Imagine Me and You

The air smelled like delicious buttery popcorn and Jeanine smiled as she took a handful and brought it to her lips. She was curled on the plush couch, her boyfriend beside her with his fingers lazily running across her legs as he concentrated on the movie they were both watching. She shivered as his skin trailed over hers, her bare legs getting goose bumps and she was happy that she was wearing long sleeves so that he couldn’t see the goose bumps that were covering her scared arms as well. Jeanine had been a self-harmer since her teens and while she still did it occasionally, it was something that she kept well hidden and close to her heart.

Not even her boyfriend of two months knew about them and she couldn’t bear to think what would happen if he found out. See her boyfriend was somewhat of a an idol when it came to stopping self-harm-a savior of sorts to his beloved fans and Jeanine couldn’t think about what would happen if they found out that his girlfriend was also a self-harmer. She bit down on her lip, trying to keep the urge down as she tried to focus more on the movie and less on his fingers and her need to hide herself away in the bathroom.


“You okay babe?” His low voice asked, those blue eyes of his delving deep into her own light baby blues as he looked at her. Jeanine smiled, tucking a loose strand of her light brown hair behind one ear as she cleared her throat.

“I’m fine. Just kind of cold…” She smiled, that adorable smile that always warmed his heart and Andy couldn’t help but move to place a hand against her cheek.

“I’ll get you a blanket.” He said softly, moving to get up and Jeanine felt her heart ache. He was so sweet and yet here she was, lying to him about something that if anyone would understand, it would be Andy.

“Thanks…” She said quietly as she felt herself being covered by a fuzzy blanket and soon enough Andy was back at her side, her legs draped over his lap once again. She was wearing shorts, which was normal because it was summer time and incredibly hot out, but Andy always found it strange that Jeanine would insist on wearing long sleeves or hoodies.


The two of them sat there, the movie playing but both were finding it hard to concentrate. They were both under the blanket now and Andy was feeling playful-his fingers still trailing up and down her legs and he was enjoying watching her shiver. She would bite down on her lower lip, holding in her giggles and suddenly she shrieked as Andy had grabbed for her and pulled her on to his lap completely. She threw her head back, laughing as he assaulted her sides with his fingers, but she was careful to keep her sleeves pulled down.

They rolled around until finally they had both thumped on to the floor, Andy laying on top of her while she writhed around beneath him. She was laughing, but she couldn’t completely let herself lose control because she had to keep him from seeing. Jeanine knew that sooner or later he was going to find out-they were going to be completely naked in front of one another at some point and he was going to see her scar riddled body.

She had taken her hate for life out on herself in the worst way, but Jeanine wasn’t really ashamed of her scars-they were her battle wounds and they showed how strong she had become. She wasn’t too strong though-she had moments of weakness and would then bring out her old Altoids box from underneath the bathroom sink.

Andy had stopped tickling her and instead his lips were now making trails over her skin, still giving her shivers, but now it was different. They always got to this point and then Jeanine would find some excuse to stop, but she didn’t want to stop. She was tired of holding back and lying, she was tired of keeping herself from being happy. She let him kiss her, his lip ring rubbing against her skin as he moved to grab her hands and hold them above her head. She was pinned to the floor and Jeanine couldn’t keep the moan from escaping her lips. Andy was smiling down at her as he pressed his hips against hers and Jeanine closed her eyes as another moan formed on her lips.

She didn’t know how far they would get, but she was hoping that she could at least keep her shirt on. Currently Andy was slowly pushing the hem of her shirt up while his free hand was moving slowly across her skin and then he stopped. Fuck-Jeanine had completely forgotten about her small scars that were right below her bra line and it seemed like the entire room exploded in the minute.

Andy was sitting up, leaning back on his knees and he was looking down at her exposed stomach with a mixture of sadness, disappointment and shock. She quickly sat up straight, tugging her shirt down to cover everything, but Jeanine knew it was too late.


“Is…is there something you want to tell me babe?” He asked, running a hand through his black hair, pushing his bangs back so that he could look at her. Two months together and a year of being friends and he had never known-never would have even guessed that his Jeanie was a self-harmer.

“I-um…no. No everything is fine.” She said, biting down on her lower lip as Jeanine avoided his gaze. Instead she looked over her shoulder, staring at the movie that had been forgotten and she winced as she felt his hands reach for one of her arms and pull it towards him.

“Really? You don’t want to explain these to me?” Andy asked, his voice low and Jeanine suddenly felt the tears spring to her eyes as she turned to him and they were both looking down at her skin. Her pure white skin was blemished with marks, some fresh and some old but they were all there. He placed a finger on one of her older scars, running his skin over hers slowly as he tried to look in to her eyes.

“I-I don’t know what to say…you wouldn’t understand…” Her voice was low and he knew she was crying. Her cheeks had gotten bright red and she was holding her free hand up to her face, trying to cover it as much as she could. Andy was still running his fingers over her scars and Jeanine cried out as he found and fresh one and placed his lips against her skin.

“I don’t understand how you could think this is the way for you to solve your problems. Frankly I’m shocked because I never knew you were in so much pain and I’m sad that you never thought to share your thoughts with me. I thought we were friends…best friends…” He sounded so sad and Jeanine didn’t know what to do in that moment. She just cried, sitting there with her legs crossed Indian style and she couldn’t bear to look up and meet his eyes.

“I didn’t want to bother you! You’ve been so busy with the new album and touring over the summer and then when you got home and we thought we'd give us a chance…I didn’t want to spoil anything. I’m sorry.” She was sobbing now and he had let go of her wrist and instead was pulling his girlfriend towards him. He held her against his chest, her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder as she cried and Andy couldn’t keep his own tears at bay.


This girl-this broken girl-he had thought they told eachother everything and it turned out the most important thing to her-she was keeping from him.He had always found it strange that she wore long sleeves, even in the summer time, but he knew she was body sensitive and so he never questioned it. She always seemed like such a happy and positive person that Andy figured she just dealt with her Demons in a more private way like meditation or yoga.

Now that they were sitting there, Jeanine sobbing in his arms and Andy unsure of what to do-he realized that all of the signs had been there. She would disappear for a certain amount of time after high pressure situations and when she would come out she was always very quiet and kept to herself. The long sleeves, always having plenty of bandaids around the house and freaking out about not having any when they went out-it all made sense.


“Jeanine-it’s going to be okay…” His voice was just above a whisper and she could hardly hear him since his lips were pressed against the top of her light brown head. What was she going to do? Was he going to leave her? Too ashamed to be with a girl who had the very problem that he was fighting so hard against…

“No-no it’s not. You’re going to leave me and I’m going to have no one.” She was crying harder than ever, her tiny fingers clutching his shirt and Andy inhaled a calming breath. He gripped her hands and pushed her away from him slightly so that he could look down. Their blue eyes met and he smiled.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not going anywhere babe…unless you want me too.” He bent down, pressing his lips against hers. They broke apart and Andy kept smiling as he lifted one of her wrists up, exposing the marred skin and then his lips were gracing her scars lightly. Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, but Jeanine knew these were different.

“I love you-you’re my best friend…broken pieces and all…” He was done kissing her scars and Jeanine only smiled as he brought her in to a hug and squeezed her tightly.


He would kiss every scar on her skin if he had to because if that made her feel better than that’s what he would do. Jeanine was his best friend and he loved her…he couldn’t lose her…ever.

Notes

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