Ashley’s Point of View

“Ashley?” I heard my mum say from over the phone.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah.” Was all I managed to get out. My mind was spinning and I was finding it hard to breathe.

“Ashley, what’s wrong?” Sandra whispered, but I just waved her away.

“Andy…” I trailed off.

“He’s awake hunny. Andy’s awake.”

“I’m on my way.” I said quickly before hanging up. I turned to Sandra and the rest of the guys who had showed up during my call with Mum.

“Ashley, what’s going on?” Jinxx asked.

“Andy’s awake. We should get to the hospital.” I responded as I was standing up. Without making sure they were following me, I made my way to my locker and grabbed my bag. I started to walk towards the front door when I heard running behind me.

“Ashley! Wait!”

I turned around and saw all four of my friends running after me. I paused and waited for them to catch up with me.

“Come on.” Jake said, grabbing my shoulder when he had reached me. “Let’s go see Andy.”


Andy’s Point of View

I was awoken by an annoying, continuous beeping noise. At first, I inwardly groaned, thinking it was my alarm clock waking me up for school; until I remembered everything that happened.

Ashley finding out that I cut. Ashley telling me that I was worthless. Jinxx coming over to try and comfort me. My attempted suicide.

This time I let out a real groan, or at least tried to. There was something down my throat.

“Easy there, sweetie.” I heard a voice say. I opened my eyes to see whom the voice belonged to, but instantly shut them. The room I was in was blinding after being trapped in darkness for God knows how long.

Suddenly, I panicked. I knew I was in the hospital, but I didn’t know how long I was in here for. I felt arms hold me down when I started flailing.

“Calm down, Andy. Stop. Andy, you’re going to injure yourself further if you don’t stop.” The voice said sternly. I stopped moving and opened my eyes to a squint. Standing above me, still holding both my arms, was a woman.

She looked to be in her late thirties or early forties. Even though she wasn’t technically that old she had streaks of grey in her brown hair and her eyes looked tired and almost sad, making her look older. When she saw my eyes open, she gave me a small smile.

“It’s good to see your eyes open.” She said, letting go of me. I tried to talk, to ask her what happened and how long I was out, but the stupid tube in my throat stopped me again.

“Don’t try to talk. I’ll go get the doctor so he can take the breathing tube out of your throat. Just try and get some rest.” She told me before turning off the lights and walking away.

I let out a mental sigh and shut my eyes, not thinking I was tired, but obviously my exhausted body disagreed because as soon as I closed my eyes, I passed out.

When I woke up again the first thing I noticed was that I was in pain. Both my arms hurt, my throat hurt, and my stomach was killing me. I groaned softly.

“It didn’t work.” I whispered, tears coming to my eyes from the mix of pain and the fact that I was still alive.

“I’m glad it didn’t.” I heard someone say softly beside me. I opened my eyes quickly and turned my head to the side. There, sitting in a chair beside me was Ashley, staring at me with sad eyes. Beside him on either side were Jinxx, Jake, Sandra, and CC.

“Hey guys.” I muttered, trying to sit up. I winced when my effort put a strain on my wrists.

“Don’t move too much, Andy. You’re probably weak.” Jinxx said, giving me a worried smile.

“How long was I out for?” I asked.

“About two weeks.” Sandra replied quietly. I looked at her in shock and she gave me a tired, forced smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” I muttered.

“Well, you did have your stomach pumped and a breathing tube shoved down your throat.” CC joked, earning a punch from Sandra.

“Can you be a little more sensitive?” She muttered angrily.

I tried to shake my head, but decided against it when I began to feel lightheaded. “No, he doesn’t need to be; I scared you guys. Plus, I kinda want to know what happened since I can’t
remember anything.”

“Anything?” Ashley asked quietly, looking at the ground.

“Well,” I replied more harshly than I meant to. “Anything after my attempted suicide.”

Ashley just nodded. We fell into an awkward silence until there was a soft knock at the door. I looked over and saw Mum and Dad walk in, smiling at me.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” Mum asked, walking over to my bed.

“Alright,” I replied. I turned to the guys and Sandra. “Can we have a moment?”

They nodded and Ashley got up.

“See you later babe.” He said quietly. I just nodded once in reply.

Why the hell was I acting so cold towards him? I remember writing my suicide letter and saying I didn’t blame him so why was I acting like an ass now?

You’re just tired Andy. You feel like shit and you’re in pain.

Even though I tried to convince myself that was the only reason, deep down I knew it was something different.


Ashley’s Point of View

As I walked out of the room with Sandra and the guys I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Never has Andy been so cold towards me before. I knew that he was probably tired and sore as fuck, but he at least made an effort with the others; giving them weak smiles and more than one-worded replies even though it clearly hurt him to do so.

He said he didn’t blame me in his letter but honestly, his actions were saying different. Jinxx pulled me aside when we got into the waiting room.

“What’s up?” He asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest. Ever since our talk this morning about my cutting he was acting a lot friendlier towards me. We were almost back to the way things were before I found out about Andy cutting.

I sighed and looked down. “Andy is acting… Off.” I replied quietly.

Jinxx chuckled darkly. “He’s probably exhausted Ash. His body has been through a lot the past two weeks.”

I nodded. “I know. But… I just have a really bad feeling about this.”

Jinxx paused for a second. “Well, after Andy’s parents are done talking to him and if Andy isn’t too tired, we’ll let you go speak to him alone.”

“Okay,” I whispered, suddenly really nervous. “Thanks Jinxxy.”


Andy’s Point of View

There were a lot of tears during my visit with Mum and Dad, which was quite understandable considering what they had to go through. I couldn’t really bring myself to care though, as horrible as that sounds; I was just too tired and too disappointed that I was still alive.

Eventually, Mum and Dad left. I was still really tired but no longer sore since I was being pumped full of morphine. Not even ten minutes after my parents left, Ashley came in to see me.

“Hey baby.” He said quietly when he entered the room. “Are you tired?”

“Yeah.” I responded. My voice sounded rough and dry so I cleared my throat to try and make it so I didn’t sound so stupid. “But we need to talk.”

As soon as I said those words, Ashley froze and turned pale. He recovered soon though and forced a smile, pulling a chair closer to my bed.

“Okay, let’s talk.” He said as he sat down.

I hesitated. Did I really want to do this and lose what could very well be the best thing that has happened to me in a long time?

You need to, Andy.

With that thought in mind, I hardened my heart.

“I can’t do this anymore Ash.” I whispered.

Ashley’s face fell, but just a bit. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t be with you anymore. Just… After what happened the day you found out I cut… It hurt, and I can’t go through that again. I’m not strong enough.”

“But… You said you didn’t blame me.” He whispered, tears filling his eyes.

“I didn’t, and I still don’t. I blame myself for not being strong enough. For letting my own mind talk me into suicide. You just happened to be the trigger.”

“I’m so sorry Andy! I didn’t mean anything that I said. I was just scared and angry an-”

I cut him off there, feeling myself getting angry. “You were scared? Ashley I was terrified to tell
you! And apparently I had every God damn right to be, seeing how you treated me after you found out.”

“I was wrong.” He whispered, tears streaming down his face.

“Yes. You were wrong. What finally made you realise this?” I asked harshly, looking away from him so I wouldn’t back down. “Was it my suicide?”

“Yes and no.” He responded quietly after a second.

“Meaning?”

“I… I started cutting myself after we found out you went into a coma and might not wake up.”

I looked at him in shock. He couldn’t be serious, right? He gave me hell for self-harming and then he started? What the fuck?

“I was wrong about everything Andy. I now know that you didn’t ever do it for attention; that it actually does help.” He continued quietly when I didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry Ashley, but this doesn’t change anything. I made up my mind.”

I guess in a way it did change things, because he actually understands my addiction now, but at the same time it changed nothing. What if he reacted the exact same way if he found out about my eating disorder? I couldn’t go through this again, I couldn’t put my friends and family through this again.

“But… In your letter you said you were starting to maybe love me.” Ashley whispered through his tears.

“I know. And now I realise that I wasn’t starting to maybe love you…” I said, pausing because I didn’t know how to word what I was trying to say properly.

“What do you mean?” He asked when I didn’t say anything else.

“I mean I already do love you. I love you a fucking lot. I love you Ashley Purdy.” I said, looking him in the eyes. My own eyes started to fill with tears as I spoke.

“Then stay with me. I know I fucked up big time, but I-I love you too Andy. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” He reached to grab my hand but I pulled it away, my stitches on my wrist protesting against the sudden movement.

“I can’t Ashley.”

“But if you love me-” He started, but I cut him off.

“I do love you, which is why it’ll be better for me if I end things now. If you ever pulled something like that again, I wouldn’t be able to handle it; I would snap again. My body wouldn’t be able to handle going through this again and I would die. I can’t put my friends and family through that.”

“I wouldn’t pull something like that again.” He whispered. “I promise.”

I just shook my head. “You broke my trust. I can’t risk it Ashley, I’m sorry, but I really can’t do this anymore. I-I’m breaking up with you.”

Ashley sat frozen in his chair for a moment, tears running down his cheeks. “I guess if that’s what you really want…” He stopped then looked at me. “There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

Again, I shook my head. “This… isn’t the only reason why I’m breaking up with you. It’s the main reason, but not the only reason.”

“What’s the other one?”

I looked at him dead in the eyes when I answered him. “Because I think I like someone else. Someone who is better for me and who won’t ever do this to me. I’m sorry Ashley. I’m so sorry.”



A/N: I’m so fucking sorry for leaving you guys with another cliffhanger! Like, you have no idea how bad I feel haha. But my editor said that it’s best if I just leave it at that for this chapter. I’m sorry! Blame her. ;)Anyway, like always, comment and let me know how I’m doing. Honestly, since I’m such a lazy person, comments make me update faster. They really do because otherwise I really have no motivation…So let me know how I’m doing!I love you guys, and I’m sorry again.But thank you for sticking with me for this long!Love you, and I’ll see you guys in the next chapter!