Ashley’s Point of View

I looked at Andy in shock, the hurt clearly displayed on my face.

“You… You like someone else?” I finally managed to choke out after a moment of silence.

“Yes. I’m really sorry Ashy.” He muttered, looking quickly away from me, blinking rapidly. He was clearly trying to hold back tears, which told me that this was hurting him just as much as it was hurting me; but knowing that didn’t make me feel any better. In fact, even hearing him use his nickname for me sent what felt like a thousand knives straight into my heart.

I cleared my throat. “Who is the lucky guy? Or girl I guess.”

Andy gave me a weird look. “Does it matter Ashley?”

I gave a small, weak shrug. “No, I guess not. But I would really like to know…”

Andy was quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands. “Well, I guess you’ll find out later anyway. I like Jinxx, Ashley.”

Jinxx? No, no. This seriously couldn’t be happening. I was losing Andy to one of my closest friends?

“Ji-Jin-Jinxx?” I choked, tears running down my face. “Since when?”

Andy just shrugged a little but remained silent. For a moment I thought he was going to ignore my question, but soon he began to speak.

“That day you told off Kina for cutting. I started to realise I had feelings for him then. At first, I felt really guilty and tried to ignore them because I was really happy with you… But after all this happened I just realised that…” He trailed off.

“That he’s the better option because he ‘understands you’.” I spat out.

Andy paused, but then decided to ignore my tone and just nodded. Suddenly I thought back to that day I yelled at Kina. Andy ran to the bathroom, clearly upset, and Jinxx soon followed after him. After that day, I realised that they had suddenly gotten closer. I didn’t notice it then, but looking back now, I should have. The secret looks, the sitting next to each other whenever possible, bursting into random laughing fits over jokes they only knew… It was so fucking obvious that something was going on there.

Why didn’t I fucking see it?

“Was there-” I started before my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Was there anything going on between you and Jinxx when we were still together?”

Andy shook his head. “I knew I liked him, but that was about it. But he, uh, I… We nearly kissed that day before you came in to check on me.”

I just nodded, too hurt and shocked to do anything else.

At least he’s being honest with me… I thought to myself.

Probably because he doesn’t have anything to lose now that he’s dumping you. Another part of
my brain hissed. Instantly, tears began to drip down my face again.

“So, I guess this is it?” I muttered, looking down at my shoes. I heard Andy move a bit in his bed and felt his gaze land upon me.

“I still want to be friends, Ashy.”

I shook my head, holding back a sob. “I love you too much to be just friends.”

“You have to get over me Ashley, just like I have to get over you.”

I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes. “You don’t have to. We can still work this out.”

Andy shook his head, looking away from me. “I’m sorry, but I do. I do have to get over you because loving you isn’t good for me.”

I nodded, a sob building up in my chest. I stood up suddenly, making Andy jump a little bit. I looked at him one last time before rushing out of the room and into the waiting room sobbing.
Almost immediately, Jinxx was beside me.

“Ashley, what’s wrong? Did something happen to Andy?”

I shook my head and buried my head into his chest when he pulled me into a hug.

“What is it?” I heard Sandra ask from somewhere on my left. Again, I remained silent, my sobs making it impossible for me to speak. Jinxx led me over to the chairs and sat me down, still holding me as I cried.

Eventually, I calmed down and pulled away.

“What happened?” Jinxx whispered.

“He broke up with me.” I muttered, feeling another sob build up inside me. I pushed it away though.

“What? Why?” Jake asked me. I directed my answer to Jinxx, never looking away from his eyes.

“Because I broke his trust. He said that being with me isn’t good for him. He basically told me I don’t deserve him, which I guess is true. That isn’t the only reason though; he…” I trailed off, my voice breaking as tears threatened to fall again. My friends remained silent as I struggled to regain my composure.

“He… Likes someone else too.” I managed to get out.

“What? Oh Ashley…” Sandra whispered, putting her hand on mine.

“Did he say who?” Jinxx asked quietly, still looking me dead in the eyes.

“Yeah.” I replied shortly. “You.”


- Time lapse; about three weeks -

I looked up from my lunch and over to where Andy sat with Jake, CC, Sandra, and Jinxx; Andy was giggling, leaning on Jinxx’s shoulder. I looked back down, tears springing to my eyes.
It had been three and a half weeks since Andy broke up with me. In that time, he was released from the hospital after they decided he was no longer a danger to himself. I knew that he still very well could be, and that he was still probably self-harming, but he was still currently under constant watch so I guess it was okay. He had also been ordered to attend counseling sessions twice a week, which he wasn’t very happy about at all, but he at least understood why they were mandatory.

Also in those three weeks, Andy and Jinxx had gotten together. I don’t even know how it happened because I had cut myself off from everyone after Andy broke up with me. I just know that one day at school I saw Jinxx and Andy kiss each other goodbye before heading to class. Seeing that had hurt a lot, as expected. I wasn’t over Andy then or now. Not by a long shot.
I heard Andy’s laugh fill the courtyard again and tears blurred my vision. I wiped them away angrily, sick of fucking crying, but they wouldn’t stop coming. I stood up and quickly grabbed my backpack, not bothering to throw away my untouched food, and walked as fast as I could to the bathroom. I pushed open the door hard enough so that it slammed into the wall and basically ran in, dropping my backpack to the ground and I leaned against the sink.

I looked into the mirror, taking in my smudged makeup and bloodshot eyes. I breathed in deeply, only to be overcome with more sobs.

“Just one cut.” I whispered to my reflection. “Just one cut.”

One cut turned into two, two cuts turned into three, and three turned into seventeen. I looked down at my bloody arm and dropped my razor to the ground. I took a deep, shaky breath and leaned my head back against the bathroom stall wall, closing my eyes.

To think, only about a month ago I was the happiest guy in the world; I had great friends and a beautiful boyfriend. Now I had no one. You could have said I was an Outcast, but even they had turned on me.

I thought back to the conversation I had with myself after I had found out that Andy cuts. I had called myself an Outlaw because there was no other word to describe what I was. My eyes shot open and I grabbed my razor again. Lifting up my shirt so that my stomach was exposed, I pressed the sharp object into my skin and began cutting again. Eventually, I dropped the razor and looked down to admire my work. In shaky, bloody letters, I had written the word ‘Outlaw’ across my stomach.

“Now you’ll never forget what you are.” I whispered.


- Time Lapse; Two weeks -

Despite what people tell you to cheer you up, things don’t get better with time. Instead of time healing my wounds, it has just made them progressively worse. In a short time Jinxx and Andy had gotten closer than Andy and myself ever were. It may be because for the better part of our relationship Andy was in the hospital in a coma while Andy and Jinxx never left each other’s side.

“Hey, Ash.” I heard someone say, pulling me out of my thoughts. I finished pulling my backpack out of my locker, closed it, and turned around, coming face to face with Sandra.

“Hey.” I said quietly, looking down.

“How are you?” She asked quietly. I just shrugged.

“Me too. It sucks you know, seeing Andy and Jinxx together like that.”

“You’re preaching to the choir.” I told her bluntly, not looking up.

“I know. It’s just… Nice for someone to understand how I feel I guess. The guys still don’t know that I like him.”

I didn’t say anything. I had nothing to say to her. Sure, whenever I saw CC, Jake or Sandra in the halls we would say hi, but other than that none of us would speak to each other. I had cut myself off from them for a reason, and I hated the fact that Sandra was trying to pull me back in.

“What do you want Sandra?” I asked tiredly, looking up at her.

“To talk to you. I miss you.” She said, looking hurt.

“I cut myself off from you guys for a reason, and you guys didn’t seem to care at all, so why start now?” I started to turn away, but she grabbed my arm.

“I need someone to talk to, Ashley. I’m starting to go insane.”

I shook her off, starting to get angry. “How long as it been Sandra? Two years? Maybe it’s fucking time for you to get over him. He doesn’t like you like that, and by the looks of it, he never will. Get over it and leave me alone.”

I left her, looking close to tears, and stormed off to my next class. I was five minutes early, as usual. I gave Ms Chip a forced smile and took my seat at the back of the class. As soon as I sat down I put my head in my hands. Why the hell I took my anger out on Sandra I didn’t know; all I knew was that what she said pissed me off to the point where all my built up emotions came rushing out as anger. It was like she was standing too close to a ticking time bomb.

I sighed heavily and rubbed my hand over my face, being somewhat careful to not smudge my
eye makeup, and pulled out a paper and a pen from my backpack. As I was doing so, the bell went and students began filing into class. Andy came in five seconds after the bell went, earning a death glare from our teacher. Surprisingly however, she didn’t say anything. He just smirked at her and took his seat at the back of the class, next to me, which was also a surprise considering he had been sitting up at the front of the class lately to try and avoid me.

“Hey Ashy.” He whispered as he sat down. I didn’t answer him and just concentrated on writing down whatever bullshit Ms Chip was writing on the board. I heard Andy sigh but I still didn’t acknowledge his presence.

“Ashley, come on. I told you I still wanted to be friends… I miss having you around.” He whispered, leaning closer to me.

“Andrew, Ashley. Lunchtime was five minutes ago. Either continue your conversation in the office, or be quiet.” Ms Chip snapped.

I looked down in shame, feeling my cheeks becoming inflamed with embarrassment. Andy however lifted his chin higher.

“Fine.” He said loudly, standing up. I flinched when his movement caused his chair to squeak across the ground. The room fell silent, all eyes on Andy and myself. Ms Chip looked shocked, her mouth opening and closing in what would have been a comical fashion if the situation were different. Never had Andy spoken out like this before. I looked up at him, his bright blue eyes alit with the flames of determination, and they were looking right at me.

“Come on Ashley.” He said in his deep voice. I swallowed hard, trying to repress my tears. I still wasn’t over Andy and, if I was being completely honest, I liked this new, ‘not taking anymore shit’ attitude that Andy had developed; it was fucking hot. Still, as much as I really wanted to go with him, I shook my head.

“Ashley. Let’s go.” Andy growled but still, I shook my head, not looking up at him.

“Both of you. Out. Now.” Ms Chip demanded.

I looked up at her in shock, about to protest, but she just cut me off.

“Now Purdy.”

I angrily stood up, gathering my papers and shoving them into my backpack. I grabbed it, my face still red with embarrassment and glared at Ms Chip as I stormed out of the room without another word, Andy following closely behind. Before he left the room, he turned to look back at Ms Chip.

“Later Chippy!” He said cheerfully before walking out and slamming the door in the process.

I turned to him, anger building up in my chest. “What the fuck was that?” I nearly shouted.

“The fuck was what?” He smirked, leaning against some lockers.

“That little stunt you pulled in there.” I hissed.

“I wanted to talk to you and I couldn’t do that with Ms Chip telling us to shut up.” He shrugged, the smirk never leaving his face.

“Did you ever fucking think that I don’t want to talk to you?”

At my question, the smirk finally did leave his face and he grew serious. “I still want to be friends Ashley.”

“Well I don’t. How can I be friends with you when I still fucking love you but you’re with Jinxx?”

He looked down. “You need to get over me Ashy.”

I crossed my arms across my chest and gave him a humorless laugh. “Easier said than done, Bright Eyes.”

Andy flinched. “Please don’t call me that.” He whispered.

I just shrugged. “Don’t call me Ashy then.”

He was silent for a moment before he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “What can I do to make things better between us? I miss you Ashley.”

“There isn’t anything you can do. And to be honest, I don’t care. I wasn’t good enough for you. I wasn’t good for you apparently.”

“You were Ashley. Just… I couldn’t risk you doing that to me again. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” He replied quietly.

“I told you I wouldn’t. I fucked up, I get it. But… Fuck. I don’t know.” I shook my head and started to walk towards the school entrance.

“Ashley, where are you going?” I heard Andy call from behind me.
“Home.” I replied, not stopping.

“You can’t, you still have classes.”

“I don’t care anymore.” I said. It was a lie, I did care, but I couldn’t handle being here anymore.

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I heard him ask, running up behind me. I turned around.

“Just leave me alone Andy.” I said, trying to hold back tears. “I don’t want to be friends. I still love you and I don’t need you rubbing your relationship with Jinxx in my face.” I shook my head again and turned away.

“Ashley…”

“Just fuck off Andy.” I said before running out of the school, tears streaming down my face.


- Time Lapse; A day -

Andy’s Point of View

“Jiiiiiiinxx.” I whined, pulling gently on his hand. “I don’t understand why you’re making me walk to school.”

Jinxx chuckled and squeezed my hand. “Because it’s a nice day Andy. Besides, walking is good for you. And don’t give me that face! It won’t work.”

I jokingly sighed. “Fiine.”

We walked in a comfortable silence for a few moments. I looked over at Jinxx and smiled. I was really happy with Jinxx and although I did still care about Ashley and felt guilty about dumping him, it was probably for the best.

“Fuck.” Jinxx muttered, pulling me away from my thoughts. I looked up at him, confused.

“What?”

Jinxx didn’t respond but instead just nodded to something just around the corner. Justin was there with some of his friends, laughing at someone they had in the middle of their circle.

“Well hell.” I hissed.

“Do you want to cross the road to try and avoid them?” Jinxx asked. I nodded, not taking my eyes off of Justin’s back. We were about to cross the road when Justin moved and I caught a glimpse of whom they were picking on. My heart began to race and my eyes widened.

“Ashley.” I whispered, letting go of Jinxx’s hand and rushed towards the group.

“Leave him the fuck alone!” I shouted. Justin turned around and smirked when he saw me.

“Ah, Andy. Just the guy we were looking for.” He said, his smirk growing larger. Huh, I didn’t think he actually knew my name considering he always called me ‘faggot’ or something else along those lines.

“I said leave him alone.” I growled. Justin let out a cold chuckle, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Well you see, I would, but I can’t.” He responded, his friends letting out low laughs. I narrowed my eyes, knowing he was trying to bait me. He stood there smirking and I let out a sigh.

“And why is that exactly?” I asked between clenched teeth, feeling Jinxx come up and stand beside me. I felt him graze my hand with his fingertips, but he didn’t make a move to hold my hand. Justin’s eyes flickered to our hands that were inches apart and then back up to my face.

“Ah, I was hoping you’d ask. But first, is this your new boyfriend? He’s even more ugly than the last faggot.” He said laughing, using his head to jester back at Ashley.

I felt my hands ball up into fists but ignored his question. “Let Ashley go.”

“No. You see, you filthy faggot, you got me suspended. I told you were going to pay for doing that. I was just going to beat the living shit out of you until you wished you were dead, but then I came up with a better idea.” He paused, giving me a cruel smile.

“And what, pray tell, is that ‘brilliant’ idea?” I asked sarcastically when he remained silent.

“Well, what better way to hurt you than to beat the shit out of the person you care about the most?” He laughed again.

I felt my blood run cold when I understood whom he meant – Ashley.

“W-we’re not dating anymore.” I whispered, inwardly cursing myself for stuttering.

Justin rolled his eyes. “Clearly, considering you and faggy boy over there are glued to each other’s hips.” He replied, nodding his head to Jinxx. “But despite what you may tell him… You’re still in love with Ashley.”

I felt Jinxx freeze beside me as Justin finished talking. I looked sideways at Jinxx and saw him look at me, a look of shock, hurt and betrayal displayed clearly on his face.

I remained silent and looked down, not knowing what to say to reassure Jinxx because I knew it was true. I was still madly in love with Ashley.

“But… How could you…?” I heard Jinxx whisper after a moment. “You promised me you didn’t love him anymore… That you loved me.”

I looked at Jinxx, tears forming in my eyes. “I do love you Jinxx. I’m sorry for lying to you. Just…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Jinxx looked down, tears dripping off the end of his nose and shuffled a bit away from me.

Justin laughed, looking between myself and Jinxx. “As I said. You still love him, which makes this,” He turned and punched Ashley hard in the gut, causing Ashley to bend over in pain, gasping for air. “Even more enjoyable because,” He kneed Ashley in the face. “It hurts both of you at the same time.” He pushed Ashley to the ground and kicked him in the chest, laughing, and then motioned for his friends to pick him up and hold him.

Justin’s friends wasted no time in listening to his command. They dragged Ashley to his feet by his hair, causing him to let out a yelp.

“Stop it!” I yelled, rushing forward. Justin whipped around and backhanded me across the face causing me to stop in my tracks, dazed. There was a slight ringing in my ears and I brought my hand up to my face.

“Hold him.” Justin growled to one of his friends that was standing off to the side. The kid smirked and rushed forward, holding both my arms behind my back. I struggled against his grip, but the guy was much stronger than I was so my efforts proved useless. I was forced to watch
as Ashley was repeatedly punched and kicked in the face and stomach.

“Stop! Please! Fucking stop!” I cried. I turned to look at my boyfriend that was standing off to the side, watching the beating with an emotionless expression on his face. “Jinxx,” I begged. “Please, do something. Stop them.”

Jinxx slowly turned his head to look at me, tears still falling from his eyes. After a moment’s hesitation, he shook his head.

“No.” He whispered, breaking eye contact with me to look at the ground.

“Wh-what?” I stuttered.

“I said no.” Jinxx said a bit louder, still not looking at me. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t stop them. Besides, this doesn’t involve me. This is between you, Justin and Ashley.” He spat. “I’m not getting involved. I refuse to get involved.”

That took me by surprise. What the fuck was his problem? “Jinxx! He’s your friend too!” I cried.

“Yeah, and maybe this makes me an ass hole. But I’m not fucking getting involved.”

“Jinxx, if this is about me still having feelings for Ashley…” I trailed off. He just shrugged.

“You lied to me Andy. You said you were over him. You said you wanted nothing to do with him and that you were glad you dumped him because of what he did to you.” He paused and looked back up at me, his blue-grey eyes boring into mine. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is that this is your problem. It’s your fault Ashley is getting beaten up right now, so it’s your job to help him. Go on Andy, go protect your true love.” With that, Jinxx gave me one last cold look and continued walking to school.

“Jinxx!” I called, tears pouring down my face. “Jinxx wait! Please!”

I heard Justin chuckle and turned my head to face him. He had stopped beating on Ashley to watch the exchange between Jinxx and I.

“He’s right you know. It is your fault. If you had kept your mouth shut, poor little Ashley wouldn’t be in this little situation right now.” He let out another laugh and turned away from me, leaning towards Ashley to whisper in his ear.

“I told you I would have no problem turning on you if you turned into a fag.” I heard him say. Justin spat in his face and pulled back his arm, preparing for another punch.

His fist connected with Ashley’s temple with a great force and Ashley instantly went limp, a small moan escaping his lips before he stopped moving. The kids that were holding him made sure he was still upright while Justin continued delivering blow after blow.

“Stop! You’re going to kill him!” I cried, struggling against the guy that was holding me.

“Good.” Justin muttered before punching Ashley twice more in the face. He then turned to me and smirked. “Come on guys, let’s leave the two fags alone… for now.”

The two guys holding Ashley let him go, causing Ashley to drop to the ground, landing with a sickening thud as his head hit the pavement. The guy let me go and ran to catch up with Justin and his other friends, spitting on Ashley’s unconscious body as he walked passed. Immediately, I ran to Ashley and dropped to my knees beside him.

“Ashley,” I whispered, tears pouring down my face. “Ash, oh my god, wake up. Please fucking wake up.”

Ashley didn’t respond. Blood was pouring out of his nose and both eyes already had bruises forming around them. He had multiple cuts across his face, no doubt from Justin’s football ring he always wore. I shook Ashley, feeling myself becoming hysterical.

“Ashley! Please! I can’t lose you!” I screamed, shaking him. Still, he didn’t respond.

I heard a door open on a house from across the street and looked up. A man wearing a business suit walked out of his house. He hadn’t noticed us yet because he was looking at his phone, swinging his car keys around on his finger.

“Help us!” I called, my voice shaky with the hysteria. The guy jumped, clearly startled by my shouting and looked up. When he saw Ashley and myself, he dropped his phone in surprise.

“Are you guys alright?” He asked, running towards us.

I shook my head. “Please, call someone. Help him.” I whispered. The guy stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Ashley cradled in my arms, standing completely still for a moment before recovering and running back to where he had dropped his phone on his front steps.

“Stay there.” He called over his shoulder. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

I looked back down at Ashley, his head resting in my lap. “Stay with me Ashley. Please, stay with me.” I whispered, tears dripping off the end of my nose and landing on his face. Slowly, I leaned down and kissed his forehead softly. “I’m so sorry Ashy.”


A/N: Finally. Chapter 22. I’m so sorry this took so long to write even though it’s not my best chapter. I’m not really happy with it to be honest. Anyway, I just moved home from my first year at university and I’ve been stupidly busy lately. Plus, some personal drama happened and all that nice crap so… Haha yeah. Blah blah.
ANYWAY; let me know what you guys think. Comments are always lovely and they still always manage to make me smile like an idiot for the rest of the day. :) You guys are the best readers ever. See you guys next chapter! Cheers!
xoxo