Ash’s Pov

The next morning, I woke up with my head on Mike’s chest, my feet on Vic’s Lap and Jaime was on the floor. it was extremely awkward and I didn’t know what to do. I moved my feet slowly off of Vic’s lap and then slowly moved out of Mike’s grip. Once I was out of his grip, he reached for his brother and then held him instead of me. Stepping over Jaime, I sat on the other couch and stared at the ceiling. My phone went off. Quickly turning it to silent, I checked it. Andy texted, “we are all on our way to Jinxx’s house. Be ready for a shit storm. I’m sorry about the phone call yesterday. Things r gonna be okay I promise.” I sent back, “like hell they are. He’s pissed about more than just school. Don’t lie to me anymore Andy.”

He replied, “I’m not lying Ash. You’re apart of this band. You were in it from when Sandra was in it. You’re not going anywhere anytime soon got it. I wont let it happen. Besides it would be 1 against 4. He leaves or no one leaves if someone is going to leave. I don’t know yet. No one is leaving yet got it. None of this reaches the media. No one knows about anything got it.”

“Got it.” I sent back. Dropping my phone on my face on accident, I groaned which woke someone up. I was met with a sleepy Vic who realized he was hugging Mike and then got up and tripped over Jaime and face planted on top of him. It was hilarious. I started giggling and Jaime woke up groaning and pushed Vic of himself and Mike was still asleep. Jaime threw a pillow at me and said, “its not funny when you have 130 pounds of man falling and landing on you, and waking you up.” I started to laugh even more which then woke Mike up who was confused at what was going on. Turning my phone off of silent, I put the sound back on just as Dan sent me a text asking if I was going to school today. Checking the time, I just missed first period and half of second. I texted him back saying, “nah. Missed too much already. Not even worth it.”

A while later he texted back, “wanna chill after 6th? Tia misses you.” believe I or not but in those 3 weeks, Tia and me became best friends. I knew the way she liked her drinks and she knew the way I liked mine. Together we became party animals. A day without her around is pretty boring. It means that there was no alcohol or drugs around because she has the majority of it. I sent back to Dan, “my uncle is coming home today. He found out about my skipping and he’s beyond pissed. He bitched me out on the phone already about my F in PE.”


Dan was a cool guy. There were times when the things he did or what he said were questionable but he was good to me and that was what was important. Vic brought me back to reality when he waved his hand in front of my face and said, “we’re making breakfast with your food.” I nodded and followed into the kitchen and watched as Jaime and Mike cooked some stuff up. When they finished, they put a plate in front of Vic and then they put a plate in front of me. It had a really tiny amount of food, which I wasn’t happy about. I tried to fake eating it and I tried to not eat it at all and they wouldn’t let that happen.

“Little Lady, you need to eat. How about this, you take three bites. That’s it. That’s all I want.” He smiled at the A Day To Remember quote and poked me. I took one bite slowly and tried to ignore the urge to throw it up. Swallowing it, they smiled. I waited another few minutes before taking another bite. Two down one to go. With the third bite, I swallowed it and was done. There was a little bit left on the plate so I ate the last bite willingly and then handed the plate to Jaime. We chilled around the living room for a while before Andy texted saying they were close. Vic and Jaime cleaned everything up and made it look like there was no mess made anywhere in the house. Minutes later we heard the front door unlock and then foot steps.

Andy was the first into the room, he was followed by Jinxx then Jake and then lastly CC. I gulped. Jinxx was pissed. Andy smiled to Vic, Mike and Jaime and said, “Thanks for staying with her while we were away. Is there anything we can do for you?” Vic shook his head and said, “not that we can think of. We had fun hanging around. Oh and can I speak to you outside.” I gulped as Andy followed Vic out of the room. Mike gave my shoulder a squeeze and Jaime gave me a small smile. The room was awkwardly quiet until they returned. When they returned Andy took me into a big hug and held me for a moment. I felt him cry and I started to cry and mumble, “I’m sorry.” Over and over again. Vic, Jaime, and Mike waved and bid us good morning as they left.


Andy sat down next to me and cried and cried and cried as everyone just stared at us. Looking at Jinxx I said, “lets talk.” he shook his head and said, “let’s start with the weed I so happened to find in a bag in your room or do you want to start with the bottle of vodka that was almost empty or how about the jack Daniels?” I shrugged. “Where did you get the weed?”

“I got it from a group of people at school.”

“is it from the group of people who you just so happened to befriend after CC left?”

“I met them after I broke my wrist. After CC left Dan came up to me and talked to me. He’s actually really nice.”

“Why did you start smoking it?”

“I wanted to have a good time. I uh wanted to forget some things.”

“how long as this been happening?”

“Three weeks.” The entire time we talked, I didn’t make eye contact. I stared at the floor and played with my hands and Andy continued to hug me as I talked and never once let go.

Andy whispered, “how long?” I mumbled back softly, “almost the entire time.” his cries got harder and he clung to me harder. Jinxx then said, “why do you have an F in PE?” I took a deep breath and said, “The teacher hates me. I do all my work and run and do my best but he still fails me. He refused to take my note from the ER that my wrist was broken. I’ve had to do all the work that I should’ve been excused from and it made my wrist hurt more. I skipped to avoid getting harassed by him or other students.”

“I don’t think you should stay with me anymore. Jake or Andy or CC should take you in. I cant do this anymore I’m not good at it. I failed you and I don’t want to fail you again. Why drugs though. I know you love your whiskey but the weed?” I took a deep breath and said, “I liked the way it felt. I felt like I was in the clouds and no once could hurt me. It was nice.” Andy held me close and said loud for everyone to hear, “how about he goes with Jake and Ella and then to me and Juliet.” They all agreed. I pried myself from Andy’s arms and said, “I’ll get my stuff.” running up the stairs, I wiped away the few tears that fell from my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry, not now at least. Grabbing the bags I had, I threw all of my clothes into the bags and packed the small amount of stuff that I had into a bag. With all of my stuff then packed up and the room now empty as well as the bathroom, I went down stairs. I asked Jake, “Your house is really small though, were am I going to sleep?”

“We have the couch and a spare air mattress, I’m sure we can work something out I promise.” He answered. Andy pulled me back into a hug and cried more. No one other than me knew why he was crying so they were confused. As they all went to help Jake, I told Andy, “don’t tell them alright. Its fine, I’m fine. Don’t worry I’m better now.” which was a complete and utter lie but he didn’t need to know that. He reluctantly agreed and wiped his tears away. “Y’know I tried to get them to take you with us yesterday but we apparently didn’t have time to stop and get you. When you called and said you were sick and needed us I felt so very bad I wanted to cry. It felt wrong going on without you. So many people were confused and we had to tell them that you were REALLY sick, so sick you couldn’t even get out of bed. We didn’t know how true that would be but it was true. I know about breakfast and I know about the scale thing, Mike told me because he and the PTV boys want you to get better. What if you can’t change back because you’re too weak? Huh. Thought about that? Maybe you’ll be you again when you are the right size. If your too small now, what if your too small to go back to normal?” he had a very valid point.

CC returned and pat my head and said, “I explained to them a little bit about what went on in school. They understand more know. They still aren’t really happy though. I’m not extremely happy but I don’t blame you for doing what you did.” it was weird. When CC was my age, things between us were normal and good but now, it was really awkward. so awkward it made me eternally cringe all the time. Andy’s phone went off BEEP. BEEEP. BEEEEEEP. It was really odd because I don’t remember his phone making that noise before but it did.

Jake came in and then said we were going. I waved bye and gave them all hugs before following Jake out to the car. We made small talk during the drive, once we were there; we took in my bags (which was only really 3 bags) and began to figure out where I would stay. Ella was out of town for the next two days, which meant it was just Jake and I for now. The house was cleaned up and neat thanks to Ella’s cleaning before she left. They had a bed, a couch and an air mattress. Jake offered me his bed but I declined so I decided to take the couch. It was there and didn’t require any other assemble plus it was comfy. The rest of the day was calm which meant Jake wrote some new tracks and I helped him as much as I could and even came up with a little bit of lyrics. Lunch came around and we ate whatever was around the house. I ate as much as I could and Jake didn’t seem to notice that I didn’t eat too much. We returned to the music until dinnertime and we decided to go out and get something. We ended up at Denny’s and had fun making horrible jokes about the video CC and me made about the time I went up to some girls and presented them a drawing I made out of ketchup.

That night we returned home and I did all the homework I could and then went to bed. The next morning, I got up and go dressed in black skinny jeans and converse with a random shirt and hoodie. The scars on my wrists were healing but slower than I’d like them to heal. If I were to walk to school from Jake’s house it would be about 20 minutes longer than the walk to Jinxx’s house. I texted Dan saying, “I’m now staying at my other uncle’s house. My other uncle sent me here after finding my bag of stuff.” Jake was up and drove me to school on time. In the car he said, ‘one rule, don’t get caught with anything and don’t do anything stupid.” I nodded. I did break one of the few rules Jinxx gave me and I felt bad about it but not as bad if I hadn’t had done it. I’d be probably more messed up if I hadn’t had done the drugs. The nightmares still come but the highs make the sleep come easy and the horrors of reality fade.


Getting out of the car, I waved bye and went into the school building. I knew from the moment I walked in, today would be hell. Keeping my head low, I ignored their stares and went to first period. The first three periods went slow due to the constant nagging from the few of my Favorite people in those classes bothering me like it was the end of the world. I got no work done due to the notes they kept throwing at me. One of them read “was glad when we heard you left early yesterday. We hoped you finally took our advice about killing yourself but it seems you didn’t. Shame.” That pissed me off. No matter how much I wanted to commit, at the end of this damn process, I would be Ashley Purdy, ladies man and bassist of Black Veil Brides. With that in mind, I ignored the ignorant little shits the best I could. Walking out of 3rd period, my body was met by a wall of lockers. Well this is nice. Turning around I saw one of the bitchiest girls here giving me the dirtiest looks possible. “Got out of a new car this morning, did you get a new pimp? Or was that a client dropping you off as a courtesy?”


“I don’t know. First off he’s my uncle but didn’t client number 13 drop you off today. I think I saw you get out of my friend’s dad’s car.” I replied with sass. Her jaw dropped and she slapped me. Hard. I smiled and said, “thanks, I needed some reality. How very kind of you to hit Me.” she screamed and then said, “go kill your self you stupid Emo bitch? No one likes you let alone wants to be around you. No wonder your family hates you. You keep going from house to house because no one wants to put up with you. Oh and your boyfriend was doing right when he left you. He was stupid to ever like you. You’re nothing but a mattress backed whore who can’t stop sleeping with other girl’s guys. I can’t believe you slept with my boy friend and my best friend’s boy friend. You’re a whore and whores go to hell.” ouch now that hurt a little bit.

“Well I thought I’d take a lesson from you. I mean didn’t you do that also?” the crowd when “ooooh. Burrrrnnn.” She didn’t reply but she pushed me into the lockers again and then punched me in the stomach pushed me to my knees and kneed me in the face with her knee. I spit blood onto her shoes and said, “what you want me to suck your dick now bitch?” she didn’t respond but she pulled my hair and hit my head into the lockers. I was done with not fighting back. Despite having the air knocked out of me, blood pouring from my head and my mouth, and being dizzy, I stood tall and said, “your going to realize what you just did was wrong in so many ways one day and wish you never hurt me.” she tried to hit me again but I ducked and then walked away. The bell rang and break was over. Well fuck I can’t exactly go into class bleeding everywhere now can I?

I walked in, looked at the teacher and said, “I’m going to the bathroom.” They saw the blood and let me go quickly. I pretended that it was a bloody nose. Once in the bathroom, I cleaned all the blood off my face, put concealler and foundation on and then wiped out some of the blood in my hair. Once I was cleaned up, I returned to class and ignored all the people bothering me. Well, I tried. Trying to ignore all the things they said got hard and there words began to hurt after a point. PE came next and it was even worse. I put up with the teacher and acted better than I had been acting in a while and I showed effort a little bit more. After class the usual girls cornered me in the locker room and did their usual beat down on me. My lip was split this time and I had a bruise on my cheek. Cleaning my self up yet again, I met up with Dan and my group of friends.


Tia saw me and jumped up and said, “hey girl. I heard about Cassidy earlier. Good job at calling her a whore.” I smiled and sat down next to her and Dan. She pulled out a joint and said, “wanna go to the bathroom?” I nodded and went with her. We lit it up and took a few hits before cleaning it all up and going back to the group. She had the strong stuff so we only really needed a few hits. It felt wonderful after the day I had been having. Dan sprayed me with my perfume and then sent me to class when the bell rang. The teacher was purple and had a messed up face. It took everything I had to not laugh at her and make it obvious that I was high. When class ended, my high was almost over, which was a good thing because Jake was picking me up and I couldn’t be high in front of him.


After he picked me up, we went to the studio with the guys and did some recording, I got to play a little bit and record some stuff before doing my homework. It was late when we did get home after dinner (I ate a little bit more, it was a start)

I changed into my long sleeve shirt and pajamas and put my hoodie on over just in case and then crawled into the little make shift bed I made on the couch. Falling a sleep instantly for the first time in a long time, nightmares later plagued me. I woke up a few times crying silently. I woke up to Jake shaking me saying, “ash, Ash wake up its just a dream. Wake up.”I started crying and he hugged me and rocked me back and forth as I cried. He asked me what the dream was about and all I said was, “something that happened at school.” I fell asleep to him rocking me back and forth. The next time I woke up, it was time to get ready for school. Putting on my usual black clothes, I put my makeup on extra heavy today due to the massive amounts of bruising all over. I ate something small for breakfast and then got in the car with Jake who was already waiting. He dropped me off and wished me luck. Oh boy was I going to need it.

Notes

well how about that. two chapters in one night (: that Beep thing was weird. wonder what it could be. comment what you think! XD thanks for reading (: