Diamonds On the Ground

I felt the the warm salty tears flow down my face as I stare long and hard at the bottle in front of me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in and continue saying, what I've been telling myself for the past three months,

"I don't need it. I don't need it." I said, the words almost getting caught in my throat. I continued to chant to myself, each time the words coming out with more and more strength, before I finally found myself smiling. I opened my eyes, and the tears suddenly stopped abruptly.

"I don't need it."

Three days later....

I woke up to the loud wailing of my alarm clock at seven thirty on the chilly Saturday morning. I groaned as I sat upright in my bed, rubbing my eyes until they were free of sleep.

"Today's the day." I said to myself,"The day I may finally get some help."

I crawled out of bed and walked into my small closet, which was half empty since I packed so much for tour, and picked out one of the few articles of clothing that remained. I dressed myself in the casual and comfortness of sweats and UGG boots. My favorite combination of clothing.

Jinxx was supposed to pick me up at nine sharp, but he normally arrived twenty minutes before he was supposed to pick me up anytime. Jinxx worries, majorly. And you'll never guess who causes his panic attacks. I owe him big time for all that he's done for me. His family took me in when I was 17, after my mom comitted suicide. They fed me, clothed me, and treated me like there own. It's been a long and hard three years of grieving since my mom's death, and the sting is only starting to fade away, ever so slowly.

Two weeks ago was my biggest and most fatal attempt of suicide. I had found myself drinking over a bottle a day of whiskey for about two weeks, until I found myself unconscious on the floor of the bathroom. i'd drank myself into alcohol poisoning. Ever since then I'd recieve daily visists from Jinxx and his wife Sammi. They didn't trust me at all while I'm alone. Not one bit. I can't say that I do either, but now I almost feel like a child, under all this supervision. They care a lot about me. A lot more than they should. I'm a stupid and useless wreck, but no, they're too blin dto see that.

The door opened at 8:45, yes opened, no knocking. He stopped trusting me with my door locked, so I keep it unlocked. Him and Sammi also keep a key to my place always.

"You ready, molly?" He asked from the kitchen. I exited my bedroom with my luggage and made my way to the front door.

"Yeah, just let me get my meds and we're good." He nodded while I retrieved my anti depresants from the cabinet above the sink and taking two, followed with a tall glass of water. I then threw my pills into my purse and called it that.

"Ready." I said, tiredly. Jinxx had been searching the room with his eyes for any traces of anything life threatening. I guess he'd found what he wanted, a harmless environment, before he finally let us leave.

Southern LA was beautiful in January. Well, I found it beautiful all year around, but for some reason it just looked even more beautiful in January. The sun just peeked out ever so shyly behind the thick cumulonimbus clouds on this Saturday morning. It was simply perfect. For once I can finally say that I found a slight trace of beauty in life.

The tour bus was found in an old parking lot just outside of LA. It was a large and sleek black bus with the band's name and logo printed on both sides of the bus. I stared up at it in awe.

"Wow. It's awesome." I said, enthusiasm clear in my voice. Jinxx smiled and nodded at me,

"You're right, and it's your new home for three months along with me, Andy, Ashley, and CC. They're really excited to meet you, you know?" I smiled and blushed deeply,

"Are you serious? Why would they be excited to meet me of all people?"

"Because, you're my best friend and adoptive sister, which means you're part of their family too, and I told them about you period, and they enjoy meeting new people, especially fans like you. And you work for a magazine company, so yeah." I smiled and nodded.

"Well, I'm as equally excited to meet them. I'm just nervous, to be honest. I'm not much of a people person." Jinxx put his hand on my shoulder and shook his head.

"I'm positive they'll love you, promise." I gripped his words and tried my hardest to believe they were true as I walked on the tour bus.

Notes