*Adylen's POV*

I woke up with tears on my face & a pounding headache. I let out a deep sigh. I could barely sleep last night. My thoughts took over my mind. I rolled over & reached for my pack of cigarettes & lighter. Once i had them in hand i took one out & lit it. I took a deep drag & inhaled the smoke into my lungs. I then exhaled the smoke & watched it swirl around my head. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed & walked downstairs in my pajamas.

'You like starting the morning off by killing yourself?'

Jinxx asked me in a joking manner. He knew that i smoked cigarettes. That didn't mean that he liked the idea of me smoking them what's so ever. I flicked him off & walked to the fridge. I took out a bottle of water & started drinking it. I think that water is the only thing i hold down anymore.

'Would you like some pancakes?'

Sammi asked me nicely. Was i going to say no? I wanted to, but then Jinxx would get suspicious. I nodded my head as she started mixing the batter. She poured a round, liquid, pancake into the pan as the other 4 members of the band walked in the house. This was just great. I took the last long drag off of my cigarette before putting it out in the ash tray that Jinxx bought specifically for me & Andy.

'Heyyyyyyyy Addy!'

CC said in a very hyper tone. He had his monster in hand ready to get some food in his system while i was ready to get it in & out of my system. Sammi sat the pancakes down in front of everyone. I put one on my plate & began eating it feeling myself get fatter with each bite. I couldn't wait to get upstairs & throw this up. I felt disgusted by having all of the fatty ingredients in me.

'Thanks, Sam.'

I said sweetly before prancing up to my room. I shut the door & locked it behind me. I walked into the bathroom that was connected onto mine & immidiatley heaved all of the pancakes into the toilet bowl without even having to force it out. That was the anxiety & depression. I wanted this to stop. I hated doing this to Jinxx. I felt like in my heart he knew what i was doing, but i know he didn't. If he knew he wouldn't let it continue. I sat with my head leaning against the toilet. I was hopeless, helpless, & worthless. I let out a sigh before picking myself off of the floor & flushing the toilet. I walked to the sink & rinsed my mouth clean with water & mouthwash. I unlocked both doors & went into the living room.

'What's wrong, doll?'

Jinxx asked me, looking concerned. Put on a fake smile Adylen. Tell them you're just tired & you didn't get too much sleep last night. I gave a forced smile that was practiced enough to look real.


'Nothing, i'm just really fucking tired. I couldn't sleep at all last night.'

I said. Sammi stopped what she was doing while concern laced her eyes. Jinxx just nodded his head as i took a cigarette out of the package. I lit it & sat calmly on the couch. I started to doze off when the rest of the guys walked in with Chris Cerulli & Ricky Olsen.

'What are we doing today bitchessss?!'

CC screamed as soon as he got in the door with his can of monster in hand. I walked up to him & snatched it from him.

'You're too fucking hyper. Why don't you sit the fuck down & let us decide.'

I said with a smirk as i started drinking his monster. I let the sweet taste fill my mouth. I was surprised when it didn't threaten to come up. I was satisfied with the monster staying up that i decided i wanted some food. I hadn't digested any food in months & i was honestly starving & craving the food.

'Why don't we go to Chipotle? I'm hungry as fucking hell.'

I said. Jinxx gave me a questioning look but left it at that not wanting to push it further as to where the guys would notice. & In honesty, i made it out as i knew nothing of what Jinxx talked about half the time when he asked me about my depression or anxiety.

'Just give me a couple minutes to get ready.'

I said as i was thumping up the stairs. When i got in my room i turned on my straightner & started on my makeup as that was heating. Then i did my hair & got dressed.

'Ready!'

I said, enthusiastically as i was slapping my feet down the carpeted stairs. I grabbed my black combat boots off of the shoe rack & slipped them on. As i was doing that, i noticed Ricky staring at me. Not so much staring, but studying. Once everyone was outside, i looked at Ricky back.

'Is there something wrong with what i chose?'

I asked, instantly getting insecure as my enthusiastic mood got wiped away. He smiled at me.

'No, i love it. I think you're absolutely beautiful & i have a feeling no one tells you that enough.'

With that he took his turn to walk outside. What he said made my insides melt. I don't know why though, because Ricky could never like me. & I could never like him, he's always been a family friend. I let the thought slip my mind as i slipped into the car next to Ashley.

'Someone's awfully smiley!'

He whisper yelled into my ear, but only enough for me to hear. I smiled back at him. Once we got to the Chipotle, Ricky made sure he would stand as close as possible to me & get a booth seat where i was stuck sitting next to him. I found these little things sweet & cute, where most people would find them annoying. As we were eating, i kept finding myself look over at Ricky. No, this wasn't allowed to happen.

*Time lapse ; A week.*

'Babe, what the fuck are you doing?'

A sleepy Ricky asked me as i was trying to pick my phone up off of the floor.

'I dropped my phone. I can't pick it up.'

I said. Before i could have any time to look back at him, he was over me with my phone in hand.

'Can i have it now?'

I asked sweetly. He gave a grin & a little chuckle. His grin got a little "I don't think so" tint to it. Oh shit.

'If you want your phone, you'll have to come get it yourself.'

He said with his smile widening as he jumped up from my bed in nothing but a pair of pajama pants. He sprinted out of my room & down the hall. I jumped out of my bed just as fast & ran down the hall. But, the only problem was i didn't know where he went. I saw Jinxx sitting at the table drinking some coffee.

'Have you seen Ricky?'

I asked. He pointed towards the door that led to the attic. I jetted to the door & flew up the steps. Once i got there i saw him.

'Give me my phone, babe.'

I screamed. He put his arm with the phone in the air & wiggled it like a little 5 year old. I ran to him & tackled him to the floor, retrieving my phone. Ricky & I have spent a lot of time together in the last week, we aren't officially together, but we plan to soon.

'Breakfast!'

Sammi called from downstairs. I had been eating, & actually digesting one meal a day, that was dinner. So when i heard the words breakfast, my stomach turned. We got up from the floor & started heading downstairs, though. After we were finished with breakfast everyone decided that they wanted to go shopping.

'You need clothes for tour!'

Jinxx said, so i agreed as i went to purge & get dressed. (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=92456025) . By the time we were done shopping, i was so tired.