*Adylen's POV*

I was sweating. I was dreaming too, i could tell. I knew that this was real in a past time, but i knew that i was dreaming it.

'Addy! Addy! Wake up! It's Christmas morning! Wake up!'

Jinxx screamed at me while he was jumping over me. I grunted & rubbed my eyes. Oh no! It is Christmas morning! I shot up & hugged Jinxxy.

'Jinxxy! It's Christmas morning! Be happy!'

I shouted. He had a grim look on his face. I don't know why, but mommy & daddy don't like Jinxxy too much. I didn't think a lot about it & ran to mommy's room. I jumped on the bed & started jumping up & down over them.

'What the fuck do you think you're doing?!'

Daddy screamed furiously. I jumped down quickly because i was scared.

'I want a fucking answer!'

He shot again.

'I.. I was waking you up because it was Christmas morning.'

I said scared. I walked out of the room. Jinxx was right at the door.

'Jinxxy, they yelled at me..'

I said with tears falling freely.

'Don't worry.. It'll happen a lot.'

He said. Then i woke up. I was in a cold sweat with Max singing to me. Fuck, i just dreamt about the first time i came to the realization that my parents didn't give a fuck about me. I buried my head into my pillow. Max rubbed my back in understanding even though he really didn't understand. Max was my best friend of all times. He was the only one & i mean ONLY one who could calm me down during a panic attack. I trusted him with my life. He was more than a best friend, he was like a brother.

'I dreamt about the first time they didn't give a fuck.'

I mumbled into my pillow.

'Shit..'

Max said as he started to rub my back. Jinxx came into my room.

'She had a dream about the first time your parents stopped giving a fuck..'

I could only imagine Jinxx's face at that moment. He was at my side in seconds.

'Are you okay? Do we need to make a surprise visit to Doctor Marshalls?'

I rolled my eyes, but he couldn't see because my head was in my pillow.

'No, I'm fine. I need to get up though, or i'll want to stay in bed all day.'

I said. Jinxx & Max both looked at me with smiles as i swung my legs over the bed to meet Alan's face on the floor.

'Babe, what are you doing on the floor?'

I asked after my foot made contact with his face. I was trying hard not to laugh but i couldn't.

'Because once you started to have your bad dream, i know no one cuold calm you but Max. So i crawled to the floor & called him. He came over as soon as he could & started to comfort you. I tried to stay awake, but i guess i dosed off.'

He said. That was literally so fucking sweet. I bent down & kissed him gently. When i got back up, he stood at my side & we all walked downstairs. I walked to the cabinet that held all of my medications. I walked up to it & picked out the various bottles pouring the pills i needed. I threw them down my throat, chasing them with water.

'So, Jinxxy. What's the plan for today?'

I asked. Trying to shake the thought of the dream i'd had.

'Well, remember. You had plans to go spend an entire day with Ash.'

Shit. I forgot about that. I nodded my head as i hopped the stairs, two at a time. I dialed Ash's number as i went into the bathroom & dropped my pants to pee. He answered second ring.

Him ; Hello?
Me ; Hey. We still on for our plans?
Him ; Yes, my dear.
Me ; What time? Because i just got up & i completely forgot.
Him ; I'll be there in an hour.
Me ; Alright.

I hung up on him & Started my shower. I stripped down my clothes & got in. I sighed, running my hands over the cuts that trailed my legs. A tear fell from my eye. I shot my head up & put my hand to my face to make sure that the tear was real. I hadn't cried to myself since before i went to Radley. I quickly slapped the tear away. I didn't want to get back into the ways & habits that almost got me killed. From then on in that point of my shower i just focused on washing myself. That's what you're supposed to do in a shower anyways, right? I finished my shower & got out. I quickly blow dried my hair with a towel wrapped around my body. I then straightened & teased it to my definition of perfection. I did my make up & put all my piercings in. I walked to my closet & put this on (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=94168786) I walked downstairs to see Ash fully dressed, sitting on the couch.

'You ready, girl?'

He asked, popping his hip that he placed his hand on. I laughed a little bit, not letting the lack of motivation show through the medication & walked to the door where i grabbed my black combat boots.

'yes, Ash. Let me put on my boots & I'll be ready.'

I said with a genuine smile this time. I put my boots on & walked over to Alan. He kissed me sweetly & told me he would text me. I smiled at that & gave Max & Jinxx a hug, finally leaving the house with Ash. We hit the road & began to shop. We got a ton of shit, but by the time i got home, i was too tired for comfort.

'Babe, i need sleep.'

I said when i walked in the house with all my bags. But, i realized it wasn't Alan. It was Max..

'Oh, I'm sorry Max, i thought you were Alan. Where is he?'

I asked, feeling a little awkward now. I knew i shouldn't though, because this was my best friend. He had been my best friend for years. Why were things gonna be awkward now?

'He had to go home to take care of things at the house. I told him it would be okay, he didn't want no one to be here when you weren't home.'

He said. I just nodded as i started to take the bags upstairs. Max followed me but i cut off the interaction right then by shutting the bathroom door in his face. I changed into my pajamas quickly & walked back into my bedroom. I sat on the bed next to Max.

'It's been a long time since we hung out, Adylen..'

He said to me. We got into a deep conversation. By 4am my eyes were heavy & i was ready for sleep. But Max wasn't. He leaned in close to me, i felt myself lean too. Within the next few seconds our lips were connected. It was a deep, sweet, passionate, kiss. Nothing I've ever felt with Alan before. Or maybe it was just because I was in a vulnerable state & I felt like i never felt that before. While i was thinking this, the kiss ended. Max looked back at me, he gave a little grin, but then realized what we just did. That's when i realized too.

'No one, Adylen.. It will get around to Alan & until all feelings are sorted out, no one can find out & this can't happen again.'

Max said as he got up from my bed & went into the bathroom. I understand where he's coming from. But then again, i was a little disappointed. What are you thinking, Adylen? You have a boyfriend for fuck's sake! You can't be kissing other guys! I got up from my bed & walked into the hallway. I stopped in front of Jinxx's door. I knew he wasn't home, but just being in front of his door was a little soothing. I slid my back down the wall & put my head in my hands. I don't understand why things had to be so hard, why did life & love have to be so complicated? I pulled myself off of the floor & walked down the stairs, hearing nothing but the slapping of my own two feet against the hard wood of the stairs. I walked to the cabinet that had my medications along with Jinxx's & Sammi's in it. I pulled out the required bottles & pull the pills i need from them. I walk to the fridge & pull a bottle of water out & throw the pills down my throat chasing it with the water. I walked back to my room to see Max laying in my bed. I laid beside him with my back turned to his. That's the way we fell asleep, too.

*The next morning*

'Die you fucking Satan worshiper! You are in no way wanted in this house hold!'

My dad screamed at me as he threw my head into the staircase. He picked me up & threw me back down. I landed, hearing a crack from one of my bones. That was just fantastic. I didn't want this, i wanted to leave. I didn't want to live here with these people who hated me. I heard the front door open. Hopefully it was Jinxx. Another blow came to my face from strong, manly hands.

'You're worthless!'

He shouted. Jinxx came running over to the spot in the house where the scene was unfolding.

'You get your hands off of my sister!'

He snarled. I got a few more blows to my face, but then he left me alone for the rest of the night. I don't know what i ever did to deserve that from him, but that night i stayed the night at Jinxx & Sammi's house. I just remember waking up with a bloody nose from the impact of the punches. I woke up in a cold sweat. Max was rubbing my back & Jinxx was at the foot of my bed singing Saviour. I dreamt it again..

'Jinxx, i dreamt when dad beat me so bad i couldn't walk. When you had to carry me here..'

I whispered a barely auidible whisper. But he heard me. His face went blank & he was by my side in seconds. He was cooing the song into my hair. I stood up.

'I need to get ready for therapy.'

I declared. I got dressed quickly & got in my truck. I drove the long route to the office today.. I stopped to get a frappe even.. I just needed to do some thinking. I pulled up in the office parking lot sooner than i wanted. I shut my door & began walking to the entrance. I signed in & made my way to Doctor Marshalls office.

'Hello, sweetie.'

She says with a sweet smile. In our last session she told me that i had been doing really well.. I wonder if i still am. I knew we were still going to talk about my suicide & depression, so what's the point? There's that question again.. I was too zoned out of it.

'We're just gonna start right off, i have about 3 extra questions i wanna add to my list. So the first question is, How are you feeling lately? Depression wise?'

I took a second to think about my answer, but i already knew it.

'I don't know really. I've been doing better than i was before Radley. But there's still times where suicide crosses my mind. I found myself crying in the shower last night. I was tracing my scars, wishing i had a blade to cut more of the flesh off of my body. But I? I'm stronger than that. I'm fucking stronger than that god damn blade! I can win this battle we call depression.'

I said against my tears.

'But then again, i want it all to be over, you know? I keep having these dreams of where my parents first started not caring. Tonight's dream was of the one time my dad beat me. He beat me so bad i couldn't stand up. Jinxx pulled him off of me & had to carry me to his house..'

I said, tears falling freely. A tear escaped Doctor Marshalls eyes. It made me wonder, & now i had some of my own questions for her..

'What made you write the suicide note & what made you get so in depth with it?

'I wrote the suicide note & got so in depth with it because i knew if i didn't, people would immideatly think that my deat was their fault. Me feeling that way was no ones fault. I have no idea why i felt that way, i just did..'

I sighed. I was ready for this session to end.. I didn't want to continue it. That's what i told her exactly. I signed out & walked to my truck. I had too much on my mind. I needed to get out of there.

Notes

The beginning is in Adylen's POV when she was 6. Keep that in mind. & What will happen with Max & Adylen? Will she drop it? Or will she talk to Alan & break up with him for Max? Ohhhhh.