Never Give In, Never Back Down

"Ash?!?!" I called frantically as Ashley and I dashed through the door to GiGi's apartment. "Ash, baby, where are you?" I cried throwing open the first door I saw. It had to be Gigi's room. I dashed through it, throwing open the other doors finding a bathroom and a closet, my girlfriend behind inside of neither room. I ran back into the living room praying she heard me and walked in there.

"Andy!!" I heard Ashley's tortured scream and nearly broke the speed of sound to reach him. As I rounded the corner my heart broke. Ash was thin, too thin, lying almost completely submerged in cold water, eyes shut, and blood, so much blood covering the tub. Ashley collapsed onto the toilet seat openly weeping. I fell to my knees at the edge of the tub, tears clouding my vision as I reached for her, pausing when I saw the labyrinth of fresh cuts decorating her body. I latched onto her, pulling her from the water and wrapping a towel around her thin frame.

"Get the door Ashley we are getting her out of here." I stated pushing through the bathroom door and waiting for Ashley to throw open the front door. Careful not to hit her head or jostle her too much I carried her to the car, gently nestling her in the back seat, kissing her forehead before I shut the door.
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Darkness. It was all around me, embracing me like an old friend and for just a moment I felt safe but, then the coldness crept over, slowly at first and then washing over me like a trillion pricks of a pin. I lifted myself from the tub, my body sore and hobbled over to the door, a faint light emitting from underneath it. Pushing the door open I meandered into the kitchen, ready to ply myself with another round of whiskey when I felt something crunch beneath my foot. Glancing down I saw a small bone, crushed almost into dust, assuming G had just left the remnants of her meal on the floor again I pulled the cabinets open feeling around the dusty shelf. No more liquor.

"I thought you stocked up earlier!" I screamed out to G as I turned suddenly falling to my knees in shock. My eyes sprung with tears as jolts of pain hammered through my body. Blinding pain as I breathed fire with every agonizing intake of air; There laying before me were the mangled remains of G her body thrown across the couch. I pulled myself to my feet scrambling to the door, wrenching it open with a sob, nearly toppling out the door with a despairing cry.

Once again I fell to the ground, insufferable torment escaping through my lips, spiraling into the night as scorching tears ravaged searing paths down my cheeks. I begged a god I didn't believe in to take me instead, to replace us. Somehow, I pulled myself together in time for the police to arrive. I was taken in for first degree murder and for some reason, the judge took pity on me and ruled it a killing of insanity placing me in solitary confinement in a mental ward somewhere east of Los Angeles.

Months and years flew by and with the passing of time I lost track of the moments that ticked by like a non-existent cry, insanity boiled in my blood until it finally ravaged my lifeless carcass. I dwindled away in a state of isolation, my deepest fear, so what choice did I have? I began to hallucinate. Shadow figures at first, swaying in the distant corners of my vision; Then staggering into sight beckoning me with calloused hands and flaming eyes, my ebbing mind begging me not to trust them.

Mutiny, that's the shadows crime, MUTINY, they saw death in my eyes and took pleasure in toying with me. The life I never had, the mistakes I made, and worst of all my own isolation. How alone did I truly have to be to imagine such creatures, such devils for comfort. Then, on the last day of my life I saw him. I knew at once he would be the one to take my life, it was only fair, in essence I had taken his.

Maggots crawled from his decomposing corpse as I reached for him. With a trembling hand I brushed my shaky fingers over the exit wound in his head. My quivering lips and broken eyes betrayed my guilt and fear of what was to come and that is when his soul devoured mine leaving me empty and begging for death. He pitied me enough to grant me that, with a sharp blow I felt all the breath surrender from my lungs and felt the flaky thrum of my heart finally give out.
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"NO!!!!!!!!!" I heard the most heart-wrenching, tormented wail that not even the most powerful of demons could conjure. Sprinting into our room I seized her in my arms, fervently stroking her hair whispering that everything was ok. I heard Ashley racing in moments after me as I felt weak arms attempting to crush me to her, sobs ripping from her scratchy throat.

"What's wrong with her?" Ashley whispered to me, barely audible the wailing cries lingering in the air.

"Nightmare, I assume." I replied as he reached over stroking her back comfortingly. I smiled softly as I felt her begin to relax. "Are you alright Ash?" Lifting her chin softly I peered into her glassy eyes hoping for at least a nod or shake of her head. I got nothing.

"A...Andy?" It was the first time in over two weeks I'd heard her voice, it was like an angel, a very hoarse angel but, an angel none the less.

"Yes baby, it's me." I chuckled tears springing to my eyes watching as she scoured the room with her eyes, stopping when they landed on Ashley.

"A...Ashley...y...you're...here." She looked confused as she grippped my hand tightly, leaning over to hug him tightly, tears falling from her eyes. "Y...you...guys fixed it." She pulled back from him glancing hopefully between the two of us.

"Of course we did Ash, Andy and I couldn't lose you."

"He's right Ash, we are all closer now because of you." I kissed her temple softly. She pulled at my sleeve until I moved behind her, curling my arms around her waist, letting her lean on me. "Andy...what...what happened?" My heart sank, she had to ask. I glanced up at Ashley, he got the idea and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Baby, GiGi took your phone and called me; She said you were getting bad, drinking binges, pill popping, and she didn't tell me about the cutting..." Her guilty eyes turned on me, hesitantly asking me to continue but, I saw the color slipping from her cheeks. "...we don't have to talk about this now Ash, we can wait until you're ready."

"No." Her voice was strong only for a moment. "...I...have to know." She cast her eyes down and squeezed my fingers between hers.

"When Ashley and I found you, you were ghostly pale, clearly malnourished, we had no idea how much you'd drank or how many pills you'd taken..." G had told us she'd gotten into her emergency supply of sleeping pills and taken at least half the bottle. "...you had cuts all over you, and you were barely breathing." I hadn't even noticed she had looked up until I felt my tears being wiped away by an all too fragile hand. I drew my hand over hers pressing it softly to my lips, pulling her to me and kissing her for the first time in what seemed like forever. It was tender and loving, a soft caressing of flesh on flesh it lasted maybe moments but, to me it was eternities. Grazing my lips across her forehead I whispered..."I finally have you back."

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