The week and a half that I spent with Jake wasn’t too bad. I ate a little bit more and got to record my parts of the next album in the studio when we had time, which was really awesome but I also had to manage doing my homework at the same time and hiding the bruises I got from school because they were getting worse. Andy checked my progress with my eating every so often. When I was able to eat a 1/8 of my plate he was ecstatic. It was progress and he was happy with that. I was happy that I wasn’t feeling as shitty and the headaches I always had were becoming less intense however I still hurt from their beatings. Despite being around the guys a lot more than I had been in awhile, things were still awkward and I was still not talking to them a whole lot. Today was exceptionally bad and all I wanted to do was go home and cry but we had to go to the studio. I didn’t speak to anyone unless I absolutely needed to and I wanted to punch a wall and cry the entire time. When I said I recorded, I meant that I did back up vocals. Yeah can’t do much with a cast. I should’ve gotten it off by now but because its gotten kicked it hurts so much more it hasn’t healed all the way yet.

I just came out of the studio and someone made a comment, something I don’t remember now but it was enough to make me want to leave and I did just that. I walked out of the building, called a cab and went to my house. Locking the doors, I made sure no one could get in through ANY of the doors or windows on both floors and then turned the music up really loud. I grabbed some chalk and then wrote on the ground," I'm at the edge of a roof top hoping you'll never know," before climbing up to my roof. Kicking my feet over the edge I took a picture and posted, “cool picture.” I sat up there laying on my back with my feet over the edge for a while. Hearing a car pull up I didn’t even bother to look. I knew who it was. More messages came through on my phone from the people at school. Standing up I sat at the edge and looked over from the second floor roof. Oh how much I wanted to jump, how I needed to jump but I couldn’t. When I finally felt like I could, arms wrapped around me and pulled me away. I tried to fight back but they than held me tight and didn’t let go. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I cried into CC’s chest. “I don’t want to do this anymore. The nightmares won’t stop. It never ends CC, never.”

He rocked me back and forth and tried to calm me but it didn’t work. Rubbing the tears from my eyes, I pulled out of his grasp and then ran to the other side of the roof to get down. Once I was on the ground, I went into my house and locked myself inside. I put a chair in front of the door so no once could get in. I grabbed all the booze in my house and put it in my car which I was so very thankful was in the garage. Grabbing a few joints, I stuffed them in my pockets before getting in my car. I turned the motor on and then opened the garage door. Andy, Jake and CC all came running at me and hit the car windows like Zombie’s in an apocalypse but I carefully got away. I drove to the beach and drank all my problems away. Lighting up a joint, I took a massive hit and relaxed to the sound of the waves in the distance. Getting out of my car, I managed to lock it. My phone wouldn’t stop ringing so I answered it. “Wha’ da fuck ya want?” I said slurred. “Where are you Ashley?” Andy asked. “I don’t remember. There’s sand n’ water n’ the stupid fucking seagulls everyone tinks you obsessed with wont shut up!”

“Stay right there. Don’t leave.” “I don’t.” Hiccup. “Plan on it.” Hiccup. “Left my keys in my.” Hiccup. “Car.” Hiccup. Throwing my body into the sand, I looked up at the sky. The sun was setting and the stars were coming out. Tears poured from my eyes as the flashbacks plagued my memory. I didn’t notice CC sit next to me or Andy sit next to me. The tears fell harder and harder as sobs racked my body. CC pulled me close to him as I clutched the sand and cried. My phone went off and I could only imagine what it said. I looked at it behind CC and then threw it and cried harder. The message read, “Have you finally killed yourself yet? can you make my day already? the world is better of without you.” I got up from CC for the second time today and began to run towards the ocean. Nearly tripping a dozen times due to the alcohol and the weed, I made it to the waves. I ran into the water and almost fell as a wave hit me; it was stronger than I thought. Another wave came and almost knocked me over as I went deeper and deeper into the water. Andy and CC’s screams got louder as the water was now up to my waist. Andy ran with his long as legs and was closer to me than CC was.

“Don’t come any further!” I screamed. “Ash! Please don’t do this. I can’t lose you.” Andy yelled. The tide got stronger and stronger as the moon came out. “Just let me die!” I screamed. A wave knocked me over and I went under. At first, I struggled but then I remembered what I wanted. Just as I was about to inhale a lot of water, arms pulled my head out of the water. I instincantly took a breathe when I came up. Andy had his arms wrapped around me and did his best to prevent me from getting out of his grip. Giving up the struggle, I went limp in his arms. Just because they stopped me this time doesn’t mean their not going to stop me again. He carried me to the parking lot where he then set me down in front of the trunk of Jinxx’s car; pulling out clothes he ordered, “change.” I shook my head no. He began to pull of my hoodie but I tried to fight him. CC began to help him. They got my hoodie off and then were trying to take my long sleeve shirt off which would then leave me in a tank top and all of my scars showing and no way in hell was that happening. My cast was also a mess and that didn’t help anything either. He was about to get my long sleeve shirt off when I screamed, “no.” I pulled it down and tried to back away from him. All of what they were doing was like what happened that day CC got expelled. I started to cry even harder than before. When CC tried to hug me, I pushed him away and stumbled backwards and fell. Andy was instantly by my side trying to help me up from the ground. He stopped and then touched my cheek. Fuck all the foundation and stuff wore off. Fuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk. I turned my face away from him and he said as I tried to hide behind my hair, “Ash, why’s your face so bruised up?”


The tears fell and didn’t stop as I said, “school.” Anger flashed in his eyes briefly as he helped me up from the ground. He then tried to pull my shirt off again and said as he was trying, “let me see if there’s more bruises. Please.” I shook my head no. A car pulled into the parking lot. I ripped myself from his grasp and tried to run in front of the car. This time, Jake grabbed me and said as he held onto me, “oh no you don’t.” he held onto me as I squirmed in his arms and tried to get out of his grasp. “Let’s go home now,” he said. The car that I tried to run in front of had the car alarm blaring for a good ten seconds. BEEP. BEEP. BEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP. Jake and Jinxx got into the front seats of the car while Andy put me in the middle seat in between him and CC. They decided to leave my car here and come back for it later. The effects of the weed wore off long ago due to the guys showing up and ruining what was left of my high but the alcohol was very much so present. The nausea from drinking a whole bottle of whiskey was deciding to make its self-known; I grabbed at my stomach the entire ride home.

They pulled into the garage of Jinxx’s house since they decided they didn’t want to risk anything again. The moment we were out of the car and in the house, the toilet became my best friend. Andy pulled my hair back as I threw up everything in my stomach into the toilet. They had clean clothes already but I had yet to rid my self of the ocean smelling clothes. Jinxx found some clothes for me to put on and when I refused to change with anyone in the room and them refusing to leave me alone, I stayed in my sea smelling clothes. That is until Andy took scissors and cut the shirt right up the front. After cutting the front, he cut the sleeves so there was nothing left of them. My scars and bruises were now on full display. He then cut the skinny jeans right up the seam. I had no choice now but to change. Taking the shirt Jinxx gave me, I quickly took mine off and put his on. Kicking my now soaked converse off, I took the jeans off and put on the sweat pants. Hiding my arms around my body, Andy gently took my arm and looked at it. The tears that stopped briefly were now back. He then began to hug me and the rest of the guys circled around us and group hugged. When everyone let go, I got a big fuzzy blanket and wrapped my self up real tight in it.


“Why.” Andy asked. I hid my face in the blanket and said, “reasons.” he pulled the blanket away from my face and said, “Ash.” “I don’t want to say it. If I say it then it means it happened and it’s not just a nightmare. Please don’t make me say it. Please. I don’t want it to be true. Please. Please Andy please.” I began to sob and rock back and forth. Cue an anxiety attack in 3…2…1… my breathing went uneven and I shook. CC pulled me into his lap and put his arms around me and did his best to calm me down. It didn’t work. Nothing was working. My vision got blurry and the world began to fade. “Ash breathe. Breathe Ash. Breathe!” I heard Jake say. My hearing went a whack and darkness finally took me.


I regained consciousnesses in someone’s arms. I looked at the arms to see who it was. It was CC. “we’re glad your awake Ash.” I heard Jinxx say as he kneeled in front of me on the floor. That’s right I’m still on the couch. Oh. All I did was look at him. Andy walked over and asked, “can you tell us what happened now?” I nodded and whispered, “ill type it on the phone.” He nodded and then handed me his Iphone. Tears poured out of my eyes by the gallons as I typed, “When CC got into a fight, afterwards I was pushed into a utility closet. There were two guys in there waiting for me. They beat me and did unspeakable things.” I hid my face as I handed him the phone. Hiding my face in CC’s shoulder I heard Andy drop his phone. He must’ve picked it up or someone else did but I heard someone say, “no.” I slowly let go of CC and he relaxed his grip on me, when he did that, I jumped out of his grip and ran up the stairs two steps at a time. Running into Jinxx’s room, I locked the door and then went into his bathroom. Locking that door, I found what I was looking for in a drawer beside the sink.

Opening the bottle with shaky hands, the pills spilled everywhere. Grabbing a handful I swallowed it and tried to swallow more. I heard the first door be kicked down and then someone shout. The bathroom door shook. Falling to the ground, my vision began to go fuzzy. Reaching for one of Jinxx’s shaving razors, I broke it apart and then used the blade. Blood poured form the fresh wounds as I lay dying on the bathroom floor. The door suddenly burst open right as my vision began to go completely dark.




Andy’s POV

Watching Ash run out of the studio scared all of us today, especially when we saw what he tweeted not long after. CC recognized where the photo was taken and we all got in the car and drove to Ashley’s house. CC found the way he got up there and then was with him for a while. When Ash came down, he slammed the front door shut in everyone’s face. We all looked and looked for ways to get in but we couldn’t find it. Minutes later the garage door opened and the car pulled out with Ash behind the wheel. We called him over and over and thought of all of the places he could have gone. When he finally answered he gave us a clue to where he was. The sound of water in the background led us to figure out that he was at the beach. We drove their probably breaking a billion and one driving laws but in that moment we didn’t care. Once we found him, a weight was taken off of our shoulders. CC held him as he cried and cried and cried. in an instant, he was out of CC’s arms and running towards the water. I ran after him and as I got close he told me to not come any closer. A wave came while he had his back to the water and knocked him down. I ran into the water and searched for him. When I found the black mess of hair, I pulled him up to the surface and out of the water.

Taking him to the car, we all tried to get him to take the wet shirt off but he refused, however we got his hoodie off. When we got it off, we saw some of the bruises on his face. Ash freaked out and fell and kept cowering away from us. When he wouldn’t tell us how he got the bruises or who gave him the bruises, he went silent. A car pulled into the parking lot and he ran at it. Jake grabbed him and then brought him to the car. It was then decided we were going home. Jinxx pulled into the garage that way the whole running towards a moving car event couldn’t happen again. Ash threw up all the alcohol he drank into the toilet once we got inside. When he refused to change from the sea soaked clothes, Jake handed me a pair of scissors. There was no way we were going to let him get super sick on top of all of this.


When I cut the shirt off, I was not expecting to find bruises or scars. Once the shirt was cut up, I cut his jeans right up the seams so he had to take them off. When he changed, he did it quickly and hid away. Gently taking his arms, I saw how bad all of the cuts were. Some were now fading while others were newer and redder. He broke down crying and gave him self an anxiety attack which caused him to pass out. CC held him and did his best too sooth him but once he was out, we all asked CC, “how come you never said anything?”He looked away and said, “I wanted to but Ash didn’t. He was afraid of what you would think of him. He thinks it’s his fault that Jinxx’s marriage fell apart because they fought over him. He also thinks we hate him. He’s scared.”

All I could do was shake my head. Jinxx spoke up, “ Sammi and Me fought because she was cheating. I found out. She was trying to start stuff and bring other things into the argument. I defended Ashley not argued over him. I feel horrible that he thought he was the reason we’re getting a divorce. I should’ve spent more time with him. If I had agued with her more and spent more time with Ash, maybe he’d be better. I’m sorry.” We all gave Jinxx a hug and patted him on the back. Ash woke up not too long after. I asked him again and he said he didn’t want to say it. Handing him my phone, he typed it. When I read what he typed, I dropped my phone. Jake picked it up and read it. No one said anything mostly because no one knew what to say. Ashley suddenly jumped out of CC’s arms and ran up the stairs. Seconds later we were all running up the stairs and to where he ran. The bedroom door was locked.


Jinxx got the key and quickly opened the door and we then tried to open the bathroom door. It was locked so Jinxx unlocked it. I was the first person into the bathroom. There was blood pouring out of Ash’s arms and there were pills everywhere. In moments we were wrapping his arms, calling 911 and trying to get him to throw the pills up. By the time the paramedics showed up, his heartbeat was there but really low. We were all shitting a brick as they took him away with Jinxx in the ambulance. Jake drove us all because CC and me were in no shape to drive. CC and I were holding each other while in tears. I was terrified to lose Ash. He was one of my best friends. I loved him more than anything; he was one of my brothers. Family was important to me and he was Family.



Once we were in the hospital, we waited and waited for a doctor to tell us his condition. About 45 minutes later a doctor told us that they got the bleeding from his cuts to stop and were stitched up and that they were now cleaning out his blood, pumping his stomach and assessing his other injuries. Two hours later we were allowed to see him. When we entered the room, we all struggled to not cry. Ash’s arms were wrapped up in gauze; he had a tube down his throat and a machine to help him breathe. We all sat around the room in silence, no one said anything. No one knew what to say. A nurse came in every so often to check his vital signs but they never changed, his heartbeat was low but steady. Finally a doctor came in and told us his condition.

“It seems like Miss Ferguson took quite the beatings at school. Her wrist is still broken and has more damage now; she has bruises on most of her body as well as cuts. Due to the malnutrition, her body was unable to heal as quickly as it needed to. Also she is severely underweight. Someone her height and age should weigh about 120-125 and she weigh about 102.5. Due to the events of this evening, she will be put on suicide watch. It will be decided later on if she will need to go to a treatment facility.”

He took a moment before continuing on, “while pumping her stomach and cleaning her blood, we found amounts of alcohol, Marijuana, pain killers and the Tylenol she tried to overdose on.We stitched her wounds on her wrists and cleaned all of the wounds on her arms, stomach, legs and hips. We also cleaned the blood that was in her hair from the cuts she had in her scalp that we believe are from someone hitting her head against a locker. We also stitched her lip which needed stitches and we reset her nose.”

Ash really had taken a beating from those kids at school. Despite it all, he made it through even though he did try to take his life. The doctor then continued on, “despite the high chance of recovery, there is a chance she will not make it through the night. Due to her blood lose and the amount of pills and alcohol she overdosed on, there is a chance she will have brain damage or will not make it to morning. We can’t guarantee that she won’t make it but we also cant guarantee that she will make it to morning. It is all up to her body and because of the severe dehydration and malnutrition; she has a 43% of waking up.”

The odds weren’t in his favor but Ash was a fighter. He beat the odds before he can do it again. Wiping the tears from my eyes as Jake spoke he said, “can we all stay here tonight?” the doctor replied, “usually we wouldn’t allow anymore than 2 to stay the night but we will make the exception because it doesn’t look good.” we all nodded and stayed silent as the doctor left the room. Jinxx and Jake had made themselves comfortable in the chairs on each side of the bed while CC sat on the side of the bed. Me, I sat on the floor. I couldn’t look at the bed and know that Ash had a chance of not making it. Pulling out my phone I mindlessly played with it.

I opened the twitter App and tweeted, “I’m not usually a religious person but right now, I need all the prayers I can get. Someone I care about is in the hospital and it doesn’t look like the odds are in his favor. Please.” getting up from the floor, I sat on the side opposite from CC on the bed. We sat in silence for a good part of the night watching the rising and falling of Ash’s chest because it was the only security we had that he would be okay. It was late, nearly midnight when Ash made movements. He opened his eyes for a brief second and said, “I’m so sorry.”The machine beside the bed than began to beep and alarms go off. Ash’s eyes rolled back in his head and the rising and falling of his chest slowed before stopping completely. Nurses ran into the room and pushed us out. they were in there for a while. The door opened up and the nurses exited with their heads held low.“NO!” I screamed, “NO! SHE CANT BE DEAD!” and fell to my knees. Sobs wracked my body. Ashley was Dead.

Notes

yay an update (: this isn't the end yet (;

I cant kill anyone. I cant even kill a fly let alone a spider. haha

~stay strong babes. we will stich there wounds we got from being Fallen Angels and we will stand tall because we are the Wretched and Divine. An army of outcasts just as strong as our 5 leaders. Have a good day guys. <3
-Ash