Andy’s Point of View

I woke to the sound of someone snoring softly beside me, their arm draped across my waste so that I was pulled in close to them. I smiled slightly, remembering that Jinxx had yet again stayed the night in attempt to get rid of the nightmares. I also realised that for the first time in a week, it had worked; the nightmares didn’t make an appearance. That realisation made my smile grow, until I noticed that I was completely naked, and so was Jinxx.

I remember coming onto him last night and him rejecting me, but after that it was pretty much all a blur. Did I end up forcing him to do something he didn’t want to do?

I groaned and slowly opened my eyes. Instantly, my head started pounding and I quickly shut my eyes again, willing the terrible headache to go away, but then I realised something that made my eyes shoot open again, despite my splitting headache; this wasn’t my bedroom.

Sure, it looked similar to mine, with the multiple band posters decorating almost every inch of the walls and the floor littered with both clean and dirty clothes, but it wasn’t my room.
At that moment, I heard the person I was cuddling with moan next to me. Before I could turn around to see who it was or even say something I heard his voice.

“Andy? What the fuck…?” Ashley said.

I felt him pull away and I quickly turned to look at him and noticed how he looked as bad as I felt. His hair was a knotty mess, his face extremely pale, his eyes bloodshot beyond belief, and he was squinting, indicating that he had a headache too.

“Ashley…” I muttered, my mouth dry.
I looked into his brown eyes, my own filling with tears. I tried blinking them away, but instead they just ran down my face.

“I think we may have had…” I trailed off, not wanting to say the word. Ashley’s face remained blank for a few moments, not completely understanding what I was saying since he was still half asleep and, presumably, hung over as fuck. I waited a seconds in hopes he’d catch on so I wouldn’t have to spell it out for him, and eventually he did. His mouth opened in shock and I looked down, tears still spilling from my eyes.

“Had sex?” He whispered. I just nodded, not knowing what to say.
We fell into an awkward silence. We didn’t move, didn’t look at each other. Eventually, I needed to break the silence.

“I-I cheated on Jinxx, Ash.” Was all I could choke out before I completely broke down, my heavy sobs racking my body.

Ashley was silent. I looked up at him through my messy fringe and saw that he was intensely staring at me, studying me with his deep brown eyes. Normally, it would have made me feel uncomfortable, but instead I just felt myself relaxing, completely melting under his gaze. Ashley had that affect on me, and I hated myself for it. It was my love and trust for him that got me into this mess in the first place.

“Well,” Ashley finally said, looking away from me to pick at a lose thread on his blankets.

“Well what?” I whispered through my steady tears when he didn’t continue.

“Well we were both pretty drunk last night. Maybe Jinxx will understand?”

My head shot up at the sound of my boyfriend’s name. “Jinxx can’t know.”

“But-”

“No.” I replied, cutting Ashley off. “He can’t know. I can’t lose him. This was just a drunken mistake.”

Ashley looked at me, frozen; the hurt I had caused him with those words was clearly displayed on his face. Instantly, I regretted my choice of words. I hated hurting Ashley and that’s all I seemed to have done lately.

“Ash, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yes you did. Last night was a mistake, like you said. Just like dating me, right?” He whispered, looking away from me.

“No! Dating you wasn’t a mistake. Ashley, look at me! Listen, dating you wasn’t a mistake, and if I’m being completely honest neither was last night.”

Ashley let out a humourless chuckle. “Right. Like you can remember what happened last night?”

“Can you?” I asked.

“Of course I can! I remember nearly everything that happened last night. It just kinda feels unreal; like it was a dream or something. But I drank a lot less than you did.”

“You were drunk before I even started drinking, Ashley.” I replied coolly. “Besides, that doesn’t even matter. The whole, ‘Oooh, I forgot what happened last night because I was soooo wasted’ is a fucking lie to try and get away with doing stupid shit.”

“Whatever.”

I sighed and propped myself up to look at him, leaning on one arm. “Ashley, seriously. Last night wasn’t a mistake. Breaking up with you was.”

Ashley looked up at me, his blood shot eyes swimming with tears. “Really?”

“Yes. Really.” I replied, a little hesitant. It was true, I’ve always regretted dumping Ashley, but now that I had Jinxx? I was stuck. I didn’t want to lose either of them.

Ashley paused, searching my face. Finally, he let out a small sigh. “But you don’t want to lose Jinxx.”

“No.” I said quietly. “I don’t want to lose Jinxx.”

Ashley was silent for a moment. He looked down and started to pick at his nails. “I guess it’s for the best, you know? Considering I’m moving soon.”

“Yeah.” I whispered. What else could I say?

“But… I miss you Andy.” He said, looking up and giving me a weak smile.

“I miss you too Ashley.” I replied, leaning over and kissing him softly on the lips. “I still love you, though.”

I felt him smile against my lips. After a few seconds, he pulled away.

“I love you too, Brighteyes.”

I smiled at him, butterflies erupting in my stomach at the use of my nickname. Suddenly, my smile faded as I remembered that Jinxx had stayed the night at my place and if I wasn’t there when he woke up he’d be worried sick, and I didn’t have a good excuse to where I had gone in the middle of the night.

“What time is it?” I asked, quickly shifting so that I was sitting up. Ashley looked taken aback at the bluntness of my question, but reached over me to grab his phone.

“It’s 6:38. Why?”

I breathed out a sigh of relief, looking over to the window. The sun had almost fully risen almost over the horizon, but Jinxx wouldn’t be up yet. I smiled slightly and was about to slump back into the pillow when I realised that although Jinxx wouldn’t be up, my parents would be.

“Fuck.” I muttered, quickly throwing the covers off of me. Ashley watched me run around the room picking up my discarded clothes with a slightly confused yet amused look on his face.

“What?” He asked.

“My parents.” I replied, trying to put both pant legs on at once.

“Oh.” Ashley said. We fell into silence as he watched me struggle to put on my pants. “Dude, it’d just be faster to put on leg in at a time. It’s painful to watch you struggle.”

I gave him a sheepish smile and calmed myself down enough so that I was finally able to get dressed without much effort. I quickly glanced at my phone before sliding it into my sweaters pocket.

“Do you have everything?” Ashley asked from his position on the bed.

“I think so,” I replied without looking up at him. Although he was positioned so that the blanket was completely covering him, I knew he was still naked underneath, and just the thought was making me want to crawl back into bed with him.

“Are you sure you’re not forgetting anything?” He whispered. I chanced a quick, questioning look at him and looked back down, checking my sweater pocket.

“Smokes, lighter, phone…” I muttered quietly to myself. “Uh, no I don’t think so.”

I heard Ashley sigh and shift around. Quite suddenly, a very naked Ashley was standing in front of me. I gasped and looked up at him, never moving my gaze away from his face, as much as I wanted to.

“Are you sure you’re not forgetting anything?” He whispered.

“Ash, what are you-”
He cut me off with a soft kiss. Even though it was a quick peck, I could still feel the longing and love that was exchanged. He pulled away and slowly opened his eyes.

“I love you, Brighteyes.”

“I love you too, Ashes.” I replied as I closed my eyes and my lips met his once more.

——

Ashley’s Point of View

After Andy left, I crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over my head. My head was killing me, I was dying of thirst, and I felt like if I moved too much the minimal contents of my stomach would make an appearance. Most of all though, my arm was killing me. My eyes shot open and I pulled the covers off my head, looking down at my shredded arm. Surrounded by a lot of smaller, shallower cuts was a long and ragged cut down the center of my arm. The skin around it was bright red and painful to the touch. I sighed and crawled out of bed, grabbing a dirty long sleeved shirt off of the floor to pull on, muttering curses under my breath as the fabric brushed against the already irritated cuts.

I stood in the center of my room for God knows how long staring off into space, thinking about last night.

Andy and I had sex.

He regrets breaking up with me.

He still loves me.

I felt my face break into a smile and I quickly walked over to grab my phone from where it was lying on my bed to text Andy, wanting to make sure he got home okay with no one finding out where he was.

You’re an idiot. My brain suddenly sneered, making me stop dead in my tracks. He’s using you. You were just a quick fuck.

“That’s not true.” I whispered, tears forming in my eyes. My brain just laughed.

Oh yeah? Where is he now, Ashley? Is he here with you? No. He’s with his boyfriend. He came over, fucked you, and left. You’re nothing but an easy fuck, a slut.

“Stop.” I moaned, the tears leaving my eyes and running down my face.

You can’t deny it isn’t true. Wasn’t being a man-whore your reputation for years?

“Shut up, Andy still loves me.” I said, trying to be firm. My voice was shaking slightly though, and even I could hear the hint of doubt in it.

The voice in my head just laughed, but it didn’t say anything in response. In Andy’s suicide note, he mentioned having a voice that was always whispering negative things to him. At the time, I honestly didn’t understand what he meant. Now though? I know exactly what he meant. It was like the cutting thing. I never understood how people could do that to themselves while saying that it helped and I looked down on them for it, and now I’m one of those people.

A person who self-harms, hates himself, and never thinks he’s good enough for anyone or anything. And it’s all because of that stupid voice in my head, whispering to me day and night, and I didn’t know how to escape it.

The only way I knew how to shut it up was self-mutilation or drinking until I can’t even form coherent sentences in my own head. I didn’t want to live this way, but what choice did I have? My right to make decisions about my own life was taken away from me the night Andy attempted suicide. I wish that wasn’t the case, but it was. Everything about myself; who I am, how I think, what I do, it all seemed to lead back to Andy Biersack.

I never used to believe in soul-mates, in fact the idea made me laugh, but after meeting Andy I couldn’t help but start to believe in the whole stupid thing.

My soul-mate, the one I was put on this Earth to find and to love, my other fucking half, was someone who I had a chance with and blew it. Someone who I could never call mine again.

Your ‘soul-mate’ doesn’t want you anymore. How could he? Look at you. The voice whispered, and I felt my heart shatter in two as I fell to the floor, sobbing and tearing at the wounds on my arms.

- Time Lapse; Two hours -

I was still sat on the floor when my phone started ringing. I sighed and looked up at my bed and the general direction of my phone, contemplating not answering it. After about three rings though, I sighed and pushed myself up, grabbing my phone. It was Sandra.

“Oh, fucking hell.” I muttered, panicking. I stared at her name for half a ring before answering it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Ash.”

“Hey.” I said. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to cancel the date, tell her saying yes was a mistake, but I couldn’t. I was too scared, too selfish, too pathetic to tell her any of those things.

“Hey.” She giggled. “Are you still on for the date?”

“For the coffee?” I asked, trying to hint that I didn’t really see this as a date; that I didn’t want to see this as a date.

“Mhm.”

“Uh, yeah. What time is it?” I asked, wondering how much time I had to mope around and put off getting ready.

“Don’t you have a clock?” Sandra asked, giggling again.

“Yeah, on my phone.”

“You don’t have a clock in your room or anything?”

“No.” I admitted. “I did, but it got broke last year and I’ve been putting off getting a new one.”

“Oh. Well it’s uh,” She paused, clearly checking her own phone for the time. “9:40.”

Fuck. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Will you still be ready for ten or did you wanna move it?”

“No, I can be ready for ten.” I replied without thinking. Honestly, I just wanted to get this over with so we could hang out with the guys.

“Cool.”

“Yeah.” We fell into an awkward silence until Sandra cleared her throat.

“Well, I’ll see you in like, twenty minutes then.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” I said, quickly hanging up the phone. I muttered curses under my breath as I started to undress and head for the shower.

—-

I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror five minutes later, completely naked except for a towel that was wrapped tightly around my wet hair. I sighed, staring at myself in the mirror, contemplating if I really wanted to spend time on my hair and makeup. On one hand, I didn’t want to get all done up for this coffee, thing, with Sandra. I know it was supposed to be a date, but I didn’t want her to think that I thought that it was one.

On the other hand, however, I hated leaving the house looking like a sack of shit. Plus, after the ‘date’ thing, Sandra and I were meeting up with the rest of the guys to hang out for a bit, and I wanted to look decent for that. I sighed, weighing out my options. In the end, I decided that I wanted to look okay today and turned on the straightener.

Apparently, deciding that I only wanted to look ‘okay’ for today and not down right great wasn’t such a great idea because, apparently, subconsciously I didn’t want to just look okay, I wanted to look fucking fabulous. I spent a long fucking ass time on my makeup alone; blending the blacks and greys that was my eye shadow so that the final result somehow made my usually bland, brown eyes pop.

My hair also took ages to fix. Blow-drying it was the easy part and only took about five minutes to do like it normally does despite my thick hair. However, it was the straightening that took the longest. Every time I ran the hot plates through my hair it would become staticy and would stick to my hand and my brush whenever I tried to fix it. Eventually, however, with a lot of dry conditioner and patience, my hair was perfectly straightened and teased.

I looked in the mirror as I sprayed a shit ton of hairspray in my hair and smiled slightly, happy with the way I looked. I carefully looked at myself one more time, fixing anything that needed to be fixed and grabbed my phone. The white numbers at the top read 10:24.

My stomach did a strange little flip when I realised that not only was I late, but Sandra was too. That fact alone made me sigh out in relief. Like texting, Sandra was horrible with being on time for things and the fact that she was also late for our ‘date’ whatever made me want to break out in a dance of happiness. Maybe, even though it was her that asked me out, she didn’t really see this as a date either. Maybe, just maybe, like me, she was only using this as a half ass attempt on getting over Andy.

I sighed and sat down on my bed to pull on my black cowboy boots when my phone started ringing. I quickly slid on one of the boots and reached behind me to grab the phone without bothering to check the caller ID, already knowing it was probably Sandra.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Ashley. So it turns out my mum needs the car for something today, so I can’t really come pick you up. Do you mind meeting me?”

I silently cheered. If she wasn’t picking me up, that meant there wouldn’t be any awkward silences between us in the car.

“No, I don’t mind at all. We’re just meeting at the coffee house down by the school, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. I’m leaving my house now, so I should be there a little bit before you.” Sandra replied.

“Alright. I’ll look for you. See you in like, ten minutes or something.” I said.

“Sounds good. See ya soon.”

I hung up quickly after we said goodbye and pulled on my other boot. I grabbed my wallet from the bedside table before getting up and walking to the mirror to look at myself again. Once satisfied I left my room, silently closing the door behind me, and made my way down the stairs to the kitchen.

When I walked in Dad looked up from the newspaper he was reading and smiled.

“Where are you off to so early in the morning?”

I chuckled slightly at his question as I walked over to the fridge to get some orange juice. “I told you I was hanging out with friends today.”

“I know. But it’s only ten thirty. You usually don’t drag your ass out of bed until 2:00. And you usually don’t look like that either. You usually look like you died and had to dig your way out of a coffin.”

I nearly choked on my juice. “That was rude!” I laughed when I stopped coughing. “I’m not meeting them until later. Andy probably isn’t even out of bed yet. I’m just meeting someone for a da-coffee.” I cursed myself at my near slip and took another sip of my juice, hoping he didn’t notice.

Of course he did. “A date eh? Who is it?”

I sighed and contemplating not answering. “Sandra.” I said.

“Oh, okay. She seems nice.”

“Mhm.” I replied, taking yet another sip of my juice.

“Ash… Do you really think dating someone is best right now? We’re leaving in just under-”
I quickly cut him off. “It’s just a date, Dad. It doesn’t really mean anything. She asked me out, I said yes. Drop it.”

Dad decided to ignore my tone as he looked at me. After a moment he looked back down at his paper. “You don’t really want to go, do you?”

“To London? Of course not. We’ve talked about this.”

Dad chuckled slightly, still not looking up from his paper. “No, that’s not what I meant. We already know you don’t want to go. You’ve made that perfectly clear. I mean the date. You don’t want to go.”

I paused for a moment. Finally, I sighed and walked over to sit at the table with him. “No.” I said, putting my head in my hands. I removed it when I realised that that action could potentially mess up either my hair or makeup.

“Then why did you say yes?” Dad asked, looking up at me.

“Because I’m stupid.”

Dad just looked at me without saying anything, clearly waiting for me to elaborate. I sighed. “I thought it would be a good way to help me get over Andy. Just… Now I’m feeling really guilty about it.”

“So why didn’t you just tell her you changed your mind?” He asked.

“I don’t know! Because I’m selfish? I was too scared to? Plus, that would really hurt her if I just called her back up five minutes after I said yes to say, ‘Oi, sorry mate. I’ve changed my mind.’”

“Hurt her more than you using her?”

I groaned. “Daad. You’re not making me feel any better.”

Dad laughed slightly as he watched me bang my head gently on the table before turning back to his newspaper. “I don’t know, Ashley. Just go and see where things lead. After all, ‘it’s just a date. It doesn’t mean anything.’” He looked back over to me. “Your words, not mine.”

I stood up from the table and playfully glared at him. “Thanks Dad, you’re a big help.”

“It’s my job, son.” He said, giving me a quick smile as I walked out the door.

——

Despite walking as slowly as possible, I arrived at the coffee shop all too soon. I paused at the door and let out a long breath, glancing at one of the windows. I smiled slightly when I spotted Sandra sitting at one of the tables closest to the back window, happy to see that she didn’t look any more done up than normal.

I watched as another girl approached the table, coffee in hand, and sat beside Sandra. Sandra smiled and said something, making the girl laugh. As she laughed, her hair fell away from her face and I was able to see who it was. Kina.

What the fuck? Why the hell is she here? I thought to myself, feeling anger boil up in my stomach.

I was about to go in and ask exactly that when Kina leaned in and kissed Sandra. Right on the mouth.


A/N: Hi guys. Me again. You know, the horrible author of this story that you forgot about. :(
Haha I’m so sorry I took so long to update. I would list a bunch of reasons why… But you guys probably don’t care. :P
I’ll try to be better at updating more regularly since everything settled down finally.
As always, please tell me what you think. Are you enjoying the story? Not enjoying it? Lemme know. Any positive AND negative comments are completely welcomed with open arms. It makes me a happy writer. <3
Also, I’m sorry if there is any errors in this at all. My editor hasn’t read it yet since I promised I’d update tonight and there wasn’t time. Just let me know if you spot anything and I’ll fix it right ASAP.
See you guys next chapter!
I love you.
xoxoxox