What It Is To Burn

Andy groaned as the sun shone down on him from the window and he peeked one eye open to look at the clock that rested on his bed side table. 10:36-perfect. He rolled over, his arms moving to wrap around Dess, but Andy was sadly disappointed as he soon realized that he was alone in the bed. He smiled, sniffing the air, but where he expected there to be a scent of bacon and eggs-there was nothing but the cinnamon candle that was resting on Dess’ bed side table.

Andy ran a hand through his short black hair, smiling as he finally understood what the day was-the day before their long awaited wedding. Laying there, Andy finally heard voices coming from downstairs and he knew he should probably get up and join the rest of the populace.

As he tugged on a pair of his Batman lounge pants, Andy stretched his thin arms over his head and looked out the window. Their room over looked the wide backyard and Andy smirked as he saw that CC was outside with Winnie-throwing a tennis ball for the small but energetic dog to catch and bring back. The house felt alive as Andy moved around the room, pulling on first a t-shirt and then a black and red sweater. His bandmates had all finally shown up-Jinxx was the last one-over the last few days and Kit had been with them for over a week now.

The house was abuzz with excitement and Andy knew it was about to get even crazier come the very next day. His parents were due to fly in that day and Andy was thankful to Trish for volunteering to go to the airport to pick them up. A few other relatives were coming in as well, but they were thankfully staying overnight in various hotels in the Northern Virginia area.

Andy smirked as he exited their bedroom and even from down the hall and up the stairs he could hear Kit and Ashley yelling at one another. The two had been at it nonstop since his best friend and Best Man had shown up two days prior and Dess had done a good job of keeping them occupied. Speaking of, it was strange to Andy that Dess had gotten up without waking him, but he knew that she had some last minute things that needed to be done and so she probably left and wanted to just let him sleep.

Andy made it down the stairs, the smile on his face faltering as he looked out the window nearest the front door and noticed that Dess’ car was gone from the driveway, but her purse was still sitting on the table beside the door. He made his way in to the kitchen, standing in the doorway with one eyebrow cocked as he took in the scene before him.

Jake, CC and Ella were all seated at the kitchen table, while Jinxx was obviously avoiding the situation. Andy caught site of Sammi standing over by the kitchen sink, a dish towel in her pale hands. Kit was by the sliding glass doors to the deck, her cigarettes in hand and Ashley was almost nose to nose with the feisty red head, even though she was slightly shorter but still.

Andy cleared his throat and watched as four pairs of eyes moved from the arguing duo to face him, but Kit and Ashley still glared at one another. Where was Dess? He knew she would be out, but leaving her purse behind? That wasn’t like Dess at all and Andy was trying very hard to get rid of the stone that was settling in his stomach. Finally Kit and Ashley looked over at him and Andy held up a hand, his voice still low and groggy sounding as he spoke.


“Uh-has anyone seen my fiancé?” He asked and Kit just rolled her eyes, crossing her pale arms over her generous sized chest and Andy knew that everyone was looking at him now.

“You know-Odessa-my fiancé? About this tall, blonde hair…gorgeous green eyes and smile. Anyone know where she went?” Andy asked, holding up a hand to right beneath his chin and Kit only smirked and shrugged her shoulders before exiting through the sliding doors to smoke her probably fiftieth cigarette of that morning.

“She was up and gone before any of us…Kit doesn’t even know where she is.” Jake said, sipping from his coffee mug as Ella squeezed his hand and tried to keep the worried look off of her face.

“I told her last night all of us girls should go get mani-pedis today, but she only just laughed and said she had some stuff she needed to get done-alone.” Ella said, her big eyes worried and Andy set his jaw and looked out towards the deck. Kit was chain smoking and Andy could tell the fiery red head was as worried about her best friend as he was.

“I was trying to get Kit to tell me if she knew anything, but she’s so fucking hard headed…” Ashley grunted as he poured himself a cup of coffee and joined the others at the table.

“I remember Dess saying something about going to see Moira this morning. I’m sure she’ll be back soon Andy.” Sammi offered as she passed him, placing a small hand against his shoulder before sitting down at the table herself.


Andy couldn’t believe how calm everyone was right now. Where the fuck was Dess?! As he moved towards the sliding glass door, Andy knew that it wasn’t like Dess to just disappear without telling someone where she was going. What if she was hurt? What if she ran away? Scenarios played through his brain as Andy opened the door, hissing as the cold wind met his cheeks and he quickly slid everything closed behind him.

Kit was sitting at their glass topped table, her fuzzy slippered feet resting on the chair next to her and Andy only cleared his throat as he nodded his head at her feet. She begrudgingly moved her feet, smirking as she held out her pack of cigarettes towards the nervous groom to be and Kit realized that she loved watching this kid squirm. His black hair was shining in the mid morning light, his pale skin even whiter against a background of changing leaves that were threatening to fall from their branches at any moment.

They sat there like that for a while-chain smoking in silence as they both stared off in to the distance. Andy could feel his heart beating out of his chest and he knew that Kit had some clue as to where Dess had gone or at least what was going on with his M.I.A bride to be. Kit smirked as she noticed Andy fidgeting in his seat, wringing his hands and then he would bring up a finger to his lips to bite down on the stub of a nail that he already had bitten down to the quick. She snubbed out her cigarette-tired of smoking and as she looked at him, Kit laced her fingers together and leaned her elbows on the table. She really had no idea where Dess was at that moment-she had some ideas but Kit was firm in her opinions.

If Dess had disappeared-it was for one reason and one reason only and he was sitting across from her staring her down that very moment.


“Spill it Kit…I know you know where she is.” Andy said finally, breaking the silence that had clouded over them like a great storm. Kit sighed as she leaned back in her chair, her head resting against her hands as she titled her head up and stared at the clear sky. It was supposed to be a gorgeous Halloween this year-perfect for Trick-Or-Treating and perfect for a dream wedding.

“I have some ideas, but I do know something for certain and that is-Dess disappeared for a reason…” Kit said, her voice low and she let the chair fall down on all four legs, the metal scraping against the wood loudly but she never broke eye contact with the sorry singer that was sitting in front of her in that moment.

“Well can you tell me please?” Andy asked, his tone frustrated and Kit only smirked at him. He was cute when he got agitated with her-this could be fun.

“Look Andy I don’t know where she is. I have some ideas-like I said-but I’m pretty sure if Dess wanted to be found she would have called by now…” Kit said as she moved her fingers to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and then she jumped. Andy had slapped his hand against the glass table, making the entire thing shift and Kit felt her blood pumping as she looked into his angry blue eyes.

“Fuck Kit! Quit with the drama!” Andy snarled and Kit only shook her head as she looked over his shoulder to take in the old Oak tree that bordered the front and side yard. They used to love climbing that old tree and swinging in the tire swing when it was warm enough.

“It’s not drama-it’s the truth. She obviously ran away for a reason…maybe Odessa Montgomery finally came to her senses.” Kit reasoned and Andy only growled as he reached for another cigarette and placed it between his clenched teeth. Kit could be such a bitch and now was not the time.

“What are you saying Kit?” Andy asked, lighting his cigarette and taking a long drag off of it as he waited.

“I’m saying that last night Dess didn’t seem so sure she wanted to get married anymore…" Kit said softly, her eyes sad as she looked over at the concerned groom. She felt bad-Andy was a good guy and Dess was just being stupid, but Kit couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make him sweat a little bit.

“What?” Andy said, his voice low and dangerous and Kit could only smirk. It wasn’t untrue-Dess had talked to her about being scared to get married and losing her identity entirely, but Kit never thought that Dess had been serious in her threats.

“She told me last night that she was scared to marry you-she’s worried that if she marries you that Odessa Montgomery will disappear forever. She has a point…” Kit smirked at him and then her smirk faded as she watched Andy crumble before her eyes.


Kit felt horrified as Andy ran his hands through his hair, pushing his dark locks away from his forehead and then he just crumbled. The tears came to those beautiful blue eyes, his lip began to tremble and Kit winced as he left out a guttural sob and collapsed with his head resting in his arms as they laid on the table. His shoulders shook up and down as Andy cried-harder than he had ever cried before and he couldn’t bear to let Kit’s words sink in to his brain.

Odessa didn’t want him-didn’t want to marry him, didn’t want to be with him at all. He should have seen it coming-ever since they had met she had always been the one to push him away-to hold things off. Andy sighed, taking in a deep breath as he raised his head and glanced over at Kit. The red head looked shocked at his display and as Andy sniffed away some of his tears and wiped at his eyes he came to a realization.

If Odessa did not want to be with him then fine, but he needed to know that she was okay. He needed her to come home and tell him herself. He needed to see her one last time.

“Kit-please. Please go find her. I’m begging you. Even if she doesn’t want to be with me…I-I just need to make sure that she’s okay. I love her-no matter her choice I will always love her.” Andy pleaded, holding his hands out to her and Kit felt her stomach begin to ache. He looked so sad-so wounded and in that moment Kit knew that she had to track Dess down and quick.

“I-okay. I’m going alone though! If you come with me then she’s just going to feel spooked and she may never come home.” Kit explained and then she smiled as Andy jumped up from his seat and wrapped his skinny tattooed arms around her neck. Kit wasn’t sure what to do, so she just patted him on the back softly and then pulled away.

“Thank you Kit-thank you so much…” Andy said in to her hair and Kit only giggled nervously as she hugged him one last time and then pulled away. Andy’s blue eyes were shining with his tears and Kit could only smile at him encouragingly as she pulled her car keys from her pocket and looked over her shoulder at the poor guy one last time before turning the corner of the house and moving towards her car.



The wind whipped around her, her blonde hair flowing around her face, getting stuck against her moist lips and Dess raised a gloved hand to remove the offending strand. She shivered, wrapping her arms around her shoulders more to try and warm up as her thoughts raced through her brain. She had woken up that morning-gotten sick like she did most mornings and as she sat on the bathroom floor Dess realized that she couldn’t go through with it. She couldn’t marry Andy-ever.

She was dying and while Dess had finally gone to the doctor and had tests taken less than a week ago and even though no results had come in yet…she knew. She looked out over the green field in front of her, the cold metal of the bench she was seated on icy against her jean clad butt and Dess felt like crying. She ran her hands over her face, pulling her hair back as she felt a sob come to her chest.

What was she supposed to do? Go home and marry Andy? Was she supposed to just act like nothing was wrong and then when she died what would happen to him? He would mourn her of course-he would mourn her in the only way he knew how…he would write song after song in honor of her memory. Dess didn’t want that-not for Andy and not for his fans. No, they deserved someone who could deal with the pain not only in his own life, but in theirs as well and if Andy married Dess he couldn’t do that.

Dess looked up from her lap, looked out over the football field and smiled as she watched two cheerleaders and a few others try and get a bunch of orange and black balloons from inside a car and move them against the wind towards the school. There was a Halloween dance tomorrow night, but Dess could hardly think of anything except her wedding that would never be.

She cried at that thought-she cried out long and hard as the tears came to her eyes and Dess let them take her over. Her face was wet and chilled as she sat there crying, running her hands over her arms to try and keep warm. The wind was whipping around her and Dess once again trained her eyes on the football field. She had hated this field and everything it represented-jocks and more people who just couldn’t accept her.

Dess, Kit and Beth used to come to this field when they wanted to skip class or get away from people at lunch and they would sit on the bleachers-right where she was sitting now and they would share in their stories. Dess smirked through her tears as she looked down and her eyes caught the light that was reflecting off of her ring and she couldn’t help but be taken back.

Back to a time when things were happy and simple. Before she had gotten sick and even before Moira had died. Summer 2011-the perfect summer. That July day would always stick out in her mind-hot and humid but perfect in it’s ending with her and Andy talking softly to one another under the stars as everyone moved around them. They had been in their own world even then and Dess smirked as she remembered how insistent he had been that they try to make things work.

It had been magnetic being around him-kissing him had felt like the Earth was moving but she was standing still. At the memory Dess traced over her own lips softly, trying to remember what it felt like to have his soft lips pressed against hers. Dess smiled as she looked down, taking in her skinny jeans and brown calf boots. She shivered, wrapping her grey peacoat around her shoulders more and Dess looked up and sighed loudly as an all too familiar figure continued their march in her direction.


“Well it took me a fucking hour but I finally tracked you down. You waiting for a football game to start or something?” Kit laughed as she began to walk up the bleachers towards her and Dess only groaned. She had been sure that this was somewhere that no one would think to look for her-she obviously underestimated Kit and her memory.

“Ugh. What do you want Kit?” Dess asked as she rested her elbows on her knees and then rested her chin in the palms of her hands. Kit only rolled her eyes as she huffed for a few more minutes and soon enough the two best friends were sitting side by side.

“What’s going on Dess? Why are you up here all by your lonesome?” Kit asked as she mimicked the way Dess was sitting, except she bumped hips with Dess and smirked over at the blonde deviously. Dess tried to ignore the red head, but ignoring Kit was like pretending one didn’t stand on two legs-near impossible.

“I-I can’t do it Kit. You were right…Andy and I shouldn’t get married.” Dess admitted and she felt the tears come to her eyes once again. Kit only sighed and wrapped a sweater clad arm around her best friend’s shoulders and pulled the girl close.

“Oh babe. I wasn’t right-I was being a pain in the fucking ass. You and Andy-kid that’s forever.” Kit said as she chucked her knuckles against Dess’ cheek but the blonde only shook her head sadly.

“No-not if one of us dies Kit…it’s not forever then and I can’t do that to Andy…I can’t do that to his fans.” Dess cried as she leaned her head against Kit’s shoulder and soon the two girls were hugging one another tightly. Where was this coming from? Did Dess get a call this morning that no one knew about?

“Honey-you both will die eventually. Are you really being this fucking stupid right now?” Kit asked, her voice angry and she took a deep breath to try and keep things under control. Yelling at Dess was not the answer right now-she needed to come at the situation in a slow and steady manner.

“I can’t marry him Kit! It wouldn’t be fair to marry him and then leave him soon after!” Dess cried, her tears angry as they fell from her eyes and landed on her knees.

“Odessa Annemarie if you don’t get your ass back home and marry that delicious man I will never forgive you and I may marry the poor boy myself!” Kit laughed and Dess finally cracked a smile as the two of them sat there in comfortable silence.


Dess really couldn’t imagine not marrying Andy-they had been through so much and had still come out together in the end. Besides-she had spent almost an entire year planning this wedding and she knew she would regret it if she didn’t see things through. But what about her test results? She wasn’t going to get them until after the wedding and what if they were bad? She sighed-this was so hard and Dess felt trapped as she sat there with Kit’s eyes on her, urging her to do the right thing. She couldn’t run away from her problems-that only created more problems and more heart break.

As Dess sat there, she looked down and noticed that an orange Oak leaf had fallen down and landed on her knee where it had stayed there. That was strange-there were no trees that close to them and even so-the school didn’t allow Oak trees on the property because the root system tore up the football field. Dess held her breath as she remembered a childhood spent with Moira, swinging under the Oak tree in their yard, giggling as the orange leaves rained down on them in the fall and sheltered them in the summer.


“Do you really think I’m being stupid?” Dess asked and Kit only gave her a look as she fished around in her pocket and finally pulled out her phone. Quick typing and soon Kit was holding the phone up for Dess to see and the blonde only smiled as she gazed at a picture of Andy. His smile could light up a whole room and those eyes-she had fallen hard for those blue eyes of his.

“Can we please go home now D? It’s cold, I’m hungry and we have so much that we need to do for tomorrow still…” Kit pleaded and Dess only bit down on her lip as she looked from her best friend and then down towards the leaf she was still clutching in her right hand.

“Yeah…yeah lets go. I owe Andy a huge apology.” Dess smiled and Kit laughed as the two girls embraced once more and then they both stood up. Her ass was freezing, her head hurt and she felt like she was going to be sick, but Dess knew that in little over a day she would marry the man of her dreams.

“Would you really marry Andy if I didn’t?” Dess asked as she followed Kit down the steps and laughed as her best friend stopped in her tracks and turned her Kelly green eyes on Dess.

“Are you kidding me? If you don’t marry him sweetie I know about a million other girls who would gladly take him off those pretty little hands of yours.” Kit laughed and both girls continued their joking until finally they made it to the parking lot and Dess noticed that Kit had parked right beside her.

“Well I guess we don’t have to worry about that anymore…” Dess laughed as she unlocked her door and moved to get behind the wheel. Kit only smiled down at her as Dess rolled the window down and squinted up at her best friend. Where would she be right now without Kit? Probably freezing to death or half way to Mexico.

“No we don’t. I’m going to follow you home to make sure you don’t have any more great escapes planned.” Kit laughed as she blew her a kiss and Dess blew her one in return.

“I love you Kit Kat!” Dess called from her open window and Kit turned around, her driver’s side door open but she didn’t more to get into the car just yet.

“I love you too Dess-always have…always will! Now lets get you married to Mr. Sexy Rockstar!” The red head yelled as she smirked at Dess and then got behind the wheel of her tiny Prius.


Dess said nothing as she turned her car on, a smile coming to her face as a familiar voice spoke out to her and Dess sang along with that low voice that sent shivers down her spine. Andy was right-people do fall down sometimes…they just needed some help every once and awhile picking themselves back up.

Notes

Dess would be crazy to not get married to Andy...but I understand her fear. What's going to happen if she does die?

Here's the deal-the very next chapter is the start of their much awaited Wedding and I have a deal for you lovely readers. The Wedding spans chapters 43-48 and they are wonderful chapters. So if I get FIVE comments/reviews from DIFFERENT PEOPLE(not just one person commenting over and over again) I will update every day until we get to chapter 49. If not, then it's going to be every other or every two days. Do we have a deal?

Review<3

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