out the window listening to my cheerful mom on the other end

" Oh awesome! I was hoping for you to help your cousin un pack as most of the bed rooms as you can before we get there okay?"

" I will, you're coming thursday right?"

I took a deep breath in leaning back in my seat waiting for a reply

" Yes or friday at the latest, we're leaving tomorrow morning so its all depending on traffic and how long we travel each day before stopping each night , are you staying with Jake before we come or are you staying at the house?" She asked causing me to chuckle

" Yeah mom on the hardwood floor in the living room, i think i packed a sleeping bag if not i bet jake could lend me one" I said sarcasm laced in my voice

I heard her let out a small laugh as Jake hit my arm clearly able to hear my mom on the other end

" oh I will be praying for jake and Ella this week, speaking of please behave for them will ya? It was very nice of them to let you come early and to stay with them " she trailed off causing me to groan I knew where this was going

" I will mom" i grumbled causing her to sigh a laugh

" And don't forget to take your pills okay? Make sure they remember you"

Jake shot me a quick glance ad i sighed deeper feeling her treat me like a child

" i wont forget mom" i mumbled

" you better not , remember he's in charge of you "

"I know mom..he's smiling like a idiot at it how could i not?" I said while glancing at Jake who stuck his tongue at me while Andy laughed

My mom let out a small chuckle before answering

" Good, i'll let you go. Call me tomorrow and behave , we'll see you later this week "

I smiled before sitting up more as Jake slowly exited the highway and excelerated down a busy street most likely towards Jinxx's house

" I will, tell Jax i said hi" i commented causing my mom to chuckle more

" oh i will, he misses you already.alright stay safe, love you"

I sighed before getting ready to press end

" love you too bye"

Once i hit the end button Jake started laughing before nudging me with one hand while the other stayed on the steering wheel causing the others to laugh

" you forgetful piece of shit" he laughed out causing me to shake my head pushing the phone back into my jeans pocket

" Actually I didn't forget, i was sidetracked from when you decided to be a dick and carry me out of the airport"

CC let out a loud chuckle as Jake who grinned slightly while exiting the highway.

He shrugged before smiling fully now ruffling my hair

" Not my fault you were being fresh don't blame it on me " he sang turning down a wide side street that I was assuming was taking us to Jinxx's house

I groaned slightly causing Andy to chuckle as I hit Jakes arm slightly

" I will blame it on you , can't blame it on anyone else can i?"

He shook his head again slapping me back causing Jinxx to chuckle again

" I like the way you two bicker, it entertains me" He said right as the car came to a stop at a stop light Jake gave me a small glance, a grin following his actions making me smile back as he looked back at Jinxx

"Trust me, you have no idea how annoying it gets"

I shook my head slightly as Andy smirked at him

" For you, but for us it won't"

I leaned back in my seat catching the glimpses of every little detail surrounding the area as the car started to accelerate again

" Same here" I muttered causing the guys to laugh as Jake groaned making me smile

" Sure take their side" he muttered as i shoved his shoulder a little

" what? Im sorry I agree with them, mr.talks to himself"

He quickly glared at me as Andy suddenly held out his hand for me to high five

" Like I said before, welcome to the family , we'll be hoping tp see more of you" He commented while his beautiful blue eyes stared directly at mine

I couldn't help but smile wider before nodding and turning back in my seat the smile never fading Not at that comment but at the fact that I was finally with my cousin again and this moment was creating hope in my chest that this year will be different, and avoiding my thoughts on what will happen during the talk with jake.

And thats why all I could do was smile

" I better"

Jake smirked at me slightly before turning the corner as I watched him drive

"I hope so.. Kinda why I helped convince your dad to move you guys down here. You aint gonna just disappear like that kid"

I smiled again before leaning back in my seat 'Yeah..this year will be different'

I thought before staying silent and listening to the radio as the guys started to talk about the record

------------------------------

"Alright I guess I'll talk tp you tomorrow see you later Jake nice seeing you again Julia!" Andy called walking past Jakes window and following behind CC into Jinxx's house.

I smiled at him waving slightly as Jake called out his goodbye before letting out a breath and slowly glancing at me with shifting the car in reverse

I saw him still staring at me as we hit the street and shifted gears into drive.

" What?" I asked causing him to laugh slightly shifting his eyes back to the road while ruffling my hair a tiny bit

" nothing, i just missed you" he stated causing me to glance at him a smile plastering onto my face

" i missed you too shit head"

He broke out into laughter before flipping me off Making me smile for no reason

Soon we pulled into Jake's driveway right next to Ella's silver corolla making me smile, i haven't seen her in around a year and was excited to see her.

Within a second after putting the car in park Jake took the keys out of the ignition and opened his door stepping out on the pavement in the bright lit sun.

I followed his actions jumping onto the black pavement and stretching out a bit as Jake went to the back to grab my suitcase and backpack.

He slammed the back shut before making his way over to me handing me my bag but keeping my suitcase.

I slung my bag over my shoulders following Jake up the path to his front steps to his house.

"Ella can't wait to see you, she's been talking about this for months so get ready" he said glancing back at me before opening the door slowly

I laughed a little before stepping into the front hallway of his red walled house that I had of course been in before.

I closed the door behind me as Jake placed the keys down on the small table placed next to the door before walking foreword most likely To the living room where noise from the tv was coming from.

"we're home!" Jake called causing a bark to erupt from the other room and Jake to chuckle

I followed close behind him taking in all the familiar surroundings around me making me feel more at home as we entered the somewhat big living room where Ella sat on one of the sofas on the right side wall staring at her phone screen.

Within seconds Ella snapped her head up before smiling and jumping off the couch and over to me Before i could even think she pulled me into a bone crushing hug almost lifting me off the ground making me smile as I hugged her back

" Jesus christ I missed you" she exclaimed into my neck as Jake let out a chuckle walking further into the room placing my suitcase next to the small coffee table next to the chair

" doesn't everyone?" I teased causing her to chuckle while pulling away from me slightly eyeing me up and done

" god you look older since last time I saw you! Did you get taller?"

I smiled slightly shaking my head before pulling away

" as i said to your fiancé puberty hit me hard I guess "

She laughed giving my shoulder a shove before stepping aside letting me pass her .

Jake immediately walked over to her giving her a peck on the lips before walking over to the couch she once sat in and dropping down next to her.

I slowly walked in the middle of the room looking around while placing my bag down onto the floor next to my suitcase.

The room still looked the same as before, TV in the middle , two sofas one directly in front of the tv one on the right with a recliner chair opposite if that with a coffee table in the middle along with a few of Jakes guitars and magazines he was issued in hung up proudly on the wall.

I slowly dropped into the recliner as Jake picked up the remote and started flicking through the channels.

" so how was your flight?" Ella asked me giving me a small smile as I shrugged looking at jakes We Stitch These Wounds record hanging above the TV

" I didn't die so I guess you could say it was okay"

Jake chuckled shaking his head still glued to the TV screen as Ella smirked

" i knew I missed having you around" Jake said with a smile making me laugh slightly as he finally found a station he wanted

Ella nodded in agreement making me smile more as I started to tap my hands on my knees

" like I said everyone does Jake you're like the rest"

He laughed flipping me off

"Maybe I didn't and wanted to make you feel loved" jake teased as I lifted my middle finger towards him too smiling

" Then maybe I want to go back to Boston and leave you here alone, im sure you won't call me after one day " i said smirking still holding up my finger

He gave me a fake glare before Ella shook her head

" i have a feeling this is going to be a long year with you two in the same state now" she said as Jake put down his middle finger me copying his actions

" oh it'll be a joy" I said sarcastically Leaning back in the chair as Jake smirked at me before glancing at Ella slightly then back at me with a more serious face

Oh no.

" So since we physically haven't seen you since january because of everything I thought we could just catch up on some things" He said smoothly making my heart pound against my rib cage as I let out a small sigh

" i'd say no but I don't think I have much of a choice do I? "

He shook his head smirking slightly as I nodded for him to continue

" You're mom mentioned something about medication last time i spoke to her"

I nodded letting out a tiny breath at the small talk. It wasnt what i expected, i expected worse

" yeah I take um two different ones, antidepressants and antianxiety pills all given after I left the hospital" i said as they both nodded at me making my knee bounce up and down

" do you take them at the same time?" Ella asked and I nodded

" I take them a hour apart from each other in the morning then before I go to bed"

Jake nodded before sitting up slightly clearing his throat

" So you have them with you?"

I nodded right as he wrapped a arm around Ella's shoulders are i braced for the next question

" and thats all you have for pills correct?" Ella said gently but i still knew what she meant

I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I nodded silently praying that they wouldn't push it further.

Jake cocked a eyebrow at me before looking towards my suitcase

" so if i went through your bag and suitcase i wouldn't find anything else?" He asked making my face pale as he stood up studying me

" i can't promise you that" i mumbled looking away slightly causing jake to sigh and walk over to my bags as my heart raced

I knew what was gonna happen in the next moment and I felt panic start to rise in my chest for the thought of Jake finding my little orange bottle filled with pills that I still hadn't learned the name of but didnt care, i needed them.

Ever since I got out of that hospital in February and I started the same exact routine that brought me there in the first place i've taken them and can't life without those little white pills .

i knew the risked I caused for myself every time i took one but i couldn't help it i needed them.

" where are they all?" He asked standing in front if me with a small smile for reinsurance.

I quietly pointed to my bag watching every move as he immediately lifted the black backpack opening the front small pocket which is where exactly they were, all three .

He reached inside making a small rattling sound erupt from the bag making my heart pound as Ella cautiously looked between me and the bag .

Finally jake pulled out the three tiny pill bottles placing them back on the floor before studying the bottles finding out which ones where my medication .

He studied the two large green bottles reading the sides and most likely knowing those were them before placing them on the table leaving the orange bottle in his hand.

He stared at the tag less bottle before looking at me with a sad expression on his face.

I looked away taking a breath as Ella sighed

" julia.." Jake murmured before sitting on the coffee table directly in front of me still holding on to the bottle

" i know " I mumbled out causing Ella to stand up and walk over to where me and jake were grabbing the bottle from his hands.

Jake leaned foreword looking at me as I felt my chest tighten

" What happened to this fresh start we discussed the other day? You haven't even been here a day kid and you're getting right back to where you were a year ago" I sighed shrugging as I took a shaky breath in ,

nice going on my part to bring it with me and not leave it in my boxes

"it's so hard not too Jake, its too hard not to have it , i need it" i said quietly causing Ella to shake her head

" no you don't, trust me you don't you just think you do, you have us now you'll get through this, but starting it off like this isn't the way to go" she said sweetly at me as I nodded .

Jake looked at me before smiling and placing his strong hand on my shoulder

" Trust us when we say that its going to ok this time julia, last year was a struggle trust me i know but now Im not states away from you and i'm always gonna be there for you every step of the way."

He took in a deep breathe before staring at me again

" I won't let you slip again, i swear on my life I will do anything i need to do to help you beat this, this year is time for change ok? You just have to try for us and i promise we can get through this" he said causing me to smile and nod slightly.

" I will, i promise " i said causing both Ella and Jake to smile as Jake leaned in kissing my cheek

" good, thats what i needed to hear, tomorrow we'll officially start talking about everything and i will be checking you're stuff at the house, ok?" He asked causing my heart to beat even faster against my chest but i let out a nod.

He smiled before standing up and holding his arms out making me laugh slightly and stand up as he pulled me into a tight hug I smiled against my cousins leather covered chest feeling some stress fall off my body .

Everything he said was right This year was supposed to be a mew life for me and I knew i couldnt keep living like this even if i wanted to, i needed to get better and as long as I had Jake and Ella, i could get through it

My thoughts were broken as Jake squeezed me tighter against him before sighing out before kissing the top of my head
" I missed you so much and I love you so much I'm not letting you go down that road anymore" he breathed out causing me to lift my head up to look up at him

" promise?" I asked causing hm to smile at me as Ella chuckled nearby

He kissed my cheek before hugging me back into his chest letting out a breath

" i promise"

he whispered causing me to smile I didnt know what this year will bring me but i knew one thing

I was gonna be okay.

Notes

Hey guys I am soooo sorry i havent posted in like a year! So much has been going on and was really hard to get time to write . Ive had this chapter written for so long but never finished until today. I promise i will be updating more frequently now with both these story's but in case you don't know I will be joining this story with my twin jessbvbarmyforlife's story ' my feet are dangling off the edge' sorry for the long pause but im back and i hope this is good! Enjoy!