Never Give In, Never Back Down

Hearing the door slam I ran to the entrance of the kitchen, frantically scanning the room for Ashley, who was no where to be found. Tears sprang to my eyes, one of my best friends was in pain and I couldn't help, I rounded on Andy. "LOOK WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID!" I spat my words at him like poison, his hands dropping limp at his sides mouth open. "I'm going to find Ashley and make sure he's ok, and until you can get your fucking priorites straight..." I hesitated for a moment closing my eyes and taking a deep breath knowing full well the consequences my next words could bring. "...I'm staying elsewhere."

I didn't even look at Andy I just stormed out the door, slamming it behind me and making a mad dash down the street heading towards Ashley's house.

"Ashley!" I screamed my voice beginning to crack as tears flooded my vision. About halfway to Ashley's place I tripped over a curb and came face-to-face with a patch of concrete I hadn't been hoping to meet. Instead of getting up and continuing my chase I pulled out my phone, several missed calls from Andy. I scrolled through my contacts and found the number I was looking for, dialing I waited until I heard the music and screams pouring over the phone.

"Hey G, I need a place to stay for awhile, can I crash at your place?" I repeated the question several times before she heard what I'd said and agreed to let me stay awhile. I told her I would walk to the club and I would be there in about ten minutes so she could give me the key. Once the call clicked off, I shut down my phone.
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"LOOK WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID!" I was shocked to say the least, we'd only seen her this mad at Ashley before and now that it was directed at me I didn't know what to do. Any anger I had toward Ashley had disappeared and I stood there speechless. I barely heard the sentence that was coming out of Ashley's mouth, her lips were moving but, I only heard the end "...I'm staying somewhere else."

~SLAM~

By the time her words registered in my mind tears were leaking down my cheeks. I knew I was wrong, I knew Ashley was upset and I should be more sympathetic but, it's hard knowing that he tried to take away the little happiness that I had. In that resentment towards him I ended up driving the woman I loved away from me and now she was out there searching for him.

I had to talk to her, and to Ashley, to understand why he's upset and to get the light in my eyes back. I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door heading for Ashley's house, she was probably there talking to him right now and trying to make things right.
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~KNOCK~KNOCK~KNOCK~

I peeled myself out of bed, head throbbing, and threw the door open only to find a dishelved Andy in my doorway. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and to Ash, where is she?" The worry in his voice was genuine and I closed the door turning to him with a confused look.

"She's not here, I thought she was with you. You two were about to get in a fight because of me, I had to leave, I knew neither of you would understand." I collapsed onto the couch, my head in my hands, worry wrought over both of our features.

"After you left she turned on me, screaming like when you brought that girl from the club to our house. I was so shocked I barely heard what she was saying but when I started to make sense of everything again I knew I had to hurry over here. She said that she was going to make sure you were ok and until I could get myself straight then she was staying somewhere else." I collapsed beside him tears spilling onto my lap. "What did I do Ashley."

"You didn't do anything Andy. You had a natural reaction to your best friend kissing and expressing his, what he thought at the time, was love for your girlfriend. How you reacted is understandable I would have done the same thing had the roles been reversed...but, when she and I talked that night she warned me that if things didn't improve between us that she would leave so we didn't have to choose and we could focus on being better as a group again." I sighed, I should have seen this coming, of course she would blame herself for this.

"She's probably blaming herself right now, and I have no idea where to even begin looking." Andy wailed into his hands. He was right, we didn't have any of her friends numbers outside of the band.

"Andy, look, if we want her back we need to be straight with each other. I love your girlfriend..." Andy glowered at me through his tear soaked fingers. "...in a purely platonic way. Yes she was the first girl to make me realize that I need to stop acting like a hormone filled child and get my shit together and grow up but, she sure as hell won't be the last. The reason I left your house is because, I didn't want her feeling like this was all her fault and I didn't want this to come between you two. I realized that if I told either one of you why I was upset it would be taken the wrong way. You would believe I was still after Ash and she would believe it was all her fault. The truth is...I feel lost Andy. Since she waltzed into our lives and stole a piece of all of our hearts she's been the glue that holds us together. She's the one person that actually saw what I was feeling for what it was, maturing. I know now that I want to be better for myself and I want to settle down and fall in love and I know that she isn't the one that I want that with but, Andy, she's the one I want for YOU to have that with. I see the way you two look at each other and I can only dream that one day I will have that with someone but, until then I have to wander in the dark like a lost dog for awhile to figure out who I am now. I hope the band, you and Ash included, will be there for me through that change but, if you still don't believe me we may as well give up on finding Ash now since the only way she will come back is if we are ok with each other and work together to find her."

With that said I pull my phone out of my pocket and call the guys over for an "emergency meeting." Once I hung up with the last of the guys I grabbed a glass of cold water for Andy, who was just lifting his tear-streaked face.

"You're right, Ashley. I do care about you and I do care that you are going through these changes it's just hard for me to accept the fact you tried to take the apple of my eye away from me. I believe that you don't want forever with her but, now it's too late, i've lost her. I've tried calling and now her phones off, I don't know what to do, Ashley."

A few seconds later there was a knock at my door and all remaining members of Black Veil Brides were standing at my door, looking very annoyed that I'd called them away so early but, one look at Andy's face and panic began to set in.

"What happened." Jinxx asked, everyone moving to take a seat on the couch. "Andy why are you crying."

Andy was too upset to speak so I filled the others in on what had happened. For the rest of the night we poured over the streets of L.A. looking for Ash, hoping we would see her walking down a sidewalk somewhere.
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"It's ok G, I'll be fine here by myself." I screamed across the apartment as she got ready for work. The past few days I'd been sleeping in the bath tub in her small apartment drinking myself into a stuper, the nightmares were getting out of control and I wanted Andy but, I knew he and the rest of the guys were better off without me.

"I won't be gone long just restocking!" I heard the door click shut a few minutes later. I don't know how long I lay there but, I clamored out of the tub as I started to get one hell of a migraine, not to mention the crick in my neck from sleeping in the tub. I scaled the counter, finally reaching the highest shelf where I knew she kept her medicine. I pulled a basket out onto the table labelled 'drugs.' How appropriate, I thought, digging through the bottles until I found one labelled 'pain killers' and dumped a few pills into my hands before cracking open a new bottle of whiskey. I chased the pills with whiskey, what harm could it be they were only pain killers. I clambered back towards the tub already finished with the fifth I'd just pulled from the stock when I felt the earth fall out from underneath me, my head slamming into
the wall of the tub.

"Oh for fucks sake!" I cried out in misery feeling the back of my head and bringing my hand around to make sure I wasn't bleeding. "Great." I grumbled as I started to feel the medicine and alcohol kick in. My head was bleeding. I turned the knobs on the tub letting it fill with warm water before stripping down to my undies and crawling into the water, looked comfy.
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~RING~RING~RING~

"It's Ash!" I cried relieved. Ashley and I hadn't slept in three days, we took turns calling Ash's phone and scouring L.A. for her, or her friends. "Shhhhh!" I hushed the others before presssing the green button and placing the phone on speaker.

"Hello, Andy? Is this Andr...Andy Biersack?" The voice on the line was unfamiliar, I felt dread sink into my bones. Something's wrong, something's happened.

"Wh...who...is...this?" I question, hesitantly preparing myself for the worst. The others were listening intensely, all of us fearing the same thing.

"My name is GiGi, I worked with Ashley at Cheetah's." We all breathed a sigh of relief.

"Why do you have Ash's phone?" I questioned fear building up once again in my throat.

"Well you see, she called and asked to stay at my place for awhile. Since she's been here she hasn't been herself..." We all waited for what she said next with baited breath. "She's been drinking me out of house and home I've had to restock on liquor at least twice a day, she's been taking pills for her migraine's that are a result of her sleeping in my bathtub and thrashing around when she has nightmare, which are happening everytime she closes her eyes. I just left the house so I could buy more pain killers, we ran out this morning but, I know she needs you Andy, I don't know what happened but, I know she loves you and she feels like she can't come back because of something between you and your best friend but, I'm worried she's going to kill herself with all this drinking...anyway i'm texting you my address, I'll be awhile at the store so you can have some alone time with her."

With that the call ended and we all stared at each other worry and fear still etched in our features. We were already in the car when the address came through. I'm coming baby...hold on to every breath of life in a world of sacrifice.

Notes

I am incredibly sorry that I haven't posted in so long. There is no excuse for not having posted previous to this besides a lack of motivation. I have had a terrible case of writers block until tonight and it's now 2:30 in the morning and I couldn't sleep without writing something. I'm so sorry and I won't make any promises that I will post again anytime soon but, I can promise that I will post again and I hope you all continue reading and enjoying the story. Any feedback (yes, even negative) is welcome. Enjoy!